Smile
by Arithion
Summary: What's behind a Smile? Just why does Fuji smile the way he does? TezuxFuji angst, anime centric. 45 chapters long.
1. See Me

Title: Smile: See Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship  
  
Chapter: One Shot (I think)  
  
Summary: Just why does Fuji smile the way he does?  
  
See Me  
  
A hand reached out, gently restraining Fuji by the shoulder. Curious, the prodigy looked up to see Tezuka's eyes asking him silently... to stay. Interest piqued, Fuji acquiesced.  
  
Tezuka's expression seemed somehow sterner once they were alone in the locker room. "I've seen your eyes, Fuji."  
  
Fuji blinked slightly, not knowing what to think... and yet his smile widened.  
  
Tezuka moved half a step closer. "Why do you hide them behind a fake smile... even around me?"  
  
Fuji was taken back by the question. Direct as Tezuka was, Fuji had never expected him to be that blunt. It was a deciding moment, a moment he could come clean... a moment when the one person he cared for, was reaching out to him despite Tezuka's own rigid misgivings. But accepting that... would mean Fuji had to admit someone past that smile...  
  
And that was something he couldn't do. So he smiled even more brilliantly. "Whatever do you mean, Tezuka?" And he shut out the pain that stabbed through him, when he saw Tezuka's carefully lowered walls come slamming back up into place, leaving him the implacable Captain that he was once more.  
  
A part of Fuji mourned what he'd done. It mourned the fact that he'd probably caused irreparable damage, but another part of him simply accepted it as something he shouldn't change...whether he wanted to or not.  
  
Tezuka's words sounded harsh in comparison to their previous counterparts, and it took a lot of effort for Fuji to resist flinching at the sound. "As you wish."  
  
The captain picked up his own bags, leaving Fuji's immediate space, and made his way to the door, motioning Fuji past him. The prodigy could feel the heat emanating from Tezuka's body as he passed, and banished the unbidden feelings of confusion that rose within him.  
  
Fuji shielded his eyes from the last of the days dying rays. For some reason it looked like the sky was weeping... weeping rivers of blood. He cocked his head...almost laughing at his brain waxing poetic when his heart felt like it was in a knot. Tezuka moved out of the corner of Fuji's eye, regaining the prodigy's attention as the captain locked the door.  
  
Without turning, Tezuka spoke... in that way that made Fuji listen... in that way that only Tezuka could.  
  
"I know more than you'd like."  
  
Fuji was only too happy to counter. "But no more than I allow."  
  
Tezuka turned then, and looked directly at the prodigy, brown eyes serious, lips down turned in a slight frown of thought, before bowing his head briefly. "And yet, more than you realise."  
  
Fuji's eyes widened slightly, slivers of cerulean poking through...trained on the departing form of his captain. There was no comeback for him to utter...the ace was had, and he couldn't help but wonder at the truth of those words.  
  
~*~  
  
Fuji Syusuke didn't pay much attention to his surroundings as he walked into his house. He took off his shoes, before trudging up to his bedroom. His tennis bag fell with a soft thud next to his closet, resting in its habitual place. The school jacket ended up on a hanger in said wardrobe, before he took a couple of steps over and let himself fall almost bonelessly onto his bed.  
  
It was a routine, his routine; a familiarity it was far too easy to fall into... and lately he'd found himself collapsing into it with something akin to relief.  
  
He rubbed his temples, trying to ease the dull ache that was almost a constant these days. His attention wandered to his environment... briefly scanning over the area. There were no noises that he could discern anywhere near his room. With Yuuta at boarding school and his parents away as usual, only Fuji and his sister were left in the house...and she had other things to do.  
  
Safe within his sanctuary, Fuji's smile receded. Cerulean eyes opened wide, fixating on the ceiling with a sigh. Emotions clashed in them, they always had...but Fuji didn't trust people to see them...  
  
He didn't trust people to see him.  
  
Rolling onto his side, he narrowed his eyes just a little and stared at the row of cacti on his bookshelf. Cacti. So deceptive. They needed so little care, but just the right amount. Unremarkable to look at and yet they held an innermost beauty that would jump out when it bloomed, as a permanent reminder to never judge a book by it's cover. Fuji felt a strange sort of kinship with the plants.  
  
The conversation that sparked his mood earlier that day sprang unbidden and unwelcome to mind, and the closest that Fuji ever came to a scowl crossed his face. He still didn't know how he'd managed to keep smiling ... but he had.  
  
Fuji sighed again; thoughts flitting through his mind nineteen to the dozen. Sometimes he hated having an overactive brain...especially when it was harping on something. The thing was, Fuji was trying to remember when the smile had first emerged. It wasn't something he'd ever thought of before... at least not consciously. But when Tezuka brought it up earlier that day...  
  
He mused, falling deep into thought, ignoring the outside world in every way possible...  
  
~*~  
  
If he was correct... it'd started almost as early as he could remember.  
  
Fuji was the middle child. Not the eldest and not the youngest, but exactly that; a middle child. But he wasn't the typical middle child, which was probably where most of his troubles had started.  
  
They'd identified him as a 'gifted' child very early on, so he was definitely not afforded the inadvertent lack of attention that was so often associated with the middle child. Sometimes, later in his life, he wished he had been.  
  
As a child Fuji hadn't been just cute...the slightly delicate lines that leant him somewhat effeminate features as a teenager, had been more pronounced when he was smaller. He'd often been mistaken for a girl alongside his siblings. Huge cerulean eyes hadn't helped his situation in the slightest. People tended to look at him and ooo and ahh over his eyes. And even as a child it had... annoyed him.  
  
There were a couple of other things about his eyes that Fuji discovered as time went on. The first was that people really considered them startlingly stunning... vivid as they were. The second was quite irritating. It seemed his eyes showed every level of emotion that he was feeling, and he couldn't think of any way to shut that out.  
  
If he was asked to do something, no matter how pleasantly he answered, the adult could tell what he really felt... and got annoyed. If his parents asked him how he was feeling, on the rare occasion they might not be busy, and he answered that he was fine ... he would get scolded for lying.  
  
When they went somewhere, he got chastised for not showing appreciation. When they met someone new, he got told off for not showing proper respect to his elders. It didn't matter what he said or how sincere he acted... his eyes always gave him away. Really, it was all very frustrating for a young boy.  
  
And then, on his fifth birthday, he stumbled across the solution quite by accident. They'd gone to one of his aunties to celebrate. She was hosting a dinner for the family and using his birthday as an excuse. It meant that Fuji had to put up with his two older cousins, and fend them off picking on Yuuta for the duration of their stay. Since the time Fuji happily ate the wasabi the two had tried to feed him as a cruel joke... his cousins were a little more wary of the older sibling, which was good because it afforded him the ability to protect Yuuta without having to think about it.  
  
His sister, as usual, was off with one of their older cousins. At least someone got on well with their other relatives. The upside was that Fuji's aunt had a cat. It was quite an ugly cat... there was no fur, which Fuji found quite silly really. What was the point of a cat without fur? It looked like it had been skinned, which Fuji found delightful in many ways. The cat always made him wonder.  
  
And so it was that he'd been playing with the cat, idly listening to Yuuta argue with his cousins that his car was faster because it was red, when his mother came over to him.  
  
She knelt down next to him and rested a hand lightly on his small shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled slightly, eyes wide. Her face creased in a frown and she asked him the inevitable question. "Are you enjoying yourself, Syusuke?"  
  
Fuji hated those questions; they always got him in trouble no matter how he answered, because his eyes always spoke the truth. Just as he was about to answer, the now neglected cat... licked his foot.  
  
Syusuke laughed, eyes crinkling up and face spreading in a big smile. He answered his mother's question. "Yes... of course I am."  
  
And he was pleasantly shocked when no rebuke followed. She seemed satisfied with his answer, stood, absently patting him on the head before leaving.  
  
All traces of laughter disappeared from Fuji's face as he followed his mother's form, thoughtfully. He ran over the entire interaction in his young mind and it made him think.  
  
And so he decided to try out what he thought he'd found. It proved to be more right than he could have hoped. Not only could he make people believe that he was perfectly fine all of the time, but he could convince them of absolutely anything ... just as long as he smiled  
  
Just as long as he didn't show his eyes.  
  
Years past and his personality manifested with his concealing smile. He found he enjoyed shocking other people, found himself taking pleasure in watching other's discomfort, and found himself revelling in the fact that no one ever suspected him of anything until it was too late... if at all.  
  
So it was that he earned his reputation: the smiling prodigy.  
  
So it was that people learned to keep their distance, because rumour had it, Fuji was nothing like he seemed.  
  
A smile could hide a lot of things... even from oneself.  
  
~*~  
  
Fuji blinked, eyes refocusing on his ceiling, he realised it had grown pitch black outside. When he really thought about it... Fuji wasn't sure he liked what he'd become... or what he might still become.  
  
He stood, feeling his way in the dark and finding the light switch. If he didn't act straight away, he wouldn't act at all. Right then, Fuji felt reckless. It was a feeling so foreign to him that he tingled with anticipation.  
  
He slid out of his uniform and into loose jeans and a soft beige shirt. His mind had clicked over, made a decision, and he didn't want to leave his resolve for the next morning when he might have pushed it to the back of his mind.  
  
There was one choice that he could see, a choice that stood out brightly from a myriad of others. He'd be stupid not to take it... because the chance might not rise again... if indeed it was still there.  
  
The smile rose involuntarily to his lips, settling into a pattern that was as familiar as breathing. It was going to be very difficult to break a habit honed by almost ten years of necessity. Still, necessity was dictated by circumstance, and Fuji was determined to alter his own.  
  
He left the house, glancing at his watch as he did so... the time not in the least a deterrent for him. Deep down he knew the time wouldn't matter. The night breeze was light and steady. Fuji's smile lessened a little as he let the wind pour over his body, relaxing, rejuvenating, and reinventing him.  
  
It seemed to be a night for that.  
  
Sooner than expected, Fuji found himself looking up at a familiar window. The smile on his face felt more genuine than he remembered in a long time. Sure enough, there was a shadow on the other side of the curtain. It moved away, and Fuji knew, without a doubt, that the door to the house would be opened any minute.  
  
They'd been this way for as long as he could remember. It wasn't supernatural, and it wasn't undying love. They had a silent friendship, a silent communication, and a common understanding. There was nothing secretive about them; they simply respected each other from what they gave to the other.  
  
That afternoon, Tezuka had crossed a line Fuji hadn't known was there. He had reached out... albeit tentatively. It had startled Fuji, who hadn't thought that he'd let the other boy in so close. When he thought about what Tezuka had said, Syusuke realised that the captain had done the same in return.  
  
They were more than friends, and yet less than most people would assume. They were simply... comfortable.  
  
Fuji didn't want them to get uncomfortable...  
  
He raised his eyes as the door in front of him opened and took a step closer to stand on the threshold. Brown eyes studied him, silently asking questions that Fuji could hear all too well.  
  
The smile melted off the prodigy's face, and he opened his eyes... studying the ground intently as he spoke. "You would know me?" And he looked into Tezuka's eyes, truly, for the first time. No smile, no protection...just those same eyes that had condemned him so many times as a child, roiling with all the emotions running through his system right then. It was as if he was waiting for the same old reaction. Trepidation, uncharacteristic to his usual self bubbled along the surface... all in the split second it took Tezuka to respond.  
  
"I could." It was all the brown-eyed boy said, and yet it was more than he needed to.  
  
Fuji's shoulders relaxed, and he smiled his first true smile in longer than he cared to remember, as Tezuka inclined his head. The prodigy acknowledged Tezuka's invitation into the house, pushing past the other boy lightly.  
  
Fuji thought it might actually be nice ... for someone to see him. 


	2. Find Me

Title: Smile: Find Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship  
  
Chapter: One Shot (I think) Second chapter... I still insist it's a one shot though! The first par can be found a href=" ;  
  
Summary: Just why does Fuji smile the way he does?  
  
Find Me  
  
It started that night and it started slowly. They watched a movie, which Fuji could later not recollect. The only thing he could really remember was the feeling of contentment. For the first time he could remember, his face wasn't creased into that smile when in the company of someone else. Admittedly he smiled at things, but they were true smiles, for the pure purpose of expressing a jovial emotion, not the calculated smile he usually wore.  
  
Midnight had already passed when Tezuka let Fuji into the house, and as the movie drew to an end the captain turned to look at Fuji. "It wouldn't make sense to go home now."  
  
Fuji nodded, hearing the unspoken words behind the statement. It was an offer for him to stay, an offer to use a spare uniform in the morning. That made Fuji smile even more, as he thought about trying to wear the much taller boy's uniform. "I'll need my books though."  
  
Tezuka nodded at his answer, and rose from his seat on the bed. He returned shortly afterwards with a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for Fuji to get changed into. "These should fit."  
  
Fuji's smile was small but genuine. Tezuka knew exactly why Fuji would need to go home first, and he'd probably accompany him unless something came up. Nuances he never realised he'd known, were easily recognisable now he let himself see them.  
  
The silence between them as they changed wasn't uneasy. Sharing a bed didn't even seem strange to Fuji. There was a soft, soothing scent to the room, and he let his eyes drift shut. If he wanted to he could reach out slightly and touch Tezuka... and figuratively the prodigy knew that was what he'd done that night. Physical touch wasn't necessary.... Physical touch wasn't them...  
  
Fuji had never let anyone get inside his defences before, and it made him tingle with apprehension. But instead of making him want to hide again and remain the person he'd been in danger of becoming, Tezuka's perception of him left Fuji calmed. For once he believed it might be possible to be himself without repercussions.  
  
A yawn escaped Fuji... and he wondered sleepily just when he'd lost himself.  
  
~*~  
  
It wasn't until he woke in the morning that Fuji realised just how difficult what he'd decided to attempt was going to be. He woke because something was screaming at him to wake up... and he found brown eyes focused on him thoughtfully.  
  
The smile slipped immediately into place, his eyes crinkling up, hiding his uncertainty. "Morning, Tezuka." It was a lazy grin, showing so much and yet revealing so little...the way he always smiled.  
  
It might not have been apparent to a lot of people, but Fuji could see the slight shadow that past over Tezuka's face...the minor look of dissatisfaction. So the prodigy made an effort to let his smile fade and his eyes open...but it was harder than he thought. He was the first to look away with a sigh of light frustration. It seemed years of habit were going to be hard to break, and because everything usually came so easily to him, he wondered if he could be bothered after all.  
  
Tezuka's words dragged him back to reality. "Rome wasn't built in a day." It was all the taller boy said before he headed into the bathroom... and it was all Fuji needed to hear.  
  
The prodigy smiled a little ruefully. No, Rome /I built in a day... and it took longer for it to fall into ruin. Fuji sighed. What if the person he could be wasn't nearly as interesting as the person he'd made others believe he was? It was a risk he decided he might just need to take. He stood up, stretched, and forcefully placed the first foot on the road he now knew would be a long hard haul.  
  
Turning back now would only leave him emptier than he'd ever been. A taste of what it could be like... had already ruined that option for him.  
  
~*~  
  
Of course, his road to Rome was confined to one person. To try any more would be to give him an excuse not to continue... and Fuji was nothing if not stubborn. He hated to lose, and once he set his mind on something... he rarely ever gave up.  
  
So he tackled the situation with a tenacity that was rare for him. Everything else was easy; his school work, tennis... the smile. But this... this was hard.  
  
It was a challenge, and when it made Fuji smile... the smile was of genuine pleasure... a smile that no one but Tezuka was allowed to see. To show someone else, someone without that comfortable understanding... would be almost impossible. It was hard enough to banish his smile around the captain... let alone other people.  
  
There was a languid ease around them both. If he thought about it, as Fuji was want to do when bored, their friendship didn't make any sense. The only common ground really, was tennis. Their personalities differed like the sun and the moon.  
  
Tezuka revelled in the pure joy of being able to play tennis, in the sheer delight at being the best he could be... and the best of many. Fuji on the other hand played with an ever present underlying boredom, simply because he could and it amused him to do so. It was one of the sore points between them and had been since they'd known one another.  
  
The captain watched other people from afar, gauging them and judging how to improve their strengths and weaknesses to the best of everyone's advantage. His observance always had a higher purpose... and always saw what it wanted to find out.  
  
The prodigy had a keen eye for everything. His ability to read people served the purpose of entertaining his otherwise bored mind, and his off beat comments caught almost everyone unawares. Each observation was astute and made the receiver just uncomfortable enough to be wary of Fuji. And he liked it that way.  
  
Tezuka excelled in his schoolwork, but to remain at that level he did need to study. Although it wasn't the all time consuming study that some of the other tennis club regulars had to undertake, he did need to study nevertheless.  
  
Fuji's interest in studying was barely existent. He breezed through the material with the same ease of learning that he passed through everything else with. Indifference rarely left him unless something managed to pique his interest... and yet he could achieve practically perfect scores in his sleep.  
  
So it was safe to say that there were many things that they didn't have in common, and that there were many things that had the potential to become points of conflict for them. And yet...their friendship remained. It wasn't a closeness immediately apparent to anyone else but themselves ... just the way it should be.  
  
To say they talked was an overstatement, but they did communicate. Gestures that others wouldn't see while they stood in silence spoke more than any amount of words could have. The ease with which they moved around each other spoke of intuitive understanding. They could speak their mind, barely uttering a word, and each of them knew what the other meant.  
  
However... every relationship, no matter its type, hits a pothole once in a while.  
  
It was still very early in the school year. The tennis season hadn't begun properly yet, and they were approaching their first warm up match with the team of regulars picked from the previous year. It had taken Fuji the first few weeks to get used to being /i around Tezuka... and he still wasn't sure if Iget used to/I was the right phrase. That smile still crept over his face all too frequently, but Fuji found himself exerting the effort of banishing it ... just to make sure he could.  
  
Being observant was part of Fuji's nature. And so it was that he found himself watching Tezuka. Out of the corner of his eye during practice or a walk home, when they were watching a movie, or when Fuji watched Tezuka study.  
  
What he saw irritated the prodigy. The taller boy went about his duties as seriously as he went about everything. Forms that needed to be filled in were filled in, assignments due were completed as soon as they were handed out, and he was there to watch his tennis club with an eagle eye.  
  
And the very way he behaved, the very way he held himself... there was a constant distance that the captain maintained from everyone. The thing that really got to Fuji, was he could see that same distance being kept from him. He decided he didn't like that at all.  
  
Before practice, on the afternoon before their first warm up match, Tezuka once again stopped Fuji in the clubhouse. The feeling of Deija vu that swept over Fuji only caused his annoyance level to rise. The smile bloomed on his face, despite the fact that they were alone, and his eyes crinkled completely as he looked at Tezuka.  
  
The taller boy leaned against the wall next to the door, his arms crossed, face stern. "You should play seriously this year."  
  
Fuji's smile didn't waver, in fact, its brilliance increased. "Whatever do you mean, Tezuka?" And he pushed himself up from his seat, grabbed his bag and made to push past the other boy to exit. A hand on his arm stayed him... and the last straw broke.  
  
The smile disappeared in a split second, replaced by narrowed cerulean slits concentrating all of their attention on Tezuka. It was a part of Fuji that he didn't like showing, that he kept under wraps as much as he could. There were times it was fun to use, times when he delighted in shocking some poor unfortunate shmuck who'd annoyed him.  
  
But this wasn't one of those times. Something inside Fuji rebelled as Tezuka's eyes opened slightly and he took a step back, but the prodigy pushed that part of himself aside. Indignation grabbed a hold of him and he didn't lessen the intensity with which his gaze pinned Tezuka... not even slightly.  
  
The smile crept back over his face, but his eyes remained open. Anyone else would have crumbled, whimpering on the spot, but Tezuka had always been made of sterner stuff. Fuji flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes before speaking, his voice deceptively calm and sweet. An alarming contrast to how he was feeling inside. "When I have nothing left to give, I'll think about it."  
  
Fuji turned abruptly and headed out the door, bag in tow, obviously not going to attend practice. Tezuka's calmly spoken statement almost made Fuji's steps falter, but not quite.  
  
"If you miss practice, you'll run laps."  
  
But Fuji just continued to walk. Pulling authority on him was never a good idea, he automatically rebelled. So he continued walking, mind on autopilot once more. Thoughts swirled in his head. Be damned. If Tezuka wanted to lock himself inside the being that was the captain... Fuji would damn well live up to being the prodigy.  
  
It was hard to ignore the way his gut twisted, or the empty feeling that made his body ache. Fuji welcomed his smile, relaxing on the inside and feeling so much more comfortable. Right then... he needed comfort, needed that support. Somehow the smile just no longer seemed to be enough.  
  
~*~  
  
The sun set as the day passed into evening. Fuji sat alone in his room, staring at his cacti on the sill. He envied them their prickly exterior...protected as they were. No one else was in the house...which was a more often than not occurrence. He should have been used to it, but for some reason... it was just making him restless. His homework had been finished in no time at all, he didn't feel like rewatching any of his old movies, and music just wasn't what he was looking for right then.  
  
So he settled for lying on his bed and looking up at the ceiling.  
  
A sharp knock on the front door interrupted Fuji's pondering of the ceiling. He sighed, knowing whom it was. A slight hint of rebellion rose in him and he seriously contemplated letting Tezuka stand out there until he left. Then again, when Tezuka set his mind to it, he could be as obstinate as Fuji, and the prodigy knew it.  
  
It took a lot longer than it usually would. Fuji forced himself to take every step, pushing away his annoyance and trying to be logical. There was a time and place for logic, whether that time was now... remained to be seen.  
  
Reaching the door, Fuji opened it enough to lean against the doorframe and cross his arms. His eyes rested on Tezuka, as if assessing him, weighing him. Fuji's smile hadn't slipped back into place, instead all he wore was a tired expression, as if he just didn't care right then.  
  
Something in Tezuka's eyes appealed to him, and Fuji found himself speaking, almost against his will. "That road to Rome..."  
  
Tezuka inclined his head slightly, a question.  
  
"It's a two way street, Tezuka."  
  
There was a slight sag to the taller boy's shoulders, before his eyes locked onto Fuji's own. "No laps. My decision was... hasty."  
  
Fuji inclined his head. It was the closest Tezuka would come to apologising right then, and Fuji was all of a sudden content to accept it. But he needed to drive home one point... one thing he wasn't sure if Tezuka had realised or not. There was a soft lilt to Fuji's voice, a slight wistful tinge, when he spoke. "I don't need the Captain."  
  
Tezuka dropped his eyes briefly before picking up eye contact again. "I don't need the Prodigy."  
  
Fuji nodded as a small, genuine smile spread across his features, and he barely refrained from answering 'me either.' Instead, he pushed the door open a little wider and beckoned the other youth inside. The first pothole was filled... yet Fuji couldn't help wondering just what sort of journey he let himself in for.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is much appreciated! 


	3. Try Me

Yes... the one shot continues...  
  
Title: Smile: Try Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship  
  
Chapter: Technically Chapter three... but I still insist it's a one shot!  
  
Summary: Just why does Fuji smile the way he does?  
  
Warning: This chapter ends up sticking rather close to events in episode three. If you haven't seen that episode yet, it'll spoil it for you... but then you also wouldn't have a clue who the hell Fuji and Tezuka are either.  
  
Try Me  
  
With a match the following day it would have been rather silly to stay awake for long, but somehow that sort of thing never seems to cross a teenager's mind. It wasn't like it was going to be a hard match anyway. Just a warm up, against a school that Fuji knew didn't have a hope in hell of beating them. Even though Momoshiro Takeshi had to take the day off due to injury, there wasn't even the possibility of it being a problem.  
  
Besides, sometimes relaxation was a thousand times better than sleep.  
  
They sat on the floor of Fuji's room, with tea and raspberry cake. The tea, because it was just what Fuji liked to drink, and the cake because he felt out of sorts that his sister had baked and Yuuta hadn't even shown his face. Some random movie was playing on the TV as they shared their silence.  
  
Which Fuji felt the need to break. "Homework?"  
  
Tezuka shrugged. "Some." He reached back to get a couple of books out of his school bag. Fuji's eyes followed his movements, seeking to know, to understand more.  
  
His eyes fell on a carefully folded tennis uniform in the midst of the order that was Tezuka's bag, and another genuine smile crossed Fuji's face. It seemed his friend had more foresight than the prodigy. "Ahhh," It was the only sound he let pass his lips; recognition and consent rolled into one.  
  
The slight tension visible in Tezuka's shoulders, vanished, and he cleared his throat. "World history assignment was given today."  
  
Fuji smiled, blues and greens danced thoughtfully in his eyes before he answered. "Sure." He stood up and stretched, eyes closed, knowing that Tezuka was moving to the computer. From the soft whirr he had already switched it on. It made Fuji smile wistfully. Always the studious one, was Tezuka. Sometimes the prodigy wished he could be more like that, sometimes he wished he could find something to give a shit about.  
  
A slight sigh escaped Fuji's lips before he could suppress it, and he knew that his friend knew exactly what was going through his mind. He could feel Tezuka's gaze on him from the side. Slowly, Fuji turned to face the brown- eyed boy, a rueful smile on his face.  
  
Tezuka continued to look at him for so long, that Fuji finally thought his captain had changed his mind about wanting to know him, about caring enough to. Just when Fuji was about to slam his smile back into place, Tezuka's expression softened...just a little bit that probably wouldn't have been visible to anyone else, but to Fuji it was blatant. "Don't underestimate who you are." He looked at Fuji for a full second longer before turning back to the computer.  
  
Fuji smiled at the back of the captain's head, and then headed into the bathroom. As he closed the door a thought occurred to him; that he just might have found something to give a shit about. Maybe friendship was something worth putting in an effort for.  
  
~*~  
  
Showers are uneventful things, and Fuji's was no exception, despite the fact that he had taken an inordinate amount of time. He emerged from the bathroom slightly apathetic, towel dried hair falling in his eyes despite his best efforts to keep it out. Walking into his room, he started when he realised the computer chair was empty. Widening his search, his eyes fell on the figure sprawled on his bed. Fuji smiled, more genuinely than he ever had, because no one, not even Tezuka could see it.  
  
Fuji leaned against the wall, watching the chest of his visitor rise and fall methodically. Just like Tezuka really, everything so precise, everything done just right... on time, in time...rhythmic. One arm trailed slender fingers, which still partially clutched a book, along the floor, and his glasses rested skewed on his nose. His school shirt had come untucked from the pants, and his hair was in more than the artful confusion it usually was.  
  
In short, Tezuka looked decidedly unkempt. Fuji fought against the urge to take a picture...and lost. What was the use of a friend who couldn't blackmail another friend after all? The soft click of the camera didn't wake the slumbering student, for which Fuji was eternally grateful.  
  
With a soft sigh he padded over to the bed and gently removed the glasses from Tezuka's nose and the book from his hands. Suppressing a chuckle, and thankful that Tezuka had thought to bring a spare uniform with him since there was no way he would fit into anything of Fuji's, the prodigy drew a light sheet up to cover his friend before walking back to the doorway.  
  
It wasn't often that he got to see Tezuka without any barriers, without the partially self-imposed responsibility that he carried on a day-to-day basis. Fuji took a moment to just memorise the way Tezuka's face could look when his expression wasn't stern. So far their friendship had been decidedly one sided in letting the other in, but that was going to change, because Fuji had made up his mind that it would. Besides, he reasoned, it wasn't healthy for Tezuka to be so old at such a young age. It was high time someone made him enjoy life a little more, and although it seemed like a mountainous task, Fuji was determined to manage it.  
  
Closing the door gently behind him and heading to a guest room, he reflected that it wasn't really that late and that Tezuka was lucky to have a much larger bed than he did. His overactive brain threw him curve balls about how difficult letting someone in was going to make his life. But Fuji had already caught a glimpse of how much of a subtle difference having a true friend could make, and despite himself... he found he wanted more. It would be a challenge, an effort, a way to alleviate the boredom...but most of all, a way to give something back to the only person who'd ever reached out to him.  
  
~*~  
  
Fuji had already set breakfast out, and was packing lunch for them both when Tezuka entered the kitchen fully dressed. Cerulean eyes sparkled with mirth as Fuji nodded an absent-minded good morning, noticing the captain seat himself out of the corner of his eye. Fuji turned around and placed a plate in front of Tezuka, seating himself opposite his teammate.  
  
He could feel those hazel eyes watching him, but continued to eat with an open eyed slight smile. "Blink, Tezuka." Fuji raised his eyes to meet his friend's, all the time consciously fighting the urge to conceal himself behind those walls again.  
  
Tezuka blinked. "Why?" And Fuji knew he wasn't referring to blinking.  
  
The prodigy finished off his breakfast, eyes never leaving Tezuka's, issuing something that wasn't quite a demand, but more of a challenge. Standing, Fuji smiled again. "Sometimes you should just accept things, you know. Stop questioning everything around you." He waited a second, eyes still locked to the other Seigaku senior's, making sure that he'd gotten the message across.  
  
Tezuka broke the stare first, standing too and making his way to the sink to put his plate in it. Fuji wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he saw the other boy's mouth twitch at the edges as he answered. "As you wish."  
  
Fuji chuckled and handed over one of the lunches to his friend before speaking. "We don't want to be late." He didn't wait, knowing that Tezuka would fall into step beside him once they left the house.  
  
~*~  
  
Fuji watched Tezuka's match with detachment, his own mind slightly irritated at the fact that his own match could have been won with one hand tied behind his back. But there was something about the way his friend moved that caught his eye and made Fuji frown, forgetting the thoughts that had occupied his mind but seconds earlier.  
  
If he wasn't delusional, which Fuji was fairy certain he wasn't, Tezuka was favouring his left elbow. Not clearly, and not even because it hurt, but because he was obviously not sure if he should push it. The match ended with the expected result: a 6:0 win for the captain, but still.  
  
They took the bus home. As usual they were two of the last to get out. Fuji didn't know if Tezuka welcomed the fact that he was accompanying him home, but since the captain didn't say anything to the contrary, Fuji simply remained in silent step beside him. Not a word passed between them before they got to Tezuka's room.  
  
"Stop it." Tezuka's voice was low, and weary if one knew how to listen, as if he'd just had too much for one day.  
  
His habitual reply on the tip of his tongue, Fuji decided against it. "No."  
  
Tezuka blinked and looked at him, small frown lines furrowing his face, as if he was asking 'why the hell not?'  
  
Fuji chose to answer...verbally. "Because, if I stop...who else is going to continue?"  
  
Tezuka scowled briefly, before the expression melted away as if never having existed. Had he blinked, Fuji would have missed it. "I can continue, I always do."  
  
The prodigy smiled, slightly tinged with sadness. He let a little more of himself show, hoping...just hoping that Tezuka would see it and realise what he was doing. "But you don't...you just pretend to." And although Fuji could see the obstinacy in the captain's eyes, and although he could hear the silent warning to quit while he was ahead... he persisted. "Just pretending... won't lead you to Rome."  
  
The wall shot up, and it pained Fuji to see Tezuka distance himself so quickly. For once though, he took the hint. Smile once more in place, he hid the eyes he's so foolishly bared, knowing that he'd overstepped his mark...probably irrevocably, and bowed slightly, before backing away and leaving without saying another word. The heat of Tezuka's gaze weighed heavily on Fuji's back, but he didn't turn around...because he didn't think he would be able to keep the smile on his face, and he wouldn't afford himself the luxury of letting Tezuka see just how he felt.  
  
The prodigy pondered friendship on the way home, and he couldn't quite grasp it. Weren't you supposed to care about your friends? Weren't you supposed to be the one who told a friend when they were being pigheaded and stupid? Fuji decided that maybe he just wasn't cut out for friendship, maybe they weren't worth the effort after all.  
  
Now, if only he could convince himself of that.  
  
~*~  
  
Fuji didn't really pay much attention to anything as he got ready for school the next morning. His thoughts centered on the phone call he'd received from Momoshiro the evening before. It seemed there was a new freshman...a very talented new freshman. Fuji smiled; he needed a distraction.  
  
The morning practice was going to be interesting...all the new little gawking freshmen to observe. As they entered the courts, Fuji glanced around, and picked out the freshman Momo had been talking about straight away. He was hiding under a cap, black hair tufting out from under it. The boy was the only one not looking at the regulars with reverence, and he was the only one who held his racket with the knowledge of someone who knew how to play.  
  
It was enough to keep Fuji's mind off the fact that this was the first morning in a couple of weeks that he had arrived at school alone. Without needing to look, he knew Tezuka was watching from the classroom up above, and he felt an urge... but just for what... he couldn't say.  
  
So he watched the freshman out of the corner of his eye, making him half a step late for one of Oishi's lobs, but still, Fuji's smile never budged. And then he watched as the freshman hit a stray lob was perfectly returned from across court, hitting the same basket the regulars were aiming for...  
  
Very interesting.  
  
One of the juniors, Arai, if Fuji remembered correctly, started picking on the new boy. Oishi was moving to intercept, but Fuji knew that he didn't need to. If his intuition was right...  
  
Tezuka's clear, deep voice boomed across the court. "What are you arguing about on the court?"  
  
There was a brief but deafening silence, and Fuji fought the urge to laugh. Tezuka just looked so damn serious... so damn old. Suddenly, while the other students cried out: 'Captain!' and some cheers, Fuji didn't feel so much like laughing anymore. Instead, he felt rather...melancholy.  
  
And yet, his smile remained as he watched the rest of the exchange.  
  
Tezuka's unimpressed voice continued. "Penalty for causing a disturbance: run 10 laps around the courts, both of you!"  
  
Arai, stupidly, interjected. "W...wait, it was he..."  
  
"20 laps!"  
  
Fuji almost cringed, Tezuka was very obviously in a really bad mood. Idly the prodigy wondered if it had been his own doing. In some ways... that made him smile more.  
  
"When they're done, juniors and seniors will enter the courts. Freshmen, prepare for ball fetching." Tezuka continued in that voice of command that slipped so easily from his lips.  
  
Syusuke watched as Oishi and Tezuka headed back to the classroom, probably to discuss the team's rosters. Fuji didn't feel jealousy, he didn't feel sadness, in fact, he felt nothing at all...except blank...as if something was missing, that he never realised he'd possessed.  
  
Most of the practice passed in a daze for him. He played as well as usual, but of course, he rarely ever needed his entire attention focused on the game. It was just the way he played...to pass the time, and occasionally if he was lucky...provide a challenge.  
  
Once again his attention was riveted by the new freshman. He was searching for his racket bag that seemed to have disappeared. And again, it was Arai who seemed to be instigating some sort of altercation. Yet again... rather interesting. The second year handed the black haired freshman a well-worn racket, taunting the boy to play with that.  
  
"Hmmm." Fuji couldn't help himself...this was going to be good. He vaguely registered that as a senior and a regular, he should probably stop what was about to happen. It was obvious from the determination in the freshman's eyes that there was going to be a match. Tezuka would be annoyed.  
  
And suddenly, Fuji didn't care. It would be fun to watch the new one put Arai in his place, since it was obvious to Fuji who would win, and who wouldn't. Sometimes people needed to fall flat on their faces in order to gain a modicum of respect for others abilities. Since Fuji couldn't really do it himself in this instance, he would settle on someone else accomplishing it for him. In fact, he was beginning to like the freshman more and more.  
  
Besides, annoying Tezuka...seemed like a fun and just thing to do at that point in time.  
  
He even voiced his thoughts vocally. "Hmmm... I want to see more of this." He almost laughed at Eiji's mumbled response.  
  
"I knew you were going to say that."  
  
Although Fuji rarely admitted to anything getting to him, he was seriously annoyed with the other youth. But just annoyed...no...he would never admit that anyone could hurt him. He always bounced back. In essence, that was part of what the smile was all about.  
  
As they watched the match, Fuji continued to smile. It grew wider when the boy managed an excellent comeback shot with the ruined racket.  
  
Eiji kept a soft running commentary. "Oh, he put a spin on it by rotating his body."  
  
"He's good." Fuji responded.  
  
So they kept watching, and for a few minutes Fuji managed to forget about the other thoughts flitting around in his head. His eyes narrowed before opening, when he saw the freshman's talent shine through a couple of times. Maybe Fuji just needed a challenging opponent, someone who would be challenged and demand the same of him.  
  
"A great calligrapher doesn't need to chose his pens." And he realised that he'd spoken out loud. But that didn't really matter. If he concentrated really hard on the match, he could dispel that feeling in his chest... the empty one he didn't want to admit to.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Oishi approach, and sighed. He knew what was coming before it came, and glanced up at the classroom window. Not sure if Tezuka was there, Fuji couldn't be bothered wasting a perfectly good glare, and so he began running the twenty-five laps, without so much as a protest.  
  
Twenty-five laps pounded at him, as he concentrated on each footfall, on each step and the beat of his speed. His mind free to roam within its own hectic thoughts, he couldn't avoid thinking for much longer. He thought of the ease he shared with Tezuka, and he wanted it back. For a boy that had never held close friendships for fear of being forced out of hiding, the loss of the one person he'd begun to trust was staggering.  
  
It hurt, and it made Fuji want to hurt back, to strike a blow that the other wouldn't recover from, to crush, to reduce to a shadow of their former self. But that was the side Fuji reserved for people he really disliked. And try as he might, he couldn't really bring himself to dislike Tezuka. Maybe he'd just expected far too much from the friendship, maybe he'd just deluded himself into thinking it was friendship.  
  
Fuji sighed, bringing his head up to look around him, and realised that he'd probably far exceeded the twenty five laps, since even the ball boys seemed to have cleared the court. Slowing to a walk, he chuckled ruefully, the smile slipping that little bit because he was alone. He walked back towards the locker rooms to cool off. It was getting late, and if he was pretty sure he was going to miss his first class.  
  
A voice stopped him as he walked passed the edge of the courts. ""That was more than twenty-five laps."  
  
Fuji shrugged, smile fixed once more in place, and kept walking. "I felt like running." Footsteps followed him and he suppressed a sigh. He really didn't feel like talking to Tezuka right then.  
  
They reached the locker room, and Fuji began to get changed, trying to ignore the captain's presence.  
  
That low voice spoke again, giving Fuji pause. The tone was that slightly tired one...yet again. "You did it deliberately." The emphasis had nothing to do with running, and they both knew it.  
  
"I was bored." And the match distracted me, Fuji thought, but didn't add.  
  
"You should have stopped it."  
  
"And you should take your own advice."  
  
Silence descended between them, not awkward...just seeking. Fuji continued to dress, aware that if anything would be said, it was up to Tezuka to do so.  
  
It was so softly spoken that Fuji almost thought he didn't hear it.  
  
"You're right." Something akin to a sigh escaped from Tezuka's lips. "I've never been good at that."  
  
"First time for everything. You should try it, sometimes it works." Fuji turned to face the captain, smile in place like the thorns on his cacti, protecting him.  
  
Tezuka was looking at him with a small frown... a face that was as open as Fuji had ever seen it. The prodigy was taken aback, and moreso when the captain reached out a hand and placed it on his half clothed shoulder. He didn't know how to react...touching was something he never dealt well with. But as if he could sense it, the contact was brief, and Tezuka withdrew the hand.  
  
"Maybe we both should."  
  
Fuji laughed despite himself, and looked up at Tezuka, eyes open, his expression revealing just that fraction he felt he could afford right then. "Maybe."  
  
The tension eased, and Fuji finished getting dressed, aware that Tezuka was waiting for him. It was funny if he thought about it. Both of them had their secrets, and neither of them was want to share them with anyone freely. How they'd gotten to where they were right then, Fuji wasn't sure...but he did think he liked it.  
  
Fuji decided that friendship was a lot more complicated than he'd realised, but it seemed to be worth the effort of overcoming the little hiccups that were obviously going to arise along the way. Because that feeling... that empty ache... miraculously disappeared when you had someone to share it with.  
  
"Fuji?"  
  
The prodigy smiled apologetically. "Sorry...I spaced out."  
  
Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "If you say so..."  
  
Fuji knew that Tezuka was aware that Fuji never spaced out. He also knew that Tezuka had probably discerned what it was that Fuji was thinking about. The best part was... it didn't need to be said.  
  
And that was just the way Fuji liked it... comfortable.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Now seriously, I'm just not sure. Should I leave it there...or not. I mean there is a lot more I can do, because let's face it... this is episode three and shitloads happens.. but... is this a nice ending?  
  
Thanks for all the reviews!!! They make it so much easier to write *hugs* to you all!  
  
Oh yeah... and tell me what you think!  
  
~Arith 


	4. Amuse Me

Ok... I'm finally ready to admit it's exceeded a one shot...  
  
Title: Smile: Amuse Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship... imply all you want though...  
  
Chapter: Okay Okay... Chapter Four... *sigh*  
  
Summary: What's behind a smile...?  
  
Warning: This chapter sticks close to episode Four for around one third of it... the rest is off screen time /snicker. Um... well... same vein as the other's maybe a little lighter... thanks to moffit for betaing  
  
Smile:  
  
Amuse Me  
  
Fuji sighed lightly, the soft wisp of breath making the hair hanging in his face sway gently. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Tezuka tense slightly, and the prodigy grinned to himself.  
  
They were studying at Tezuka's house. Fuji had commandeered the bed, because it was just so much larger and more comfortable than his own. He was lying on his stomach, with his legs bent so that his feet were in the air. His books were pushed to the side with long completed homework.  
  
So he sighed again, this time a little louder, and suppressed the chuckle at the way Tezuka's shoulders tensed again. It was barely discernable, but Fuji knew what to look for. He raised his hands in front of him and rested his chin on them, bending his back in the process. Feeling restless, he also started to swing his feet in the air, feeling the springs of the bed move ever so slightly under him.  
  
He knew Tezuka was paying a fraction of attention to him from the way he sat, and from the way he wasn't fully concentrating on what he was writing. Usually, Fuji was considerate of the fact that the other boy took a little longer, but right then Fuji was fidgety. It wasn't his fault Tezuka was so damn meticulous.  
  
"Ne, Tezuka?" He saw the older boy freeze, pausing in his work for a moment, before giving a slight shake of the head and continuing without responding. Fuji frowned good-naturedly. It seemed he hadn't quite pushed Tezuka that far yet. Just because they'd become closer friends, didn't mean that Fuji spared Tezuka his sense of humour or love for mischief, nor did it mean that he didn't like teasing anymore. He just ... chose his moments better.  
  
Fuji persisted. "Ne, Tezuka?"  
  
Again, there was a slight tensing of the taller boy's shoulders, but this time he also half turned in his chair to look at the friend sprawled on the bed. His response was drawn, as if against his will, but he spoke anyway. "Yes, Fuji?"  
  
Fuji just beamed a smile. "I'm bored."  
  
Tezuka seemed to resist the urge to roll his eyes, and turned back to his desk, dismissing the mood of the prodigy, which was really what Fuji had been expecting. But he'd been telling the truth. Fuji was bored.  
  
So he flipped himself onto his back, hands pillowed beneath his head, and stared at the ceiling. This whole friendship thing was confusing. He knew he really should let Tezuka study, but he was just so damn bored. For the next few minutes he decided to count Tezuka's books on the shelves, but lost interest very quickly. There were 32 books on the top shelf, 43 on the second...Fuji had counted them so often he knew the numbers off by heart. Not that that would have taken him long either...  
  
So he sighed again as his mind wandered through different avenues of possibility for his own entertainment. One idea struck him as funny, and although he was fairly certain Tezuka wouldn't think it was, Fuji just had to try it.  
  
A grin spread over his face, and Fuji licked his lips before placing his hand on his stomach and letting out a long, wanton moan, and breathing a name in the same fashion. "Tezuk-kaaahhh!"  
  
Fuji heard the pencil snap, and the chair fall over. He turned his face to look at Tezuka, and couldn't help laughing at the indignant scowl he wore. "You should... see your face!" Fuji managed to gasp out. Oh what an idea. Fuji scrambled for his bag and his camera." Oh wait... just hold...this is priceless..." but his words trailed off when Tezuka grabbed a hold of his arm.  
  
Fuji's defences started to slam into place, and it was all he could do to just give Tezuka a warning look. The Captain dropped his hold, but pinned Fuji with a displeased gaze. The prodigy counted to five, slowly, trying to reverse his reaction. How he hated to be physically touched. It intruded on his space, on his mask...and although he'd begun to feel slightly more comfortable around his friend, Fuji knew it would always be easier to hide.  
  
Tezuka was waiting for Fuji to calm down, the prodigy could see it. So he took in a deep breath or two and looked Tezuka in the eyes, no smile, just awaiting the chastising comment he knew was coming.  
  
"That wasn't funny, Fuji." There was a disgruntled note in Tezuka's voice, that spoke of him having taken slight offence, which Fuji had never intended. Well, not really anyway, he'd just been bored.  
  
"I thought it was..." Fuji's voice trailed off and he looked out the window, before looking back. "But... I realise you probably don't think so, which is what made it so appealing in the first place." He raised his eyes to the ceiling. "I still wish I'd gotten another photo..."  
  
Tezuka looked at him suspiciously. "Another photo?"  
  
Fuji smiled and didn't miss a beat. "Yes, another photo. You know, of people ... to add to my collection." His eyes crinkled up, not letting Tezuka even get the chance at seeing exactly what Fuji was thinking. His smile could come in damn useful in certain circumstances.  
  
"Fuji..." Tezuka's voice held a warning note.  
  
Which Fuji happily ignored. "Yes, Tezuka?"  
  
The captain gave up, and sighed. "Just... let me finish." It was almost a question, just not quite. A silent plea that Tezuka didn't want Fuji to go home yet, that he needed company, perhaps even to talk about something later on.  
  
Fuji cocked his head to one side, and opened his eyes. "Okay," was his reply. It seemed something was bothering his friend, and Fuji, always curious about what made Tezuka tick, decided it was something worth fighting his boredom for.  
  
Besides, he had time to speculate, and that could always prove interesting. He wondered if it could be something about the slight joke he had just played, and dismissed that thought. It wasn't something that would affect Tezuka. The things that affected Tezuka most were tennis and school.  
  
Since he was doing his homework, and the only tension visible was when Fuji annoyed him, the prodigy surmised that it had nothing to do with school. Therefore, it had to have something to do with tennis, as did most of the things that the captain thought about on a daily basis.  
  
Furthermore, it probably had something to do with that new little runt at the school. Of course, runt was a nasty thing to say, but Fuji didn't mean it like that, well not entirely. It was just nice to see someone able to play tennis, who was shorter than himself.  
  
So, since it had something to do with that Echizen Ryouma, then...Fuji mused. He was pretty sure what it was, and he smiled at the thought. Tezuka tended to concern himself with things that were really nothing to be concerned about. A tennis club was a strong as its weakest player. It was obviously the right choice to let strong, new blood heat up the competition and thereby the standards.  
  
Fuji's eyes narrowed and he watched Tezuka pack away his books. It had grown darker, and the taller boy stood to turn on the light. The prodigy watched the other boy take off his school jacket and hang it on the back of the door, rolling his white shirt sleeves up before turning to face Fuji.  
  
"You've done the right thing, Tezuka." Fuji's voice was soft, but firm.  
  
The tension seemed to leak out of Tezuka's frame, as if Fuji's words were all he'd needed. Just that little bit of reassurance, that no one else gave to him because they assumed he wouldn't need it. Sometimes Fuji wondered why Tezuka insisted on growing up so fast. Being a child was a privilege not had for very long.  
  
Then again, sometimes Fuji understood all too well.  
  
Tezuka sat down next to Fuji. "It'll be good for the team." There was an underlying tone in there, that made Fuji sigh when he nodded, hoping Tezuka would leave it there. No such luck.  
  
The silence stretched, a little awkwardly, slight tension building before Tezuka decided to break it. "Will it make you..."  
  
But Fuji cut his words off, tone cautioning. "Tezuka..."  
  
Fists clenched slightly with frustration. "Fuji, you could... so easily." But he stopped, noticing Fuji's expression closing off.  
  
Deliberately misunderstanding, Fuji chose to smile brightly. "Oh, don't worry. I'll make the team!"  
  
The look he received from Tezuka said more than a thousand words. They both knew Fuji would make the team, they both knew the topic they'd just hit was taboo. Yet, Fuji couldn't help realising that it was a topic Tezuka was only going to keep insisting on, until Fuji finally gave in.  
  
About to excuse himself because of hunger and leave, Fuji was surprised when Tezuka stood and spoke first. "We should eat." He looked down at Fuji, brown eyes intense, saying a lot more than those words implied.  
  
And although Fuji knew he should go home, and although he insisted it was only a precaution that he'd brought a spare uniform with him, he smiled, giving his assent by standing. It was getting to be a habit that was hard to break. But somehow he just felt so much more comfortable around his friend than he did around anyone else.  
  
Wordlessly, they headed down to scavenge dinner in the kitchen. Tezuka's family was around as little as Fuji's own. Probably another reason he felt so comfortable in the house. There were rarely others there to intrude on their silent ease.  
  
Just like Fuji realised that his friend couldn't always be that shining pillar of support, he realised that around Tezuka he didn't have to worry about always being perfect. Because genius though he was supposed to be, the captain understood that sometimes... just sometimes, Fuji needed to feel human.  
  
~*~  
  
The next day proved to be interesting. At least Fuji thought it was. Ranking matches. As he stood on the sidelines watching the freshman in block D, Syusuke idly contemplated his upcoming matches.  
  
That he'd qualify wasn't a question. He was just contemplating on how he'd do so. Should he give some of the non-regulars some hope and then snatch it away? He chuckled under his breath, realising that that might be just a little too unnecessarily cruel.  
  
Tezuka was standing a little ways off, and Fuji knew nothing escaped the captain's notice. As it was, he'd probably get a few inquisitive looks from his captain later on. Of course, should Fuji put his tentative plan into action, he had the idea that he would be running laps for so long that the sun would set. So he sighed, smile still firmly fixed in place. Why did Tezuka have to spoil so much of his fun?  
  
Fuji remembered the look on the captain's face the previous day, and his smile widened. Ahh, yes, when they were alone as friends, he could exact revenge then. Next time, he'd just make sure to have his camera ready beforehand.  
  
"Fujiko-chan."  
  
Eiji's voice broke through Fuji's contemplations. "Mmmm?"  
  
"Your next match is soon!" Eiji's eyes were shining, but that was usually the case. "Or are you that confident?" The redhead laughed and rested a hand on Fuji's shoulder in camaraderie.  
  
It was a touch Fuji had grown used to over the years, and he suppressed the urge to shake the hand loose immediately. Instead he smiled and neatly removed himself after a couple of seconds. "We'll see. Maybe I'll have an off day..." He chuckled at Eiji's flummoxed expression as he walked to his court. Sometimes it was fun to play with his friends...what was he kidding himself? It was always fun.  
  
Fuji wiped at the light sweat he'd worked up against his opponent. Really, that was boring. He could have won it in his sleep. So, he was looking forward to his match against a regular opponent.  
  
Of course that wasn't until the next day, and for now, if he hurried, he could make the Echizen and Kaidoh match. Fuji felt he needed some entertainment, and was quite sure that match would provide him with it. Besides, he wanted to see who would win the bet: him or Tezuka. If Kaidoh was forced to use the move earlier then Fuji would win, and if he used it normally, then Tezuka would win.  
  
Although Fuji wouldn't mind eating Tezuka's favourite meal, he was hoping that Kaidoh would use the shot earlier, because then he could watch Tezuka try not to emote while eating wasabi sushi. It'd definitely be entertaining.  
  
They watched the match, and Fuji smiled brightly as the freshman forced the junior to try and outplay him almost at the very beginning. "His move came sooner, Tezuka."  
  
Not a word of the bet, because that was just between them, and no one else needed to know. Fuji continued to smile as Tezuka replied in his usual analytical way. "It means Kaidoh is serious."  
  
Fuji still couldn't help but chuckle, and he could feel the burning glare that Tezuka momentarily focused on him. Tezuka might like winning, but Fuji preferred to be amused.  
  
Of course, his amusement increased tenfold when Echizen changed the racket to his left hand. It was all Fuji could do to keep from clapping his hands at the performance. Ahh, this boy would be his source of much entertainment.  
  
Fuji's eyes narrowed, but his smile stayed in place as he watched the match progress. Could it be, that this boy would provide a challenge for him? Might actually make him put effort into tennis? Fuji didn't mind if Tezuka beat him... there were reasons and whiles for that. But a freshman...Fuji did have some pride.  
  
"Tezuka, what do you think will happen?" he asked his friend, but it seemed that Tezuka was in one of his moods. Fuji turned back to watch the match with a smile, knowing that the lack of an answer was a lot more informative than a verbal one. Tezuka was calculating matches in his head, figuring out what strengths and weaknesses the boy had. In all essence being an excellent captain, the way he always was. It made Fuji wonder how much of Tezuka would be left if that was taken away from him. Not liking that thought, Fuji dismissed it quickly.  
  
He watched Echizen break Kaidoh's style, and smiled. The boy was a predator, Fuji felt a tingle of anticipation run through him. This was certainly going to heat things up. He muttered, not to anyone in particular. "This is a good match." He could feel Tezuka relax, as if the match was giving the older boy confirmation that his choice had been the right one. Fuji continued to smile.  
  
Fuji couldn't help it. It was a habit of his to murmur out loud when he was thinking. It was a habit that he knew Tezuka found annoying at times, and was grateful for at others. "Has Kaidoh still not realised it yet?" But it was the way Fuji was, and one of his own idiosyncrasies, which he had no intention of changing. "They're both tired, but realise the hidden secret behind each other's technique, and not realising it will have an effect on your mind."  
  
This time Tezuka answered him. "The one who fell for the trap was Kaidoh." Yet Fuji heard the underlying tone in Tezuka's voice and almost laughed. It was as if his friend was telling him he needn't state the bleeding obvious. But that was just half the fun for Fuji, so he just smiled and ignored the subtle undertone.  
  
Fuji's smile slipped once, when Echizen used the Buggy Whip shot. He could feel the tension seep back into Tezuka, and almost sighed at his hard work having been undone. The prodigy could almost read the thoughts flitting through Tezuka's mind. The other boy was worried because Echizen was playing so well and so easily against one of their best players. Would it be beneficial for the team, or would it be detrimental?  
  
Kaidoh's defeat came as no big surprise after the turn the match had taken. Fuji smiled, watching the resulting commotion through slit eyes, it seemed Kaidoh had yet to outgrow that violent reaction. "He's still the same..." he murmured to no one in particular. The match was over, the first big upset gone. Fuji turned and followed Tezuka silently to the locker room.  
  
~*~  
  
Tezuka sat at the kitchen table, while Fuji prepared the sushi. There was a light furrow to the captain's brow that spoke volumes.  
  
Fuji tsked good-naturedly, a small, genuine smile on his face. "Come now, stop that. A bet is a bet." He placed the Wasabi sushi in front of his friend, popping a piece into his own mouth before crossing his arms and waiting.  
  
Brown eyes regarded the prodigy warily as he took a piece himself. Even Tezuka couldn't stop his face from scrunching in distaste as he ate the piece. Fuji's laugh rang through the kitchen as he patiently waited for the taller boy to finish his price for losing the bet.  
  
Finally finished, Tezuka stood and knocked back two glasses of water before looking at Fuji's open laughing face. "Sometimes I wonder about you, Fuji."  
  
The smile lessened, becoming wistful as large sea green eyes looked up at the captain. "Only sometimes?  
  
Tezuka just nodded. It was all he needed to do.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is much appreciated!  
  
Thank you for reading! Hehe 


	5. Show Me

Well, here we go... another Smile update heh... I have no idea why the idea for this chapter jumped me whilst listening to Atobe Keigo sing Cross with you... but it did.  
  
Title: Smile: Show Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship... imply all you want though...  
  
Chapter: Five...  
  
Summary: What's behind a smile...?  
  
Warning: Um before the first Inui drink session in ep 9 I think. But it isn't set in the episode itself. Silent conversations, mocking prodigy, cacti analysis and an argument! Oh and thanks to saiai_yohji for letting me bounce some things!!!  
  
Smile: Show Me  
  
He remembered a time when everything seemed perfect. A time when it didn't matter that he was different, when it didn't matter that he was singled out and stared at. Those times it was just easy to shrug off everything that was expected of him and accept it.  
  
Those were the days when he truly was still a child, before his first broken heart served him a harsh revelation of reality. No, it wasn't broken in the sense that someone he was in love with left him destitute. Never anything that simple.  
  
No... it was the day that his brother cut their ties. The day Yuuta made his dislike clear. It was the day Fuji's smile served another purpose, hiding his aching heart behind crinkled eyes, pretending that everything was ok...while he broke inside.  
  
When you're young and running through fields and playgrounds with someone less than a year younger to you, someone who has, for all intents and purposes been there your whole life; the removal of that person from that life will hurt. And hurt it did; yet Fuji chose not to show it. If his brother was happier that way, then so be it.  
  
Expectations on the average child are great enough. Suffice it to say that the expectation on a child with recognised genius is far greater. However, like the person he was, Syusuke never let on about the pressure and instead, not only fulfilled, but also exceeded any expectations made of him. All the while hiding behind a smiling façade.  
  
Layer upon layer, he piled it on thick and delved himself down deep. Ever hiding, running, from the danger of someone seeing past that mask. The risk he could feel from anyone ever being allowed to get close again, was enough to make him pull away from all potential relationships.  
  
A simple phrase could conceal so many motives, a simple smile could calm frazzled nerves, and a devious mind could play all sorts of games. So Fuji's new hobby developed, and became his own game to wash away the boredom that was none of his fault, and loneliness he imposed on himself.  
  
Fuji wasn't sure when he decided to let anyone in, and not really sure that there was a conscious decision. It just happened.  
  
"Fuji..." Tezuka's voice broke the spell the prodigy had been weaving, the slight concern of the statement breaking in easily. It wasn't often Tezuka was concerned.  
  
"Hmm?" Fuji smiled at his friend, blinking his eyes as if only just registering the sunlight before letting the smile crinkle them. There was no openness in such a public spot. The school grounds were no place that Fuji would show himself, and he knew Tezuka was fully aware of that.  
  
The captain didn't respond straight away, instead he sat himself down next to Fuji, hooking his arms around his knees and watching the other students mill about the courtyard. The prodigy let him, watching with him, smiling constantly.  
  
"The team will grow stronger for this." Tezuka finally spoke, just as Fuji had known he would.  
  
Turning his smiling face to his friend, Fuji opened his eyes only briefly. Just enough to show Tezuka that he was listening, understanding and as always... there. "It will."  
  
That appeared to be enough reassurance for Tezuka, whose lips quirked slightly before standing. Brushing himself off he muttered under his breath. "No practice this afternoon." The captain didn't let their eyes meet again.  
  
It made Fuji a little curious. "I remember."  
  
Tezuka just nodded before walking off, and Fuji watched him go, thoughtful smile in place wondering for the thousandth time why Tezuka did that to himself. The shorter boy didn't let it perturb him for long though, he'd figure out something...he always did.  
  
The captain, for all his stony expressions and straight-faced responses, was like a book for Fuji. Well, maybe like an English book. The prodigy could read it, but he did occasionally need to look up some words. He chuckled at his own analogy finding it rather apt, before picking himself up from his seat and making his way to the last classes of the day.  
  
Classes needed to be prepared for. Texts read, homework completed and exams studied for. That afternoon held no ounce of information that Fuji hadn't already absorbed in preparation for it. So, as usual, he spent it in quiet contemplation of tree outside the window where he sat. One ear always listened so he could comment if called upon, which rarely happened anyway. Sometimes he even distracted Eiji, just to entertain himself with the way the other boy would lose complete track of the lesson and get flustered if he was called upon.  
  
But not that day. Fuji was too busy contemplating the probable thoughts on Tezuka's mind to worry about trivial amusements...for once. The prodigy didn't profess to be a mind reader, but his musings definitely made the last class pass quicker.  
  
There was really only one thing it could be: the result of the ranking matches. Although not entirely unbelievable, some of the regulars had been a little shocked when Echizen defeated Inui the previous afternoon. The resulting chain reaction where Kaidoh had also defeated the data specialist had definitely not been expected.  
  
Fuji had to admit to having found the entire situation highly amusing, but that wasn't the point right then. He focused his mind back on the topic he'd been pondering. The effect had yet to show itself on the regular members. No one could doubt the skill the freshman had, so that was at least something, however...  
  
Yes...however. Fuji sighed softly, rested his chin on his hand, and ignored the curious glance Eiji sent him. The prodigy wracked his brains to try and find something he could do to convince Tezuka that he'd done the right thing in letting Echizen compete in the ranking matches.  
  
Fuji was also all too aware that no one had expected Inui to be the one to be forced out of the team. That was the sore point, and undoubtedly the one that was giving Tezuka his bout of conscience. The thing was, and Fuji was quite sure his friend was aware of it as well, that most of the members of their regular team always had an amazing desire to prove themselves... and therefore improve their game.  
  
The last ranking tournament was ultimately going to lead to drawing out a hell of a lot more potential from their team than would have happened had the freshman not been thrown into the mix. Fuji knew this, Tezuka knew this. Now Fuji just needed to figure out a way to get the point across to Tezuka and stop the captain second-guessing himself. Not that it would stop Tezuka from carrying out his duties, but it would reassure him just that little bit.  
  
Only, sometimes...just sometimes... Tezuka was a little hard to reason with. For someone as talented and intelligent as he was, Fuji thought he could be damned stubborn. An idea crossed Fuji's mind, and he smiled happily. Oh, yes, that would do just nicely.  
  
The bell rang, dismissing the class, and Fuji smiled as Eiji ran out of the room yelling something over his shoulder. Perfect timing really. Fuji slung his jacket on, not bothering to do up the buttons. He was allowed his little transgressions. Perfect marks did gain him some privileges after all.  
  
Tezuka was leaning lightly against the wall when Fuji exited his classroom. Raising an eyebrow at Tezuka in question, all Fuji got was a shrug as a reply.  
  
School smile firmly in place, Fuji eyed the other students scurrying around for a few moments first. "It'll be quiet at my place." He knew he didn't need to add that his parents had left town, yet again, that morning. Nor did he have to add that his sister would very likely not be home that night. Tezuka just nodded again and Fuji suppressed a sigh as they continued their way to his house in silence. It was obvious the captain was still beating himself up about it, at least, Fuji thought it was obvious. The silence served its purpose though; Fuji was able to make sure he was going to be able to achieve just what he wanted to.  
  
When they entered Fuji's room, he grabbed Tezuka's hand and led him over to the windowsill where his cacti sat. Fuji picked one up and was silent for a moment. debating exactly how to go about it what he was trying to do. He gripped one of the captain's fingers suddenly and drew it toward the cactus, pricking the fingertip.  
  
Tezuka yanked his hand away as two bright spots of blood appeared on his skin. Putting his fingers to his mouth he gently sucked on them, giving Fuji a glare that told the prodigy he had about twenty-five seconds to explain himself.  
  
He decided it would be best to get straight to the point. Gesturing to the rest of his collection, Fuji began speaking, in a quiet, calm voice. "If you tried to grasp any of them that way, despite them all being different, they would prick you and make you bleed. That is their way. It is what is expected of them, and it is how their natural defences react to things that do not understand them."  
  
Fuji looked up to see Tezuka eyeing the cacti thoughtfully. So the prodigy took that as permission to carry on, and swapped the cactus in his hands for another, more spiky one. His voice had dropped a little, the smile completely gone from his face. "However, if you take the time to nurture them, to learn how to care for them, and realise how to understand them, they become something else entirely. You then have the power to touch them without pain, to reach them without physical touch, and all because you have taken the time to know them, to understand how they are what they are."  
  
The prodigy lowered his face, bangs hiding his eyes, and placed the cacti back in its place amongst the others. When he spoke it was almost a hushed whisper. "This is when you can watch them grow, because of the care you have taken and the necessary things you have nurtured them with. Even if the lack of water seemed detrimental at first. In the long run it helped them flourish, because that is part of what they thrive on."  
  
Fuji lifted his face, revealing eyes glistening with emotion. He held his head proud, not a trace of the smile in sight as he locked eyes with Tezuka. "And that is all anything ever is. Doing what you have to do, but doing it with an understanding of how and why. It makes anything necessary, no matter how negative it might seem, a gift in the long run if it concerns something you have taken the time to learn to understand." He paused. "And you, Tezuka, understand Tennis."  
  
The prodigy waited patiently, eyes never wavering from their focus on those of his friend as the impact of what he'd said sunk in. Tezuka smiled, thumb pressing against his pricked finger absently.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Fuji deliberately misunderstood. "Oh, it was nothing. You know I like to watch things bleed."  
  
Tezuka chuckled softly before turning away from the window and seating himself on Fuji's chair, arms crossed. "I had an idea..."  
  
Fuji cocked his head to one side, a silent invitation to continue. He leaned himself against his desk, enjoying the novelty of looking down at Tezuka for once.  
  
"I've spoken with Ryuzaki-sensai and Inui. He's going to come up with a training plan for us. We'll introduce it tomorrow." It was said in what most would see as a purely rhetorical fashion, yet Fuji knew Tezuka wanted a response.  
  
"It wouldn't make sense to lose that benefit from the team." Another seemingly rhetorical question that Tezuka could leave like that, or chose to answer.  
  
Fuji was slightly taken aback when the captain chose to stand, bringing their bodies quite close together. Tezuka looked at him, and raised a hand to brush a piece of hair out of Fuji's eyes, before placing that hand briefly on the prodigy's shoulder in a show of thanks. "You rarely cut your hair."  
  
Yet another thing that Fuji wasn't expecting his friend to say. Damn that, he'd need to relook into that translation after all. Unless... perhaps this was Tezuka finally letting him see more of who he was. In that case...  
  
A shrill ringing interrupted Fuji's thoughts and broke the moment. Tezuka stepped away, intently studying the cacti, while the prodigy answered his cell phone. "Yes."  
  
"Fuji! We have a history test tomorrow!" Eiji's voice was loud and clear over the phone line, and it made Fuji smile.  
  
"Yes, we do." He waited.  
  
"Why didn't they tell us?"  
  
"They told us last week." And Fuji smiled, knowing the next line.  
  
"Then why didn't you remind me?"  
  
"I reminded you two days ago, Eiji."  
  
"...can I come over?" Eiji was using the pleading voice he knew that Fuji rarely said no to.  
  
Fuji glanced over at Tezuka and suppressed a sigh. Just when he'd finally gotten his friend to start being himself. "Sure, Eiji."  
  
"Great! See you soon!" Followed by a click.  
  
Fuji released his pent up sigh. Feeling Tezuka's eyes on him, Fuji had to push down on the urge to bring the smile back to his face. Raising his eyes, he met questioning brown ones. "Eiji'll be over soon."  
  
Tezuka's shoulders tensed as if to say that he didn't appreciate their talk being interrupted. It irritated Fuji a little. Tezuka rarely opened up enough to talk properly. It wasn't the prodigy's fault that the one time the other boy had finally decided to stop being so distant, was when someone else needed Fuji. There weren't many people Fuji took into consideration. Eiji just happened to be one of them.  
  
Cerulean eyes flashed briefly, a little of that irritation reflected in them. "You know, Tezuka, I do have other friends."  
  
Tezuka's jaw set in a hard line, which meant his patience was frayed. "I know that." The words were slightly more clipped than normal, and should have given off warning signs.  
  
And although Fuji saw the signs, he was feeling reckless. "Oh, really?" Smile firmly back in place, the prodigy turned it on full force. "There are times when you're going to have to deal with the others outside of club time, Mr. If I pretend to be invincible I might be able to fool myself." Oops, maybe that had been too much.  
  
Tezuka took a deep breath, before answering. His voice sounded like it did when he ordered laps run for punishment and Fuji almost winced. "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."  
  
"Nor should they shoot arrows," Fuji shot back.  
  
They were still glaring at each other when the door bell rang. Tezuka's next words were almost growled. "Fine. I'll stay."  
  
"Great," muttered Fuji as he headed downstairs to let Eiji in. Probably for the first time ever, Fuji didn't know what to expect.  
  
~~**~~  
  
Well... another chapter down...  
  
Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! Feedback much appreciated, and I'm not wearing white so I am prepared for rotten tomatoes 


	6. Seek Me

Title: Smile: Seek Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship... imply all you want though...ok and I'm willing to admit shonen-ai hints too...*grumbles*  
  
Chapter: Six...  
  
Summary: What's behind a smile...?  
  
Warning: This did not turn out the way I intended...it's a little angsty, playful, and um yeah... read... set the night before the first Inui drink saga  
  
Smile: Seek Me  
  
Fuji placed his hand on the door knob, took a deep breath to fix the smile firmly in place, and opened the door. "Eiji." He greeted the redhead, his voice its usual soft timbre. He'd never had to put effort into his calm front before – a thousand thoughts of how to make Tezuka pay flitted through his mind...most of them ending with the prodigy in jail.  
  
"Fujiko-chan!" Always full of energy, Kikumaru almost bounded into the house, flipping off his shoes and turning to face Fuji, eyes shining.  
  
As he closed the door, Fuji wondered idly if he would be pardoned for recalling who, hunting down, and fatally disembowelling whoever had first called him that damn nickname. He then dismissed the thought under the vague impression that it was Yumiko. One just didn't kill siblings...well, not often anyway. The prodigy smiled, allowing a slight chuckle to pass his lips, and headed up to his room knowing Eiji would follow, more than likely with a constant stream of chatter. And he wasn't disappointed.  
  
"I don't know why I forgot. I couldn't believe it when I went through my homework diary and..." Eiji's voice trailed off when Fuji pushed the door open to reveal Tezuka. He was leaning against the wall next to the window, arms crossed and eyes focused on them as they walked through the door.  
  
"Tezuka..." Eiji sounded a little surprised, and stopped in the doorway.  
  
Fuji walked over to open the blinds, brushing lightly against the taller boy as he opened the blinds to let in the last rays of the days sun. He was only partially listening to what Eiji was saying now that the redhead had recovered his poise. The prodigy was too busy trying to figure out far too much.  
  
"Ahhh," Eiji began talking again. "Fuji didn't mention that you were here too!"  
  
The red rays distracted Fuji, and before he could stop himself he found himself mumbling in response. "Hmm. Must have slipped my mind... how very careless of me." He could feel the tension in Tezuka's body through the light contact of their shirtsleeves, even before he finished speaking. Yet, Fuji couldn't seem to stop himself.  
  
Turning to face Eiji, Fuji let his hand softly brush Tezuka's elbow in an attempt to stop the reaction he could feel brewing. It was the closest thing he would give to an apology for thoughtless words, and Tezuka was the only person he would make that much of an effort with. The tension didn't lessen, but neither did Tezuka speak. Fuji smiled and spoke smoothly. "Tezuka offered to help us study."  
  
If either Eiji or Tezuka saw fit to call bullshit, considering that Fuji rarely needed help with school work of any sort, neither of them uttered it.  
  
If asked, Fuji would have to admit that the evening wasn't the disaster he had thought it would be. In fact, he almost felt like Tezuka was watching them, observing them... or well...observing him more like it. And he wanted to know why.  
  
There had always been a bond between himself and Eiji, having known each other for years. Despite that fact, the prodigy had never let the redhead get close enough to him to see behind the smile. For all that Eiji was a great friend, Fuji didn't think the hyperactive boy would be able to handle the way Fuji really was, really could be.  
  
The study session was the same as any study session with Eiji. There was a certain method that Fuji had found was best to get his friend to remember things. The redhead learned best when he could associate the answers with something in his day-to-day life. It amused Fuji no end, to assign the dates of important world events to different brands and flavours of toothpaste, to different types of burgers, drinks, sports shoe brands...and tennis balls and moves.  
  
In a few cases, even songs helped. Fuji laughed, easing up a little, as his friend sung himself through the stages of the Meiji revolution. The atmosphere in the room wasn't quite as tense as it had been, for which he was glad. He had no idea just what it was that bothered Tezuka so much about interacting with people outside of school. Well... he had a lot of assumptions, but no actual proof.  
  
Eiji stopped singing, and looked at Fuji quizzically. "I got it right, ne, Fujiko-chan?"  
  
Fuji suppressed a groan and smiled instead. "You always end up with it right, Eiji, even if you leave it a little late." He chuckled and stood from his seat on the floor, holding out a hand to help Eiji up. "We should go get something to eat." Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Tezuka stand as well. There was something...unsettling about the way the taller boy moved... something stiff. Fuji made note of it, to watch for later.  
  
It didn't take them long to prepare dinner, or more to the point, for Fuji to do so. He insisted since he was the host, and well, because it gave him an outlet he sorely needed right then. So while Eiji chattered about a new formation him and Oishi were practicing, and Tezuka sat in stony silence; Fuji made some noodles to go with the ever-present miso soup in his house. Maybe he wasn't being very nice, but Fuji felt the need to have some fun.  
  
He set the bowls down in front of his friends, and began eating his own without a second glance at them. That is, until Eiji howled. "Fuujiii!!! You...you..." The redhead dived for the water tap and, grabbing a glass, gulped down huge amounts of water. Tezuka's only response was to cough and level one of those looks at Fuji.  
  
Syusuke had been laughing softly, but smiled once more with that innocent air that only he could achieve. Tezuka's gaze didn't change at all, so the smiling prodigy got up to get some soup he hadn't added wasabi to.  
  
Eiji, still panting over the sink, glared at his friend. It didn't last for long though, before breaking in to a grin. "Aww, Fuji! That was mean." He pushed himself away from the sink and flounced in his chair, eyeing the new bow critically. "I can't even stay angry at you. You can get away with anything with that smile of yours."  
  
Fuji chuckled, but stopped, almost shocked when Tezuka entered the conversation properly for the first time that night.  
  
"Yes, he can, can't he?" The question was rhetorical, and those brown eyes locked themselves onto Fuji. There was so much in those few words that Syusuke knew no one else would understand. And although it made him feel slightly uncomfortable, at the same time, it made him feel slightly privileged too.  
  
Eiji didn't seem to notice the implications. "See! Even Tezuka agrees with me. Seriously, Fuji, even the teachers let you get away with things because you smile so sweetly."  
  
Before Fuji could reply, Tezuka did. There was a glint to the captain's eyes that he didn't completely understand. Yet another untranslated Tezuka page. "Not because he has his work done on time, Kikumaru?"  
  
The redhead blushed, matching his hair for a few seconds. "Well, maybe a small part of it, but..."  
  
Fuji shut the rest out. Sometimes listening to Eiji ramble was a little strenuous, and right then Syusuke felt a little ... drained. So he tidied up the kitchen, listening to Tezuka's occasional lilting comment offset by Kikimaru's usual excited chatter. The topic had turned from Fuji to more mundane things like tennis.  
  
When he was done, Fuji sat himself down at the table, resting his chin on his hands and watching the other two. If his eyes came to linger that little bit longer on Tezuka, Fuji wasn't about to admit it.  
  
Eiji stood up, pushing back his chair and stretching his arms. "I need to go! It's getting late. Thanks so much for the help, I might just pass this tomorrow!"  
  
Fuji stood, shaking his head lightly, the smile almost genuine. "You know you always pass." He accompanied his friend to the door, almost sorry to see him go. Fuji rarely forgot things, let alone forgave, and he hadn't liked the argument he'd been having with Tezuka before Eiji's arrival.  
  
"See you both at school tomorrow!" Eiji waved as he ran down the path, closing the gate with a slam behind him. Fuji stood at the door for a few more seconds, before sighing softly and closing it.  
  
He turned around to find Tezuka standing just a few feet away, watching him. With a shrug at the taller boy, Fuji headed up to his room. For some odd reason, he found himself not wanting Tezuka to follow. The air between them was heavy, and Fuji wasn't sure he was ready to go into that territory yet. This ... closeness was a little overwhelming for him.  
  
Needless to say, Tezuka didn't remain downstairs, but stepped into the room only a second after Fuji, who walked over to close the blinds now that the sun was gone. When he turned around, Tezuka seemed too close, so Syusuke took a step back, bumping into the window ledge and mentally cursing his small room.  
  
Unexpectedly it was Tezuka who broke the silence first. "You know him well."  
  
"It's not necessarily knowing him well, it's knowing what he needs." Fuji raised his eyes to meet those of the other boy. He knew Tezuka was talking about the strange way Eiji studied, and in a way it echoed what Fuji had tried to explain to Tezuka earlier on. It was strange the way things came full circle.  
  
"Ahh," a thoughtful silence. "but you two aren't...close." It was another one of those customised rhetorical statements.  
  
Fuji just shrugged again, arms hugging each other to his chest in an attempt to ward off a sudden chill. "You thought we were?" There was a slight challenge to Fuji's voice, almost daring Tezuka to make assumptions.  
  
Tezuka's eyes widened slightly in surprise, barely noticeable, but definitely there. His face softened a little, opening up a fraction, when he spoke. "You still smile at him though. You're not friends?"  
  
Fuji sighed, easing the hold he had on himself, and letting the smile fall. "We are, but... "He dropped his gaze, trying to figure out what he wanted to say, which was damn difficult since he didn't know why he wanted to explain himself. Honesty was a damn sight harder than he'd ever anticipated.  
  
Suddenly an idea struck him and he looked back up, absently noticing that Tezuka seemed to be somewhat closer than before. "I have reasons for keeping it like this."  
  
And again Tezuka was so close that Fuji had to fight the claustrophobia, had to fight against slamming his smile back into place and playfully pushing past the other boy. This was what he'd been offered wasn't it? Someone who could and would look past what he presented to the world. Then why couldn't Fuji just bring himself to accept it? Maybe it was because he'd fought against it for so long, he just didn't know how not to.  
  
Strong, slender fingers brushed the hair away from Fuji's eyes, making the shorter boy suppress a shiver of Déjà vu. It was as if those fingers were being careful not to actually make contact with his skin, for which he was grateful, not quite sure of how he would react if they did. This was perilously close to too close.  
  
All Tezuka did was blink, before murmuring softly, so that Fuji felt the light wash of the other boy's breath against his face. "Ahh, I see."  
  
And all of a sudden that's exactly what Fuji was afraid of; that Tezuka could see. Countless reactions ran through his head, and he only just managed to resist the temptation to physically push the body restricting his movement away from him.  
  
It was almost as if Tezuka read his mind. The taller boy stepped back slightly, eyes still locked to Fuji's own. "It suits you."  
  
Syusuke blinked. "Thank you."  
  
Tezuka just smiled. It was the first real smile Fuji had ever seen. Not that half smile the other boy used when he was amused, nor the slight upturn of his lips that looked like he was fighting a frown. It was truly a lovely smile, and Fuji let himself wonder, just for a brief instant, if Tezuka knew just how it complemented him.  
  
The captain sat himself on the bed, eyes never leaving the prodigy's face. "Your welcome."  
  
And they both knew it had nothing to do with hairstyles. 


	7. Figure Me

Title: Smile: Figure Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship... imply all you want though...ok and I'm willing to admit shonen-ai hints too...*grumbles*  
  
Chapter: Seven  
  
Summary: What's behind a smile...?  
  
Warning: Ok, so we finally get to episode 9 yay... or half way through it anyhu lol. So... if you're not up to there in the series... spoilers...Otherwise, just a bit of angsting, a smidgen of humour and ... a phone call...  
  
Smile: Figure Me  
  
Fuji watched the training begin, mildly amused, while Oishi babbled on about how good Eiji was, and how fast the redhead's hand-eye coordination was. Although he tried to squelch it, that little part of him couldn't resist pointing out the flaw to Oishi's theory. At the stumped look he received from the vice-captain, Fuji simply gestured to Echizen.  
  
"That's not true. Look...the next court...he's..." Fuji let the sentence just hang there once he'd made Oishi aware. The look of surprise on the vice- captain's face was more than enough to amuse him for a few minutes. It seemed Echizen was rarely going to cease surprising them. Surprises could be good...  
  
Fuji chuckled. Oh, Inui could be cruel. The prodigy watched Eiji protest his need to drink Inui's juice on the grounds that the data specialist hadn't been playing fair. To be honest, Fuji didn't know what all the fuss was about. Sure, the drink was green, but green was a rather nice colour, wasn't it? Wasabi was green too. Fuji grinned.  
  
The reaction from Eiji upon consuming said drink was more than priceless, and Fuji laughed. When Echizens reaction shortly thereafter proved to be similar, cerulean eyes narrowed in thought. The exercise wasn't overly difficult, even with the added weights, but that...concoction was interesting.  
  
Crossing his arms, Fuji watched Oishi play. The vice-captain was good, but even he couldn't avoid drinking the drink. Even Oishi, who was usually a model for the rest of the tennis club, couldn't hold himself back from running off the court to find something to wash down the taste with.  
  
The shortest senior smiled, glancing at Kawamura who was looking at the tennis court with trepidation. It was his turn next. Impishly, Fuji handed the other boy his racket, which he'd forgotten and took a step back to watch the reaction he knew was coming. "Here, Taka-san." For some reason Takashi had always gained an immediate, almost brash, confidence whenever he held a racket in his hands.  
  
"Ah, sorry, Fuji." Takashi absently gripped the racket.  
  
This time was no disappointment and Syusuke let himself be mildly amused for a little while watching his friend's intensity. However, Kawamura ended the same as the rest before him. After a valiant effort, he too succumbed...and ran off in search of something to block out the taste.  
  
Momoshiro and Kaidou were no exception either, even though the latter put up a very good fight against the taste. Fuji's plan formed firmer in his mind. He'd always been fond of things that were spicy, that had an unusual taste. From very early on in his life he had had that insane urge to eat anything someone told him he couldn't handle. He would eat it, smile, and thereby prove that he could eat it, and that the person in question was wrong. Even if he hated how it tasted, Fuji had found a solution that allowed him to eat almost anything he wanted to.  
  
Stepping up to the net, he tested his strings and smiled. He was feeling impatient, and only gave the exercise a token effort. Some things were just more fun! When he called the hit wrong his grin widened.  
  
Somehow the actions roused Eiji enough to protest. "Fuji! You did it on purpose!!"  
  
Already at the net to accept his drink, Fuji just nodded. "Yeah, I want to drink it at least once." Taking the cup in his hand he raised the strange green liquid to his lips and knocked it back inside of three gulps. Lowering his hand one more he smiled in exclamation, smiling happily. "This is quite good, I recommend it."  
  
The whole incident was worth it just to see Inui sweat-drop. There was a draw back though, Fuji was the only one on the team not to drop to the ground and lie on it. Everyone except Fuji was permitted to lie down for a short while. Well, Fuji didn't count Tezuka... the captain wouldn't show weakness if it had a knife to his throat.  
  
Syusuke was only partially paying attention. Just enough of his awareness to note the corrections Inui mentioned he should make...and just enough to hear the comment about Tezuka.  
  
"Tezuka did well in not missing any, but he needs more flexibility. Your expression is too cold."  
  
If Fuji had been drinking something he would have choked on it. As it was he had to raise his hand to his mouth to bite the knuckles so that his laughing wouldn't be too loud. Not all of the other team members were that subtle. And Tezuka...just stood there, expressionless as usual, yet Fuji could see that slight tension; the miniscule sign that told him something had bothered Tezuka.  
  
It was a shame really, as Fuji would love to find out what it was. His parents would be coming home that evening, however, and it was about the time for Fuji's monthly lecture from his father. The prodigy wanted to get it over and done with, and he suddenly decided he wanted a new cactus. Whenever something troubled him, or whenever he let something trouble him, it was the one way he dealt with it. The fact that he only had several cacti indicated that he was rarely troubled, or at least, that's what he told himself.  
  
Practice came to an end and they all trudged into locker room, leaving the first year non-regulars to clear up the practice area. Fuji wasn't really paying attention to any of the others. Too many thoughts were warring with each other inside his head. He even failed to notice when Eiji came to stand directly in front of him, hands on hips, a concerned look on his face.  
  
"Fuji!" the red heads tone was chastising. "I've been talking to you for the last five minutes. It's not really nice to ignore me. You could have just said so if you didn't want to listen."  
  
Fuji hadnt realised that Eiji had been talking to him. He mentally cursed his father and his lectures taking over the portion of his brain he usually reserved for paying vague attention to his surroundings. "Sorry, Eiji." It was one of those rare moments that Fuji actually meant the apology.  
  
A slight frown crossed the other boy's face. "Are you alright?"  
  
Cerulean eyes crinkled as Fuji smiled. "Of course I am. I just found the weights strenuous." Ok, so it was a lie, but Fuji could get away with what others didn't know about. He pretended Tezuka wasn't watching him from the corner of the room.  
  
When he was ready to go the locker room was long empty. He'd deliberately dawdled; not meeting Tezuka's eyes, hoping the captain would leave, since Ryuzaki-sensai was staying back and could lock up. His wish was granted and he sighed with relief. It was just one of those days where the smile was easier, safer, and he didn't want to have to build a wall back up between them. It was too painful to keep ripping down.  
  
He knew the captain wouldn't be waiting for him outside, and yet the fact that he wasn't still made Fuji feel slightly... disappointed. His feet dragged as he trudged home, not able to bring his façade back full force. And if he was honest, he really didn't care right then; he was so not looking forward to that night.  
  
The prodigy wasn't wrong, although he wished he had been. His parents were actually early and already there when he got home. His one saving grace – Yumiko – was no where in sight. Great, he thought, just great. Alone with them for dinner, his day was just getting better and better.  
  
Depositing his bag in his room, Fuji glanced at his cacti with a frown. That just wouldn't do. He decided to go shopping the next day, and it was the only thing that put a smile on his face before he was called down to eat.  
  
The meal proceeded in silence. When they'd finished, his mother cleared the table and left the room. His father took a deep breath before speaking. "Have you decided if you'll take it?"  
  
Fuji had known it was coming, but that didn't mean he had to like it. For the last twelve months he had an open scholarship invitation awaiting him: to attend a high school for the gifted. It almost made him laugh, but he didn't want to insult his father and perhaps be forced to take the offer. "I'm still not sure."  
  
His father sighed. "You need to decide by the end of the year, Syusuke. This is your future we're talking about. You can be a lawyer, a doctor, anything at all."  
  
Fuji clamped down on the hurt he felt when his father refused to mention anything more mundane. Photography was never mentioned or dismissed if he brought it up, and tennis... well they just wouldn't go there. Tennis was the reason Yuuta wasn't at home with them, and his parents resented it slightly, even if they didn't realise how they acted. "I know, father."  
  
The man looked at him, as if trying to see through him. "Syusuke. What do you want to do?"  
  
The question surprised Fuji and he looked up, momentarily forgetting to mask his eyes; eyes his parents hadn't clearly seen in years. "I...don't know." He couldn't even hide the confusion in his voice. He pretended not to see the surprise on his father's face and instead clamped down on his crumbling defences. Damn you, Tezuka. It was all he could coherently think at that point in time.  
  
For some reason his father seemed to get annoyed. "Well, find out, Syusuke. You don't have long, and my patience isn't infinite. If you can't decide, I'll decide for you." He got up from the table to leave, stopping just before he reached the door. "Oh, and tennis isn't an option."  
  
If glares could have killed, Fuji's would have bore a white searing hole through his fathers back and out his chest. Since they couldn't, all Fuji could do was count to ten before slipping upstairs.  
  
It was dark outside, but he raised the blinds anyway and opened the window. Pushing his cacti to one side, he picked his favourite up and sat on the window ledge. The cool breeze washed over him, making his hair swish across his face. His eyes fell on the cactus he'd picked up and he smiled a little at it. It was such a complex little thing. He played with the Oreocereus ceisianus, letting his fingers brush over the fine woolly top, yet not pressing hard enough to prick a finger. Not like he had with Tezuka yesterday.  
  
Ahhh, Tezuka. Fuji's thoughts drifted, like the wind, carrying his thoughts where he didn't really want to go. The captain wasn't something he was sure he should be thinking about. But as the wind made his hair tickle his face, the prodigy remembered the ghosting of Tezuka's own skin so close to his own, and he realised something.  
  
It was a nice memory, had been a good feeling. At the time, he'd been scared, and maybe he still was, but maybe... just maybe there was a person who would fully accept him. Tezuka certainly didn't seem to be running yet. Or... perhaps he hadn't waited that afternoon for a reason other than understanding.  
  
Fuji felt weak. How could he come to need another human being like that? Maybe he'd been right to steer clear of close friendships before? Although, perhaps need wasn't the right word. It was just comfortable and he could feel at ease. It was nice to just relax sometimes.  
  
The shrill ring of his cell phone broke the reverie and he sighed, hopping down from his sanctuary to retrieve the phone. Still holding the cactus in his hand, he settled himself back in place before answering.  
  
"Yes?" Maybe his voice sounded a little flat, but he couldn't help it.  
  
"...Fuji..." Tezuka's voice made Fuji suppress a sigh of relief.  
  
"Mmm..." He knew Tezuka would... well, understand, or come as close to it as was possible.  
  
"You're...?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Ahhh."  
  
And Fuji just closed his eyes for a few seconds, enjoying the fact that they didn't even need to say anything in order for him to feel comfortable. It was an interesting friendship, one he didn't think he could handle losing anymore.  
  
Teazuka's soft voice broke through his thoughts once more. "...Tomorrow?"  
  
And Fuji was grateful. In that one word the other boy had asked him if he was going to be okay, and if tomorrow was soon enough. Just knowing he had someone he could turn to made it ten times easier. "Tomorrow." He answered, smiling into the phone, and felt the need to add more. "They'll be gone again." He knew Tezuka would know whom he was talking about.  
  
"Ahhh..." There was a brief silence. "Any plans at all?"  
  
Fuji knew he meant for the weekend in general. "No...not really. There's just..." he glanced at his cacti, a slight frown marring his features. "I have something...to do." He could almost hear the hesitation in Tezuka's breathing. "Want to help?"  
  
"Okay...when?"  
  
Ahhh always the efficient Tezuka. Fuji chuckled softly. "Whenever you want to be here."  
  
There was a rare, soft chuckle on the other end of the phone, as if Tezuka was about to say something else and thought better of it. It made Fuji curious. "When do they leave?"  
  
"Early morning."  
  
"I'll be there then."  
  
"Until then..." The phone clicked in his ear, and Fuji sighed softly, holding it to his ear a little longer and closing his eyes. If he knew why that short phone call, why the fact that his friend knowing him well enough to call and see how he was, made him feel so much damn better; he'd bottle it, sell it, and become rich.  
  
The wind was cooler now, and he shivered lightly as a slight gust blew into his room, but he stayed where he was, just enjoying the night air and his thoughts.  
  
~~**~~  
  
thanks for reading! Yes... that is a cactus name... they're the cute little ones that have that webby sort of white hair over the spikes...  
  
I thought he'd like it because the veneer looks harmless unless you delve too close hehe.  
  
Anyhu feedback appreciated!!!  
  
Yep yep... 


	8. For Me

Title: Smile: For Me  
  
Author: Arithion  
  
Rating: G  
  
Genre: Angstish, bit of drama... um... yeah  
  
Pairing: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship... imply all you want though...ok and I'm willing to admit shonen-ai hints too...*grumbles*  
  
Chapter: Eight  
  
Summary: What's behind a smile...?  
  
Warning: Ok... if this chapter doesn't scream shonen-ai... I don't know what does...*curses muses* If you don't like that... don't read it. Angsting, cuteness, way the yummiest friendship...*huggly Fuji and Tez*... it would take place while the little snot nosed first years are at that tennis court teaching that idiot father... of that boy whose name I can never remember... a lesson.  
  
Smile: For Me  
  
Fuji watched the car pull out of the drive, and gave a more absent wave than the one his sister was giving on the path below him. He debated closing the window, not really feeling like sunlight right then, but left it open for the cacti. Real sunlight had to be better than glass filtered, and he didn't think that change would burn them. They'd been used to the sunlight through the glass for quite a while.  
  
He picked up an old favourite record and placed it on the turntable, loving that scratchy sound of silence the player emitted. Reclining in his rocking chair, Fuji closed his eyes. If he sat just out of reach of the sunlight, he could almost believe that it was dark...calm and soothing, where nothing could touch him as he let the waves of music crash over him. Idly he wondered if his father would permit music as one of his choices, yet he somehow doubted that.  
  
Something prickled at the back of his mind, so he opened his eyes. Tezuka stood, leaning against the doorway, an amused sparkle behind those clear frames. Fuji could feel his defense mechanisms sliding into place, and clamped down on them. It was just his room, right? Just his form of relaxation and reflection? They'd given each other their word... to be honest. So wasn't this just another form of that honesty?  
  
Fuji stood, inclining his head slightly and shut off the player. "I didn't hear you ring the bell." He turned around, leaning against his desk and crossed his arms, watching Tezuka. His eyes focused on everything at once, taking in what the other teen was wearing; from the pale jeans to the white polo shirt, black shoes... why the hell was he looking at that.  
  
"I'm not surprised."  
  
Fuji chuckled at the dry amusement in his friend's voice. "Indeed." Resisting the urge to ask just how long Tezuka had been there, Fuji moved to the window and closed it, absently brushing a piece of white fluff from his dark brown trousers. How come fluff seemed to follow him whenever he wore dark colours? He chastised himself... his mind was all over the place.  
  
Gathering his thoughts, and trying not to let his mind drift, he grabbed his wallet and stuffed it in a back pocket. Walking past Tezuka, he grabbed the other's hand, ignoring the warning signs his own body gave at the contact. Contact was dangerous it told him, so he told it to shut up. "Let's go..."  
  
He didn't miss the brief flash of surprise that crossed over the captain's face, and Fuji smiled smugly. Off balance was always good, friend or foe. For a friend it was just fun, for an enemy it was necessary. And there was some small satisfaction in the fact that Tezuka let him... didn't let go.  
  
When they reached the front door, Fuji dropped the hand and Tezuka fell into step beside him as they walked. The prodigy tried to ignore the fact that his hand felt cold without the contact of skin against it. He wondered why he couldn't seem to get his bearings properly around Tezuka today.  
  
That deep tenor interrupted his thoughts. "Is it important?"  
  
Fuji smiled, his usual smile. They were outside now, it was just the way things were, but his words were soft when he answered. "It is... for me."  
  
He could feel the other boy glance at him curiously, but Tezuka resisted asking any questions he might have had, knowing he'd get the answers eventually anyway. It made Fuji smile a little brighter...  
  
They came to stop on the sidewalk, outside a shop window that spread almost the entire length of the block. Looking through the windows it was green, as far as the eye could see. Fuji smiled. "We're here."  
  
Tezuka looked up at the shop sign, before looking back at Fuji a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.  
  
"Yes?" Fuji's tone held a note of mischief.  
  
"Oh, nothing. Lead the way." The only difference from Tezuka's usual tone of voice was the slight smirk he was unable to quelch.  
  
Laughing, Fuji walked through the doors, entering Gardener's Delight.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hmm," Fuji surveyed the rear deck of the house. Generic plant soil, black gold soil mix, plain sand, miracle grow fertiliser, and five new pots. "It's the growing season," he mumbled to Tezuka, who stood to the side looking at the pile of things as if he was trying to analyse them. "Wait here." And Fuji was gone, leaving the captain blinking behind him.  
  
He returned with a bucket of water, which he set down before heading inside once more. When he returned this time, he had five of his cacti cradled against his chest. Open eyes sought Tezuka's, who gently took the cacti from the shorter boy, placing them on the table.  
  
Raising an eyebrow at Tezuka, Fuji asked. "You might get dirty. I should have warn..."  
  
Tezuka cut him off. "Dirt washes out, Fuji."  
  
"Ahh," Fuji smiled and promptly sat himself down on the ground, legs spread to either side. He motioned to Tezuka with one hand, signalling that he wanted the cacti.  
  
The taller boy handed Fuji the cacti, one by one and watched as they were placed carefully beside one another on one side of the prodigy; opposite the items they'd lugged home. Fuji motioned for Tezuka to sit down opposite him, and smiled softly when the taller boy complied.  
  
This was something that was his, that Fuji didn't usually share, but at the same time he had an unusual need to talk... about anything. This was something he could talk about and maybe, at the same time, show Tezuka.  
  
So Fuji started speaking, his voice soft, lilting with a care for the topic that he couldn't hide and didn't really want to. He began by repeating himself. "It's the growing season." He nodded at the cacti and handed Tezuka some scissors, gesturing to the bags they'd bought. Asking wasn't even needed. "Thanks," he murmured as Tezuka snipped the corners diagonally.  
  
The shorter boy grabbed one of the new pots, and poured some of the black gold in. While he was feeling it with his fingers he frowned slightly, trying to decide, and continued to narrate. "Their pots are too small for them to attain healthy growth this season. It's still early in the season, so by repotting them, after they've settled, they'll flourish." A little normal soil was added, along with some sand, and the frown left Fuji's face. It turned into a smile as he felt the consistency that he wanted in his fingers. He lifted his eyes to see Tezuka looking at him curiously, and suddenly felt uncertain.  
  
Fuji leaned forward, grabbing Tezuka's hand, and facing it palm up, he dropped some soil into it. "That's about what these need. Not too dry, and not too moist. The right... consistency."  
  
Tezuka locked eyes with Fuji for what seemed like an age before lifting the other hand to sample the soil he was holding. He frowned a little, and Fuji realised he was almost holding his breath waiting to see what his friend would say. "It needs to be this moist?" There was faint surprise in Tezuka's voice, an undercurrent of interest.  
  
Fuji relaxed marginally. "Yeah." He laughed. "They do need water... moisture, just not as much as other plants. And although they can be neglected a little... outright neglect, or too much attention will cause their roots to shrivel, and impede their growth." He looked up, catching Tezuka's eyes and lowered his voice. "You need just the right balance, or else you lose them."  
  
The captain nodded, face serious. "And now we...?"  
  
Fuji chuckled softly, suddenly feeling stupid for doubting that Tezuka would understand. "Now we repot them." Very gently, Fuji picked up one of the cacti and freed it from its old pot. Soil fell around him, but he paid it no heed as he gently loosened the soil and roots. He studied the roots for a moment and showed them to Tezuka. Pointing to a slight curl of root that looked a little worse for wear. "See here? This one needs to heal." Fuji felt a little sad all of a sudden. "I left it a little long to change its pot."  
  
Sighing softly, he placed the cacti in the new soil, working it in gently before patting down the top. Suddenly a hand covered his own around the pot, and he looked up, slightly startled.  
  
"What do we need to do to heal it?" Tezuka's voice was calm and soothing, and suddenly Fuji realised that he needed that...  
  
"You need to make sure it's comfortable, that it gets used to its new ...surroundings." He bit his lip, trying not to concentrate on the hand still on his own. "You can't spoil it straight away and water it or fertilise it. It needs to heal before it can take full advantage of the nutrients you're giving it. They need to settle, and you can't overdo it... otherwise it might do more damage than good."  
  
"Ahhh," Tezuka removed his hand, looking thoughtful for a moment before speaking. "Overdo it?"  
  
Fuji flexed his fingers, losing eye contact and focusing on the plant in his hands. Despite its defences, it could be so fragile. "You need to get it used to the new pot, water sparingly at first, so that it becomes accustomed to it and leave it without fertiliser for at least a week or two."  
  
Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "I see..." Then a frown crossed his face, eyes straying to the other bags they'd bought. "Then why..."  
  
"Oh, for the ones that aren't getting a new pot." Fuji heaved a soft sigh of relief. His eyes followed Tezuka's hands as the other boy lifted one of the empty pots.  
  
Brown eyes locked with cerulean. "Maybe we should keep going then..."  
  
"Yeah..." Fuji couldn't help but smile as he watched Tezuka dip his hands into the soils and sand in an attempt to get the mixture right. And he couldn't help but laugh when the taller boy managed to spill moist soil all over himself when the split in the bag got bigger.  
  
"Fuji..."  
  
It was almost like a warning, but Fuji couldn't listen. It suddenly seemed so funny. He laughed, noting the tone of hysteria to it, and still he couldn't stop. Like a floodgate had opened, it bubbled out of him so fast and so hard that he found himself gasping for breath.  
  
Hands gripped his shoulders, shaking him gently. "Fuji..."  
  
It snapped the shorter boy back to reality... barely, and Fuji was disgusted to find that he was shaking... and couldn't stop. He raised his head to find Tezuka kneeling in front of him, the cacti placed safely to the side, and suddenly the prodigy almost wanted to cry. His body sagged, eyes sinking away from the concern he could see, and he suddenly felt drained.  
  
A finger hooked itself under his chin, raising his face, forcing him to look at Tezuka. The voice that spoke to him made Fuji ache to just let it out... to lose control and lose his temper like he wanted to. But what would that bring?  
  
"Fuji? What is it?"  
  
And Fuji knew it was up to him. Tezuka would never push him to tell, would never rush him. That was what they'd just discussed, wasn't it? If he wanted to talk, Tezuka was offering an ear for when he was ready to. It wouldn't be so bad would it?  
  
He sighed, for once taking some comfort in the warm hands on his shoulders. The finger left his chin, but he didn't tear his eyes away. "Do people expect you to be perfect, Tezuka?"  
  
The taller boy blinked, thoughts flitting through those intelligent brown eyes. "No. They expect me to be myself. I expect me to be more."  
  
Curiosity overcame him, and Fuji pressed the question, successfully changing the topic away from himself. "Why?" Intrinsic Tezuka shrugged, the hold on Fuji's shoulders easing up a little. "If I don't push myself, don't expect of myself...how will I reach my full potential."  
  
"Ahh, I guess I've never thought of it that way." Fuji grew thoughtful for a moment. Should he tell, could he tell? He glanced at Tezuka and realised that the other boy was amazingly strong. It was a strength Fuji envied, so he decided not to tell Tezuka what was troubling him.  
  
The captain frowned and mumbled. "Road to Rome, Fuji..."  
  
It had the desired affect. Fuji sighed and bit down on the bullet. "Is it more important to please others... or please yourself?"  
  
Tezuka looked a little taken aback, but replied with that quiet resolve that always seemed to surround him like an aura. "Strive to be someone you yourself can be proud of. Don't judge yourself by other people's standards."  
  
"Ahh," and strangely enough, Fuji actually felt a little better.  
  
That finger hooked under his chin again, and Fuji found himself wondering if there were bits of green in those brown eyes... he was that close. Tezuka's breath washed over Fuji's skin as he spoke. "Don't lose yourself in other people's expectations, Fuji."  
  
"Is that really important?" There was a tinge of desperation to his voice that almost made Fuji cringe. He hadn't meant to sound that fed up.  
  
Tezuka smiled that soft, barely there smile. "It is... for me."  
  
"Oh..." It was the only comeback Fuji could think of right then and he suddenly realised that Tezuka had meant every word. Tezuka really did see him; he really was there, and it didn't seem like he was going away anytime soon... if at all.  
  
Suddenly the warmth left his shoulders and Fuji blinked as a pot was thrust back into his hands. He smiled at Tezuka, and they wordlessly began the task of repotting the remaining cacti. The sun kissed the air, making the breeze warm and welcome. Light glinted off Tezuka's glasses, and caught in Fuji's hair.  
  
And when Tezuka spilled soil on himself again, Fuji's laugh no longer held any trace of hysteria.  
  
~~**~~  
  
And no... I didn't make the cactus info up... I actually researched it *sweat- drop*  
  
*awaits feedback and/or rotten tomatoes*  
  
*hopes people got the cactus repotting convo...* 


	9. With Me

**Title:** _Smile: With Me_

**Author**: Arithion  
**Rating:** G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship… imply all you want though…ok and I'm willing to admit shonen-ai hints too…*grumbles*

**Chapter:** Nine  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning:** Shonen ai heh… and well… I rewatched 21 and 22… and this is kinda supposed to take place around there, which I took to be like directly or shortly after the Fudo match… but if you think of it… that means Ryoma has super healing powers… but then he can also blow Sanada away with a tornado… sooo I guess anything is possible

Angsting… blah blah blah

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished since end of 2004, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: With Me**

If he really thought about it, the ceiling of his bedroom was extremely boring. The white expanse was plain and unexciting, not even a crack marred its surface. But Fuji was trying his best not to think. In fact, he was trying to keep his mind as blank as the white rectangle above him that was slowly becoming grey as night approached.

Try as he might though, he couldn't get thoughts of the Fudomine match the day before out of his head. So much that he was avoiding his friends and teammates at every turn. He just couldn't get over the fact that Takashi had done what he'd done.

The scene kept running through his mind, over and over again. A stark reminder playing in front of his eyes against what may as well have been a harsh white projector screen.

_His determination not to lose, a determination he rarely let crystallise, gripped him and Fuji found himself refusing to give even an inch. He didn't care if the shot coming towards him could hurt him, he didn't give a shit if he suffered damage from it. It wasn't something he could just let go, because Fudomine would then gain the upper hand. So that was not an option for him. He readied himself, eyes open fully, focusing intently on the ball that was coming his way. _

_Like in a slow motion replay, he heard Takashi cry out his name. "Fuji…" He couldn't wipe the surprise off his face as his doubles partner took the shot for him. The strain was obvious, the muscles strained and stood out on Kawamura's arms, yet he managed to return that amazing shot, winning that all important point._

_But at what cost._

The prodigy still couldn't believe that his friend cared enough to do that for him. He couldn't believe that anyone cared that much for him. To risk harm to themselves, just to save him from injury… it was something he never thought anyone would do for him. The day was an eye opener, but one that he hadn't dealt with very well.

_He knew that Takashi had hurt himself. Even though the other boy seemed to think that he was fine, Fuji knew different. It was hard to overcome that urge inside him, the one that screamed at him to tell the boy off for being so stupid, so reckless. But the other part of him couldn't allow that… because Takashi had done something for him few ever had._

_He'd cared. Although Fuji cared about his friends with an intensity that sometimes frightened even himself, he had never, even once, thought that someone could reciprocate that same friendship._

_With all of those thoughts whirling through his head he grasped Takashi's arm and called a halt to the match. Seeing his friend's crestfallen face, he smiled, so as to hide the emotions roiling within him. With soft-spoken words he set his friend at ease._

_And for the rest of the day, Fuji felt entirely off balance. _

As if that hadn't been enough, the imbalance was extending itself. He'd avoided Tezuka at Taka's the night before, and successfully managed to dance around any conversation anyone else struck up with him. The smile affixed itself permanently to his face, making Fuji wonder if it was the real him, and that maybe he'd been deluding himself after all.

The current day wasn't much of a success story either. Lying there in the dim twilight of his room, Fuji rolled onto his stomach, sick of the ceiling that somehow now seemed to be accusing him of things he was quite sure he didn't want to think about.

Was it a bad thing if you weren't sure where your mask ended and the real you began?

Fuji glanced at the clock next to him, and closed his eyes. Sure enough, his cell phone started ringing – for the second time that afternoon. He made no move to answer it, no move to see who was calling him, because he didn't need to. When it stopped, he sighed thankfully, knowing that he wouldn't need to ignore it again, because it wouldn't ring anymore that night.

He reached over and picked up the offending object, running a finger along the tiny screen. 2 Missed Calls: ~_Tezuka~_ the student council meeting would have just finished. Being the dutiful friend that he is, Fuji had expected a call. However Tezuka was also not one to harp on something. He knew Fuji well enough to know, that when and if Fuji chose to speak to him, the prodigy would.

That was something Fuji was grateful for, and yet he found himself feeling slightly guilty for not answering his phone. His eyes fell on the compact little thing again and he scowled at it, something he could afford to do in the darkness of his room. Like the previous night, it took a long time for sleep to overcome him, and when he woke… his balance was still off.

School passed in a blur for him, he just wasn't up to it. One of his teachers actually asked him if he was all right, because he'd lost track of where they were up to and not answered correctly. His irritation grew at that. What? Wasn't he allowed to have an off day?

Fuji took the long way home, walking past and through parks that he and Yuuta had visited as children, wanting to remember everything. But most of all, he was trying to remind himself of the pain he went through when his brother pushed him away. Maybe, if he remembered it vividly enough, he could rebuild his walls. It was silly to give into the urge to need another person, no matter how well they might understand each other.

Someone might ask why he was being as stubborn as he was, and he would answer that it was better to let himself hurt, than to watch others hurt in his stead. If someone deserved it, Fuji enjoyed watching them suffer, in fact, he enjoyed being the one to give them back what they so richly deserved. If the situation warranted it, he could enjoy watching his friends endure the pain that training could inflict on them… simply because other people's misfortune could be so entertaining.

But his friends meant something to him, and he would protect them in any way he possibly could. Practical jokes, teasing, winning because he could, and inui juice were one thing… but he would spare any of his friend pain and humiliation by anyone else if he could.

Which was why what Taka did was so damn wrong. It was Fuji's place to protect the people he cared about, his place to risk himself for their sakes… not the other damn way around. They couldn't, shouldn't care about him in return. If they did they could hurt him, if they did…where was the logic in hiding himself from everyone. It was logic he clung to, the reason he needed to lock his real self off from everything, in that quiet corner of his mind, protected and yet protecting. If he lost the reason for those locked doors, how could he hide from himself?

"Fuji…"

His eyes snapped up from the pavement outside his house, realising two things instantaneously. The first was that he'd almost walked past his own driveway. The second was that Tezuka was leaning against the gate, already changed into jeans and a shirt. With a second glance, Fuji realised the other boy also had hiking boots on, and a slight furrow creased his brow.

"Tezuka…" It wasn't a greeting; it was a question.

Which Tezuka answered silently by stepping forward and relieving Fuji of his school bag. The prodigy relinquished it only because he was trying to figure out why Tezuka was there. They'd made no plans; in fact, Fuji had been avoiding Tezuka at every turn. Oh, well, there was probably that. Resigned, he looked up at the taller boy and wasn't disappointed when that deep voice answered the question in Fuji's expression.

"You have ten minutes to get changed, and back down here. The appropriate clothes are on your bed already. I didn't expect you to take this long to get home." Tezuka used his captain's tone…with an underlying something that the prodigy couldn't define.

It's probably the first time ever that Fuji's jaw dropped. His mind still whirling with self-recriminations, he just blinked.

"Nine and a half minutes now, Fuji."

The prodigy moved. "Ahh, Tezuka. So forceful." He mumbled under his breath as he finally made his way to the door of his house. "I wonder if your ten minute obsession applies to everything." He could almost feel the disapproving eyes of Tezuka weighing on his back, and right hen, didn't care. To be honest, he was a little ticked off, but if was useless arguing with Tezuka in this mood. So, Fuji chose to forgo his planned afternoon of solitude, and annoy the crap out of Tezuka. It was only fair… after all.

Getting dressed was no problem, yet Fuji couldn't help but wonder about the hiking boots Tezuka was wearing, and the choice of Fuji's slightly more robust clothing. He shrugged. No matter what, he planned to get some entertainment out of the rest of the day. After all, maybe Tezuka didn't know Fuji the way he'd thought he did. Syusuke didn't feel like talking yet, and he felt Tezuka was pushing the issue. The little voice that told him to give the taller boy the benefit of the doubt, was firmly told to shut up.

Reaching the hall, Fuji pulled on his hiking boots, figuring he should follow Tezuka's example. He could hear his sister approach, waiting for him to finish what he was doing. Righting himself he simply turned to look at her. Sometimes the way she just seemed to know, annoyed him, but he really did adore her.

"I hope you don't mind, that I let him in."

Fuji shrugged. "He's my friend." And he couldn't help but notice the huge smile that spread over his sister's face. Shrugging, he stepped outside; closing the door behind him, smile firmly in place.

Tezuka was no longer holding Fuji's bag, but instead had another, bulkier one over his shoulder. With just a glance at Fuji, the taller boy began to walk. Syusuke sighed softly and followed. It looked like he wasn't going to get much ammo to play with. If he wanted to tease Tezuka, he was going to have to do it all by himself.

"Fuji…" Tezuka used that warning tone… telling him to just let it drop and not even try it.

Fuji chuckled. "No fair. You're no fun, Tezuka."

There was a brief pause, before the taller boy murmured softly in response. "Oh, and I try so hard."

Syusuke laughed despite himself, and decided that annoying the other boy could wait… for a while.

They walked, and Fuji contemplated where it was they were going. He wasn't surprised when they ended up at the bus stop, nor was he surprised when they got off at the last stop. It wasn't immediately obvious where they were going, but Fuji did have a vague idea. His curiosity got the better of him. "Ne, Tezuka. Where are we going?"

Tezuka barely even glanced at him as they wound their way along a well-worn path. "You'll see."

Fuji grinned. "Yes, but, you can tell me."

The captain suppressed an obvious sigh. "You can wait…"

It was no fun when Tezuka didn't bite properly. So Fuji decided to just humour the other boy. He could hear the sound of running water. It wasn't too loud, but it spoke of a somewhat larger mass of water. After a few more minutes they came to the source of the noise, and Fuji raised an eyebrow at the small river before him.

"Swimming?" Fuji's smile was teasing.

Tezuka looked at him for a few moments, a slight frown creasing his face, almost looking through him. But he didn't say a word. Instead, he knelt down and began unpacking the backpack he had with him. Two fishing rods, a blanket and some live bait later, he looked up at Fuji. Wordlessly he handed one of the rods to the prodigy and began to piece his own together.

Syusuke followed suit curiously. They weren't that hard to piece together. Finally done, he couldn't help but ask the bleeding obvious, because he couldn't figure it out. Just when he thought he had Tezuka figured out, the boy went and discovered words that weren't in Fuji's dictionary. "Fishing?"

Another one of those weighing looks was directed at him. Tezuka flicked the blanket out for them to sit on, and went about threading his bait onto the hook. Fuji watched in rapt fascination, still not entirely sure of himself. This wasn't his environment; it was Tezuka's and it made the short boy wary.

Once the line was cast, Tezuka turned to look at Fuji once more. Those brown eyes seemed to weigh him. "Patience… and acceptance of a situation over which one has little or no control." The captain turned his attention back to the water, and so did not see Fuji's eyes narrow.

It's too close, his mind screamed. Too close, too far, too much, too soon. His eyes focused on squishing the live bait onto the hook. Fuji felt the need to focus on destroying something – anything. He cast the line out… frustration making him not care where it landed.

A quiet, thoughtful voice broke through Fuji's reflection. "Will you ever stop this?"

Immediately on guard, Fuji's retort was careful. "Stop what?"

Tezuka turned to look at him yet again, reaching up with a finger to brush at the corner of Fuji's upturned lips, indicating the topic of his concern. "When you hide behind it, I can't see you." That voice was lulling, soft and contemplative.

It made Fuji wonder if Tezuka had meant to say that. "Ah, but, Tezuka. Everyone loves happy people." Fuji's smile increased, as if he could make himself believe what he was saying if only he smiled enough.

The taller boy raised an eyebrow. "You're happy?"

Fuji sighed – the smile slipping just a tad. Manoeuvring himself onto his stomach, he rested his chin in his hands, watching the secured rod bob slightly in time with the current. He sighed before murmuring softly: "Everyone loves a smile."

It took a moment for Fuji to register that the other boy was looking at him, and he refused to give in and look back.

Tezuka sighed, voice low and deep – with a hint of something Fuji was loathe to define. The voice that spoke was barely audible, and yet Fuji heard the words as clear as if they'd been shouted.

"I don't."

Cerulean eyes stung and he strove to ignore the cold, sick feeling that swept through him. The smile froze in place, and wouldn't budge. He didn't know how to take that. What did it mean? Did it mean that Tezuka had changed his mind?

Suddenly he found himself lying on his back, blinking up at those brown eyes he'd come to know so well. Tezuka looked down at him, a frown on his face, and offered him a hand to rise to a sitting position. It brought them close, yet no closer than they'd been before. Fuji just looked into those eyes, seeking something…

Finding it, he heaved a soft sigh of relief, and waited for Tezuka to speak. He watched the way the sun glinted off the greenery surrounding them, and suddenly saw a side to Tezuka he hadn't realised before. It made his smile soften.

"I don't need…this…" A finger rubbed against his lips this time… outlining the smile. "I want what you hide."

Fuji blinked at the bluntness. He knew he should have expected it, but sometimes Tezuka just threw him a curve ball. "I don't know if I want it…"

Tezuka cocked his head to one side, fingers still warm against Fuji's lips, and the prodigy didn't feel an urge to dislodge them. His eyes focused on Tezuka's lips; waiting to see, hear what he would say.

"I'll be with you." The fingers moved to cup Fuji's cheek, brown eyes promising him more than words could say.

And Fuji felt himself relax, finally realising that no matter how hard he tried to push Tezuka away… he'd never be in danger of losing his friend. He closed his eyes, and just let the feelings wash over him; the feeling of contentment, the feel of the warm sun, and the feeling of those fingers giving him such gentle reassurance.

~~**~~

Well, tell me what you thought… go on… I can take it!!!

Yes… well hmmmm


	10. Bet Me

**Title**: _Smile: Bet Me_

**Author**: Arithion  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship… well yes... shonen ai… **sighs**

**Chapter**: Ten  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Shonen ai heh… and well… I am so totally confused by the timeline, but hey… it happens in episode 23 with the fearful Inui juice yay hehe. Anyway, yes well… angst, irritated Fuji, commanding Tezuka and well… wasabi sushi and a bet hehe

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Bet Me**

The prefectural's were just around the corner, and the thought made Fuji frown as he got dressed for school. Buttoning up his jacket, he ran over the probably line up list for the tournament. Absently he adjusted the blinds to let some sunlight through for the cacti during the day. Line up… that would mean that…

He turned, train of thought broken as Tezuka stepped back into the room, and smiled one of his true smiles. The taller boy was a strong captain; he was a leader. If anyone could lead them to the nationals, Tezuka would…but Fuji;s eyes narrowed, a brief thought flitting through his mind as he let his gaze rest on Tezuka's left arm briefly.

"We have practice."

Fuji raised an eyebrow. "You don't say," he murmured, picking up his bag and heading out the door. Tezuka followed, and Fuji could just feel the frown on the other boys face.

They fell into step beside each other, walking in the usual silence to school. Syusuke felt quite good though, his head felt clear and he no longer dwelt on what he couldn't control…well, not much anyhow. A fleeting thought brought a grin of amusement to his face.

"Ne, Tezuka. Inui will be encouraging the regulars with his juice again, ne?"

Tezuka stopped and looked at Fuji, sunlight glinting off his glasses, mouth in a thoughtful frown. He didn't need to answer. That stance was enough of one, and Fuji was also forced to halt his steps. Eyes observing from behind tawny lashes, Fuji smiled and asked. "The loser will have to drink again?" Even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes…" the tone was wary, as if Tezuka was trying to figure out just what it was Fuji was up to.

"Then I have a challenge for you."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "Oh…?"

"You have to drink the juice during practice, in front of everyone, but you can't let it affect you, and… you can't have lost in order to drink it."

The captain looked thoughtful for a second. "And to what end? What do I gain from this?"

Fuji laughed. "A cast-iron stomach!"

"Not good enough," and Tezuka began to move again, but stopped, looking back, when Fuji grabbed his wrist.

"If you do that," Fuji took a breath and opened his eyes to meet the brown ones observing him steadily. "then I'll… be serious."

A tight smile crossed Tezuka's face. "You don't believe that yourself." He replied quietly.

Fuji chuckled ruefully. "Touché." He sighed as they began walking once more, before mumbling softly. "You just enjoy spoiling my fun." He couldn't keep the smile out of his voice though.

Tezuka glanced at him, but kept walking. "When I do this…you owe me something. When…not if."

Syusuke gulped a little at his friend's tone of voice. "I owe you something," he repeated, as if testing the taste on his tongue. "Owe you what?"

"You'll see…" And Tezuka refused to say another word.

Fuji was far from satisfied with that answer, but knew pressing the issue wouldn't work. Tezuka was nothing if not stubborn when he had his mind set on something. Although Fuji was overwhelmed with curiosity over what he'd just agreed to, he knew he'd find out eventually. Though he would rather sooner than later.

He entered the locker room alone, as usual. Inui's tactics were rarely employed before school. It would look bad for the tennis club if the members collapsed and couldn't go to class. He was just going to have to wait to see just how Tezuka was going to manage it. Fuji's smile brightened as he changed into his club gear.

"Fujiko-chan!"

And he grimaced, before turning around to smile softly at his hyperactive friend. "Eiji…"

"I passed…did I tell you?" Eiji was pulling off his uniform and flinging it haphazardly down onto the bench.

Fuji wondered if his friend would get told off for having a crumpled uniform yet again that day. "Yes, Eiji. At least three times yesterday." Although Fuji had to admit he'd only paid the vaguest of attention.

"Oh…" Kikumaru's voice was muffled as he pulled on his polo shirt. "Well, you and Tezuka really helped me. Wanted to make sure I said thanks!" He paused, as if just having an idea and turned to look at Fuji. "You sure have been spending a lot of time around the captain lately…"

Fuji raised an eyebrow. "I have?" He shrugged. " I didn't notice." His smile became disarming and his voice deceptively cheerful. "How is Oishi?" There was a faint blush that crossed Eiji's cheeks at the question, leaving Fuji feeling somewhat vindicated.

"Oh, well… he's great. I guess you're right!" Eiji's eyes shone again, quickly recovered. "Come on, Fujiko-chan!" And the redhead grabbed Fuji's arm, dragging him out towards the tennis courts. "Let's get a head start on laps! Then we can play until the others catch up! I never get to play you!"

Fuji laughed, letting himself get swept along by his friend, trying not to notice the glint of sunlight off the glasses watching them from the overhead window.

~*~

Interesting…that was the only thing Fuji could come up with as he listened to Inui run down just what they would be doing that afternoon. It seemed one of them would be playing in attack modus, and the other would be playing in defence. Different styles would be pitted against each other, and Fuji wondered idly who he'd get to play this time.

Inui had a new juice though, and curiosity was going to win over pride considering how much the prodigy wanted to taste it. The loss would be bearable, the look on Inui's face so priceless that Fuji thought it well worth it.

They watched the matches; Kawamura and Kaidioh up first. The burning player was rather impressive to watch, and Fuji was happy to see that the injury had obviously healed. It let his conscience push the guilt he'd felt to the back of his mind. Kaidoh's usual snake wouldn't work in a situation where the other player was only using half of the court, and to hit the ball into the other court would be to hit it out. Which was indeed what happened, and Kaidoh was the first victim to fall to the drink.

Fuji watched, smile blooming brighter on his face, as the other youth drank the drink before running off the courts, stopping, and collapsing to the ground. The short senior chuckled, not able to help himself, and he wondered if Tezuka was perhaps having second thoughts about the little challenge Fuji had set for him.

Oishi and Momoshiro were up next, and vice-captain or not, Oishi couldn't escape the same treatment. His attention was still fixated on the boy sprawled on the ground, when Tezuka called his name.

"Fuji." The captain gestured to the other side of the net, and Fuji smiled, not showing an ounce of surprise. He readied himself for the ball from Inui and placed it easily over the net, but waiting for Tezuka's return shot was futile.

With a slight of his wrist Tezuka performed his trademarked move. The drop shot that helped earn him his status, hit the ground with a soft thud and spun inwards, back towards the net. There was silence all around, and Fuji just smiled more.

His eyes opened slightly as he looked across the court to meet Tezuka's own, and a real smile crept briefly onto his face. The captain wanted something, and Fuji found himself needing to know what it was.

"Just now, you played seriously eh…"

Tezuka just looked at him for all of a few seconds, which seemed more like an eternity, before answering. "Of course."

For a brief moment there was an answer in there, telling Fuji that he should be prepared to deal with the consequences when he issued a challenge. Everything about Tezuka screamed that he wouldn't lose that bet… and the determination Fuji read in his friend's bearing, almost made him worry about just what would be in store for him…but only almost.

He chuckled softly, hiding his eyes behind his lashes once more, and made his way over to where Inui stood. Time to take his punishment, and yet Fuji couldn't help look forward to the taste and the shock.

Eiji was sitting on the ground, yet to have his own match. "Didn't you give up quickly, Fuji?"

Fuji smiled down at his friend. "Yeah, but I also wanted to try Inui's drink again."

Inui began pouring the drink, but it was clear, and Fuji frowned, tilting his head slightly to read the label on the bottle. His eyes opened a little, and he almost laughed as he read it outloud. "It says "Tezuka""

That…sneaky son of a…and the smile on Fuji's face increased ten fold, as all eyes turned to watch Tezuka, who was drinking out of Inui's bottle. Everyone focused on the captain, seeking to see if he too was affected by Inui's concoctions. They watched him knock back quite a bit of the juice and Fuji couldn't help but grin, while the others looked like they might try to catch flies.

Tezuka stopped drinking, eyes closed for a split second that Fuji doubted anyone else noticed, and looked at them all. "What are you staring at? Hurry and start the next match."

Everyone else turned their attention away, and Fuji listened to Eiji who chattered about Tezuka's resilience before moaning about playing 'Ochibi'. Out of the corner of his eye, Fuji saw Tezuka's hand shake, and he chuckled.

Oh, well, a bet was a bet…now all Fuji had to do was wait and see what it was that he _owed _Tezuka.

Eiji and Echizen's match was rather unexpected, but then the redhead was a little more unpredictable when he was trying to avoid that juice anyway. Of course, Ryoma slamming the ball into the other boy was probably an overreaction… an amusing overreaction. Syusuke gathered with the rest of the regulars who could still stand, and waiting for Ryuzaki-sensai.

Their lecture was postponed until the rest could join them, and Fuji found his eyes wandering curiously to the board at the side of the court. Sharp eyes narrowed momentarily, taking in the information in one sweet of it. The smile wrapped itself around him, keeping the scowl at bay. He barely heard a word that was being said.

Kawamura's words seemed so distant when he spoke. "We'll be playing your brother's school, St Rudolph, in the best 8 match, right, Fuji?"

Syusuke forced himself to nod and mumble a "Yeah," because it was all he could manage. Yuuta should have been with him at Seigaku, but he wasn't. Damn, he hadn't let himself get down like this for so long. His mind was even distracted enough that only the part of his brain that filed things away for later use, noticed Tezuka briefly favour his left elbow.

Practice over; Fuji decided not to bother getting changed back into his dress uniform. He walked into the locker room, grabbed his bag, smiled a goodbye and left the grounds. His gait was brusque and determined; as if just by focusing on something mundane he could forget others.

He wasn't expecting Tezuka to be standing at the side of the courts as he walked past, and so stopped in surprise.

"I didn't think you'd be a bad loser, Fuji." And the prodigy knew Tezuka wasn't referring to the match. He remained silent, waiting for the captain to finish.

"You're alone this weekend?"

Fuji nodded.

Tezuka's lips turned up in thought and he nodded, almost to himself. "I have something to do, but I'll come over later." It wasn't a request, because it didn't need to be. Spending time at each other's home had grown into a habit, and Fuji would have been more worried had Tezuka decided not to come at all. Yet he was caught off guard at Tezuka's parting words.

"Remember…you owe me now."

It wasn't as if Syusuke was about to forget, and he bit back a harsh retort as he watched his friend's retreating back. For some strange reason, for the first time in a long time, he wasn't sure whether or not he was looking forward to Tezuka's company.

~*~

When the doorbell rang that evening, Fuji answered it, smiling. Tezuka glanced at him, piling some light brown paper packed squares into the shorter boy's arms, before taking off his shoes, and dropping his backpack. Once he'd done that, he took the packets back off Fuji and walked with them into the kitchen.

Fuji just watched, still smiling, eyes open to slits as he watched his friend. He had no intention of helping, because he was in a strange mood. Curiosity alive thought it was, he simply waited for Tezuka to come back, which the taller boy did shortly afterwards.

Tezuka frowned at him. "Regular's uniform?"

Fuji looked down, not having changed out of his tennis uniform simply because he couldn't be bothered. "Yes, you should know, Tezuka. You have one too!" And Fuji wished that the panic he used to get when someone touched him would come back, instead of that ache that ran through him when Tezuka grabbed his arm… like now.

He walked behind Tezuka sullenly, face still beaming, and was led silently into his bedroom where Tezuka proceeded to search his draws. Syusuke watched in mild amusement as a loose shirt and a pair of his silk pyjama pants were laid out for him.

"Clothes can help you relax." Tezuka said by way of explanation before heading towards the door.

Fuji smirked, a sliver of cruelty rising up in him. "Ahh, you're not going to wear anything then?"

The taller boy froze briefly before opening the door. "I'll get changed downstairs. Come down when you're ready… and I'll tell you what I won."

Yet another angry retort had to be bitten down as Fuji stared at the now closed door. He couldn't figure out why the hell Tezuka was being so…intense about the bet. A thought crossed his mind and Fuji cursed softly under his breath. "Damn. Bet he wants me to play seriously." Which was really not going to suit the prodigy at all. How great was friendship when it only tore away at everything you'd built around yourself?

Mood foul, Fuji headed downstairs. Glancing in the living room, he realised that Tezuka wasn't there, and headed into the kitchen. His eyes widened in surprise as he saw what Tezuka was setting out on plates: Sushi.

"Fuji…take this." Tezuka turned around, handing a plate to the shorter boy, almost pushing him against the wall with his proximity.

Fuji looked at the sushi on his plate, eyes taking in the assortment with some surprise. "You…"

Tezuka shrugged; a silent response in place of words that may have seemed too loud.

"Oh," and Fuji picked up a piece of wasabi sushi, not able to keep a real smile from spilling onto his face.

"Like that."

Syusuke cocked his head to one side, still propped against the wall, curious. He knew the other boy wasn't talking about whether or not the sushi was good, and yet… it took a couple of seconds for Fuji to realise that his own smile had been replaced by a genuine one. "Ahh…" He looked away. "So, what do I owe you?" The words came out softly, almost hesitant.

Warm breath brushed over his face, and Syusuke closed his eyes for a moment, trying to regain his bearings like he had to every time Tezuka was close. He hadn't noticed the other boy lean over. When he opened his eyes again he noted Tezuka's hands on the wall to either side of him.

Those brown eyes were so demanding, and he found himself wanting to meet those demands. This was the person Tezuka was. He was commanding, honest, and charismatic…and at the same time there were so many levels to him. Levels that Fuji just wanted to pull away at, until he could reveal the rest. There was so much to the boy in front of him that he didn't know, so much he wanted to know…and so much he was scared to find out.

He clutched the plate in his hands, not able to tear his eyes away from the others. "Tell me…"

One of Tezuka's hands snaked down, gently removing the plate and placing it on the sideboard, before bringing it back up to brush hair out of Fuji's eyes. Brown eyes focused on cerulean, as if willing Fuji's walls to drop away. "This weekend is mine."

Fuji blinked.

"Just you, and me."

And Fuji understood what the prize was, a small smile creasing his lips. "Rome?"

The taller boy shrugged and leaned closer, brushing lips across Fuji's forehead. It was a soft wash of warm breath, and Fuji closed his eyes, savouring the feeling…the feeling of _not _wanting to push the other boy away. Lips moved lightly against his brow, and Syusuke could feel that rare smile tugging at Tezuka's lips as he spoke.

"The whole two way street…"

Fuji chuckled, sighing into that hold, feeling Tezuka's arms surround him, pulling him against that chest. It was strange, but he found himself not wanting to move…not for a very long time.

~~**~~

ahhh well yes *fends off the rotted tomatoes*

That's just the way the chapter crumbles hehe

Feedback appreciated!!! Houston we have contact /snicker


	11. Will Me

**Title**: _Smile: Will Me_

**Author**: Arithion  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: Kinda sorta almost TezxFuji

**Chapter**: Eleven  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Shonen ai, Cuteness, um… snugglieness and crap too.

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Will Me**

When the moment finally broke, Fuji found himself glad to be standing against the wall. It provided that necessary support that his moment of weakness needed. He smiled, if a little warily, picked up his sushi plate and made to leave the room, calling over his shoulder. "Living room is more comfortable."

Wracking his brain as Tezuka followed him, Fuji tried to remember if the other boy had ever been in the living room before. He had to conclude that apart from his own bedroom, bathroom, the patio and the kitchen, Tezuka had never seen the rest of the house.

Flicking on the television Fuji settle himself on the couch, drawing his knees up close and nibbling on his sushi. He looked up to find Tezuka's eyes scanning the room with a curiosity that was barely visible, yet still there. His gaze rested in one area for a few minutes before Fuji had to see what the taller boy was looking at, and reluctantly let his eyes follow those of Tezuka's.

The piano. Off in the corner of the room sat a baby grand, its smooth black surface reflecting the lights playing on the television screen in a warped fashion. Fuji sighed, bringing his eyes to focus on the television once more.

He knew Tezuka was looking at him, but he tried to ignore his friend. Finally, Tezuka sat himself down on the other end of the couch, ate his own sushi in silence, and Fuji finally felt as if he could relax.

"You play?" Tezuka's voice was soft, almost reproachful, as if he resented the fact that Fuji had never told him or showed him that he played. They'd been friends for a fairly long time, and close friends for a while. It was something the captain obviously felt that he should have known.

Fuji set his plate down on the coffee table, suddenly not very hungry anymore. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he took a deep breath. All the energy he'd had seemed to leak out of him rapidly, and he just didn't have the energy to hide anything right then. "You could say that…"

"Either you can or you can't, Fuji." Tezuka's tone was annoyed and the prodigy realised that he might be pushing just a little too far.

"I play…" But that was all he was going to say, and he leaned over to grab the remote control, switching the television channel.

Tezuka, it seemed, knew when to leave well enough alone. Yet there was still something that was bugging Fuji about it. He actually felt slightly guilty that he'd never told Tezuka. Hell, he'd never told anyone, so what difference should it make? It made him feel melancholy.

"Inui's juices…you enjoy them?" Tezuka's eyes never left the TV screen, the comment spoken soft and reassuring in a way that Fuji needed.

He nodded emphatically. "They're really good…honest!" His eyes twinkled a little, one of his favourite jokes coming to the forefront. "You should try them more often."

"I don't like losing."

Fuji blinked before answering. "I know." It came out softer than he intended, and yet… somehow wistful. Tezuka didn't like losing at anything, which also meant that the other boy wasn't about to give up on the questions. Fuji could only really hope to stall until he felt a little more comfortable. Sometimes he _really_ wondered whether or not Tezuka actually understood anything.

The movie was quite funny, and still Fuji couldn't bring himself to laugh. Too many thoughts wound their way through his head, and he was quite happy that he didn't have to keep the smile in place… he didn't think he could have right then.

His thoughts turned to the upcoming tournament. Even taking all the other schools into account, it did seem that Seigaku would be facing St. Rudolph in the best eight match. Which meant, Seigaku would face Yuuta's school. That was where the trouble started. Fuji wasn't exactly worried, because it wasn't precisely something for him to worry about. He knew that his own school's abilities far outstripped those of his brother's. But that wasn't the problem.

The problem was, how Yuuta was going to react to him… yet again. It was a problem that Fuji tried again and again to understand, and failed miserably at doing so each time. If Yuuta was happy, then so be it, but why did the older brother always get the feeling that his sibling wasn't happy?

"When we play that match, you won't play reserve." Tezuka's eyes were still focused on the screen. The now empty plate sat on the table in front of him.

Fuji blinked, torn out of his own musings, wondering how Tezuka could manage to be so accurate so much of the time. But then… he guessed it was a two way street after all. "No, I won't." And that was the honest answer, because it was true. As much as Fuji might wish that things were different between his brother and himself, he couldn't stop being who he was. That was what it came down to.

The prodigy smiled, and grinned at Tezuka, watching that face. He studied the profile of his friend, while the pictures from the movie reflected in those far too sensible glasses. The fact that Tezuka refused to tear his gaze away from the television didn't deter Fuji in the slightest. Cerulean eyes swept every inch of the boy on the other end of the couch, smile genuine and mischievous.

There was a slight tension to Tezuka's shoulders, and they sagged slightly in something akin to defeat before he spoke. "What?"

"Inui was right," Fuji didn't stop at the warning look he got from his friend. "You're too serious." He leaned over and poked the other's arm lightly. "Far too serious. Sometimes you just need to loosen up and have some fun. You need to let yourself feel." He was still smiling, feeling somehow greatly relaxed, which, sadly, didn't last for too long.

"You should take your own advice."

Those brown eyes warned Fuji again, pushing him to keep a distance that the prodigy no longer found amusing, and no longer wanted to keep. If Tezuka wanted him to keep his distance, it was high time the captain stopped trying to worm his way into Fuji's thoughts.

Something snapped inside, and Fuji made the conscious decision to stop letting Tezuka be in control. Because although it could feel amazing to have someone who understood you, Fuji was starting to get annoyed at the lack of accommodation on his friend's behalf. Swivelling his legs around so he sat on his knees, Fuji leaned forward a little and reached out, taking Tezuka's glasses off.

The scowl he received did nothing to deter him, and Fuji folded them calmly, placing them on the coffee table before returning his attention to the other boy. With one hand he silenced Tezuka's lips, knowing that the other boy would want to speak. "Shush…" Fuji shook his head, smiling at the almost petulant look on the taller boy's face. "Your turn…" He whispered the last, looking Tezuka directly in the eyes, letting his breath wash over the other boy in a light breeze, before pulling back slightly.

He wasn't used to showing himself, and he wasn't sure if he was getting the right mix of what he wanted to get across to come across. It was so damn confusing, but he wanted, needed to give Tezuka back some of what he'd been receiving from the older boy.

When he spoke, his voice was soft and slightly hesitant. "I don't want this either." He gestured to the closed off look on Tezuka's face, hoping to let the other boy understand. "You don't let out what's inside… you won't let me see." He took a deep breath finding Tezuka's gaze penetratingly intense. "How can we grow if the pot refuses to be changed…?"

Those brown eyes blinked, slight surprise registering in them. Tezuka's mouth opened as if to speak, but Fuji held a finger against his lips once again. "Just listen…" With delicate fingers, he brushed hair out of Tezuka's eyes, before applying fingertips softly to the eyelids, forcing his friend to close them.

He stood, looking down at his friend, hoping that he'd understand and know just what it was Fuji was trying to say. "Just… listen."

The prodigy made his way over to the piano, seating himself gingerly at it, fingers running lovingly over the keys without applying enough pressure to bring forth a sound. He was nervous… a feeling he'd had but one or two times before in his life. Then again, he was about to do something he'd rarely done for anyone. He was about to play the way he only ever played when he was alone.

Fingers caressed the keys with reverence, and he murmured before closing his eyes. "This is the way I can feel…" With those words he tentatively offered his friend a way to feel without being seen, a way to feel with him.

The first strains were gentle, slow, building, a constant presence into which the melodic phrasings of the melody cascaded softly. Fuji lost himself to the feel that was Moonlight Sonata, letting it rip him along with it. Counterpoints tugged at him, reminding him of everything that set him apart from others, and how he resented that. Crescendo's poured out his frustration, the methodical and yet beautiful use of fingering something able to contain the despair he could feel.

Deliberate strokes, slowing, reneging…becoming soft once more. Hope and a little smile entering his fingers. Higher tones that became stronger, as he so often wished he could himself, died away partially, becoming a discord of confusion. Its ability to sooth slowly worked at the knots inside him, firming his resolve as lowest notes meshed with higher crescendos…all in all giving him the peace he sought as the last notes faded.

He felt out of breath, drained. It always did that to him when he played for himself, for everything that he couldn't bring himself to let out around other people. Opening his eyes, he saw Tezuka still sitting on the couch; eyes now open, just looking at Fuji, what appeared to be one lone tear streaking down his cheek.

Fuji blushed, and smiled, trying to cover the moment. "I didn't think I was _that_ bad." He chuckled softly, gesturing to the tear.

The voice that answered him was amazingly terse, almost angry. "Don't you _dare _belittle that, Fuji. That…you…" The usually composed captain stood up and walked over to the piano. "That… was a gift."

They both knew he wasn't just talking about the Fuji's obvious ability, there was much more to it. Fuji sighed, looking up at his friend. "Thank you." For accepting what he was offering and not throwing it back in his face. But those, yet again, were words that Fuji didn't need to speak.

Suddenly he found it hard to keep his eyes open. "I'm tired."

Tezuka nodded, and walked over to fetch his glasses off the table, before following Fuji upstairs. When they got there, the prodigy flipped back the cover on his bed and turned to face Tezuka. "Sleep well…"

But a hand stayed his arm, brown eyes focusing on cerulean. "I don't like putting you out of your bed."

Fuji's jaw set, ready to become stubborn. "The guest bed is hard, I won't let you sleep there."

"Fine." Tezuka's jaw was equally as firm. "Sleep here."

Eyes widened a little in surprise, but Fuji recovered quickly. "It's not as big as your bed."

"It's not that much smaller."

Fuji couldn't deny that Tezuka did have a point. Shoulders slumped a little in defeat and he brushed past the other boy and climbed into the bed, back against the wall. "Fine. But when you kick me, don't blame me if I push you out."

Tezuka laughed. "That's not going to happen." He settled himself on the other side of the bed. Neither of them seemed to mind the tight squeeze, after all, it wasn't that much different than sleeping at Tezuka's.

A soft voice spoke into the stillness. "Growing season isn't over yet. I'll try harder to get used to the pot, Fuji."

Settling on his side, Fuji smiled sleepily at the other boy. "I know…" He suppressed a yawn. "Sleep well…"

It was warm and it was comfortable, and they fell asleep quickly. Neither of them woke, even when the taller boy's arm snaked its way around Fuji as the tawny haired boy's head came to rest on Tezuka's chest.

~~**~~

Sorry it's a little shorter this time…

Hoe you enjoyed it! Feedback appreciated, but not at all necessary 


	12. Warm Me

**Title**: _Smile: Warm Me_

**Author**: Arithion  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: Kinda sorta almost TezxFuji

**Chapter**: Twelve  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Shonen ai, Cuteness, um… a small fight, mean Fuji, mean Tez, careing Fuji, needy Tez.

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Warm Me**

His pillow was warm, and comfortable. He felt almost sheltered by it, and that steady thump he could hear… wait. The pillow was a lot firmer than usual, and if he concentrated, there was something wrapped around him, holding him. That beat? Yuuta wasn't home so it wasn't the bass of his stereo. With that eliminated, his brain fought sleepiness valiantly trying to figure out what was off about something that felt so warm. Hadn't… ?

Fuji's eyes slid open a sliver, not quite daring to open fully. He vaguely recalled the conversation that ended up with both him and Tezuka crawling into Fuji's bed. Sure enough, he realised that the pillow he was using was indeed Tezuka's chest, and the soothing beat had been the other boy's heart. That, which was wrapped around his waist, was Tezuka's arm.

Panic rose up in the shorter boy, but he quelled it, trying to get his mind to think logically. If he could just extract himself from this position before Tezuka woke up, everything would be okay. Raising himself up a little, Fuji tried to move slowly away from the other boy, but realised a little too late that he had barely any room to move with the wall as close as it was. Not to mention the fact that when he tried to move, Tezuka's arm tightened marginally.

The position this left Fuji in wasn't the most comfortable. Propped up so as to minimize the contact he had with the other boy, while trying to avoid the grip firming around his waist was difficult. Fuji glanced at Tezuka's face out of the corner of his eye, wondering if his friend was _really_ asleep.

Tezuka's chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pattern, and for a few seconds the prodigy was tempted to just lie back down and fall asleep again. Then he remembered they had training that morning. Although it was still early enough, because Saturday training always started a little later, Fuji needed to move. He felt slightly confused, and although watching Tezuka sleep was amazingly enthralling, he didn't particularly want to be caught doing it. The shorter boy somehow didn't think he should be watching.

So he tried to move again. Approaching it differently this time, he attempted to slide out from under Tezuka's arm, aiming for the bottom of the bed. The arm tightened again, and Fuji suppressed a moan as his progress was once again halted. His shirt rode up so that skin was touching skin, and Fuji was at a loss. The prodigy felt the other boy move, the arm stiffen and then relax slightly, and he knew that Tezuka had just woken up. Damn.

He looked back at the other boy, who was blinking sleepy brown eyes that still seemed to just see everything. Fuji didn't know what to say, and only just managed to smooth his own features away from the 'caught like a deer in headlights' expression. He just didn't know how Tezuka was going to react. He'd told the other boy they shouldn't share his bed…and look what had happened. Maybe now Tezuka would listen to him…

There was a sigh, and Tezuka finally removed his arm, fingers trailing lightly against Fuji's bared waist. He pushed himself into a sitting position, body still precariously close to the smaller boys, and just looked at Fuji for a few seconds. "Did you sleep well?" There was so much more to that question, so much hidden inside those few words.

Among the myriad of meanings in that phrase, Fuji managed a slight sigh of relief. The reaction was almost typically Tezuka. Fuji took some time to actually think over his answer, because the truth was that he had slept well…amazingly well. "Yes… I did." He smiled at his friend.

"Comfortable?"

Fuji felt himself blush slightly, suddenly feeling a little out of depth. Did Tezuka know? Or was it just that it had been obvious because of the taller boy's arm had been wrapped around him? "Yes…surprisingly."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry then."

A sigh escaped Fuji again and he reached out a hand, lightly touching his friend's shoulder for a second. That wasn't what he'd meant. "Don't be…" He searched for the words, pushing past the wall that was threatening to engulf him. Despite the hurdles they were overcoming, it still was far from easy for him. "Just… unexpected…"

Again Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "Ahh, " Brown eyes locked with cerulean briefly, before breaking the gaze. Reaching out a hand, Tezuka picked up his glasses placing them back on his nose, drawing his legs into a crossed position at the same time, he focused on Fuji once more, waiting.

"You slept…?" Fuji felt an inane need to know if Tezuka had slept just as well, considering he'd been the one used as a pillow.

Tezuka smiled, and swung his legs to the side. Standing up, he turned to keep his eyes on Fuji. "Like a rock."

~*~

Training was rather mundane. Apart from the rather amusing instance of Ryoma being roped into taking Ryuzaki's granddaughter to do something the following day, what it was he wasn't paying enough attention to know. In short, Fuji was rather bored.

And his mind, delighting in this fact, decided that it would be fun to keep running over that morning's waking up… over and over again. That was until Eiji almost pounced on him at the end of training.

"Fujiko!" The redhead's face was flushed and smiling. Tennis practice always seemed to leave the acrobatic player somewhat breathless.

"Ne, Eiji?" Fuji smiled at his friend, mildly wondering just what Tezuka had planned for the rest of the weekend.

"Let's go get burgers, Fuji! Even Oishi is gonna come! And the kid, and Momo…although he does eat so much, but still. Can you come? Say you'll come!" Violet eyes shone, exuberance overflowed, and the smile was infectious.

But Fuji's eyes strayed over to Tezuka briefly, the words still ringing in his mind.

"_This weekend is mine. Just you and me…"_

_And Fuji understood what the prize was, a small smile creasing his lips. "Rome?" _

"The whole two way street…"

The captain's face appeared expressionless, but Fuji could see a slight undercurrent of tension that spoke of Tezuka not being entirely happy about the invitation. The taller boy seemed to guard his privacy tenaciously, which gave Fuji an idea.

"Sure, Eiji. Tezuka'll come too, won't you, Tezuka." Smile spread wide over his face, Fuji ignored the look that his friend was giving him. Tezuka had been the one to say that the weekend was theirs after all; it was his own fault. "It'll be fun!"

Eiji smiled brightly. "Great, I'll tell the others!" He dashed off to the locker rooms, oblivious to the tension between the two club members left on the court.

Fuji watched him go, smile still fixed firmly when he turned to face Tezuka. "Don't be like that." He chided gently, stepping a little closer and lowering his voice so that no one would have even a chance at hearing the words. "It was your idea after all…" The tone lilted, teased, and had the desired effect; Tezuka's shoulders relaxed just that little bit.

"Weekend?" Brown eyes studied the prodigy thoughtfully.

"Still yours…" Opening his eyes a little, Fuji continued to smile, a mischievous gleam entering them. "You just have to… share."

Tezuka continued to look at him for a few seconds, and Fuji swore that he was being looked _through_. The expression in those brown eyes seemed even more… irritated, and as the captain turned abruptly on his heel, muttering a: "Fine then," over his shoulder, Fuji got the distinct impression that Tezuka didn't like to share.

The hamburger place was full, and adding the six regulars from Seigaku didn't do anything to improve that. Momo and Echizen seemed to be trying to outeat each other. Oishi, who was currently discussing something rather quietly with Tezuka, kept flicking his eyes over the whole group of them in a way that reminded Fuji of a guard watching over his charges. It was funny in a way, and made the prodigy chuckle.

Eiji raised an eyebrow at him, obviously wanting in on the joke, and probably slightly paranoid about the cause of the chuckle. "Share, Fuji! What's so funny?"

"Yes, do share." The captain's arms were crossed, the tone cutting because it came from him.

The prodigy felt Tezuka's gaze on him, just briefly, before it moved away again. The older boy was being difficult, very difficult. "Nothing really funny, just enjoying the company." He smiled brightly, and even though he knew Tezuka hated that smile, Fuji felt just enough irritation to flash it extra strong in his direction.

For the rest of the afternoon, Tezuka pointedly ignored Fuji until the point that irritation didn't even begin to describe the mood the shorter boy was in. When it came to paying for the food, Fuji's remark was snider than he had originally intended. "Tezuka'll pay, won't you Tezuka?" The smile on his face belied the way he felt inside right then.

And although Tezuka paid with what could be called good grace, his entire body tensed, and Fuji knew that he'd very probably pushed a little too far.

But he didn't care. He was annoyed, even slightly angry. Tezuka didn't have the right to act like an idiot just because Fuji decided it would be nice to spend some time with other friends. Granted, maybe he shouldn't have accepted for Tezuka to come along, or pretty much made Tezuka pay for the outing the taller boy had never wanted to go on, but he still didn't have to be so…stubborn.

Fuji wasn't quite surprised when Tezuka fell into step beside him on the way home. It seemed he was no longer being ignored. The tension between them was so thick a knife wouldn't have been able to cut through.

They arrived at Fuji's house, and the shorter boy let them in. Shoes were stowed and slippers replaced them, before they both looked at each other, almost glowering.

Fuji, as usual, broke the silence first. "That was uncalled for, Tezuka."

Obstinacy flashed through the captain's eyes. "It was appropriate."

Syusuke's voice rose in volume slightly, fists clenched at his sides. "You can't just expect everyone else to fall into what you want. Sometimes you have to share! Don't be so childish!"

Tezuka's eyes shone with anger, and a little something more. "I _am_ a child." It sounded petulant, and told Fuji just how far he'd pushed the taller boy, for him to make such a statement.

All it did was serve to fuel Fuji's annoyance. "You are? Then act like it sometimes." He threw his hands up in the air. "Learn to have a little fun, re…"

But he was cut off as a hand grabbed one of his wrists, slamming it into the wall behind him. Tezuka's proximity pressed him flush against the wall, and Fuji found himself winded by the impact. There was something in those brown eyes that Fuji hadn't seen before, something that made him shiver, and he wasn't sure it was a good thing.

"Fun?" That voice murmured, like the water dripping from stalactites. There was a hollow quality to it, as if all the feelings had been drained out. It was as intense as the way those brown eyes looked at him, showing him a part that Fuji wasn't sure if he was ready to see or not, yet he couldn't help but listen. "Define fun, Syusuke…"

The breath brushed against his face, and Fuji found himself closing his eyes, just for a moment. When he spoke, it was soft, almost plaintive. "Enjoy life more than you let yourself…more than you let on…" It was a plea, a wish for his friend to actually let Fuji in.

When Tezuka spoke again, the tone had softened, a slight hint of bewilderment in it. "I enjoy…things…" His grip on the wrist slackened a little, his other hand brushing strands of his own hair out of the way.

"More than just tennis…" Fuji saw something akin to pain in those brown eyes, and wanted to do something, anything to wash it away.

But then Tezuka smiled that soft, small smile, and Fuji smiled tentatively back when the taller boy spoke. "I have more…" He rested his chin on against Fuji's forehead, mumbling the rest into the shorter boy's hair. "I enjoy you…"

Not quite knowing how to react, and feeling a little overwhelmed, Fuji tugged Tezuka closer with his free hand. Slipping that same hand around the other boy's back, trying to lend some of the comfort that he felt Tezuka needed, point blankly ignoring the voice that told him to push the other boy away.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, his perception of time felt distorted by the body clutching his own in something akin to desperation. This was a part of Tezuka he hadn't seen before… a part that… needed him?

All he knew was that it had long since grown dark outside, and that he was starting to feel tired and a little stiff. Moving his head a little, Fuji made a decision and chuckled softly into Tezuka's neck. "Don't know about you, but I can't sleep standing up…"

The taller boy drew back, the most sheepish look on his face that Fuji had ever seen. It made the prodigy's laugh a little louder as Tezuka blinked owlishly. That smile, perhaps a little tireder this time, spread over Tezuka's face. His voice was teasingly soft. "You cant? What sort of prodigy are you?" Even a slight laugh escaped from the captain's throat, and Fuji chuckled with him, enjoying the sound that the older boy so rarely let out.

Disentangling themselves before moving towards the bedroom, Fuji spoke. "We should sleep. I have something… to show you tomorrow." His voice was hesitant, still not sure if he really wanted to share _that_ with Tezuka, but at the same time…

Tezuka stopped short, pulling the shorter boy up with him. "Just us." It wasn't a question; it was more like a demand.

Fuji sighed. "Mostly, just…" He held a hand up to silence Tezuka's response. "… trust me."

He waited a moment for Tezuka to relax and nod once in acceptance, before heading to his room. It was later than he'd thought, and yet earlier than they'd usually go to sleep, but Fuji didn't mind. It just meant they'd have more energy for the next day. He watched Tezuka when he came back from the bathroom, noting the tired sag to the other boy's shoulders. The decision he'd made no longer seemed difficult, it felt right, even if it made him a little nervous.

Fuji climbed into bed first, sitting up against the wall, watching the other boy thoughtfully. His mind worked overtime. Tezuka seemed to find comfort of some sort in Fuji just being there. Well, if that was the case… the prodigy smiled as Tezuka settled himself into bed.

Taking his glasses off and placing them on the side table once again, Tezuka looked up at Fuji who was still half sitting in the bed. He raised an eyebrow. "Not tired now?"

"Yes… I am." He looked thoughtful for a moment before slipping under the blanket and raising himself on one elbow to look at Tezuka thoughtfully, convincing himself yet again that the taller boy needed what he was about to do. With an impish grin, Fuji moved to rest his head on Tezuka's chest.

The other boy stiffened, and for a moment Fuji thought he might have misjudged his friend. At least, he did until the tension leaked out of the body underneath him and an arm snaked its way around Fuji's waist , resting lightly. Just enough touch to be there, and not set off Fuji's alarms. For that he was grateful.

"Comfortable?" Tezuka's voice was lighter and softer than it had been all day.

Fuji smiled, although he knew the other boy couldn't see it. "Expected." Tezuka's arm squeezed once, gently, but this time, Fuji found he didn't mind that much.

~~**~~

There we go… Feedback much appreciated!

Notes: Um yes, I wrote this whilst having idiot uninvited guests over all fracking day. So I'm sorry if it disappointed anyone …


	13. Picture Me

**Title**: _Smile: Picture Me_

**Author**: Arithion  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: Kinda sorta almost TezxFuji

**Chapter**: Thirteen  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Shonen ai, Cuteness, um… more cuteness, fun, and more analogies!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Picture Me**

Despite all good intentions, it was still difficult to push away inbred reactions. When Fuji woke his first reaction was panic, and his body stiffened. Tezuka's arms were wrapped around him, both of them, and he lay angled a little towards Fuji. Try as he might, Fuji couldn't get the tension to ease out of his body. His mind screamed at him for letting someone get close, close enough to touch. Sleep fogged his brain so much that he almost gave in to the panic.

But he did push the fog away in time to avoid that. He'd made the decision. Close friendship was something he wasn't used to. If he couldn't even bring himself to hug the friend that tried so hard to put up with him and his moods, who somehow just _knew_ how to _be_ around Fuji… then he didn't think he could call himself much of a friend anyway.

So he fought his impulses, pushing past them, ignoring them, and thought things through in his head. Tezuka offered to _see_ him, and so, Fuji had begun to let down his defences. Time after time Tezuka proved his willingness to try and understand Fuji and his idiosyncrasies. But when Fuji really thought about it, Tezuka was still hidden to him. Although he could read most of the body language of the other boy, and although he could usually tell the little things, there were still so many untranslated pages.

Lying there, slowing his breathing, and forcing himself to relax with the unfamiliar lying arrangement, Fuji smiled. It seemed that although the road to Rome was a two way street, one side had potholes, and the other was apparently still under construction.

Tezuka stirred, arms tightening their hold briefly, and tension screamed through Fuji's senses. Biting his lip he waited for Tezuka to wake up properly. One arm slid away, leaving room for Fuji to move. With a sigh the prodigy sat up, the fingers around his waist still a stark reminder of how much he'd let his friend in.

"Did you sleep well?"

Although he had a sense of Déjà vu, Fuji could still hear a slight uncertainty in his friend's voice. It told the prodigy that Tezuka knew what Fuji had done, that he knew the part of him that Fuji had just revealed. Idly wondering how Tezuka always managed to be either awake or asleep and never actually sleepy or anything like that, Fuji answered in the same vein. "Yes… I did."

A slight hint of a smile ghosted Tezuka's face. "Comfortable?"

Fuji just smiled, one of those genuine content smiles he rarely used. It might have been a little uncomfortable for him, it might take a heap of effort for him to push away those instincts that told him to back away, but overall, it was a sacrifice Fuji was prepared to make. He reasoned that he couldn't just keep taking and taking, he didn't want there to be a time when Tezuka might not have anything left to give.

He moved off the bed and stood at the door. "We need to leave soon." It was all he said, but he knew it was enough.

While Tezuka got ready, Fuji packed what they would need that day. He picked up a backpack and stuffed a blanket, a couple of books, and two of his cameras inside it. Making his way down to the kitchen, he made a couple of lunch boxes, and stowed it into the bag as well. He was a little nervous about taking Tezuka with him that day, but he reasoned that it might be something nice to share with a friend.

Fuji locked the door behind them as they left the house, idly wondering where it was that his sister had gone that weekend. He dismissed the thought though, and focused on the path in front of them. Glancing at his watch, he noted that they had about ten minutes to make it to the bus stop. That was plenty of time.

"Where are we going, Fuji?" There was real curiosity in Tezuka's voice, at least, Fuji could hear it.

Smiling eyes turned towards Tezuka. "My Grandfathers, I need to pick up something."

"We're not staying then?" There was relief in that voice, relief that Fuji knew came from Tezuka's wish to get what he claimed when he won the bet.

"No… I just need to pick up something."

The bus ride, as is the nature of bus rides, was uneventful, and spent in easy silence as they rode to the outskirts of Tokyo. Tezuka decided to wait outside while Fuji went in to pick up what he needed, leaving the bag with the other boy.

The photo studio was old, but had a good reputation, and wasn't usually open on a Sunday, but Fuji had connections to the owner. His Grandfather greeted him at the door and allowed him entrance into the shop. It was one of Fuji's favourite places to come when he needed to think, relax…or if he just wanted to pick up supplies, and one of his regular Sunday haunts.

His Grandfather had everything imaginable to do with old fashioned photography. The shop smelled as if it held a thousand musty secrets. Tripods, camera's, different film sorts, lenses, lighting equipment… everything was there. He had to remind himself not to dwell in there for too long, so he didn't even contemplate going to the darkroom until later.

Weaving his way between the shelves, he plucked out the things he'd need. The bulkier black and white film for his _Rollei_ , as well as its colour film. He frowned and retrieved some normal 35mm film as well. He _had _brought the Canon with them as well, since he wanted to try something and didn't think the _Rollei_ would be appropriate for it.

He emerged from the sales room and thanked his Grandfather. "Is it still all right if we come back in a few hours and use the darkroom?"

The old man locked the door, and turned round to face his grandson, handing Fuji the key. "Of course it is, Syusuke. We may be out though, sooo…"

"Thank you." Fuji headed back to Tezuka, bag in hand, keys slipped into his pocket. He waved a hand at the taller boy motioning him to follow and began the rather long walk they'd need to take.

He could feel Tezuka next to him, as if the older boy wanted to ask something, but didn't quite know how to phrase it. The silence they walked in wasn't as easy as that on the bus had been, but it also wasn't hostile. So, after a while, Fuji thought he'd spare the other boy some misery. "Ne, Tezuka?"

"What are you doing?" The voice was lightly frustrated, and every bit curious.

Fuji flashed a smile at his friend. "I'm going to show you how to make a second last for as close to eternity as possible."

"You've discovered time travel?" The droll question belied the fact that Tezuka was obviously trying hard not to smile. Amusement sparked behind those brown eyes as he watched Fuji.

Fuji did laugh as they walked up the hill and finally came to rest where he wanted to be. He smiled, taking in the view of Tokyo before them. "No, it's something far more simple than that."

He turned to see Tezuka watching him thoughtfully, and Fuji chuckled once more as he knelt in front of the bags now situated on the ground. Rumaging through them he pulled out the blanket first and set it down, followed quickly by the lunch boxes he'd packed. With great care he then took out two leather cases. The smaller one was set easily on the blanket, the second one stayed in his hands.

"Have you ever taken a photo before, Tezuka?" smiling cerulean eyes watched the taller boy. Out here they were alone, there was no reason for him to hide. Not reason for him not to smile either, not when it concerned one of his passions.

"Of course I have. You know I have a camera." Tezuka seemed a little confused by the question.

Fuji snickered a little at the indignation in his friend's voice. "No, I mean have _you_ ever taken a photo. Not your camera… have you ever seriously been the one who did all the work?"

Tezuka blinked and shook his head, eyes thoughtful. He squatted down so that he was opposite Fuji, and looked at the prodigy seriously. "Work? No…what do you mean…work?"

The shorter boy moved so that he sat down next to the other camera he'd placed there. Resting the case he had in his hands gently next to him, he picked up the smaller one and undid it. He pulled out a sleek black and silver camera, checking over a few things before nodding slightly and fishing one of the films out of the other bag. Looking up at Tezuka, he ignored the question for the moment. "Black and white or colour?"

The taller boy looked slightly puzzled. "Colour…"

With a nod, Fuji began threading the appropriate film into the camera. He stood up and walked over to the edge of the area they were in. Hand to his eyes he looked out over the cityscape and smiled. Looking back at Tezuka, Fuji motioned for the older boy to join him, waiting to speak until he did. "You see that?"

Tezuka's brow furrowed in what seemed to be slight annoyance. "Of course I see that."

Fuji shook his head. "Ahh, but Tezuka, do you really see? It's a moment that's already gone, already passed, a moment that will never exist again. And you missed it." Syusuke grinned impishly and raised the camera to his eyes, sighting it on the scene before him, locking it, adjusting the focus, speed and light. Stopping down the shutter, he evaluated, accepted and clicked once…… and he did it all in the blink of an eye.

He turned back to Tezuka, waving the camera under the other boy's nose. "And that moment… just then, I now have… captured on film until the end of time… or the paper gets burned." Fuji chuckled. It was the perfect day for this, and he felt strangely happy for having thought to bring Tezuka with him.

Tezuka stood with his arms crossed, a slight frown marring his face. "It's a camera, Fuji. It takes a picture. Anyone can take a picture, all you do is press a button."

"But that takes all the fun out of it! You need to feel what you're seeing, you need to understand what you're photographing…or else you can't interpret how you should ultimately develop the picture." Seeing Tezuka's face still not comprehending, Fuji tried a different tactic. "Anyone can hit a tennis ball, yes?"

"Of course…"

"But it takes knowledge and ability to be able to appreciate the game and wring the most from it, ne?"

Tezuka smiled slightly. "Ah, _now_ I see."

Still smiling, genuinely smiling, Fuji offered something he'd never offered before. "Want me to show you?"

The taller boy just nodded. Fuji walked the small distance to the other boy and held out the camera. "It's a Canon Rebel, fairly new model considering what I prefer to use, but it's quite good. You can set it on automatic or manual, but the automatic setting is no fun." His fingers glossed over the smooth surface, smile still tugging at his lips as he continued. "Here… you focus with this, and here you can adjust the range…to help you set just what you're focusing on." He pointed to a small switch on the front of the camera. "That is what you can press to make sure you are going to get what you want to get. It's always a good idea to take a second picture if you're not sure you got what you needed the first time. And remember, that you need to do it as fast and be as steady as possible. Every second is different, the light, the air, the shadows…maybe not much, but it is different." He gave Tezuka a gentle push. "Go take a picture of something."

Tezuka's only response was to turn to Fuji with a question in his eyes, which the prodigy laughed at before answering. "It's easy to use Tezuka, trial and error. I've made sure we have enough film. So just look around, listen to the sounds, let the surroundings affect you. Take pictures of whatever appeals to you."

If Tezuka was put off by an extremely talkative Fuji, he didn't show it. All he did was nod his head and move away, actually making the effort to look at things.

Fuji turned his attention to the other case. Kneeling on the blanket, he lifted the small, heavy object in his hands and uncovered it. It was his pride and joy, had been his grandfathers years and years ago. He'd been given it on his twelfth birthday, after having shown a huge interest in Photography. Reaching into the bag he'd gotten from the studio, he pulled out a rather large roll of film.

Just as he was about to open the bottom of the camera, Tezuka's shadow fell over him again. "Mmm?" he murmured looking up and squinting because of the sunlight behind Tezuka. He noted that the Canon was safely tucked in the other boy's hands.

"What sort of camera is that?" There was genuine curiosity in the taller boy's voice.

"_Rollei 2.8 TX GLR_." Fuji said, and smiled, knowing that Tezuka would be groaning inwardly with that answer, but the younger boy was in a good mood, and he felt like playing.

And as usual, Tezuka bit. "Why does it look… so different?"

"Because it's viewfinder is at the top! See…" Holding out the camera with both hands, because of the weight, Fuji knew that Tezuka couldn't help but see where the viewfinder was. "It's a little different than most, but if you take the time to learn how to use it properly, you can almost work magic with it." He chuckled. " It's amazing what an eighty year old design can do… it's amazing what you can do with something you understand."

"I know…" Tezuka's voice was soft and thoughtful, and his meaning had nothing to do with photography.

With a brighter smile, Fuji set about putting the film in his camera. He opened the bottom, took out the film holder, inserted the roll and unwound the paper and film to thread it through. Then he rolled it up until he could see the first arrow, before slapping the camera closed and letting it wind itself from there. As he watched it's old mechanism's work, he heard a click and looked up… to see a camera pointed at him, and then heard another click.

Slight surprise registered on his face. "Tezuka?"

The older boy smirked, a slight upturn of lips. "I'm taking pictures…"

Fuji raised an eyebrow, smiling once again. "I noticed that."

"… of what appeals to me…" and with that Tezuka walked over to the edge and could be seen trying to focus the camera on something over the side.

Chuckling, Fuji stood up. He decided that sometimes…sharing could be nice. Both of them took photo's, Fuji having to change rolls more often than Tezuka because his camera only took on rolls of 16, and because Fuji was a far more adept at his hobby. The prodigy could feel his friend's eyes on him occasionally, as well as hear the shutter click in his direction sometimes, but he chose to ignore it.

Fuji loved the feel of controlling the image. Years of practice, of sharing a hobby with his grandfather, made his movements as smooth as if he'd been born with the _Rollei_ in his hands. Holding it at waist height he looked through the finder, wound it on, adjusted the focus, the speed and the light and anything else that was currently lacking, before clicking the shutter to capture the moment.

Every time he clicked the shutter, he got a tiny thrill, just knowing that he'd have that moment, that instant all to himself for as long as he cared to … well, care. An idea struck him, perhaps not overly original, but an idea nevertheless. He turned to face Tezuka, watching how the other boy concentrated on a group of trees, lightly tsking under his breath when he couldn't get the focus right. Fuji had to keep himself from laughing and remind himself that Tezuka was still learning.

Setting the camera in place, Fuji lined everything up that needed to be and gently called Tezuka's name. The taller boy turned his head, camera held out to the side of him, a slight smile on his otherwise stern features, hair swaying in the force the movement created…and Fuji flicked the shutter, freezing that moment forever.

The prodigy smiled as Tezuka approached, cradling his prized _Rollei_ in his arms. "Don't even think it, my grandfather gave this to me."

"Fuji…" Tezuka made a grab for the smaller boy, but Fuji danced out of the way, laughing.

"Come on, _Captain_…take some of your own medicine! Or are you afraid I'll use this to blackmail you?" Fuji's voice was teasingly light. "Trust me… this is nothing compared to what I _could_ blackmail you with" He winked at Tezuka.

Tezuka blinked. "You have more?"

"Maybe I do… Maybe I don't." Fuji was in an amazingly good mood, and he took a second to feel sorry for Tezuka, but only a second. "Anyway, we're about done here…we should be getting back, or I won't have the time to show you how to preserve the moments you've captured."

Still looking slightly disgruntled, all Tezuka did was raise an eyebrow and follow Fuji's lead.

Not much later they were standing inside Fuji's Grandfather's studio. The lighting inside was dim, and Fuji set down their things on the counter, removing the last film from the cameras before turning to face his friend. "Which film of yours first?"

Tezuka looked thoughtful. "The third."

Fuji nodded, picking up the right one in the hand already holding his own. "When we go into the darkroom, just stay at the door and turn the light on when I tell you to. I have some things I need to do before the light can be turned back on."

Making his way to the back of the studio, Fuji heard Tezuka fall into step behind him. He opened the door to the darkroom, and made his way to where he needed to be. He stopped next to a few film canisters that sat on the bench, and turned to nod to Tezuka. "Ok, now would be good." The lights flicked off, plunging the room into darkness.

There was a slight gasp from Tezuka and Fuji chuckled at it. His fingers deftly placed the 35mm film on the reel before dropping it into a canister, and at the same time absently spoke. "Mmm, Tezuka?"

"It's pitch black."

"What didn't you understand when I said darkroom?" Slender fingers worked at the paper backing to the film for his _Rollei._ It was the only drawback Fuji saw to his favourite camera, the task of peeling the paper off _while _he was trying to thread the film onto the reel, in the darkness…was never easy. But it was so definitely worth it.

"Very droll, Fuji." Tezuka sounded annoyed. "I didn't expect there to be no light at all."

"Ahh," said Fuji, finally having the second film loaded he dropped it into the other canister and popped the lid closed. "Well, it's over now. You can turn them back on." The light switched on, making Fuji blink at the brightness for a second. He bent down and picked up two bottles of fluid as Tezuka approached. Handing one to his friend he spoke softly, as if halfway lost in thought. "Do what I do…but do it twice more than me. Your film is a different type."

Fuji lifted the bottle, pouring in through a slit in the container, and saw Tezuka doing the same. "This is the developer. You can stop yours now… start timing thirty second intervals and tap your canister three times." Fuji stopped pouring his only shortly afterwards. "After thirty seconds, flip the canister. You need to make sure that you've covered everything and not neglected even one part of the film inside." Fuji flipped his seven times before walking to the sink and emptying the contents, reminding Tezuka briefly. "You still have another turn left. When you're done, empty the liquid out."

Tezuka did as he was told, and when he was finished a different bottle was held out to him. Fuji smiled. "This is a neutraliser. And here we go again. Make sure you have enough in there to cover the film up, and then you begin with the tap, turn again." They repeated the process, a thoughtful look on Tezuka's face.

Once again the liquid was emptied down the sink when they were done. Tezuka's eyes were glued to the way Fuji worked, and the prodigy could feel it, but he was too busy concentrating… trying to show… hoping he could. "You chose colour film, which is a little… petulant." Fuji snickered. "It has to have a particular temperature, and my Grandfather is nice enough to have a tap set to nineteen degrees Celsius, which is really making this easier on you."

He indicates for Tezuka to hold the canister in the right position so that a tap next to the sinks can run water into it, and then does the same for his own. "Now we swish the water around for a good while."

"You used black and white?"

Fuji nods. "It's more…it's… so many shadows, so many different hidden things it can pick up that colour can't. There are so many shades of grey, Tezuka." The last is said wistfully, and cerulean eyes look up to meet brown.

"I know, Fuji." It's all the taller boy said, but if made Fuji think that he might be getting his point across after all.

"We have to make sure that all of the other solution is off, so it's better to rinse a little longer than to not rinse enough."

"Ahh," Tezuka grew thoughtful. "So you do all of this to prepare the film, before washing it clean… so that it can become something else?"

Fuji smiled softly, a slight sigh of something close to satisfaction. "Yes…exactly." Tipping out the water he murmured softly, knowing that Tezuka could hear anyway. "It can become that perfection in time, which you sought to capture… if you take enough care."

"Ahh, I see." Was the response Tezuka gave, yet again.

But this time Fuji knew it was true.

~~**~~

AN:

GAH… I have to stop it with the analogies, because that one almost killed me! The build up… LORD the build up *groans*

The skyline they're looking at is that one from that episode where they all go to watch the sun rise because Oishi is such a sap /snicker… that's the kind of vantage point I had in mind… just so you know.


	14. Envelop Me

**Title**: _Smile: Envelop Me_

**Author**: Arithion  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: Kinda sorta almost TezxFuji

**Chapter**: 14/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Bit of angst, um bit of cuteness… more analogies… yeah hehehe… covers episodes 24 - 27

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Envelop Me**

Lights dimmed, Fuji stood with his hands on his hips, watching the rolls of negatives drip dry from where they were hung. Granted, he could have used the more modern dryer… but there was just something about doing things the old fashioned way that appealed to him. Tezuka stood off to the left a little, watching the same reels dry, a slight frown on his face.

Syusuke laughed. "It's not that bad, you know."

"I didn't think it was." Tezuka's voice was soft, and Fuji was fairly certain his friend was thinking about things that had nothing to do with photography.

With a slight sigh he moved closer to look at the negatives, determined them dry and decided to pick the larger ones – his pictures – first. There were still a few things Fuji wanted to… make a point of, and this was the only way he could think of to get Tezuka to understand. Visual aids _could_ work wonders, after all.

Fuji motioned for Tezuka to come join him he was about to speak when Tezuka spoke first. "I always thought negatives came after the photo…" There was mild curiosity in that voice.

Syusuke chuckled. "No. Without the negative, I can't print the pictures. I have nothing from which to define what I've taken."

Tezuka's next words were murmured so softly that Fuji might have thought he didn't hear them. "Mmm foundations to build upon…"

Fuji just smiled and simply cropped the negative he wanted to use the most. Bypassing the more modern machine in which he could easily dispose of the negative and let it take over, Fuji made his way to an older set up, vaguely aware of Tezuka following him. The prodigy smiled, fingering the negative delicately, making sure not to smudge it in any way.

He kept up a murmur of running narrative as he prepared to print the picture, and couldn't help thinking that he'd chosen it well for the purpose he intended it for. "A lot of photo studios use machines these days, but I can never seem to get the same sense of satisfaction out of them. I like to feel what I'm doing, to touch it… see what could and couldn't be, all the possibilities at once." They open like the paths you're disinclined to chose, and yet offer you the whisper of so many forgotten promises, he thought, but didn't add.

Fuji could feel Tezuka come to rest behind him, watching what he was doing, and instead of feeling annoyed or agitated like he would if it were anyone else, he simply felt comfortable. So it was easy for him to continue, because he didn't need Tezuka to speak, or answer, or ask questions to know that the other boy was listening.

"You need to see what you're doing." The negative was slipped onto the slide and masked appropriately. Fuji then fished for some of the paper he needed, and put the light sensitive material on the tray. "Need to make sure the focus is right, the filters, if you use any, are correct, and that overall, you're going to get the moment that you captured and not just some cheap imitation of it. Because that's what the machines do… they have no…sense…" He bent over and began to focus, check, focus, and attach the filters that he felt were necessary, although he didn't want much for this one… this one would be better as natural as possible.

The necessary checking out of the way, Fuji made a noise like satisfaction under his breath. He switched on the printers light and began to watch the paper carefully… narrating his actions with a soft, slightly distracted voice. "Now we print, but you can't just let it _print_. That would be pointless. This won't be the final… draft." He almost chuckled at the last, finding it strangely appropriate. Tezuka shifted a little behind him and Fuji bent to his task.

Syusuke started by exposing parts of the paper, two inches at a time. "You need to make sure you capture what you want in its best possible light. This looks a little different, but it's easier to judge what degree of exposure would be best for your subject." Slowly Fuji pulled the paper through, every ten seconds, pulling the mask back a little at a time so that he had strips of paper with varying degrees of exposure. He took a step back when finished and shivered slightly, feeling the brush of air along the back of his head that told him Tezuka was standing closer than he thought.

Moving a bit he then fixed and rinsed the picture, and set it to the side before starting on another run through. He repeated the process another five times, adjusting the filters, and the exposure along with them. When he finished rinsing the last one he moved to let a little more light on the situation. He wouldn't be able to see what exposure was right if he didn't do that. Tezuka moved over to the pictures, looking at them, that slight frown still on his face. When Fuji returned the taller boy asked simply. "Why?"

Fuji's face softened a little. "See how the strips highlight your face differently? How they highlight your hair and the very tension that surrounds you?"

Tezuka's only answer was a partially confused nod.

"And you see how some of the filters add a softness to the atmosphere and others are harsher?"

Again a nod, but less confused.

"So you can see how much more there can be to this than just a machine that you press a button on, ne, Tezuka?" There was a soft smile in Fuji's voice as he pushed his friend to understand what he was saying… what he was trying to show him.

"Yes…" Tezuka's voice seemed hesitant, knowing, but not quite believing yet.

So Fuji pushed that little bit more. "Tell me, Tezuka, which light do you think you look best in?"

His friend blinked at him, a raw look passing over his face so briefly that had Fuji not been intent on watching, he would have missed it. In that look he saw the person that Tezuka kept hidden, the person that he'd been sure was under there all along. That vulnerable side that no one ever got close enough to see, because the older boy hid it so damn well. The fact that Tezuka, despite outward appearances, was still a child with a child's hopes, dreams… and uncertainties.

In that brief instant Tezuka let Fuji in, finally, fully, and the prodigy smiled a true smile… and waited, just waited for the answer his friend would give.

A hand reached out, briefly brushing the hair out of Fuji's in a gesture that spoke of trust. "This one… " Brown eyes locked momentarily with Fuji's. "Because… it… finds me."

That was all he needed to say, he knew it and Fuji knew it. As Fuji dimmed the light, and retrieved another sheet of paper, the silence was pleasurable, easy… and welcomed.

When Fuji developed the picture…it showed the strength, the vulnerability, the determination, the confusion, the charisma, the concentration, the pain and the discipline that it took to be who Tezuka Kunimitsu was. In short… he'd captured the moment he wanted for as close to an eternity as was possible.

And Fuji wasn't about to give it up.

~*~

Fuji was glad of the Sunday, because for some reason Tezuka seemed a lot more relaxed after it. He was also glad for it because that following week, his friend decided to keep something from him and the prodigy wasn't used to it. It was quite easy to notice when the taller boy was thinking about something.

And then of course, Tezuka seemed distracted that morning when they got ready for school. His voice was distant when he spoke. "I can't come over tonight. I have plans."

Fuji blinked and smiled. "Well, I'll let you off just this once."

Tezuka only seemed to half acknowledge Fuji's flippant answer and shrugged with a slight grunt as he shouldered his school bag and headed towards the door. Fuji almost frowned, hurrying his steps to catch up with his taller friend. There was something wrong, but for the life of him, Fuji couldn't figure out what. And when Tezuka was disinclined to tell you something, he didn't tell you.

It felt strange when Tezuka didn't appear to the practice that afternoon as well, and Fuji's eyes narrowed when it appeared that Echizen and Oishi weren't there either. All sick? That was just strange, and besides, Fuji knew for a fact that Tezuka wasn't sick in the slightest.

He didn't let it worry him; at least he thought he didn't. Tezuka was able to look after himself after all, and wouldn't appreciate Fuji thinking that he couldn't. And that wasn't it anyway. The thing that was slowly gnawing at him was the fact that there was obviously something that Tezuka didn't think he could share with Fuji.

Not even his music and rocking chair could put the thoughts out of Fuji's mind. He ran through the possibilities. That Tezuka had an injury, he knew. That his friend was slowly recovering and should be okay for the up and coming tournaments was something he also knew. He also knew that Tezuka had been watching Echizen closely.

Fuji opened his eyes and blinked, ignoring the fact that his stomach ran cold at that thought for some reason. He let himself remember that it was their last year of junior high. Knowing Tezuka he would be thinking about that. It made Fuji smile, because he couldn't help but be fairly sure, somehow, that he knew what Tezuka was doing. And suddenly he didn't feel as bad as he had before.

The next day saw Tezuka and Echizen missing training once more, but Fuji no longer worried about it. Tezuka would come over when he was ready to again, and not a moment before, so it was useless to dwell. Fuji simply refused to admit that he might miss his friend…well maybe a little.

The next day was a little strange. It seemed that Echizen's cat had followed him to school. The boy was beside himself and had headed back home to search for it, when Momo caught it in the clubroom. Fuji found it highly amusing, and would perhaps have laughed a little more, had he not been so aware of the fact that Tezuka seemed to be ignoring him, even though they walked side by side.

It chafed a little, and so, as they were all walking home and Fuji's sister offered him a ride home, he gladly accepted it … and tried not to laugh at the look on Momo's face when the boy saw Yumiko. So he said goodbye to his friends and climbed in the car.

"Syusuke, you're quiet." Yumiko sounded concerned.

"No… I'm just thinking."

Yumiko stopped the car in their driveway and looked at him for a few seconds. "So is he…" And with that cryptic comment that Fuji could make far too much sense of, she got out of the car.

He wished he could damn her insightfulness some of the time. Getting out of the car he slung his bag over his shoulder and walked into the house, not bothering to smile in the process. To be honest, he couldn't really be bothered right then… he began to think that he'd pushed his friend a little too far on Sunday and that Tezuka was now regretting the knowledge that Fuji had the insight into him that he did.

Chiding himself as climbed the stairs, Fuji decided to jump to conclusions when he had some information other than just supposition. Suddenly he felt the urge to play, to get out some of his frustration in a way he understood. He changed quickly and headed back down stairs, pulling a loose crème jumper over his head, and almost collided with his sister.

"Oh," he smiled at her. "You going out?"

She nodded. "I just had a call." Slipping on her shoes she looked up at him and smiled too. "Don't stay up too late!" And in a swirl of her usual vibrancy, she was gone.

Fuji sighed, and decided to go punish the piano keys. It was an easy way for him to think, to sort through thoughts, and feelings and things that he generally didn't like to think he possessed… the things he generally liked to ignore. Fingers cascaded lovingly over the keys, in a way he couldn't when he thought someone might see him. The hearing was never a problem, just the seeing.

Fingers flowed gently as he played, but then felt the need to be less gentle, felt the need for turbulence… to vent, to be, and just to let go. His piano wasn't an organ, but he'd long ago adapted _Bach's little fugues in G-minor_ to suit that instrument. It was the speed he needed, to wrest his concentration away from things that were confusing him, and to place it with the music, making him become a part of it.

As always it took a few minutes for him to come back to himself when he finished that piece, his breathing even sped up. When his awareness returned properly, he realised there was someone knocking on the door. Standing up he made his way to the entrance hall to open the door, half expecting and half hoping who would be there.

Tezuka stood on the step, bag slung over his shoulder, eyes focused on Fuji from behind sun-glinted glasses. "The prefecturals are tomorrow."

Fuji nodded, a small smile gracing his face. "I know."

The taller boys eyes flicked to the ground once, before looking back at Fuji with determination. "I… had…"

With a slight chuckle, Fuji stepped aside to let the other boy inside. Tezuka seemed almost grateful not to have to finish what he'd been about to say. "Sometimes you just need to, Tezuka." Fuji didn't need to add that he understood… because they both knew it.

Tezuka smiled, a slight smirk almost. "Even on a road trip?"

Fuji laughed, as they headed into the kitchen, feeling fully at ease once again. "Maybe, especially then…"

~~**~~

Okay well yes… there you go. I didn't go into as much detail with this part of the photography as I could have, but there was only really one point I wanted to get across hehe

Hope you enjoyed it.

Thankeee!


	15. Worry Me

**Title**: _Smile: Worry Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship… imply all you want though…ok and I'm willing to admit shonen-ai hints too…*grumbles*

**Chapter**: 15/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_: _okies… covers the time period of the prefecs… up until end of episode 35. A little different to previous chapters, but it kind of has to be, or else it wouldn't fit in with the anime lol. Angry Fuji, annoyed Fuji, yummy understanding Tezuka, huggly implications… and I AM SO TIRED…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Worry Me**

The Prefecturals began just the way that Fuji thought they would, predictable, boring and easy, but he watched them anyway, needing to keep his mind distracted. His eyes saw the faults and the weaknesses of the players, idly storing them away for ways they could be used against their owners. He watched his team-mates with a sense of pride, and yet he saw the mistakes they made as clear as day. Although aware that he himself was far from perfect, Fuji had always been able to find out what made others that little bit more vulnerable, and use it against them.

It was the way he was, a way he couldn't help. He never really thought anything of it. It was a fact of life that the strong ate the weak, and Fuji refused to be weak. If no one saw something that couldn't be seen, they'd never know him. He chuckled softly at the warped thought.

The only highlights were when he could watch Tezuka play. Echizen was good, but he didn't have the fluidity that Tezuka did when he moved, didn't have that same confidence, quiet arrogance and oozing charisma. When Fuji watched his friend play, he could feel the passion, feel that power… purely for the game. It almost made the prodigy sad, because it was a feeling that eluded him.

He knew it was going to come, he'd known it all along. Seigaku was good, infact, they were excellent, so there was never a doubt in Fuji's mind as to whether or not they would make it to the best eight. He'd also been quite certain that his brother's school, St. Rudolph, would make it too, which in fact, they did.

Fuji understood why his brother had chosen to attend another school, although it hurt that he'd chosen to be a boarder and stay away from home as much as possible. The prodigy didn't think he'd like it himself if someone always compared him to someone else. Losing your identity because of another friend, or a sibling wasn't something Fuji thought would be comfortable. He'd even toyed with the idea of stopping to play tennis purely because his relationship with his brother had deteriorated.

And it definitely had. They'd been so close as children. Barely a year separated them, and yet, with their father's almost constant absence – that of their mother being only slightly less – Fuji felt that he needed to be there for Yuuta. Maybe he'd smothered his brother, maybe he'd been too caring, but Fuji couldn't help it. He was the older brother; he was supposed to look out for Yuuta.

The gulf between them widened when Fuji entered Junior high, and, as usual, Fuji smiled. It almost tore him apart to watch his younger brother pulling away from him, from the family. Yet, at the same time, if it was what Yuuta wanted, and needed, then Fuji would never stand in his way.

"Need a drink?" The voice was soft and soothing, asking so much more than the words said, and offering so much more than could be conceived.

That shadow fell over him, welcomed him, and calmed him. Fuji looked up to see Tezuka's stern face looking down at him. "Yeah…"

They fell into step beside each other, silence blanketing them once again. Fuji sometimes thought that the silence was wrong. They were supposed to be teenagers after all, but it was just so easy to be like that, that he really didn't care if it wasn't exactly normal. He'd never been normal anyway.

Fuji stopped and leaned against the brick wall of the hut where the soda machines were while Tezuka got himself a drink. The methodical way Tezuka put the coins in the machine, right down to the thunk of the can; it was all familiar, and somehow made Fuji feel better.

Hands bunched in his pockets, Fuji just smiled, staring straight ahead. He could feel Tezuka's eyes on him, offering to listen, just letting him know that the older boy was there. And for every second of it, Fuji was grateful.

Cheers were erupting; making it apparent that Hyotei had won once again. Fuji stretched his arms, bringing them to cradle his head away from the wall, so his hair didn't keep catching against the bricks. His voice was contemplative, yet firm; his resolve obvious. "As expected, Kantou Region Tournament's usual participant has won."

His reference was to Hyotei, and yet at the same time, he knew Tezuka could hear the underlying unease that Fuji felt. The cheering got louder, and Tezuka threw his head back to drink his drink. Fuji listened for a minute, turning briefly to look at Tezuka before facing back away from him and continuing to speak.

"Just once, I'd like to play in the middle of a cheering crowd like that." His voice was wistful and needing. Not just tennis, but a thousand other things that he dreamed of. He knew Tezuka would hear him, and Fuji didn't need a response. All he needed was that solid presence at his side, being there for him… like it seemed he always had.

And then it was time for them to play. When Tezuka stood up and walked past him, brushing against Fuji's arm in the process, the prodigy smiled… actually finding comfort in that touch.

~*~

Second singles. It seemed Ryuzaki-sensai was serious about this opponent. As Fuji and Tezuka stood and watched, it was also too obvious that she was right. There was something about their play style, something that set Fuji's blood on edge. It also seemed Inui had been right. The other team appeared to have their data.

It was hard enough to stand and watch Kaidoh and Momo play them. The other team were cocky, arrogant and had something up their sleeve. Fuji suppressed a chill. He didn't like it when other people didn't play fair.

Stopping the game in the middle of it was bad enough on its own. But that manager, had somehow…

"Calling time out when it's bad for them, eh." Tezuka's question was rhetorical, but Fuji knew he wanted a response.

"He cleverly dampened Momo's fighting spirit."

"Yeah, but it seems like he has other intentions also."

Fuji opened his eyes, having to agree with Tezuka as the St. Rudolph manager approached the side of the fence where Inui was standing. The prodigy would have given his right arm to be a fly on that fence right then… well maybe not really his arm, but he would liked to have known.

They watched the rest of the match, occasionally commenting, answering or just saying nothing in return. The boomerang snake made another appearance, and Fuji thought it was safe to say that he was fairly shocked. It seemed everyone was. After that it went downhill for the other team, literally. He wished he'd had his camera with him to record Yanagizawa getting smashed in the face, but he guessed he'd have to live with just having the memory to rely on.

It was the match between the other school and Seigaku's Golden Pair that really got to Fuji. He watched as his friend wilted, concern blooming in him when Echizen pointed out that the ball was being hit in a specific way so as to cause the redhead some exhaustion. It made the prodigy angry.

It was stooping low, very low. Using a players special talents against them, and literally hurting them. Fuji admitted that Eiji needed to work on endurance, but stealing that endurance through an illusion… it was just plain wrong.

They rallied, they never gave up, just because that was who Eiji and Oishi were. Their strength of will was amazing, and it made Fuji proud. He was proud to know someone who had such amazing character, even in light of dirty tactics. Fuji's eyes drifted briefly to the black haired manager, Mizuki. The Seigaku prodigy was fairly certain he knew where those tactics stemmed from. It made him almost look forward to his match.

When Eiji almost collapsed at the end, just not able to make it that smidgen further, Fuji had to stop himself from running to his side, knowing that Oishi would take care of the redhead. They were both so sorry for losing, when it hadn't been any of their fault whatsoever. Fuji decided right then that there were two type of data tennis. The one that Inui used, which literally calculated possibilities, exploiting your weakness in a way that didn't require underhanded tricks.

Then there was the one Mizuki apparently used. Finding a strength and disabling it, pushing the player deliberately. It was a dangerous type, and Fuji found himself having a strong dislike for that person. There were reasons to hurt people, but none of them involved just tennis.

It would be Yuuta's turn to play soon, so Fuji went looking for his brother even though he knew that he wouldn't be welcome. Sometimes he wondered if it was just a perverse need to feel that pain in his chest every time that he sought the other boy out. Other times he knew it was, because he _needed_ to feel it, to make sure he really existed.

He watched his brother practice a shot, and his eyes narrowed in thought. Yuuta was talking to one of his teammates. He seemed so angry all of the time now. Fuji couldn't help but think that it was his fault, just like his brother blamed him for most other things. And when his brother saw him, the friend commented on something to do with Yuuta being Fuji's younger brother.

The reaction Yuuta had was predictable, but still saddened the prodigy. It would never cease to amaze him just how much his sibling detested being associated with him, and it hurt like hell. So Fuji smiled, quickly covering the lapse, quickly pushing down the pain. It was the only way he could deal, the only way he could be who everyone expected him to be…including Yuuta.

As the other student ran away, Fuji stood, eyes resting on Yuuta's face. He noticed that even in a short time, his brother seemed to have grown. The other boy was growing up without him, didn't need him anymore, and Fuji kept having to remind himself of that.

"You look great, Yuuta." He hoped his voice sounded normal, and didn't give away just how much this was getting to him. "Are you used to dorm living yet?" There was still no response, no sign from the other boy, so Fuji pressed on, not wanting silence to remind him of how alone he truly was… not without Tezuka there to take it away. "I thought for sure you were going to be playing first or second singles. I was looking forward to the match…"

The air changed, the tension rose, and although it was a reaction, Fuji wanted the earth to swallow him up whole. He didn't show it, no, he didn't show it. The smile saved him, saved anyone from seeing the torn up mess he was within right then. He was glad, he didn't think he'd be able to stomach the sight himself.

Yuuta's voice was anger personified when the boy spoke. "Don't lie to me. I don't care if you think so!"

Fuji couldn't keep the surprise off his face. Did Yuuta care _that_ little about what Fuji thought and did?

But his brother continued, and Fuji was drawn to listen, whether he wanted to or not.

The freshman who beat Inui-san for the regular spot…He's a good opponent for me!" The sentence was punctuated with anger, raw and true. "I'll use everything I have to crush that freshman! You can get beaten by Mizuki-san. That will ensure St. Rudolph's win."

Those words hurt, were aimed to hurt, they crushed, and were aimed to do that as well. Fuji no longer tried to keep the smile on his face as Yuuta brushed past, because there was no reason to keep up a wall that was crumbling. If he'd had a mirror right then, he was quite sure that he wouldn't have recognised himself.

And then Fuji got angry. What right did Yuuta have to be like this, to act this way? When had Fuji ever done anything to hurt his younger brother? He'd been there for him, helping him and tried to guide him when the absence of their parents grew obvious. "Putting me aside…Our Rookie won't be that easy to beat…Yuuta." He wondered idly if his brother knew just how much he could affect him.

His brother stopped and looked back at him. "I won't know… until I try."

Fuji watched him walk away, and then walked in the opposte direction to where the ball his brother had hit earlier was still jammed high up in the fence. That shot didn't impress him. In fact, it made Fuji angry. And there was only one place where that shot could have come from… Mizuki.

Fuji left to walk back to the match, and he wasn't looking forward to it one bit.

And so, Syusuke watched the match, standing alone, further away from Tezuka than usual. For some reason Inui was standing closer, and Fuji couldn't help a little annoyance. This was something he didn't know how to share, silent or not.

His brother's tennis had improved, and Fuji felt a swell of pride despite the pain inside. The rising shot was much better, and he smiled as he mentioned the fact in a low voice. The reaction from the other freshmen amused Fuji, and he turned open eyes to look at them. They didn't say anything else… he thought maybe he'd scared them. He'd been told he could do that sometimes…and right then, it suited his purpose.

Inui was a cool guy, but right then, when he decided to explain just what a rising shot was, Fuji would have dearly strangled him. He didn't need this… this interference. Couldn't they just watch the match?

He heard footsteps, and was close to readying a retort on his tongue when he realised who it was; Tezuka. Somehow it just made Fuji relax that little bit more. And when his friend spoke, the words as well as the tone, told him just how much Tezuka really understood.

"This is a complicated situation for you, Fuji."

But he couldn't help it, the smile stole back, and he turned his face away from his friend's, call it a reflex action he couldn't quite avoid. "Why's that?"

And he could feel those brown eyes watching him, unwavering in their resolve. He knew the thoughts going on in Tezuka's head, because they were his own. Fuji's memories swam of having been so proud and happy that his brother had come to Seigaku, and of the heartbreak and loneliness when that same boy decided he couldn't live within Fuji's shadow. So he answered the unspoken invitation.

"I'm okay with it if Yuuta's okay with it." But Fuji's eyes were open now, and he suddenly felt lost. And still he could feel his friend's eyes on him. It made it all seem just that bit easier. He didn't even move away when he stopped speaking, because he needed that comfort, and it felt good, just knowing Tezuka had known that too.

The twist serve was amazing, and yet, Yuuta managed to return it without a problem. Fuji's eyes opened. How much had his little brother grown? And how very much of it he hadn't needed Fuji for. That hurt, and the dislike the prodigy had for that manager, that Mizuki, grew even more. So far, so much… so little the person Fuji thought he knew. Yuuta almost felt like a stranger to him.

Yet, it almost pained Fuji to see Echizen even the score. He could hear the whisperings, the murmurings and he felt for his brother. It made Fuji wish, not for the first time, that he'd never been born the way he was. He wished that just for once, he could have been the second son, so that Yuuta wouldn't have had to stand in his shadow.

Tezuka was closer that he had been, and Fuji found he needed it, welcomed it. It allowed him to speak, softer than normal, so that not everyone could hear. "This is the time for Yuuta to shine. He hated to lose, even as a child." No answer was given, because none was needed. Fuji remembered things, in the company of someone who understood, and that was enough.

Then it came, that stance, that move Fuji had been dreading. Eyes open, no longer able to hide what he was feeling, Fuji just stared. The tension in his body was palpable, and he knew that Tezuka picked up on it. A twist spin shot. How could he? It was obvious by the smile on Mizuki's face, where Yuuta had learned that shot. Powerful it might be, but the damage it could do to his brother's still growing bones, was dangerous.

He calmed himself, not letting his temper get the better of him. Vaguely he felt Tezuka move away for a second, and clamped down on his temper all the more. He needed to be logical. Maybe Yuuta only used the shot sometimes, perhaps…

There it was again. One theory down the drain.

As the match progressed, so did Fuji's mood. It got worse and worse. The self-satisfied smirk on his brother's manager's face, made his blood boil. His brother might have gotten stronger, but that shot could ruin him, would ruin him. Didn't he even realise that he was holding his arm afterwards for extra support?

Even Ryoma had realised what that shot was doing. It made Fuji wish that Yuuta had thought about I himself. The scowl on Mizuki's face was enough to confirm what Fuji had been almost completely sure of anyway.

Echizen's Drive B almost woke Fuji out of his mood, but it just wasn't enough. He could feel Tezuka's burning pride in the boy and was almost glad that his friend's attention was focused somewhere else. He remembered seeing Yuuta walk away, remembered their goodbyes. Remembered how it had felt when he lost his brother, because that was what happened.

Even when Yuuta stopped using that shot, Fuji's annoyance didn't wane. Although he was proud and he knew that his brother would only keep getting stronger, Fuji couldn't help how he felt. The anger was slow, and burning, because Mizuki had hurt his brother, and Mizuki was going to pay.

In amidst the thoughts of how interesting it would be to play Echizen; behind a smiling façade, Fuji chose a plan of action, a plan of retribution. Now Fuji wasn't a violent person, it just wasn't his nature. But he looked, and he searched for the best place to hurt a person, to humiliate them. He wanted to humble Mizuki, wanted to show the world just what type of a person the black-haired boy was. Because when it got right down to it, how nice a person could you be if you taught that shot deliberately. Of course, Fuji would make sure of that first…

He went to his bag, to get ready for his game. Putting his jacket away, Fuji controlled his breathing, controlled his anger. Tezuka wasn't far away from him, again…still. The prodigy was grateful for it, grateful for the silence, the comfort and the silent agreement. At the same time that stance, Tezuka was asking him to talk, offering to listen, just like always.

Fuji took a deep breath. "Tezuka, do you feel like playing?"

The slightest movement of his friend, the shifting, making those brown eyes study Fuji even more intently. The smile dropped, his eyes opened, determination and fire the only things visible in them. He could feel his friend accept the sight, even if he also knew that Tezuka didn't quite approve.

"I'm sorry, but it doesn't look like we'll get to you this time."

Fuji wasn't going to lose, because he had a point to prove. He didn't wait for acceptance from his friend. If he couldn't have it, he'd deal with it later…but for right now, Fuji's need for retribution overrode everything else.

~~**~~

I am really sorry for any grammar stuff ups and spelling, because its almost 330 am… so bear with me… I will go through it again when I am more awake.

Sorry this chapter isn't as TezxFuji heavy. But please bear with me, the next few chapters are very important for the development of the story.

Reviews appreciated!


	16. Break Me

**Title**: _Smile: Break Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: G  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: None really, heavy Fuji/Tez friendship… imply all you want though…ok and I'm willing to admit shonen-ai hints too…*grumbles*

**Chapter**: Fifteen  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Episode 36 spoiled if you haven't already seen it. This is an extremely Fuji centric chapter, but trust me, it's needed. Angst, revenge, brotherly spat… la la la

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile: Break Me**

It wasn't just retribution because of his brother, it was the fact that Mizuki seemed to have no problem with sacrificing a teammate to win. Fuji made his way onto the court, mind seething with thoughts, all of them threatening to overwhelm him. He had to exert control over himself, had to make himself calm down enough to think rationally.

Cerulean eyes scanned the court and the surrounding areas, a slight frown crossing his face as he noted the lack of people there. It wasn't that no one was there. There were the two schools and their respective hangers on, and a few other interested parties, but it just wasn't enough for what Fuji wanted.

As they stood in front of the umpire, Fuji found himself smiling. He had an idea, and a way he could go about it. Although, he was fairly sure he might make a few people actually believe what was happening, it was a sacrifice Fuji was willing to make.

Standing opposite Mizuki at the net, Fuji's eyes peered out from behind tawny lashes. The handshake, the habitual handshake; there was no force in heaven or hell that would move him to giving that…boy… his hand. Just a fraction of space remained before their skin would touch, and Fuji withdrew his hand. Raising his chin slightly as the wind blew his hair, he opened his eyes.

He let all of his annoyance, frustration, anger; the pure disdain showed in his eyes. The one time he didn't feel that he had to hide his eyes lest they show how he truly felt, because he wanted Mizuki to know… to understand when his downfall came.

There was an arrogance, a cockiness about the other boy that made Fuji's hackles stand on end. Those smug eyes, that superior smile. Fuji would do more than knock them off that haughty face, he'd crush them until there was nothing but humiliation left.

And so the match began. Fuji served first. His shot wasn't weak and it wasn't his best. On the surface it showed things about him, allowed others to see a style of tennis, but on the underneath it was nothing like him at all. It was an illusion, Fuji's illusion. Never let a potential enemy see where your true self lies, and to Fuji, almost everyone was a potential enemy.

It was easily returnable, and it let Fuji gauge his opponent's own strengths. The return was strong and confident, but only because Mizuki presumed that Fuji would not be able to reach it. It was hard to resist reaching out for it, hard to resist playing to simply crush. But crushing wasn't enough, and Fuji wasn't one to rush if biding his time could get him what he wanted in a more satisfying way.

Fuji was losing, but it didn't matter. That was the plan, after all. He shut out the murmurs he could hear, shut out the disappointment he could feel emanating from so many of the lookers on, and concentrated on what he was doing. With every ball that Mizuki hit, Fuji read him. He read the way the other boy moved, the timing with which he swung his racket, and the choice of shots that he made.

He watched for signs of weakness, and saw that Mizuki relied quite heavily on the fact that he thought he knew how Fuji played. Syusuke had to suppress a smirk. No one knew how Fuji played; not Inui, not Ryuzaki-sensai…not even Tezuka. Whatever made Mizuki think that he knew Fuji's strengths and weaknesses, stemmed from pure arrogance.

The only thing that Fuji couldn't quite shake, was the slightly concerned eyes Tezuka was resting on him. He knew his friend could see that he wasn't actually losing, that he had something up his sleeve. But Fuji couldn't spare time for that, not if he wanted to do what he'd set out to do.

The crowd around the court was growing, and it made Fuji smile, despite himself. People were so predictable. Coming to see the Seigaku prodigy get thrashed, they played right into his hands. The score was getting to a stage that he would have to make his move and as the umpire called five games to love in Mizuki's favour, the prodigy flexed his hands.

Change of sides was called, and as Fuji walked past his opponent, he suddenly felt the need to just make sure that he'd been right.

"Mizuki." He waited for some sort of response of from the other, and the grunt was enough of one for him. "I'm going to ask this just in case. Did you teach Yuuta the Twist Spin Shot even though you knew the damage it'd do to his shoulder?" He waited, almost hoping that he'd been wrong.

That voice was calm, cool and full of self-righteousness. "Winning's the most important thing. To me, there are casualties to victory."

It was all Fuji needed to hear, in fact, it was what he wanted to hear. He reached into his bag and retrieved his golden racket. A calm washed over him as he zoned himself into playing mode. Perhaps it wasn't the type of serious mode Tezuka meant when he asked him to play seriously, but it was a type of serious that Fuji could manage easily… especially under circumstances like these.

Fuji decided he'd had enough warming up.

Mizuki served, and Fuji focused. He could see that cocky grin, assuming that the prodigy wouldn't make it to the ball in time. A slight increase in tempo was all Fuji needed in order to arrive at the ball in time. He almost laughed at the other boy's response.

Mizuki's face was shocked. "No way… That was supposed to go to your weak side."

As the wind blew, Fuji felt recharged, as if something was laughing with him. "That shot just now was aimed at my stronger side."

The black haired boy's eyes were full of shock and confusion. He reacted badly; trying everything he could conceive of, placing shot after shot, expecting that he would find a weakness somewhere. Bewildered mutterings could be heard from the other side of the court. "Why's this happening? They were all to his weak side."

It was all Fuji could do to keep from laughing, and he decided he could afford to be smug himself. Smile back on his face, he stood up straight, looking directly at the other boy. "Weak side? They were all to my forte."

Fuji didn't leave enough time for the realisation to sink in for too long. He wanted Mizuki to suffer, wanted all of those people standing around the court to witness that humiliation. The boy deserved to be laughed at, he deserved to have that confidence crushed.

With every shot he placed, Fuji's mind screamed within its confines. It wasn't just the fact that Mizuki had taught his brother that shot, although it was a large part of his reasoning. The fact was, that the St. Rudolph manager was unscrupulous. He had no care for what damange he might cause anyone, whether it be an opponent or a team-mate. All the other boy cared about was winning, and it was something Fuji couldn't agree with. There was so much more to life than winning.

And still, he could feel Tezuka watching him, brown eyes slightly disapproving behind those glassed. It was a disapproval that no one else there would give Syusuke, because no one else knew him as well as Tezuka did. No one else realised Fuji had planned it this way.

Every shot he placed was almost impossible for the other boy to reach. It made Mizuki look incompetent, and that was exactly what Fuji wanted. You didn't play god in people's lives without consequences… at least not people Fuji cared about.

The other boy failed to score even one more point. Adrenaline pumped through Fuji, it rejuvenated him, made him feel. This wasn't a side of himself that he liked, and it wasn't a side that he let out often. Sometimes though, sometimes he felt it necessary, and other times it got out of control. He refused to think just what time this one was.

Seven straight games later, Fuji stood victorious. Score: Seven games to five. He watched dispassionately as the other boy's racket fell from his fingers, and with something almost akin to scorn as Mizuki fell to his knees with a long, loud cry. Moving forward, Fuji let his shadow fall over the other boy.

Mizuki looked up, humiliation and defeat in his eyes, along with something that looked almost like anger. " You bitch! You lost 0 – 5 at the start on purpose! Playing me like that…"

Fuji bit back the retort on his tongue, he bit back that Mizuki should shut up and take his own medicine, and instead only said one thing. Eyes open and voice filled with disdain, he spoke low so that only Mizuki would hear. "Thank you for taking care of my brother."

The other boy stayed on the ground, eyes focusing on his hands. There was utter defeat in that posture, and a bewilderment that almost made Fuji regret what he'd done, but he refused to… even if the weight of Tezuka's gaze spoke of slight disappointment. There was no pain, Fuji refused to give into it.

He let the other congratulate him, let himself be group hugged, and photographed, while inside he was in turmoil, suddenly not feeling all that good. His smile returned belatedly, its familiar feeling welcomed. But he couldn't seem to shake the sense that Tezuka wasn't impressed, because the older boy didn't come anywhere near him after the match.

Never one to let things bother him, Fuji was surprised that he felt so… lost without that presence next to him. So he concentrated on persuading Yuuta to come home and have dinner with their mother, sister and him. It wasn't so much persuasion as it was coercion. He knew Yuuta would give in eventually, even if it were just to get Syusuke to shut up.

~*~

Fuji sat at the table with his siblings and mother. It was rare that the entire family could eat together, rare enough that his mother was actually home. He still didn't feel too good, but was happy that he'd managed to convince Yuuta to come home. The genuine smile on his mother's face was enough to make Fuji down a few mouthfuls of food even though his stomach was rebelling.

The talk centred on the tennis tournament, and it was all Fuji could do to steer the conversation away from the fact that his school had won, and that Fuji himself had too. He tried, and after a while succeeded, to turn the conversation to Yuuta's much improved game. It was the least he could do…to at least give Yuuta the recognition he deserved at home.

As it got later, Fuji's mood didn't improve. He could see the sky growing dark outside, and not just dark with the coming of nighttime, but dark with storm clouds. Idly, he wondered why the day was going to have such a… dismal end.

He didn't have to wait long to find out. As he came down from finishing off a piece of homework he'd forgotten about, and made his way to the living room, Yuuta stopped him at the steps.

Grey eyes locked onto cerulean, searching for something. There was nervousness in them, as if Yuuta was going to say something he usually wouldn't, something that would embarrass him. Fuji just let him have the time he needed to gather himself to speak, knowing that his younger brother had a gruff way with words, and difficulty saying anything where that way was not appropriate.

"Brother…" Yuuta seemed to be struggling. "I want to thank you… for… I didn't realise… about my shoulder."

Fuji smiled. "I know…and it's okay." It almost made Fuji feel warm almost made up for the fact that he hadn't spoken to Tezuka since the match.

But then Yuuta spoke. "It's not okay." Those grey eyes flashed with something like anger, barely contained at that. " You didn't have to do it like that. What you did was wrong!"

The younger boys voice was getting louder with each word, and Fuji took an involuntary step back, not quite understanding. When he was enlightened, he wished he hadn't been.

"What you did was cruel! Did you enjoy tearing down someone? You could have beaten him in six straight games…"

Fuji blinked, smile frozen in place so hard that he couldn't budge it, and he knew it would make him seem even more heartless, maybe it would be right. He had no idea how his voice managed to sound so serene, so matter of fact when he spoke. "He hurt you, he'd hurt anyone. I…"

But Yuuta wasn't about to let him finish. "He's my friend, brother. You didn't need to go to extremes. It was uncalled for." And still the voice grew louder, at least to Fuji's ears. "You were cruel, downright cruel."

"Yuuta! Fuji!" Their mother appeared at the living room doorway, hands on hips. "Stop it. Right now."

Yuuta managed to look contrite and mumbled a "Yes, mother."

Fuji couldn't, he just blinked again and clung to the smile, because he had to. If he let go of it now, he'd crumble and he had no idea how to pick himself back up. So he smiled even more. "I'm going for a walk." It was all he said, the only words he could squeeze past that lump in his throat.

He just knew that he needed to get out, and needed to be gone _right_ then. He might have heard Yuuta call after him not to go; that it was raining, but part of Fuji thought that was just wistful thinking.

Syusuke didn't register the cool water as it broke away the last of his smile. All he heard was the closing of the door, allowing him to let go of the last vestiges of his defences, because outside, no one would see him.

~~**~~

Bear with me… this chapter had to happen for the next chapter to be able to exist!


	17. Catch Me

**Title**: _Smile: Catch Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji … finally… wonder how many people read this little bit

**Chapter**: 17/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ If you don't like shonen-ai.. don't read this chapter… and if you don't you probably shouldn't even have read it this far. Um lots of angst in this one, but I think I make it all better mwuah hah hah… happy reading!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

**Smile:**

**Catch Me**

He had no destination in mind, no thoughts of what he was doing. There was no space left in his head for those types of thoughts. All he could think of was the match that day, of the look on Mizuki's face, and of the words Yuuta had just spoken.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

Mizuki's face had been crushed, defeated, completely and utterly. It was what Fuji had set out to do; to humiliate, to give back some of the equilibrium that should never have been taken away. The other boy played dirty, and it was something Fuji couldn't abide. He'd just wanted to show the other boy that Fuji didn't appreciate his brother's future, or anyone else's, being screwed with.

Hadn't he done just that? Hadn't he let his opponent taste some of his own medicine? Had he really been cruel? Was he cruel?

Fuji shook his head, releasing the raindrops weighting his hair down, making the way free for more to do just that. Shoving hands into soppy pockets he made his way down the street, head down and shoulders hunched. No one he knew would recognise him if they saw him, well, almost no one. And right then, that was what Fuji needed.

Time with his own thoughts, his own conscience, and his own guilt. Guilt was a feeling that he seldom gave into, but right then… it was overwhelming him. Just like the rain was soaking him, and cooling him to the bone, guilt seeped in everywhere, until he couldn't quite think straight.

His foot hit a curb, and he raised his eyes for a moment, blinking. He smiled sadly, and walked the rest of the way into the playground he and Yuuta had frequented as children. It was a peaceful one, and he stood, watching the rain beat down on the swings, and the jungle-jims. His heart constricted, remembering that time… when they'd both been too young to let sibling-rivalry affect them.

Yuuta was a sore loser, he always had been. He strove to be the best and to win, and he _was_ good. Fuji wished, more often than not, that his brother had been gifted with what Fuji had. Because despite his sibling's constant effort and dedication, he'd never been able to achieve quite the level that Fuji did…and Fuji didn't even try.

At the same time, Fuji wouldn't wish that on Yuuta, simply because the older brother felt it more a curse than a benefit. How many times did Fuji get praised when he brought home good grades? Rarely, very rarely. It was expected of him, and nothing he did ever seemed to be able to impress his father. Yuuta on the other hand was praised, and partly because the boy had to work at everything that he gained. In a way Fuji envied his brother, and at the same time wanted to protect him from anything that could hurt him. Which brought his train of thoughts full circle once more.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

Fuji shivered, bringing arms up to clutch around himself. The rain was cold, cooling as night fell fully. It was dark and lonely, just the way he felt right then. His thoughts darted from one thing to another, but never leaving the topic of the moment. Leaning against a table, Fuji closed his eyes briefly, just letting the water wash over him… wash him away.

Cerulean eyes opened, taking in the playground once more. Visions of the past danced around in front of him, while the cold seeped into his bones. Idly, he realised that he'd forgotten to put his proper shoes on, and that his house shoes were soaked, and a little worse for wear. He would have laughed had he had the energy. The cold leached into his bones from his feet up, through his blood stream, working through his entire body. He felt numb, and he welcomed it.

Damn Tezuka, for making him feel. Right then, he wanted to damn Tezuka for a lot of things.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

He could feel those words, coming from his brother, each syllable like a knife. It hurt, more than he'd thought he could be hurt; more than he thought he was capable of being hurt. So many years of building up those walls, and such a short time of letting just _one_ person in, and he was weak again… he was crumbling.

Fuji pushed himself away from the bench, placing one soggy foot in front of the other, concentrating on the ground; arms huddled around him, and began to walk away from the playground. It felt good not to feel, and he almost laughed at the inconsistency in his own mind.

It sunk into him, the numbness, the ability to just forget how to feel, to escape in that floating abyss of nothingness. So soothing, and yet at the same time so lonely that it hurt. He didn't understand how it could hurt him through those layers with no sensation. It was like he was being frozen inside, and he realised that it was still cold, and still numb, but it seemed to be eating at him.

Syusuke didn't think he liked it after all.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

That thought played over and over in his head, not letting his mind rest for even an instant as he walked through the streets. Fuji had only vague recollections of weaving around the streets, welcoming the rain, ignoring passing cars that gave him strange looks. He didn't want to go home, didn't want to face that accusing glare of his brother's. Tired as he was, he continued walking.

The physical and emotional toll of the day was almost painful. That match had taken more out of him than he liked to think, a hell of a lot more. He'd needed control to not give in and simply make the other boy lose in six straight games. Maybe Yuuta was right. Maybe he was cruel, really, truly cruel.

That thought ached, like a punch to the gut, and it was all he could to keep himself from doubling over right then and right there in the middle of the sidewalk. Instead, he clenched his teeth and kept walking, just needing that movement, because he feared that without it he might freeze in place and never be able to move again.

The surroundings suddenly felt familiar, and he felt himself relaxing despite the cold. He looked up, surprise on his face when he realised that the next gate down belonged to Tezuka. The surprise turned into a frown. He hadn't wanted to come here, had he?

Stopping in front of the gate, he clutched his arms tightly around his chest, as if trying to squeeze some feeling back into his limbs. His mind felt strange, so many thoughts flitting through it as he looked up at Tezuka's bedroom window. His eyes focused on it, as if he could bore a hole through the glass just by looking at it.

He failed to see the curtain's movement, so lost was he in his thoughts.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

Was that the way everyone saw him? Was that the way Tezuka saw him? Fuji remembered the look on Tezuka's face when he'd been playing. It wasn't quite disappointment, but it wasn't far from it. The prodigy tried to convince himself that it didn't matter that someone was disappointed in him, because it so rarely happened. But it did cut, hurt, burned just the same… no matter how hard he tried.

He thought he heard his name called, telling him to get out of the rain, but it seemed so distant that he dismissed it. Moving his arms from the grip they had around his own body, he held his hands out in front of him. Head cocked to one side, he looked at them, almost not seeing them. It was dark, and only the light from the streetlamp behind him could give him any illumination.

His fingers looked blue. He knew that his skin was usually pale, but it looked almost transparent, and he had to suppress a shiver as the wind blew through his damn clothing, touching the skin that he'd been holding warm until a minute ago. It was blurry, everything was blurry. The rain dripped into his eyes, but Fuji refused to blink. A shadow fell over him, and he looked up.

Tezuka stood in front of him, a slight frown on his face, hair fast becoming wet from the rain. Fuji frowned a little himself, trying to reason with a brain that seemed far too lethargic for his liking. Why was Tezuka standing in the rain? Come to think of it, why was Fuji standing in the rain?

And it hit him again, the words so close, the sound so real that he could have sworn Yuuta had followed him.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

Again, that icy feeling threatened to envelop him, and he fastened cerulean orbs on his friend's warm brown ones, seeking, needing… wanting to believe the boy in front of him was real, although he was fairly sure he wasn't. He'd been seeing so much that night, so much that wasn't real… so much that felt far too tangible.

Streetlight, dimmed by the rain, reflected of Tezuka's glasses, almost hiding the eyes behind them. But Fuji could see them, could read them and the questions in them. One of his hands brushed briefly against Tezuka, feeling if the other boy was actually there. It couldn't hurt could it, even if Tezuka wasn't truly there?

That expression beseeched him, asked him what he was doing there and why he was standing in the rain. That look bore into him, making Fuji want to cry, making Fuji want to let go, but he didn't dare. The only thing it could do was make him speak…

He didn't even realise at first that he was speaking, and once he did, he concentrated on those words pouring from him, on that litany. It made him feel alive, because each word caused him pain, just as the echo of those words in his mind did.

"_You were cruel, downright cruel."_

"I'm cruel… did you know that? I didn't realise, but I've known it for a long time. I crushed that boy, I made a fool of him… and I liked it. Does that make me a bad person? Does it?" He didn't leave enough time for Tezuka to speak, but instead ploughed on, studying his fingers once more. "Didn't think I was like that, ne, Tezuka? Not behind the smile, not behind what you professed to want to see?"

"Fuji…" The voice was soft and yet commanding, asking the prodigy to stop.

He sighed, not hearing Tezuka, refusing to listen when the other boy spoke his name. Instead, he continued again, voice raw with emotional pain. "You thought I was lost, just as I am, but you didn't realise what you'd find." His eyes rose to look at Tezuka, defiance and agony a potent mixture in them. His voice lowered to a whisper, barely audible above the fall of rain, containing everything already reflected in his eyes. "Do you hate me the way I hate myself, Tezuka? Do you…"

"Fuji, stop…"

But the prodigy wouldn't listen, or perhaps he just didn't hear. He was lost in the self recrimination he felt, in the self loathing for what he'd done, for what he'd enjoyed doing. "You should, you know. I'm not a nice person… I warned you… " He laughed, a short bitter laugh. "Hate me, Tezuka… damn you… just leave me alone, stop 'getting' me." He finally raised his eyes, pleading, begging, asking. "Just hate me…"

Rain chilled skin met warm firm hands as Tezuka gripped his arms. The sudden sensation of warmth flooded through Fuji's senses, making his body tingle. And it took a moment for him to register that Tezuka's lips were on his own.

He slammed back into himself, mind no longer lost, everything centring on that touch, on that sensation. Soft lips moved against his own, and the feeling made him feel alive despite himself. When Tezuka pulled back to look at him, Fuji groaned softly with the loss of that touch, with the loss of that warmth.

Brown eyes met cerulean, searching for something that they obviously found, as Tezuka's face softened. "No…"

It was all he said, and all he needed to say, because in the next moment he was kissing Fuji again, and the shorter boy wanted to melt.

Tezuka's hands moved up to cup his face, and Fuji let his hands drop to the taller boy's waist. Soft lips brushed his own, before a tongue almost tentatively requested an entrance that Fuji was only to glad to grant.

The kiss was soft and sweet, giving and offering, taking and forgiving, and all Fuji wanted to do was lose himself in the moment. He had no idea how long they stood there, bodies' flush against one another, hands gripping each other; one in desperation, the other to soothe. All he knew was he forgot the rain, he forgot his turmoil, and let Tezuka breathe the life into him that he'd lost.

~~**~~

There you go… now you can all shut up ^__~

Feedback appreciated GREATLY

And yeah… going to go and relax before starting on 18


	18. Drown Me

**Title**: _Smile: Drown Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 18/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Yes well, I'll go with angst and sap, and then some more angst and sap… and then maybe a little more. As well as meanie Fuji and angry Tez and hugs!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x and thank you for the reviews despite that ^_^

**Smile: Drown Me**

Fuji felt light headed, heady, and he figured that maybe he should breathe, but didn't want to break away, afraid that maybe it too was an illusion. He tsked with disappointment when Tezuka withdrew his lips, and Fuji leaned his head forward to rest on Tezuka's shoulder. Fuji didn't quite dare to look in the older boy's eyes, because he felt strange, now knowing exactly what it could mean, and not letting himself hope for more for fear of breaking all over again.

He realised he was shaking, shivering, the cold finally registering in his brain. Warm air brushed his ear as Tezuka breathed, followed by soft words as the taller boy spoke. "Inside…you're shivering."

So, Fuji followed the taller boy, felling decidedly meed. It was strange, he'd never felt meek in his entire life and didn't really want to start then, but he was at a loss. In the dim streetlight he noticed Tezuka's back aw the older boy opened the door. Those strong shoulder were tense, and there was an air of uncertainty around the taller boy. It made Fuji smile, just a little, because it appeared as thought Tezuka wasn't as confident as he first appeared to be. It gave Fuji a little reassurance, that he wasn't the only one who didn't know what in the hell to do next.

"Wait here," Tezuka instructed as he walked further into the house.

Wordlessly, Fuji complied. Standing barefoot in the hall he clutched his arms around his chest to keep from shivering too much, and gave into the thoughts whirring in his head.

The words his brother had spoken still lingered, but were only a faded repetition in his mind. A new doubt was forming, new questions, feelings he didn't understand. Why had Tezuka done that? Had he done it to distract Fuji or was he trying to say something or else prove that Fuji wasn't the only cruel one of the two? The prodigy dismissed the last thought and agreed with the first, it had definitely been distracting. It still was distracting.

If Tezuka was trying to say something, then Fuji wasn't entirely sure just what it was. Had it been an 'I'm here for you as your friend' kiss; had it been an 'I've fallen for you' kiss; or had it just been a 'shut up' kiss? Not having been kissed before, Fuji really had nothing to compare it to, and it was frustrating.

A warm, fluffy towel encased him and Fuji looked up to find Tezuka standing close to him, so damn close again. The older boy had changed his clothes and his hair was towel dried. Fuji just let the other boy pat him down, wringing the excess water from him. Before he could stop himself the word slipped from his lips.

"Why?"

Tezuka's hands stopped moving, the edges of the towel twined around his fingers at Fuji's chest. He seemed to be contemplating the question. Such a small word, and yet, it held so much… so many possible avenues, and Fuji just waited silently.

With a sigh, Tezuka spoke softly. "Later." He drew the towel tighter around Fuji. "If you catch cold, I'll make you run 30 laps."

Fuji blinked and surprised even himself by chuckling. "Yes, Captain." He trudged behind the taller boy, still trying to figure out what was going on, where they actually stood now, and where the hell he wanted for them to stand.

When Tezuka stopped, Fuji looked up, slightly surprised to be standing in the bathroom. It was warm, getting warmer, and Fuji realised that Tezuka had turned the heat on and run a bath, probably when he had gotten dressed. Cerulean eyes blinked at the other boy as Tezuka stopped the flow of water and tested the Temperature. Fuji's eyes didn't leave the other boy, couldn't leave as he watched Tezuka stand up and walk back to him.

The taller boy halted, just short of touching. He frowned before pushing back some of Fuji's wet hair. "You're cold." He pulled the towel away from Fuji, and let his hands linker at Fuji's hips. You'll be…?"

Syusuke tried to ignore the way those hands felt on him, the way those eyes bored into him almost seeming to read his very thoughts. "Fine… I'm fine…" his voice was soft, hesitant. He didn't want Tezuka to leave, but at the same time, he didn't want him to stay either. In fact, he hadn't a clue what he wanted.

The older boy looked at him, raising an eyebrow slightly in slight disbelief. Tezuka seemed to consider something, and then leaned forward bestowing a soft kiss to Fuji's forehead, murmuring into his hairline. "Get warm." The breath tickled Fuji. "Get dressed." Out of the corner of his eyes Fuji saw clothes laid out. Tezuka pulled away, holding the prodigy at arms length. "And I was serious about the laps…"

Fuji smiled, seeing the corners of Tezuka's mouth twitch, and nodded. "I know."

Tezuka nodded, just once, before releasing Fuji and walking to the door. "I'll be back in half an hour." Was all he said before exiting the room.

For a few moments Fuji just watched the closed door. His mind was swirling, his thoughts a vortex threatening to overwhelm him. It felt like too much, too much all at once, and he was floundering.

A part of him wanted to bring back the smile around Tezuka and shut the other boy out as tightly as possible. But not only did Fuji think that was no longer possible around Tezuka, there was also a strange part of him that simply did not want to do it.

It was that part of him that Fuji listened to while he took his bath. Warmth slowly spread throughout him, but nothing like the warmth of that kiss. Slipping down in the water, Fuji let his head fall back and looked at the ceiling. Finding nothing of interest, he closed his eyes. He could almost feel the kiss again if he did that. It made him tingle, made him realise how much he'd wanted that…how much he seemed to need it.

His mind ran over the last few months. Most of his spare time had been spent with Tezuka, and the prodigy found himself not able to picture time without Tezuka anymore. Was that a good thing? It made Fuji frown; he didn't like to be dependant. Was he dependant? Oh, damn the confusion… and all because of a kiss.

Fuji felt himself blushing and was glad he was alone. With his eyes closed he could imagine Tezuka's hands holding his face, Tezuka's hands on his hips, and the imagined didn't feel nearly as good as the reality.

It was a scary realisation for Fuji, that after all this time; he was attracted to the boy who'd become his best friend. Suddenly Fuji sat up, water sloshing over the sides of the bath, but he didn't care. He didn't like the thought he'd just had, not one bit.

Disregarding just how tired he felt, he got out of the bath, dried himself and got dressed. He wanted to be wrong, wanted to be so very wrong, but his mind wouldn't let it alone. Every moment he'd spent with Tezuka replayed itself in his minds eye, making him see some things in a different light, a light he didn't know whether he liked or not.

He was towelling off his hair when there was a knock on the door, and a shiver ran up Fuji's spine. This was it. "Done…" It was all he knew he'd need to say.

Tezuka walked into the room, mild surprise on his face, at least for him, that Fuji was already completely finished. Fuji absently noted the way the other boy moved, loose black pants and brown shirt moving in counterpoint to the lithe body the prodigy knew to be underneath.

It made Fuji have to swallow hard. Damn that kiss, his thoughts were all screwed, he was noticing things about Tezuka that he'd only vaguely noticed and appreciated before. Before he could lose his nerve, Fuji spoke. "Why did you want to see me?" Fuji knew that Tezuka was aware of what he meant

Brown eyes looked slightly taken aback, becoming slightly wary. "Because I'd already seen a glimpse, and I wanted to see more."

Fuji cocked his head to one side, not quite sure how to take that, but then he remembered being pushed against the wall on more than one occasion, and his mind rebelled again, drowning out his feelings for the moment. His voice was silky smooth when it came out, dangerous. "To see… or to have more…" And again, he knew Tezuka wouldn't miss his meaning.

Tezuka's face blanched slightly, before scowling slightly. "I never took more than you could show…"

"But you wanted to…" Fuji practically spat the last, interrupting the taller boy. He couldn't make sense of the feelings inside him. There was confusion, a slight hint of betrayal, and it was all intermixed with a fear and longing that Fuji couldn't quite comprehend. "Was it friendship, Tezuka? Are you my friend?"

"Yes! Of course…"

But Fuji cut him off yet again. They weren't on the tennis court now, and Fuji didn't feel like listening. He was fighting with the emotions roiling inside him, emotions he didn't understand, that he didn't know if he _wanted_ to understand, and that ache. Gods that damn ache that felt like it was tearing his soul. "Or were you just waiting for a time to catch me unawares? Were you, Tezuka?"

Suddenly Fuji laughed, hooking his fingers in the loose pants around his waist, he pushed them down a fraction to reveal smooth milky skin. He purred when he spoke, all traces of laughter gone as if they'd never been there. "Is this what you wanted, Tezuka." He was close to the other boy now, and there was nowhere for Tezuka to move, because this time it was the taller boy whose back was against the wall. "Is this the _price_ of your friendship?"

Fuji refused to admit to the pain he saw flit across Tezuka's face, however brief it was before it was masked. Instead, he pressed his body against the taller boy's, whispering in his ear. "You could take it, you know? I'm weak enough right now…go on… admit it. This is what you wanted all along, isn't it. It's what this friendship was aiming for."

And in what seemed like déjà vu Fuji's wrists were grabbed and suddenly he found himself slammed against the wall, hands pinned a little higher than his head, and he realised just what he'd been saying just what he'd done.

"Are you done?" Tezuka's words were bitten, angry… hurt.

Fuji turned his head to the side, unable to look at the pain he'd caused the other boy. Inside he was lost, this wasn't familiar ground and he had no idea what to say or to do to make things better. Put that together with the ache that he felt inside, with the need he had to feel Tezuka near him, and Fuji's head felt like it was going to burst. "I…"

But it was Tezuka who wouldn't let the prodigy finish. "Do you _really_ believe that? Everything you said… do you _believe_ that?"

"I…" He couldn't smile, damn it, Fuji couldn barely breathe. He felt like he was suffocating, and he didn't know why. The hands on his wrists felt like they were burning. When Tezuka spoke, the breath made Fuji feel like he was on fire. He just wanted it to stop… the confusion, the longing, and the pain inside. "I … "

"Damn it, Syusuke! Do you believe that… do you believe I could do that to you?" But Tezuka wasn't just angry, and it made Fuji feel worse. There was raw emotion in that voice.

"No…" Fuji's voice was soft, but rang loud and clearly in both their ears. "No… I don't…"

"Then why… why say that?" The grip loosened a little on Fuji's wrists.

"I… don't know…" Suddenly Fuji felt completely miserable, and he sagged, glad of the wall there to catch his weight. But he did know, and he knew that Tezuka did too. It was because he was scared, it was because he was trying to protect himself.

Arms surrounded him, cradling him, protecting him, and Fuji almost cried. He didn't deserve this, and he couldn't deny that he wanted it anyway. He was cruel… Yuuta had been right.

"And don't you dare say you're cruel." There was soft laughter into Fuji's hair before Tezuka continued. "Or I'll make you run thirty laps anyway."

~~**~~

Well… yes.. I don't know what happened there… feel free to blame it all on Fuji.

Feedback appreciated greatly…


	19. Near Me

**Title**: _Smile: Near Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 19/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ um… really weird twist that I so wasn't planning on, but I think it all worked out well in the end. Yaoi, sappyness, angsting yada yada yada

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read 

**Smile: Near Me**

Fuji glanced at the food Tezuka placed in front of him, a slight scowl on his face. He didn't feel hungry, not even in the slightest. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the fact that Tezuka was obviously looking out for him; it was just that Fuji didn't quite know what to say. After all, he knew he'd been out of line in the bathroom, and the worst of it was, he had no idea how to make it better at all.

To top that off, Tezuka was being infuriatingly calm about everything. He'd calmed Fuji down, and then led him downstairs to wait for dinner to be delivered. Dinner was sushi. It almost made Fuji mad, realising just how many little things about him Tezuka had noticed, had taken the time to take note of. He didn't know how to deal with the attention, because he knew that there was more than just friendship lingering in the air, and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, he found himself wanting that.

He stared at the sushi, as if maybe it could give him all the answers, but the sushi was predictably silent. So he decided to push it around on the plate and glare at it, since he knew Tezuka didn't deserve a glare. In fact, Tezuka deserved a medal for putting up with the prodigy, and Fuji knew it.

A hand clamped down on his own, forcing Fuji to look up. The touch of their skin, and the look in those brown eyes made Fuji feel strange again. Damn that kiss. This hadn't happened before then, they'd touched before this. Maybe he looked like a deer in headlights, Fuji didn't know, but he saw Tezuka sigh as the older boy withdrew his hand, running it through his hair.

For a minute the taller boy just looked at Fuji. When he spoke, he sounded a little weary. "Yumiko knows you're here. I called."

Fuji accepted that. It was just part of being who Tezuka was; responsible, caring… ever the logical one. For a moment the prodigy wished that his friend could just let go…and let himself fall. A blush fell over Fuji's face, and he cast his eyes downwards. Wasn't that what Tezuka had done out there? Was it?

And suddenly he needed to know, but he didn't know how to ask again. His eyes darted around the room, resting occasionally on Tezuka, his sushi and the rest of the room, before settling back on his friend briefly. He wasn't used to this, not this feeling of… well, lack of control over the situation.

"Do I make you uncomfortable now?" There was a sad tinge to Tezuka's voice, as if he was walling up emotions that otherwise might break the surface.

Fuji didn't exactly feel uncomfortable. It wasn't like that. He felt a need to reach out to the other boy, to touch him, hold him, to reassure himself that Tezuka was really there. There was this overwhelming need to be near Tezuka, a need Fuji had acknowledged as the result of having a close friend… before the kiss. Now … it was like a floodgate opened and all the feelings were stronger. So no, he didn't exactly feel uncomfortable.

With a little smile, Fuji brightened, having found the perfect retort. "It's later…"

"So it is…" Tezuka shifted in his seat and leaned his elbows on the table. Hands clasped he looked at his fingers for a few seconds before looking back at Fuji.

"Why?" Fuji breathed the word, prompting Tezuka, needing to know.

"I…" It was as if Tezuka changed his mind, changed what he was going to say, and Fuji watched as the taller boy took a deep breath before continuing. "Because… I've wanted to, and I didn't know…couldn't think of anything else to get your mind off what you were saying."

"Oh…" Fuji wasn't sure he liked that answer, he wasn't sure he understood it. "But…you did want to?" He cursed himself for the hopeful note to his voice… the note that begged for Tezuka to say that he'd wanted it, begged for Tezuka to admit that he craved that contact, just like Fuji found himself doing now.

Brown eyes locked with cerulean, and Tezuka nodded, as if adding emphasis to his words. "I wanted to…" And that unspoken way they had about them let Fuji hear an ' I still want to' in those words.

Fuji pushed himself up, leaving his sushi where it was, still silent on the plate. He had no idea why he was doing this. All he knew was that it was his day for being reckless, for letting go… for giving in to what he wanted. He walked to where Tezuka sat, watching the other boy watch him, turning in his seat.

Taking a deep breath, Fuji walked up close and waited for Tezuka to turn to face him. Placing both hands on Tezuka's shoulders, Fuji closed his eyes and straddled his friend. This was new, this was strange, and it felt dangerous. Not that he thought Tezuka would hurt him, or lash out at him for this, but that Fuji might actually find himself letting go; that was the scary part.

He opened his eyes, feeling those familiar hands rest on his hips with a hesitancy that Fuji wasn't used to from Tezuka. Making sure his eyes were open, Fuji poured everything he could into them. For the first time in years he actually let his emotions run free.

They tore through him, the confusion and the certainty, the self loathing and the guilt, the need and the want, the fear and the hesitancy, everything rolled into one. He could see Tezuka's face soften, just that little bit that he knew no one but him was privileged to. And Fuji drew strength from that.

He didn't know what would happen the next day, nor the day after that. But for right now, Fuji didn't care. He needed to know, to feel, to understand the turmoil he was going through right then. One hand plucked the glasses off Tezuka's nose and deposited them on the table, before coming back to rest on a shoulder. Fuji's voice was soft when he spoke, leaning his forehead against Tezuka's own.

"Kiss me again… please." He took a breath, feeling cautious tensing of the taller boy's shoulders beneath his hands. "Convince me you didn't do it just to shut me up… please?" Fuji knew he was pleading, but he didn't care, not anymore, he just needed to know, to feel, to experience this. "Prove you wanted it…" His voice grew softer, sadder, almost miserable with the weight of emotions bombarding him. "Show me why…" Why you want me… but he couldn't say it. He relied on how they were to make Tezuka understand.

Tezuka's face moved, just a fraction, lips brushing against his own, sending a tingle up Fuji's spine. New, different, scary, tangible. It was real, it was exciting, and Fuji wanted more. He shuddered slightly when Tezuka spoke, each word making the taller boy's lips brush his.

"Let me in, Syusuke…" It held so much. Those three little words, asking permission, pleading understanding, offering more than Fuji thought possible. He nodded, and it was all the answer Tezuka needed.

Soft lips met tentatively, a kiss soft and gentle in its intensity. It was an exploration, not out of desperation as the previous one had been. Tezuka's lips felt so right against his own, and when they moved, Fuji felt like he was breathing the other boy in, just as Tezuka was devouring him.

The action spoke more than a thousand words, and Fuji found himself not needing that dictionary. Tezuka was offering him so much; all he had to do was accept it. He lost himself to the sensation of being needed, purely for who he was, and maybe especially because of that.

It was foreign to Fuji, the feeling of being accepted for everything that he was, and not just some of it. And the kiss did all of that. It offered him a sanctuary he'd always known was there and yet never sought out. It enveloped him in the warmth as Tezuka's arms moved slightly under Fuji's shirt, gently drawing circles against the soft skin there. The prodigy squirmed a little, shivers he didn't know how to handle running along his body.

He twined his fingers in the hair at the back of Tezuka's neck, giving himself over to the sensations running through his body. When Tezuka's tongue ran across his bottom lip in a teasingly light stroke, Fuji gave in, wanting to taste and be tasted.

Becoming slightly more demanding, the kiss deepened, and Fuji was left with no doubt as to the fact that Tezuka hadn't just wanted to shut him up. Those strong arms encircled his waist, drawing him closer to Tezuka's chest, while Tezuka claimed Fuji's mouth as his own territory – a battle Fuji actually didn't mind losing.

Just like it felt like he was losing himself, and for once he didn't care. The feel of those hands on his skin, that tongue in his mouth, that body against his own, and that…

Fuji scrambled back, away from Tezuka, almost stumbling to the floor and landing on one knee. His face felt like it was on fire and he didn't know where to look. He'd felt…what he'd felt… well it was perfectly natural, wasn't it? Slowing his breathing he took stock of his own body and realised that well, he was rather… aroused himself. So why shouldn't Tezuka be?

He raised his head sheepishly to look at Tezuka, who had his head in his hands, and suddenly he felt bad. Fuji had no idea why he hadn't expected _that_, the thing was, he simply hadn't. In fact, he just hadn't thought further than getting Tezuka to kiss him again, and _that_ certainly wasn't part of a kiss.

The urge to chuckle assaulted the shorter boy and he found himself not able to resist. Then there was the task of trying not to laugh louder at the indignation on Tezuka's face, which had emerged from behind concealing hands. He looked up at the older boy impishly. "Tezuka…" his voice was soft, and soothing. Well, at least it was at first, but he couldn't help himself. "Guess I know you _really_ wanted to kiss me…"

"Fuji…" There was a warning note underlying the amusement that Tezuka couldn't seem to push out of his voice, Fuji was sure of it.

Raising himself to both knees, Fuji rested his hands on Tezuka's, stretching up as far as it would allow him to. "Really didn't just want to shut me up, ne?" Cerulean eyes sparkled as he again lost control of his laughter.

But Tezuka's eyes were serious, when Fuji caught them again, and the laughter died in his throat. Those eyes searched him, asking him, needing to know. It subdued the mood a little, and Fuji sighed before he spoke. "I just… didn't expect…"

Tezuka raised an eyebrow, looking down at himself, and then raking his eyes slowly up the shorter boy. "Strange…same anatomy."

Another fit of laughter washed over Fuji. If he wasn't mistaken, he thought there might be a little hysteria mixed in there somewhere. But hey, hysteria was healthy in small doses like everything else, wasn't it? "Well…" he managed to bite out some words between chuckles. "yes, but I didn't expect… you know…and…"

But he didn't get any further as Tezuka leaned over and caught his lips in a short sweet kiss. The taller boy pulled away, put on his glasses and stood up. Reaching down a hand to help Fuji up from the floor, he spoke with a matter of fact tone. "Now _that_ kiss was to shut you up."

The next chuckle from Fuji was less hysterical, and he looked up at Tezuka, but didn't feel the need to say anything. They cleaned up the kitchen in that same silence they were used to, just knowing the other was there.

The territory had become comfortable once more, and for that night at least, Fuji decided to just accept what was being offered, and worry about the rest later.

~~**~~

Haaaa yeah well, hehe oops? The muse ran away with me… I swear!!!

Oh yeah, and the next chapter will FINALLY move on to the next fricking day lol

Hope you liked this chapter anyhu lol… Feedback appreciated!


	20. Keep Me

**Title**: _Smile: Keep Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine!  
**Rating**: PG  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 20/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ This chapter somehow got kinda fluffy and sappy and is relatively shortish… there is a drabble coming to go with it, which is better read to understand everything that goes on in this… at least from both sides. Yeah… so sappy fluff warnings…and stuff

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read 

S**mile: Keep Me**

Fuji moved restlessly in bed, cerulean eyes blinking open blearily as he noticed something just not the way it should be. He stretched out an arm testing the bedding beside him. It was vaguely warm, which meant that Tezuka hadn't been up for too long, but the fact was that he'd somehow gotten up without waking Fuji. The fact was that he _had_ gotten up before Fuji.

The prodigy frowned, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He felt strange, hesitant, not exactly sure where it was that he stood… or lay. Rolling over onto his back he sighed, and stared at the ceiling. There was a part of him that wanted to take the fact that Tezuka was already gone as rejection, and get Fuji to run as far away from there as possible. But then there was the part of him that was being logical and telling him that Tezuka probably had a very good reason for getting up.

Pushing himself into a sitting position, Fuji groaned softly. The air seemed a little chilly, and the bed was so warm. It was a rather difficult decision to get out of bed, but once made he was determined to do so. He was about to swing his legs out when the door opened, and Tezuka walked in.

Mild surprised registered on the taller boy's face. Fuji found himself unable to keep eye contact, and ended looking down at his hands instead. He felt strange, and he knew he couldn't pretend that everything was the way it always had been. Although he was fairly sure that Tezuka wouldn't pretend, Fuji wasn't entirely certain.

Unconsciously he raised his fingers to his lips, running over them lightly. He smiled softly before looking up to find Tezuka staring at him.

"Did I wake you?" The taller boy sounded rather concerned.

"In a round about way…" Fuji glanced down at the bed, then back up to the other boy. "I thought… maybe…" he shrugged, not knowing exactly how he should say what he wanted to say.

"Ahh," Tezuka moved into the room and sat on the bed next to Fuji. Reaching out a hand he brushed tawny hair away so that he could look into the other's eyes. "You let me in…no getting rid of me now." There was a slight smirk on the older boy's lips.

Fuji laughed. "Sounds like a promise…" He winked at the other boy.

"More like a threat," Tezuka said dryly as he stood up.

Following suit Fuji stifled another laugh. "I like living dangerously…"

Raising his eyebrows at Fuji, the taller boy quipped in response. "It's not hard to notice, what with the potholes…" He turned and exited the bedroom, a smiling Fuji trailing after him.

Fuji was surprised to see food already set out in the kitchen. It seemed that Tezuka had been busy that morning, and it made Fuji feel a little guilty that his immediate reaction upon waking was certainty that Tezuka had left. He knew the other boy better than that, and chastised himself for forgetting that fact just because of the previous day.

All in all, Fuji wasn't sure if he liked the changes that it seemed the kiss might bring about in their friendship. Was it just a friendship now? Was it more? Glancing around the kitchen, another thought struck him. Why was there what appeared to be a packed backpack?

"The food doesn't have legs."

Tezuka's voice ripped Fuji out of his contemplations, and the prodigy sat down at the table, and began to nibble on his food. He really wasn't feeling hungry. His eyes kept flickering around the room, to Tezuka, back to the bag on the chair, and finally he put his fork down and took a breath. "We're going to…"

"You'll find out when we get there." And no matter what Fuji tried, how many times he needled, how many times he smiled sweetly and tried persuasion, Tezuka wouldn't tell him where they were going. The shorter boy finally gave up and got dressed without complaining that it was really too early on a Sunday morning to be going anywhere at all.

He couldn't deny the curiosity that sought to overwhelm him when they made their way to the bus stop and Tezuka told him to close his eyes. "You're kidding?"

Tezuka just folded his arms and looked at the prodigy. "We can go back if you like."

Which was all he really needed to say to get the point across, although the next words helped as well. "And if you look, we're not going."

Damn, but Tezuka wasn't giving him any leeway. "Fine." Fuji's voice was sulky, a little clipped with annoyance at the fact that he could hear the other boy's suppressed amusement. If there was one thing Fuji disliked, it was being someone else's entertainment.

They stood in silence until the bus arrived, and when they boarded, Tezuka paid by way of giving the amount of the ticket and not the name of the destination. Fuji almost scowled as he was led onto the bus, and slumped into the seat that Tezuka pushed him into.

"If you look at me, you can open your eyes."

Fuji considered the strange request, but guessed that it stemmed from Tezuka being set on surprising him. He nodded, and slowly opened them, a slight blush crossing his face as his gaze locked with Tezuka's. "What can't I see?" He asked in a soft voice.

Tezuka looked at him thoughtfully. "I didn't say you couldn't, just that you aren't allowed to yet."

"Oh," Fuji wracked his brain, and then smiled with recognition. "Are you… sharing?"

The taller boy seemed to consider the question, and briefly shook his head. "Never that." They weren't touching, but those words made Fuji feel as if he was being held tightly, and not let go. "I'm … understanding."

Fuji smiled, his anticipation growing, because he realised that Tezuka was the only one capable of just that…and he found he liked that idea.

The bus ride was long, and as it dragged out, so did Fuji's curiosity. What they talked about he wouldn't later recall, simply because most of it revolved around Fuji trying to subtly find out where it was that Tezuka was taking them. After nearly an hour of bus ride, Fuji had finally given up, and resorted to crossing his arms and smiling at Tezuka, just because he knew this annoyed the other boy.

Yet the taller boy seemed unperturbed and simply raised an eyebrow, which pretty much told Fuji that he could try whatever tricks he wanted to, Tezuka wasn't giving in right then. In fact, the older boy, glanced around and then looked back at Fuji, before smirking ever so slightly, an expression that Fuji was willing to be only he would be able to decipher.

"Eyes."

This time Fuji almost scowled, but seeing the determination on Tezuka's face, he sighed and complied, mumbling under his breath. "This had so better be something unforgettable."

If his eyes hadn't been closed, Fuji would have sworn that Tezuka chuckled, but as it was he had no visual confirmation. Being led out of the bus, he gave a start of surprise when his feet hit gravel.

"Look," the voice was close enough to his ear that Fuji could feel the warmth of Tezuka's breath against his skin, but not close enough for anyone to deem inappropriate. That is, if no one thought it really strange that the taller boy was leading him around. Of course, Fuji figured, his eyes usually looked as if they were closed anyway, so it probably looked natural.

Tentatively he opened his eyes, and blinked about three times at what was in front of them. He turned to Tezuka, smile genuine on his face, not caring that they were in public, before turning back to the entrance sign: Tsukuba Botanical Gardens. Tezuka had just taken him seventy kilometres out of the city, to satisfy one of Fuji's more obscure hobbies.

The taller boy's eyes were almost unreadable, but Fuji could tell that Tezuka was a little unsure, just a little. Fuji gestured to the huge glass houses, which harboured so many of the habitats needed to cultivate different climates for the diverse species of plants. "I promise I won't throw stones."

He said it softly, but it seemed to be all that Tezuka needed, because the tension in the taller boy's shoulders eased. Fuji almost laughed when Tezuka's own softly spoken words reached his ears.

"And I won't shoot arrows…"

But Fuji was too busy giving into the need to see everything, that he couldn't really laugh, and so instead, he smiled. Upon entering the park he wasn't really sure where he wanted to go first, but Tezuka solved that problem for him too.

Pulling out a map, Tezuka handed it to the shorter boy. "I have to be back by the afternoon." He sounded apologetic, but continued. "But we have a few hours…"

Fuji's eyes lit up when he saw the listing of the glasshouses. There was an Arid house, just what he wanted to see, and he was fairly certain that Tezuka had known this. Before he could tear off, dragging the other boy with him in its direction, Tezuka put a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.

Looking at the other boy in curiosity, Fuji watched as Tezuka took off the backpack and reached into it. A small gasp escaped from him before he could stop it, as the taller boy retrieved a very familiar looking case and reached over to hand it carefully to him.

Turning the heavy object over in his hands, Fuji looked up at Tezuka, a thousand questions in his eyes, but the most insistent one was when.

"I asked Yumiko when I called last night." Tezuka shrugged as he took out a slightly smaller case. "I thought you might want to capture a moment."

Fingering his _Rollei_ thoughtfully, Fuji checked it over not really knowing what to say. A roll of film was shoved under his nose, causing him to look up into the brown eyes looking down at him.

"I didn't know how to thread it."

Smiling, Fuji took the roll, murmuring under his breath as he sat on a nearby bench and loaded the film with quick, practiced movements. "Remind me to show you…" and he could feel Tezuka understanding just how much Fuji meant by that. It wasn't every day that Fuji offered a part of himself to someone; all he knew was that it felt right.

The prodigy stood up, pleased to see that Tezuka had obviously asked Yumiko to bring both cameras, and wordlessly headed towards the Glasshouse he was most interested in visiting. It was nicely warm inside, not overdone, but just enough that he knew that the plants inside felt right at home.

Feeling Tezuka standing just behind him, Fuji spoke softly. "It's amazing how well they can flourish if given the right habitat, ne?"

Tezuka moved forward, taking a picture before looking back at Fuji. "Once you get to know them, that habitat becomes second nature…"

It was a rhetorical statement, pure and simple, but Fuji had never felt so well understood in his life. He nodded, brushing past Tezuka deliberately to take a picture of an interesting collection of carrion flowers. "Do they have them in Rome?" he asked almost hesitantly.

And Tezuka's response was so firm; Fuji couldn't help but be convinced.

"Definitely."

~~**~~

Yeah well… um Feedback appreciated and stuff… next chapter is going to be a hell of a lot longer gah…


	21. Reach Me

**Title**: _Smile: Reach Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 21/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ ok bear with it, the first half is a set up for the second half. This is a longer chapter than the last few. Um, angst, anger, sap, sarcasm… bit of yaoi ^__~

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long 

**Smile: Reach Me**

Draping a cloth around his neck, Fuji smiled softly. Sometimes he even liked training without the added bonus of drinking penal tea. Still, he would have liked it had at least someone from the regulars been required to drink it. But they'd all tied, so that option was out.

He looked at the others, bent double, lying on the floor, stretching out… they were all so tired, all heaving such great breaths. Fuji stood, smirking slightly, breathing evenly with no trouble at all. He'd always had excellent endurance, which naturally increased with the training schedule they had. Even Tezuka was more out of breath, and Fuji took some perverse satisfaction in that fact.

Perhaps he wasn't being fair to his friend, but he honestly didn't care. There had been nothing, no hint that anything was different, and no mention of what had happened; in fact Fuji had hardly seen Tezuka, which was odd in and of itself. Or at least, it would have been odd had that incident with Echizen not occurred.

Fuji knew that Tezuka was a trifle busy with student council matters involving the stone throwing. He had to go and defend Echizen's claim that he had fallen, despite there being witnesses. On top of that he still had the tennis club to captain, and there were the finals just around the corner. So yes, all in all Fuji knew he wasn't being fair, but that didn't stop him from not being it.

"How long are you going to sit there?"

Fuji was as surprised by Tezuka's question as the rest of the regulars. His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly as he watched his friend clench his fists. Something was bothering the taller boy, and although Fuji wanted to know what, he was too stubborn to try and find out. He pondered what it could be anyway, while appearing to listen to Ryuzaki sensai's little speech. It was a pretty speech really, about the nationals and gaining strength and whatnot.

The prodigy's thoughts however, were interrupted once again when Tezuka spoke, and Fuji idly wondered why he could never seem to concentrate when Tezuka spoke.

"We're going to have practice matches. If you're chosen, go to the court."

Tezuka refused to look at Fuji, and that annoyed the shorter boy. The others complained, but the prodigy seethed, and it didn't improve at Tezuka's next words.

"Fuji, Echizen. You guys first."

Fuji looked at Tezuka, mild disbelief on his face. The captain stood, arms crossed, right next to him, and wouldn't meet Fuji's eyes. With a smile, Fuji acquiesced to something he knew he wouldn't be able to get away from anyway.

It was going to be an interesting match, Fuji having wanted to play the freshman for a long time. But he knew what Tezuka's reasoning was behind making him play the younger boy, and Fuji resented it, Fuji rebelled. Play serious, it was written all over the choice of match partners. Well, Fuji didn't feel like being entirely serious, in fact, he felt like being reckless. So reckless in fact that he just didn't care.

His anger was aimed at Tezuka, yet his concentration was focused on Echizen. Just because he didn't feel like taking things seriously, didn't mean he wouldn't concentrate, it didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun.

Echizen spoke first when they entered the court, a challenge in his words, if one looked close enough. "This time it's against the big brother." The smirk in itself was a challenge, the calm way the smaller boy stood, that easy confidence.

Fuji's only response was. "Go easy on me." He refused to pay attention to anything but the tennis court, refused to pay attention to the fact that he knew that the others were practically betting on the outcome, and refused to pay attention to the fact that he knew Tezuka was watching him. It felt like Tezuka's eyes were boring into him, waiting, expecting, testing him. Fuji didn't like that one bit. He didn't feel that he deserved that attention, didn't feel that he deserved that derision, nor that test.

He realised that if he could be bothered expending the energy it would take to lose easily, he would. But that thought only lasted a moment. Losing wasn't in his blood, in fact, he hated it with a passion. There were certain times it was strategic to lose, appropriate even, but this was not one of those times. Besides, with the lack of… everything for the last couple of days, Fuji was bored, and he decided that the match against Echizen would be a good relief of tedium.

Fuji watched as the other boy began to bounce on his toes, and wondered idly if those cuts on Echizen's face still hurt. When Echizen spoke, Fuji barely kept from laughing.

"I'm allowed to beat you, right Fuji-senpai?"

The boy really was a little too cocky for his own good, but in a way, Fuji found himself liking it. Looked like he'd just have to give Echizen a run for his money, so to speak. Hefting the ball high, Fuji served, the game began.

The boy's game was impressive, for one so young. He attacked, moving past Fuji's side shots with something depicting relative ease. Pinpoint shots were on of Fuji's specialties, gaining him a lot of leeway in matches, but that damn split-step. It made the younger boy unbelievably fast, making it easier for him to pick shots off that would usually be out of his reach.

Fuji returned shot for shot, trading with the other boy easily. Even when Echizen attempted his finishing shot. It made Fuji smile; it made him feel free, and just for a moment it actually made him have fun with tennis.

A part of him thought that maybe that was the real reason why Tezuka had set the match up, because after the St. Rudolph fiasco, Fuji's approach to tennis had been somewhat… lacking in enthusiasm. However, the other part of Fuji decidedly ignored any such implication. He wasn't ready to give Tezuka that much credit … not yet anyway.

The drive B almost took him by surprise, but Fuji had never been a normal player, and he managed to reach it while setting the boy up to take a slam knowing that slam's are just far too tempting for most tennis players. Which really made the game all the more fun and Fuji's triple counter Higuma Otoshi, even easier. It was a challenge, a gauntlet so to speak. Fuji would just wait and see if the younger boy rose to the challenge. It had been getting tedious anyway.

Being far from stupid, Fuji knew that he'd only reached the Drive B because Echizen was tired, and refused to realise that he himself was tired too. That shot was powerful, and although he might be able to return it, Fuji was fairly certain he couldn't counter it.

He had a feeling, just a feeling, but it grew stronger as the rally progressed. Echizen was determined to break the Higuma Otoshi, and it intrigued Fuji – a great deal in fact. With that one realisation, Fuji decided to give the boy the change to break it, even forewarning him when a lob was coming.

Fuji could feel Tezuka watching him, could feel those eyes evaluating him, and he resented it. This was tennis, this was yet another thing Fuji was good at, it was nothing special to him. It was just a game. Just because he felt indifferent about it, didn't mean that he would give up easily. Yuuta, Kaidoh and Inui had lost against the younger boy, and if he wasn't mistaken, Tezuka was the only one who'd one when playing Echizen, but that was food for thought later on. Fuji wasn't about to be careless, not even for a second, because he knew the shorter boy would take complete advantage of it.

There was no way Echizen could beat Fuji yet, and not solely because Fuji wouldn't let him. The long row of smashes was almost boring, and yet Fuji waited, just waiting, wanting to see just how long it would take the younger boy to break it. It was taking too long as it was, but Fuji didn't like to think that he'd misplaced his trust that Echizen would be able to break it. Only then would Fuji be able to concentrate on perfecting it, because a counter wasn't a counter if someone else could counter it. That thought in and of itself amused Fuji.

And then it happened. As soon as he hit the ball, Fuji knew it was going to go out. He rose and turned, assumptions battling in the back of his mind. Was it a fluke? With Echizen, very probably not. Eyes open, Fuji watched the other boy as he played, and as he spoke.

"You don't have to give me any more lobs."

So it wasn't a fluke, Echizen had broken the Higuma Otoshi, which meant it was no longer an efficient counter. Fuji was a perfectionist when it came to his specialties. The boy had been timing everything from the beginning, and the net, hitting the net perfectly.

"You're amazing, Echizen-kun." And for some reason Fuji could feel Tezuka's eyes glare at him, but he dismissed it, not having time to dwell. He also refused to acknowledge that he was probably a little worn out from the training and the match.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Fuji noticed the others being paired up for matches. "Tezuka and Momo… Now there's a match I wanted to watch."

"Let's end this quickly." Echizen was as impertinent as ever.

It just made Fuji open his eyes and smile. "Are you just going to lose to me then?"

"No way." Came the response, but Fuji had expected nothing less.

And so they played, Fuji's mind slightly preoccupied by thoughts of the matches surrounding them. Tezuka and Momo, Eiji and Oishi, Taka-san and Kaidoh. Rather interesting really, and Fuji was stuck playing a game himself, although, at least it was interesting. He almost felt when Tezuka won, the silence that fell, the pure adoration of the rest of the tennis club, and he almost smiled genuinely, and idly wondered if Tezuka was playing too harshly for his own injury.

But he didn't have time to dwell on it. It was getting overcast, dark clouds covering the sky. All of a sudden it started raining, and Ryuzaki-sensai called an end to the practice, but one look at Echizen told Fuji that there was no way this match was going to end. Sliding in the rain to reach one of the shots, Fuji decided he liked that idea.

Tezuka's eyes still rested on him, the captain standing out there in the rain with everyone else. Rain ran down his body, clothes already completely drenched and hair matted to his face, but he smiled at Echizen's words.

"Don't tell me you're running away."

"Even in this rain, I can play." And it was true, for almost everything in Syusuke's life. He could play everything if given enough reason to. And this felt like an amazing reason… an amazing reason to be reckless.

Apparently however, Ryuzaki-sensai didn't feel the same way about it. After her tirade Fuji allowed himself a small smile and looked over at his opponent. "It's a shame, but it looks like this match's at an end."

"That's not fair," And it was the one time that Fuji actually though that Echizen sounded his age. "You're winning 4 – 3, I was just about to comeback."

Fuji watched the shorter boy get escorted off the courts, he watched the other regulars go inside to get changed, and then he threw his head back and laughed. He laughed because in the rain no one could hear him, he smiled because in the rain no one could see him, and he cried because in the rain the wetness on his face was natural. The tears rolled down his cheeks, all of the confusion, the uncertainty, the poignancy of the moments he'd shared with Tezuka, all of it. Everything he'd been through in the last week came tumbling back at him and he finally let it out.

Yet he didn't feel any better, instead, he felt hollow, drained and empty. And suddenly, he also felt those eyes on him again. Turning slowly, he faced Tezuka, not liking the slight scowl of concentration on the taller boy's face, but somehow still wanting to reach out to him. He didn't though; he simply smirked and closed his eyes, smiling in the rain, not liking that he didn't seem to know how to act anymore, that he didn't know how to feel.

"The match with Echizen, just now. Why didn't you play seriously and win?"

Ahhh yes, the taller boy seemed to know Fuji so well, seemed to be able to see right through him. It angered the prodigy, but he didn't show it. Instead, his only response was to smile.

But that didn't deter Tezuka from continuing. "Inui said you won't allow him to take your data. Where is the real you?"

That cut, but Fuji refused to let it show, and simply smiled more, watching Tezuka standing in the rain. The water ran down his glasses, the heat from his breath fogged them up, and his hair no longer had that fluffable style that Fuji wanted to brush out of the way of brown eyes. It seemed rain could hide a lot of things.

He didn't answer the question, refused to. Not sure how long they'd stood there simply looking at each other, Fuji turned on his heal and headed towards the clubhouse for a towel to soak the water off him, that was slowly becoming chilly.

It reminded him of that night almost a week ago. The night he'd almost lost it, the night he'd realised just how much he hated himself, and the night Tezuka had kissed him. Frustration ripped through him as he grabbed a towel to dry himself off with, and looked out of the window completely ignoring the other boy. His thoughts turned briefly to Echizen as he dried his hair.

The boy was strong, he was good, and Fuji found the feeling when playing him exhilarating, thrilling. It was a good feeling, but Fuji knew a better one, only he didn't know how about getting it back.

He could fee Tezuka watching him, those eyes almost stripping him bare and for a brief moment Fuji wanted those hand to be on him, touching him, comforting him, holding him, like they had done so much. But the moment was gone and Fuji was left feeling empty again.

Without paying the only other occupant of the locker rooms any attention, Fuji got dressed, pretending not to feel the way Tezuka glanced at him occasionally, pretending not to glance at Tezuka himself. Where did they stand? What was this? What _were_ they to each other? Hell, did either of them even know what they wanted, because Fuji sure as hell couldn't come to e definite conclusion.

He wanted the friendship they'd always had, the comfort, the need, but at the same time he wanted that mouth to kiss him, those eyes to see him and those arms to never let him go. Why did he feel so, on edge around Tezuka now?

Picking up his bag, Fuji stood in the middle of the room, not turning around when he spoke, still knowing that Tezuka was watching him. "Hey, Tezuka. When you played Echizen, was it like this too?" Because all of a sudden Fuji needed to know. He needed to know if his hunch had been right all along, he needed to know if that strange feeling inside had a reason or not. Smile on his face, although he knew Tezuka couldn't see it, Fuji waited for the answer.

"Mm…" Tezuka seemed to be searching for words. "You knew?" There was even a slight hint of surprise in his voice, and for a moment Fuji thought that maybe the other boy had been trying to hide things from him. But what reason would he have to hide anything, they were just friends after all.

Still, Fuji found it hard to keep the own dejection from his voice. "Yeah, somehow…" It wasn't an answer, he knew it, but it was the best he could give, because right then he couldn't concentrate. His head was swimming with feelings and reasons he didn't understand, but was so tempted to.

"Fuji…"

Tezuka's voice prevented Fuji from leaving the room, because as much as the prodigy might like to hide, here was the one person he didn't really want to run from. So he stopped and waited, almost to the door, almost to the rain outside and the freedom that came with it. Yes, he stopped.

The other boy was closer now. Fuji could feel the warmth of Tezuka's body behind him, the slight hesitancy in the stance, that Fuji was probably the only person who could see it. With a soft sigh he turned, still taken aback at just how close his friend was. It left Fuji very little room to move, and he wondered absently why it always seemed that there was a perfectly convenient wall for Tezuka to push him into.

"What?" His voice betrayed none of his frustration, just all of his blankness, just all of his shield of indifference.

Tezuka looked pained, but only briefly, and probably to no one else. "What is it?" There was something about the tone of voice that asked so much more than just that. Tezuka was uncertain himself, and Fuji could see it. The taller boy was asking him what he'd done to make Fuji act in this way.

And it almost made Fuji laugh, almost. How dare Tezuka start what he did and not know how he wanted to proceed. How dare he disrupt the perfect friendship they shared, and make Fuji want so much more despite himself, and somehow not actually know what he wanted himself. "You have to ask? You…" But he didn't continue, he didn't think Tezuka deserved that much. Maybe he was being irrational, but Fuji was scared. The last thing he'd ever admit to being, he in actual fact was.

Why couldn't he just come out and tell the taller boy. A wave of melancholy stole over him. This wasn't something he wanted, was it? He'd never wanted Tezuka in such a needy way before, but now he'd had a taste, he felt like he was having withdrawals.

"Fuji… what…" And Tezuka's unspoken words were so clear to the prodigy, as if they'd actually been spoken. What are we doing? What are we going to do about it?

Fuji ripped himself away from his contemplations to find Tezuka standing much, much closer. Almost close enough to touch, and definitely close enough to feel his warm breath. It almost made the prodigy giddy. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act, not sure what the other wanted. Damn, it was like a merry-go-round, it never stopped going in circles. If he wasn't careful he was going to give himself a headache.

And so Fuji's response wasn't perhaps the nicest he could have given, and definitely not the most mature. "Why are you asking me? You started it…" He began to move, intent to go, he needed to get out.

Tezuka's scowl returned briefly, and he grabbed one of Fuji's hands, obviously wanting to pull him back. When warm skin contacted the cold of Fuji's, the shorter boy almost hissed and spun around, glaring at Tezuka for a second, before letting the smile slip back in place. "Let. Go." His voice was calm, collected, and dangerous.

Tezuka gripped the hand a little tighter, face still impassive. "What will you do if I don't? Smile me to death?"

That stung, it actually stung, and Fuji ripped his hand out of the older boy's grasp, and glared again, unable for the first time in his life to come up with a good come back. "Nice stone…" it was all he could think of, because something inside him felt like it was breaking, hurting, tearing at him.

He didn't want it to play out like this, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. There was hurt behind those glasses, in those brown eyes, and Fuji hated himself even more for being the one to put it there. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to take back what he'd said, or how he'd acted.

Tezuka just stood and stared at him, eyes refusing to leave his face, breath warming him, yet reproaching him at the same time. Then suddenly there were hands to either side of Fuji's head, suddenly caging his way out, lips suddenly meeting his own in a kiss that was no longer gentle. It demanded understanding, taking the realisation with it that Tezuka wanted Fuji every bit as much as the prodigy wanted his captain.

It was filled with confusions which clashed against each other, like the rain on the asphalt outside. The kiss threw Fuji more off balance than he had been and he found his fists clutching Tezuka's jacket, almost in desperation. Clinging to the taller boy, needing that kiss, the feeling of Tezuka's tongue against his own; the tangible proof that the previous weekend hadn't just been a figment of his imagination.

He found himself pulling Tezuka closer, wanting more, needing more, just trying to pour the fact that he didn't mean to be so harsh, so cruel, into the kiss. He felt the other boy relax just a little under his touch, and the kiss became more of passionate than rough. It filled Fuji, made him warm; fending off the chill the rain had set into his bones.

Finally Tezuka broke away, leaning his head against Fuji's forehead, and looking down into cerulean eyes. "I didn't plan this, Syusuke… remember that…"

Fuji swallowed, before answering softly. "I know… I just…"

Tezuka smiled softly, barely there at all, but Fuji knew it was, and that was all that mattered. "I should be avoiding this."

And at those words Fuji felt the walls slowly creeping back into place only to be melted as Tezuka continued speaking.

"But I don't want to."

Those few words washed a relief over Fuji that he would never have believed possible. His hands tightened their hold that little bit more as Tezuka raised lips to kiss Fuji's head. They stayed like that, while the storm raged outside, safe inside, with each other.

~~**~~

Sorry it took me so long to get another chapter out =x

Hope you enjoyed this one, and I really love feedback so feedback away if you have the time!


	22. Hide Me

**Title**: _Smile: Hide Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: _ 22/45 _

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**: Um well, this one got out of hand… Arguments, angst, angry Fuji, determined Tez, limeishness kinda sorta you decide… heh.

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Hide Me**

It was a day Fuji chalked up to be one of the worst days in a long while. The match against Yamabuki, while Seigaku won, had been one of the worst matched Fuji had personally ever played.

~*~

_Fuji wasn't impressed. In fact, he was downright pissed off, seething, you name it, he was it. And it was all directed at himself. He stood outside the courts, watching Oishi struggle with ghosts of his own past, while Eiji hovered not knowing exactly what to do, but following his partner\s lead. _

_Seething while maintaining a smile was multitasking. Idly Fuji reflected that males weren't supposed to be able to multi-task. What a load of crap, Fuji had been doing it since he was five. With a slight start he realised in what a truly foul mood he really was. _

_And all because he'd lost. _

_He really needed to shake himself out of that mood. So he tried, he really did try. Exchanging views with Inui on just what the other team was trying to do, analysing every move they made, and yet he still couldn't get his head around it. Not that anyone else would actually notice, not that…and then Tezuka came to stand next to him, and suddenly he felt that little bit better._

_It was strange, as angry as he was with himself, as annoyed frustrated as he was feeling, Tezuka somehow made it all better. And it wasn't that Fuji suddenly felt happy and forgot about what it was that he'd been angry about, but somehow it seemed okay for him to … be who he was. That was just it. No matter how mean Fuji was, no matter how frustrated he got, no matter how vindictively he lashed out, Tezuka always accepted it. _

_In and of itself, that was almost enough to annoy Fuji, but at the same time, it unsettled him. Where he'd once just shrugged things off easily, without needing the reassurance of anyone else, he now found himself almost craving Tezuka's presence, and it made him angry. How had he come to let himself rely so much on another person?_

~*~

And that realisation hadn't made his mood all that much better. He'd avoided Tezuka after the match simply because he wasn't feeling in the most sociable of moods, not that the other boy was sociable, just…

Fuji sighed as he walked up the path to his house. Late afternoon sunlight shone down, making it almost peaceful, and suddenly Fuji didn't feel all that bad anymore. In fact, he felt a little abashed that he'd ignored Tezuka that afternoon. Making up his mind to get changed and go over to see his friend, Fuji already felt better as he pushed the door open.

That mood stopped however, as soon as he set foot in the house. He could hear his father's voice, arguing with his mother. Suppressing a groan, Fuji changed shoes as quietly as he could, but knew that he couldn't very well just ignore the fact that his father was home, regardless of how little he wanted the man to be there.

Smile fixed firmly into place, Fuji walked into the kitchen. With an inclination of his head, he spoke. "Welcome home, Father." He headed to the fridge to get himself a drink, all the while aware that the talking had stopped and that his father was watching him. For a brief moment, Fuji wished he hadn't avoided Tezuka, because that meant the other boy would have been there right then, and Fuji really could have done with that. Regret wasn't something he gave into though. Once you did something, you couldn't change it, so why bother regretting it?

"Syusuke. Just the son I wanted to see."

A cold shiver made it's way down Fuji's spine. He honestly didn't like that tone of voice, but instead of showing discomfort, he turned, smile still in place. "Yes, Father?"

He noticed his mother exit the kitchen from the corner of his eye, and didn't like the foreboding feeling that gave him. However, he gave his father his full attention, or at least, what appeared to be his full attention, and took the seat the man motioned him to take. Fuji waited while his father poured himself a drink, before sitting down opposite the prodigy.

"Your grades are holding well."

"Thank you, father." Fuji was a little wary. His father rarely, if ever, commented on his grades. They were flawless.

"Why are you not top of all of your classes? Your only top grade is in English; otherwise you are consistently beaten by other students. Are you content to always be number two?"

Fuji had to work hard not to flinch, knowing the deeper meaning behind the words. "Oishi and Inui are very good students, father." How could he express that he just didn't care, without having his father become irate.

The elder Fuji looked exasperated as he ran a hand through his hair. "You have so much more potential, Syusuke. Why will you not use it?"

It took all of Syusuke's self control not to snap back at his father, not to tell him that maybe if he'd ever been seen as more than just potential, he would have a reason to use it to it's fullest. As it was, potential wasn't all there was to him, and he was sick and tired of it being held over his head like a carrot. So he smiled, refusing to let his father get to him. "I apologise, father." Damn he hated saying things he didn't mean, but he'd do it to keep the peace.

The older man looked at his son, just for a moment, before shaking his head. "I don't need you to apologise, I need you to put in more of an effort. You spend far too much time playing tennis."

And that was the last straw, already far too much bottled up inside, Fuji almost snapped. "We're going to the nationals this year, father. Did you know that?"

His father looked mildly surprised, and was about to say something, but Fuji didn't let him. "I play second singles. It's quite an honour. It means I'm good."

"Tennis is just a sport, Syusuke. It's not a future, not something I can condone my son pursuing as a career." The elder Fuji took a breath before continuing. "I've come to the conclusion that you should be more focused on your school work, rather than tennis. I think it's a hindrance to your future."

No more tennis would mean so much less of his friends, of his fun, and of Tezuka. That was something that Syusuke would never let happen. For the first time in fourteen years, Fuji stood up and looked down on his father. He was sick of not being heard, of not being seen for who he was by the people who should accept him easier than anyone else. For the first time ever, he went against his father's wishes, and back answered him, smile fixed firmly in place.

"We are going to the nationals this year, and we are going to win. I am going to play in the team that makes it to the nationals, and I will show you that it is not an impediment to my future, but a way I can grow and be who I am, and not who you demand of me." He could see his father getting angry, knew the man wanted to speak, but he forestalled him by holding up a hand. "When my team wins, when I come and show you what we have achieved, because we _will_ achieve it, then you will admit I am right, and will let _me_ chose what I wish to do with my future. If I am wrong, then I bow to your decision." Cerulean eyes opened for just a second, locking onto his fathers with sheer determination emanating from them. His smile didn't fade, not even one bit, but he added just one more thing. "But we won't lose, because our captain won't let that happen."

His father looked shocked, and Fuji thought it probably better to act whilst his father was feeling that way. Bowing quickly, Fuji spoke softly. "I have some things I need to do. I won't be home tonight."

It was all he said, before escaping out of the kitchen, before escaping into the hall and pulling back on his street shoes, and escaping out the door. He had no idea how long it was going to take his father to recover, but he didn't plan on being anywhere near the man when he did. The older Fuji would need time to actually be able to accept what Syusuke had just said, and the prodigy had no intention of being anywhere near the house while that happened. He could only hope that Tezuka was still up to accepting him for the completely inconsiderate bastard that Syusuke knew he could be sometimes, because otherwise Fuji had no idea where he was going to sleep.

Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, Fuji absently realised that he was still in uniform, but shrugged that away. He chose the speed dial number he knew just from feel, and smirked a little as he raised the phone to his ear. Waiting for it to start ringing, he idly contemplated. It seemed that every time he needed to ground himself again, he ended up at Tezuka's. Maybe Tezuka was his Rome, since all paths seemed to lead there. Fuji chuckled at his own analogy.

The ringing sounded against his ear, but somehow, it seemed to echo. Fuji frowned, but smiled as the call was picked up.

"Fuji?"

The voice was so close; Fuji whirled around, coming face to face with his taller teammate. He laughed, suddenly feeling a whole lot better, and closed his phone with an audible snap. "Ne, Tezuka. Short distance phone call, heh?" Late afternoon sunlight glinted off those glasses, obscuring Tezuka's eyes from Fuji's sight. It made the shorter boy want to reach out and pluck them away, while he waited for Tezuka's answer.

"I thought …" Tezuka was looking at him, and Fuji thought it mildly unfair that the other boy could see him whereas the prodigy couldn't see Tezuka's eyes. He didn't need to though, because he knew what Tezuka was trying to say. He'd wanted to come and see why Fuji was ignoring him; maybe he'd even missed the shorter boy a little.

Fuji smiled and took a step closer, never risqué, not in public, and still not completely sure of what they were, but he took it never the less. "Me too," was all he said softly, and for a moment he just let himself feel warmed by the fact that Tezuka was there, that Tezuka had wanted to come and see him.

He found himself wanting to reach out, wanting to touch the other boy, wanting to reassure himself that Tezuka was in actual fact, real. It was new, it was confusing and all he knew was that he couldn't do it out here wasn't sure if he should do it at all, no matter where they were. "I… my father came home."

Tezuka's shoulders seemed to tense a little, before relaxing. "My parents aren't home."

Even Fuji could feel an underlying bitterness in his friend's voice, despite the fact that there was no outward sign of it. Lightly clapping a hand onto Tezuka's shoulder, he turned around, so he could stand next to the taller boy before removing the hand. "Want company?" And in those two almost hesitant words, Fuji offered a lot more than was said. He offered an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and an understanding that they both knew they'd never find in any one else.

For an answer, Tezuka began walking, and Fuji accompanied him wordlessly. The prodigy liked Tezuka's house, although he could see why Tezuka didn't. Right at that moment in time though, he liked it even more, because there was no one else there, especially not his father. He was silent as they changed shoes, and somewhat startled when Tezuka spoke, that voice so close to him, Fuji felt he might drown in it.

"Bad?" Yet in that one word, Tezuka asked so much, it was all he needed to say.

Averting his eyes briefly, Fuji smiled a little ruefully. "Only made it worse…"

"Ahh," Tezuka's breath tickled Fuji's skin, and suddenly it was gone, and Fuji felt… out of depth as he watched the other boy walk away towards the kitchen, speaking over his shoulder. "Go into the living room. I'll be there in a minute."

Fuji obliged having been there often enough to know where everything was. His fingers itched, wishing that Tezuka's house had a piano, because right then he could definitely do with playing something angry. Looking out the window, Fuji crossed his arms as the crimson rays filtered in through the blinds. Late afternoon was always beautiful.

He turned, hearing footsteps, and smiled as he watched Tezuka set tea out on the table. Walking over, Fuji let himself plop down next to the taller boy, neatly folding his legs under him. His eyes took in the little maki-rolls on the plates next to the tea, and he idly wondered if Tezuka didn't have a supply just for him considering the amount of time Fuji spent there. It made him feel a little guilty, because he couldn't remember having done something like that for Tezuka.

"It's nothing."

Fuji looked up to see Tezuka's eyes on him, watching him with that intensity that made Fuji shiver ever so slightly, and he knew the older boy had watched him and known what he was thinking. He couldn't decide whether that was intriguing or scary, so he decided not to think about it. "It's more than I'd deserve."

Tezuka smiled slightly. "But no more than you'll allow."

"And yet more than we realise…"

There was silence for a few moments, as Fuji sipped at his tea, eyes cast downwards, not really understanding the feelings inside him. He looked up in surprise as his cup was plucked from his fingers, to see those brown eyes so close to his own without the barrier of glasses to impede their passion. Fuji found himself lost in those eyes, seeing things he'd never thought possible, things he'd never even contemplated, and things he found himself wanting more than anything else in the world.

A hand, lightly callused, cupped his cheek, and Tezuka's breath washed over his skin like a warm breeze when the taller boy spoke. "I don't play, Syusuke."

Fuji knew this; he'd always known it. What Tezuka wanted, he concentrated on with an almost single-mindedness, and he always got what he wanted. There was no doubt they would be going to the nationals that year, but that wasn't what the older boy meant right then, and Fuji knew it. Tezuka was giving him a chance, one chance to back out, down, whatever. It was the one chance for things to go back to being as normal as possible, the way they had been, or as close to it as possible. But he found himself not wanting to take that chance.

Snaking a hand out, Fuji tentatively brushed the hair out of Tezuka's eyes, peering into them intently. There was no one else who knew him like this, without his mask, with all his faults, and he didn't think he could go back now; he didn't want to be cold anymore. When he spoke, his voice came out hoarse with the emotion he was keeping in check. "I know…"

It was all the answer either of them needed, and as Tezuka leaned in Fuji's eyes closed, making the feeling of their lips meeting all the more surreal. He'd never get over how amazingly gentle Tezuka could be. A brief moment of thought was spared for how it didn't seem to matter that Tezuka was in his personal space, because Fuji decided that as long as it was the older boy, he could deal with it… he could want it.

The kiss deepened, tongues clashed and Fuji found himself forgetting almost everything else but the feel of the other against him. It made him feel warm, needed, wanted, and that there was someone who wouldn't let go, not matter what. Tezuka's other arm found it's way to Fuji's back, and all of a sudden the prodigy found himself being lowered to the floor.

His eyes blinked open, momentarily focusing on gentle brown ones that asked him if this was all right. A slight sigh escaped him, only to be drunk in by Tezuka, and as Fuji's eyes closed again, the unspoken question was answered.

He had no idea what they were doing, but he knew that he could lose himself in it, and forget everything else just for a little while. The feel of Tezuka's body over his own, of the kisses bruising his lips, of those hands tangling in his hair; it was all tangible, real, and deliciously Tezuka.

That gentle mouth moved down to kiss at his neck. Warm hands coasted under his shirt, callused fingers caressed his skin and Fuji found himself arching into the touch, his mind awash with the sensation, his own hands clutching Tezuka's back like a lifeline. He moaned, lips parting to expel pent up breath as Tezuka bit down gently on the tender skin of his neck. His breath came quickly, and he could feel Tezuka's hardness against him, but this time it didn't scare him. This time it was different.

He'd thought about the ramifications of what they were, of what being the same meant, and right then all it felt was good to know that he could make the other boy feel at least some of what Fuji was feeling. Soft brown hair fell against his face, tickling him, and Fuji chuckled slightly, making Tezuka look up at him quizzically.

Brushing the hair out of the way, Fuji smiled, eyes slightly fevered, as he moved with the way Tezuka touched him. Bringing one hand down from where he was gripping Tezuka's back, he drew a finger along the taller boy's jaw before raising himself and crushing his lips against Tezuka's.

He could feel Tezuka's surprise, and smiled into the kiss. Wouldn't do to let the other boy have the upper hand all the time now, would it? Slowly, Fuji found himself getting used to the idea, liking the sensations both physical and emotional. As the kiss deepened yet again, and their hands explored each other tentatively, Fuji realised he didn't need to hear where they stood, because he was quite certain he knew anyway.

He decided this was proof enough… at least for now.

~~**~~

Other Mind Chapter 4 shows Tezuka's mindset during this chapter ^_^

Well yeah, I figured they deserved some nice time together… because it's not going to be too nice in future chapters… Mwuah hah hah

Hope you liked it… feedback is greatly appreciated.


	23. Con Me

**Title**: Smile: Con Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 23/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**: Um well, this one got out of hand too… snuggling, cuteness, challenge, arguments, stupid foot in mouth Tez, guess what sort of Fuji… please don't lynch me???

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Con Me**

Fuji stirred. It was the only word for it. He didn't wake up immediately, he didn't panic at the warm arms around him, nor at the position he found himself in; he simply stirred. It was like waking in a cocoon of warmth and he didn't want to let go, even though it was a little awkward what with the two of them sharing the couch, but he found himself not minding.

Instead of standing up he nuzzled a little, trying to make sense of the thoughts running through his head. He couldn't get over the fact that he felt no discomfort when Tezuka touched him, kissed him, held him. That in and of itself was strange. Fuji had never been a tactile person; it just wasn't in his nature. Yet, Tezuka didn't seem to count in the general rules of things.

Just when had it changed, when had they reached such a level that physical touch didn't seem to be a barrier anymore? In fact, it had never been an issue with them because they had never needed it. And although Fuji was fairly sure he could live without it if Tezuka should choose never to touch him again, he didn't _want_ to live without it. It had become a want, something that Fuji was looking forward to… anticipating.

He didn't understand it himself, didn't even know if he _wanted_ to understand it. His eyes flickered up to Tezuka's face, noting that the eyes were still closed, feeling the breathing still regular, and all Fuji could think of was how peaceful the older boy looked when he slept. Where there wasn't the weight of all of Tezuka's responsibilities reflected in those eyes, in the frown that crossed his brow. In slumber, Tezuka Kunimitsu almost looked like the teenager he was.

It made Fuji's smile a little melancholy. For all the release Tezuka had made it possible for the prodigy to have, Fuji felt like he'd done absolutely nothing in return. That wasn't the nicest feeling. It made him feel selfish, and although he normally wouldn't care about it all that much, with Tezuka it was different.

Why was it different? Sure, they were friends, or were now more than friends. That was the confusing part. Fuji was fairly sure that Tezuka was offering more than friendship, more of companionship. It'd been so much less complicated before _that_ kiss, yet now it had happened, Fuji found himself not wanting to go back and change anything. If he had to be honest with himself, he liked the changes. Even though they scared him in a way, they also comforted him, warmed him, and made him want to do the same in return.

At the same time, Fuji wasn't entirely sure how he was supposed to act, how he _could_ act. Granted, nothing would change outside, at school, anywhere else, simply because it couldn't. Neither of them could afford the frowns, the speculation. It wasn't something they should have to deal with, but that was the way of the world. Suddenly it truly hit Fuji that Tezuka was male, and he chuckled slightly. Not that he'd ever thoguht that Tezuka wasn't male, just that this new _friendship_ and both being male took on new connotations.

"Amused?"

Tezuka's sleep husky voice ripped through Fuji's contemplations, and the prodigy turned wide cerulean eyes to look at the taller boy. From his position almost squashed against the back of the couch, while Tezuka was rolled towards him, Fuji had an excellent view. "Slightly." Was all he said with a grin.

"Enlighten me." And those arms didn't lessen their grip even one bit.

With a chuckle Fuji complied, or at least he tried to. He wasn't entirely sure how to go about phrasing it. "I… we…" he stopped and looked up at Tezuka, slightly accusatory. "You know what I'm thinking about."

Tezuka almost smirked, or at least as close as he came to smirking. "Yes, I do." _And I just wanted to watch you try and say it_ – the unspoken words lingered in the air, and only made Fuji's smile wider.

But he ended up sighing, just not sure of this, of himself, of anything. "How can you be so certain?" _Of this, of us, of what's changed?_

For a moment it felt like time froze, and Fuji wasn't sure what he wanted Tezuka to say. Did he want him to finally realise that it wasn't a good idea, and see if they could go back to the way things had been? Did he want to hear that Tezuka was just as confused as Fuji and so that left both of them adrift in the unknown?

"I'm not." Tezuka's voice was soft, almost wistful; a way Fuji had never heard it before.

Fuji struggled to sit up, resting himself on one elbow, fighting with a frustration he couldn't choke down. "Then why?"

Tezuka knew what he was asking; Fuji could see it in those brown eyes. "Because I had to."

"Oh…" For once, Fuji's ability to understand Tezuka left him at a loss. He wasn't entirely certain what the other boy was saying and hoped fervently that the change in the nature of their friendship didn't mean a change in the level of their communication. Fuji didn't think he could deal with that if it was the case.

Righting himself, Tezuka looked down at Fuji. Their bodies so close, touching, so that each of them knew the other was real. "I need things too. You of all people know that. This was something I had to… take the chance at…" Those brown eyes implored Fuji, needing understanding, and seeking acceptance.

With a smile, Fuji nodded, just once, knowing that the other boy needed no more. And when he saw the tension drain away from Tezuka's shoulders, Fuji snaked a hand out to pull the taller boy to him, leaving a tender but chaste kiss on his lips. Grinning impishly, Fuji chuckled, feeling his cheeks flush just that little bit. "I like that you need…" And it was all Fuji needed to say, because he realised that the friendship had only grown stronger for the change.

~*~

The day wasn't blessed with the best weather, but Fuji found himself not caring. It was nice enough weather to stay indoors and that was all that really mattered to him. His thoughts turned to the argument with his father, and he idly let himself wonder just how much damage he had managed to cause with his little outburst, while helping Tezuka with a little of the housework that had built up.

He was absently giving the dishes from the dishwasher a wipe over before putting them away, when Tezuka spoke, making him pause in what he was doing.

"We have ranking matches this week."

"I know." Fuji smiled, and continued what he was doing as if Tezuka had never spoken, concentrating intently on the pattern of the crockery.

"I was thinking of putting you in block A, with Inui and myself." There was a note of challenge in Tezuka's voice.

Fuji's eyes flickered open, thoughtfully taking in Tezuka who was standing with his back against the fridge, arms crossed, just watching the prodigy. With a smirk, Fuji answered. "Then Inui won't make the team again, since we'll both beat him." The fact that Tezuka would beat Fuji hung in the air like a temptation waiting to be uttered.

"You sound confident." Again that challenging tone, those brown eyes boring into Fuji as if they knew his deepest darkest secrets.

Fuji shrugged. "It's logical. I can still be a regular having lost just one match." He didn't need to add that Tezuka's match would be the one he would lose, simply because both boys knew it.

"Are you that sure Inui won't defeat you?"

With a laugh Fuji put the last dish away and hung the cloth up before turning back to face Tezuka, his own arms crossed. "Inui doesn't have chance of beating me. His style of tennis will never allow him to beat me." And as he watched Tezuka, Fuji thought that Inui's style of tennis would also never allow him to beat Tezuka, but he didn't say it out loud.

"What about me?" Tezuka was suddenly closer, almost inside Fuji's personal space, and despite everything they'd shared; the prodigy began to feel a little uncomfortable again.

Taking a step back, and deliberately misunderstanding the question, Fuji spoke, making light of the question. "No, it won't let him beat you either, Tezuka. No need to worry there." He smiled brightly, not quite knowing what else to do. This wasn't ground he wanted to venture onto, not when everything had been going so well. He'd never understand why Tezuka kept pushing the point. Why couldn't he leave well enough alone?

"Fuji…" The way Tezuka spoke his name, the inflections, the tone; it made Fuji wish, just for once, that they couldn't communicate the way they did. Just for once he would have preferred it if he was in ignorant bliss as to what Tezuka wanted to hear.

"Tezuka, I don't need to beat you. We both know you're the better player." Fuji held his breath, hoping that would be enough.

"Bullshit."

Fuji's eyes opened wider than he thought possible. Tezuka had just sworn? The prodigy was afraid to look outside just in case pigs were flying there somewhere. He reacted the only way he knew how; with a smile. "Bullshit? That's pretty out of place on a tennis court, don't you think."

The taller boy took steps towards him, backing Fuji up against the sink, and stopping just a foot from him, but so that Fuji couldn't really leave without being extremely rude. He was forced to stay and listen to what Tezuka had to say. "Play seriously, Fuji. Or I'll force your hand."

Fuji scoffed, not liking those implications. "Force my hand? I'd like to see that."

Tezuka simply raised an eyebrow. "I could do it you know. All I have to do is set up the right group."

Refusing to back down, to show that he wasn't feeling all that comfortable, Fuji smiled mockingly. "Oh, and I bet you have the perfect plan."

The captain ignored the jibing voice, the mocking smile, and spoke calmly, eyes locked with the shorter boy's. "Block A: Tezuka, Fuji, … Echizen."

Fuji blinked and swallowed, refusing to let himself feel intimidated, and yet trying to deal with the thousands of possibilities whirring in his head. He liked tennis, maybe not loved, but there was no way he wanted to give it up. Setting up a block with the three of them was like inviting trouble, because only two of them would qualify. In playing the block like that Tezuka was already forcing Fuji to play seriously against Echizen, exactly what he hadn't done the first time he played the freshman.

If Echizen somehow managed to beat Fuji, which the prodigy highly doubted because the boy just wasn't ready yet, then that would mean Fuji would be forced to play Tezuka seriously or else lose his spot on the team. Either way Fuji would be forced to play seriously, and somehow, somewhere, that just pissed the prodigy off.

His eyes narrowed and he felt that anger settle in his stomach, turning into that snide part of him that Fuji rarely let out, but right then felt a burning need to. "Fitting, Tezuka. Cunning, no, really. I won't lose to Echizen, and neither will you, so that would be the new blood off the team, right?" It was a rhetorical question that Fuji wanted no answer for.

He barrelled straight on. "But let's just be theoretical here. I rarely play seriously; we both know this, so let's stop beating around the bush. We both also know that I don't want to lose my spot on the team any more than say…you do." Cerulean eyes settled briefly on Tezuka, driving home the point before continuing. "So, if you put all three of us in the same block, and let's just say that hypothetically speaking, Echizen has improved his game enough to beat the both of us, that would leave just you and I. And although I am sure you are quite aware of the fact that I do not mind in the least when you beat me normally, we both know I am a terrible loser otherwise."

Fuji chuckled, eyes never leaving Tezuka's frowning face. Taking a step forward and closing the distance between them, Fuji looked up at Tezuka, smirking. "I would refuse to give up my spot on the team, and let's just assume that you could be right, and that I could secretly beat you all along. Wouldn't that then mean, that with two losses you would be the person to fall from the team?"

Tezuka's face paled, almost imperceptibly, but enough that Fuji saw it, and it spurned him on. His voice grew dangerously low. "So, tell me _Kunimitsu, _just what would you do if you weren't the captain? Just how would you deal with not being in the position to be the pillar of support? Just how much would you resent me for taking that away from you?" Fuji's voice had risen, and his eyes glittered angrily. "Did you ever stop to look at reasons behind things, or are you just intent on finding out what lies beneath, regardless of the consequences? Because I assure you, you do _not_ want to back me into a corner."

He could see the pain in Tezuka's eyes, because there was so much of it, it wasn't possible for the other boy to conceal it, and it made Fuji ache. But what he'd said needed to be said. Tezuka needed to realise that it wasn't a topic the taller boy had an actual say in. Lowering his voice to a whisper, Fuji reached up, tangling his hands in the other boy's hair, and pulled him down so that he could speak into Tezuka's ear. "Just how much of you will be left, if that's stripped away from you, Tezuka?

Fuji felt the other boy stiffen, moving his hands to meet with Fuji's and wrest them away from his hair. The prodigy didn't look up, not even when his hands were held in place beside him, gripped tightly in Tezuka's own.

"Look at me, Fuji."

But he couldn't bring himself to look into those eyes, to see that hurt, because he'd done it again. He'd gotten carried away.

Tezuka applied pressure to Fuji's wrists, causing a slight gasp of surprise from the prodigy. "I said look at me."

Lifting his head, Fuji looked at the taller boy. The pain was gone, replaced by a steely determination. It almost made Fuji shiver, and the grip loosened on his wrists. Tezuka's voice was soft, but firm. "If the team would be strengthened through it, I could handle it."

Fuji couldn't keep the shock out of his eyes. Tezuka wasn't supposed to say that, wasn't supposed to see it like that. With the thoughts running around in his head, it was all Fuji could do to listen to the rest of what the taller boy was saying. "The team is as strong as it's weakest member. If I am weaker, then I do not deserve to be there anyhow." And for a moment Fuji wished that the other boy didn't pay so much attention to the advice that Fuji gave him, but that voice interrupted his thoughts yet again. "I can't stand to see you waste your potential."

It was probably the one thing Tezuka shouldn't have said. Wrenching his hands out of Tezuka's grasp, Fuji pushed the other boy back, away from his personal space. He didn't care that Tezuka almost lost balance, he didn't care about the surprised look on the other boy's face; all he cared about was that damned word.

"Potential? That's what you see? I thought you saw a friend." Or something more, but Fuji couldn't get those words out, and he knew he shouldn't need to. "I thought we were friends, I thought we could trust each other. I'm my potential to everyone else, I thought I was me to you." It hurt, it hurt so damn much. He didn't want Tezuka to bring out the potential in him. He wanted Tezuka to find the person Fuji was underneath his smile; he'd truly wanted Tezuka to _see_ him.

His eyes felt hot, and he simply waved Tezuka away when he realised the taller boy was approaching him. "Don't touch me." He managed to grind out. Not right then, because Fuji was angry, and he didn't react well to being touched when angry. Without turning to face the taller boy, Fuji knew the look of confusion that would be on that face, a look that only Fuji would be able to decipher. It made his laugh bitter.

But in the end, he did turn to face Tezuka. Hands clenched and eyes focused on the floor, he spoke in clipped words: "Maybe we used the wrong filter on the picture back then." Because he couldn't think of anything else to say, apart from yelling, and that would accomplish little. "I need to figure it out…" He needed to go home, and he hoped the older boy would still understand him, but that was all the time Fuji had left.

Turning on his heel, he left Tezuka's house, deciding a walk before venturing home to his father's wrath would probably help. As he walked, Fuji decided that he was fairly certain he'd liked their old friendship better, because even if this had happened then, he still wouldn't have felt like he'd somehow been deceived.

~~**~~

Well um… yeah *cough* please don't hate me… much

**Other Mind 5: Polarities** addresses Tezuka's mindset at the end of the chapter and beginning of 24

Feedback is always appreciated


	24. Accept Me

**Title**: _Smile: Con Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 23/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Introspection, angstish thoughts, *gasp* conversation *faints* Still stuck on the Sunday after the Yama match. Yeah well… don't lynch me for this either… I think I pulled off what I wanted…

**Dedication**: Leth sansilion … words aren't enough, but they're all I'm good with.

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Accept Me **

It didn't take long for Fuji to calm down, it didn't take long for him to start shivering in the cool air, and it didn't take long for him to almost regret what he'd said. But didn't he regret it? For the first time in his life, Fuji actually found himself wishing that he'd done something differently. Yet he knew he couldn't change what he'd said, so he resolved to make up for it instead.

He found himself wandering, yet again. Hands fisted in his pockets, he realised that although he was still wearing his school trousers, he had one of Tezuka's shirts on, and it made him smile despite himself. It made him think of that first day, where he'd finally decided he should take the chance and let Tezuka in.

Had it really been so long ago, or maybe it was simply such a short time ago; he couldn't decide. So many things that he'd thought they'd accomplished, but if he really thought about it, where did they stand. Sure, Tezuka knew so much about the prodigy; at least he did now. Fuji had let him in, given him an almost guided tour. He'd shown him things that he'd never shown anyone else, ever. But when Fuji really thought about it, what had Tezuka done?

Tezuka had gotten to know Fuji, gotten to know his little habits, gotten to know his likes and dislikes enough to cater for them quite well. The taller boy knew how to approach the prodigy, how to phrase things to get him to think, how to touch him without making Fuji flee. Yet, really, how much did Fuji know about Tezuka?

Fuji kicked a stone, and looked up when he heard it connect with something. He frowned, not quite knowing just how he'd come here yet again, but it seemed the park drew him to it whenever he needed to think. This time he decided to sit, and sat down on a swing, leaning his head against the hand gripping the chain.

There was no one in the park, which was strange. Although the day wasn't the best of weather, it wasn't bad. A little chilly perhaps, and most parents seemed to get overprotective of their children in such weather, so maybe…

Fuji sighed. It didn't matter to him that no one was there, it gave him leeway to think, to not smile. For a second he wished his parents had been overprotective of him as a child, hell, he wished they'd been there. Running his other hand through his hair, Fuji forced his thoughts back into order, forced himself to run over the events of the afternoon once again.

He tried to think just what it was that really got to him, what it was about the conversation they'd had that really chafed. The fact that Tezuka had pushed him to start with didn't sit well with the prodigy. In fact, he was quite certain that they'd had an unspoken agreement that it just wouldn't be brought up in conversation. He could understand why Tezuka wanted to push him, but Fuji had thought the understanding was there, that he realised what it meant to Fuji.

And then it hit him, and he stood up, a slight scowl on his face. Every word Fuji had said was the truth. Granted he could have expressed himself a little nicer, but it was true. Tezuka was so much the position of captain that Fuji was worried what would remain should he ever not be the captain. Couldn't the other boy see that? Hadn't he realised that was what Fuji was saying? Or was he deliberately not hearing what Fuji had said?

It was frustrating, and for a moment Fuji wondered if somewhere along the line he'd maybe just promised to be the only one to open up.

"_That road to Rome…"_

_Tezuka inclined his head slightly, a question. _

"_It's a two way street, Tezuka."_

Fuji frowned. If his memory served him correct, he'd never gotten a straight answer out of Tezuka. Hell it was often hard to get anything out of the other boy, and although he didn't usually mind, Fuji found himself wishing that sometimes their communication was a little more verbal.

He sighed, knowing that he'd overreacted, knowing that he could have reacted in a thousand other little ways. But that was the point. Didn't Tezuka know him well enough to know how Fuji felt about being someone people expected of him? Potential was one thing, being seen as potential and not really a person; it cut. It was what Fuji tried to avoid at all costs, at least in the eyes of his friends, in Tezuka's eyes at any rate.

Strive to be someone you yourself can be proud of. Don't judge yourself by other people's standards

Hadn't Tezuka said that to him?

The situation frustrated him. On one hand he knew that he should have stayed, should have hashed things out then and there, but at the same time he resented the fact that Tezuka had lumped him into the same boat that everyone else seemed to. And that was just it, and just what scared him.

Did Tezuka really see him in that way? Had Fuji been wrong to take the chance after all? That hurt, it hurt more than he wanted to admit, than he wanted to feel. For a few moments he just stood there, blinked at the setting sun, lost in the feeling of uncertainty.

Don't lose yourself in other people's expectations, Fuji

Shaking his head, he clenched his fists. It was ridiculous to stand around and worry himself sick over something that may in fact not be true. Tezuka seemed to understand him so well, and yet at the same time so little. If Fuji shouldn't lose himself in other people's expectations then that should include the expectations that Tezuka had of him. So, really, what had Tezuka been doing?

"Damn it!" Fuji cursed softly. Why was it so confusing? Why was it so damn hard? It should have gotten simpler, not harder. Suddenly he found himself irrationally angry again, but for different reasons. It was time Tezuka started keeping up his own end of the bargain, because it annoyed Fuji to be the one under the microscope. He couldn't do things for the other boy, if Tezuka didn't let him in.

Pushing down the memories of how their lips felt when they kissed, how Tezuka's hands had felt exploring his skin the previous night, Fuji steeled himself. His friend's habit of treating everything with the same steely determination was getting irritating. Tezuka needed to realise that he didn't need determination where Fuji was concerned, because that wasn't the side the Fuji needed or wanted to see.

And while he was going about that, he needed to find out if he'd really misjudged the friendship they had. Just why had Tezuka said that? Did Tezuka really not see him for who he was? Was Fuji really only what everyone thought he could be?

~*~

It wasn't in Fuji's nature to be humble, and it wasn't in his nature to be meek. So he was neither, just a little confused perhaps. After calling Yumiko and letting her know that he wasn't sure if or when he would be home, he was relieved to find his father had flown back out that afternoon. At least that bridge didn't need to be crossed yet.

With a sigh he made his way across the street, intent on picking up the order he'd put in not too long ago. His mind wasn't really on what he was doing, his thoughts were quite jumbled, and he found himself not exactly able to sort them out all that well. The conclusions he had come to however, involved a lot of rethinking, a lot of adjustment.

There were so many reasons for the fact that Tezuka kept pushing him to play seriously. That the tennis club might benefit from it was predominant, and that he would thereby fulfil any potential he had was another. Fuji knew the former reason was of great importance to Tezuka the captain, but he didn't want the latter to be of great importance to Tezuka the person.

He wanted Fuji Syusuke to be of importance to Tezuka Kunimitsu. Just when that turn of events had happened, Fuji couldn't say. All he knew was that was the way he felt when he examined his feelings deep inside. It was a little disconcerting, because it had never before mattered to him just what he was. He'd learned to simply accept the expectations placed on him, but he didn't want Tezuka to be the norm. And because Tezuka wasn't the norm to Fuji, the prodigy didn't want to be the norm for Tezuka.

Smiling slightly, Fuji felt he had managed to sort out a few of his more wayward thoughts, at least in his own mind. He picked up his order, paying for it absently before setting himself on his way over to Tezuka's house.

Glancing at the warm package in his hands he frowned a little. Unacha wasn't exactly Fuji's favourite choice of food, but then nothing that didn't have a certain kick in it was. Somehow eel with rice and sauce just wasn't Fuji's thing. However, it was, if he'd managed to remember correctly, Tezuka's favourite food. He really hoped that he'd managed to remember correctly. It was hard to remember anything about Tezuka, because the other boy gave away so little.

Apart from the fact that he liked fishing and hiking, all Fuji really knew was that Tezuka liked tennis, and that was definitely not going to be of any aid in what Fuji had planned. Looking at the bribery attempt come peace offering in his hands once again, Fuji sighed, hoping that he wasn't making a mistake, that he hadn't already made one.

He reached the gate to Tezuka's house, and, for just a few moments, stood there looking at the door. Biting his lip he forced his legs to move forward and carry him to the front door. Raising one hand, he knocked on the door, not letting the strange feeling in his stomach bother him, or at least trying his best to ignore the damn thing.

The door swung open to reveal Tezuka, standing there in a loose jumper and jeans, an expression of surprise evident on his face. Ripping his eyes away from appreciating the sight, Fuji simply smiled and took advantage of the once in a life opportunity that surprising Tezuka warranted.

Ducking under Tezuka's arm, he entered the house, before turning to look at the taller boy. Tezuka's expression spoke more than a thousand words, and Fuji found himself almost squirming under it. He chewed on his lip for second before holding out the dish to Tezuka. "Unacha."

Okay, so maybe it wasn't a once in a lifetime experience, because Tezuka looked surprised yet again, at least he did to Fuji. Without saying a word the taller boy accepted the dish, peeked under the cover before closing it again, and raised an eyebrow at Fuji in question.

Fuji laughed a little, glad that he'd apparently gotten at least something right. Maybe the rest wouldn't be so bad. "I wasn't sure, but I should be." Tezuka sighed, and Fuji knew he'd understood.

"I know." Was the only answer Tezuka gave before leading the way through to the kitchen. Setting the dish down on the table, Tezuka offered a plate to Fuji, who declined. With a shrug Tezuka sat down, and turned thoughtful brown eyes on Fuji, as if waiting for him to start.

Perching himself on one of the benches, Fuji ran through everything he'd thought about in his mind. He knew what he needed to know and wanted to say, but he had to make sure that the other boy listened… and understood.

"Do you know why… why that hurt?" Fuji found his mouth suddenly dry, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Tezuka looked at him, as if weighing him before he spoke. "I … lost sight of you…" His voice sounded so sad.

It was an answer Fuji hadn't expected, and he balked a little, not quite knowing what to say. In a way, it was more than he'd hoped to hear, but at the same time, he wasn't entirely sure what it meant. Hopping off his perch, he sat down at the table, opposite Tezuka, leaning his chin in his hands, and looking up at the taller boy. "Can you see better now?" He was scared of the answer, but he needed to hear it.

"I want to…" came the hesitant reply.

"Still?" an equally hesitant question.

Tezuka sighed. "Always…"

That sent a shiver down Fuji's spine. Such a final word, such potent promise. "Then why won't you… let me do the same?"

For a minute Tezuka concentrated on eating, not looking up at Fuji, but when he did those brown eyes were more expressive than Fuji had ever seen them. "I don't know. I try, but it just…it's hard."

"I know it's hard, but I can't let you travel the road on my side all the time, Tezuka. Your side needs to come out of construction phase at some stage." He let his tone play lightly, only lending it an undertone of seriousness, not thinking that Tezuka would deal well with an actual lecture.

To Fuji's surprise, Tezuka chuckled. "Construction…" He reached out and ran a hand up Fuji's arm, resting on his wrist. "You have such a way with words sometimes…"

Fuji blushed, before quipping lightly back. "Around you I have to."

That small smile that Tezuka never used outside of four walls showed briefly on the captain's face. "I don't mean to not reciprocate what I demand of you. I just, find it hard to accept that you can't expect anything of yourself."

Fuji sobered a little. He'd never thought of it that way. "I…I've never really looked at it that way, but I shouldn't overreact the way I do, the way I can do sometimes." There, they were out. The closest either of them would come to giving apologies, but that was all right, because they understood that.

Tezuka's eyes bored into Fuji's, just for a few seconds, before the intensity receded. When he spoke, it was so soft that Fuji had to strain to hear it. "It must be like trying to squeeze water from a stone. Sometimes I find it hard to believe you have the perseverance."

Fuji pursed his lips, a little amused. "No, it's more like trying to find water in a desert, it's there if you dig far enough." He smiled at Tezuka. "Besides, it's the same for both of us really."

And Tezuka actually laughed. Just a short laugh, a burst of sound that made Fuji want to hear it more often. It was amazing to see how perfect Tezuka could look when he let go of that constant worry frown.

"You shouldn't take the weight of the world on your shoulders, Tezuka. Stop acting old before your time…" Fuji's voice was soft when he spoke, not sure how his words would be received, just needing to get the words out, to know he was heard and not just assume it.

Tezuka looked at him, just for a minute, before speaking just as softly. "You're the only one who sees that I act…"

Fuji smiled, an open, relieved smile. It'd be all right. He stood, and walked around the table to stand in front of Tezuka. Dropping to his knees he snaked his arms around the other boys waist and buried his head in the familiar warmth of that chest. He couldn't believe he'd come to need that touch; to crave it, in such a short time period.

When he felt Tezuka's arms go around him, Fuji smiled gently. Nothing worth it seemed to be easy to accomplish. It was never going to be easy. Maybe they just both needed to grow up a little, and accept that.

^_^


	25. Hear Me

**Title**: Smile: Hear Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 25/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ OMG not much ANGST… yes run in shock now… actually this chapter is pretty mellow. Talking, silent talking, kissing… yada yada… oh yeah, and tennis…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Hear Me**

Ranking matches. Not exactly Fuji's favourite event. They were usually boring anyway, and this time proved to be no exception. Thinking that it might have been a good idea to group Tezuka, Echizen and himself together after all, Fuji resigned himself to the bored, easy win he'd have over the people in his block. At least it looked like there would be some entertainment value in Tezuka's block; block A.

Somehow he managed to pull a serious face throughout Ryuzaki-sensai's usual speech. It was something about strength and sending in the best possible players and so on and so forth. Pretty much all the usual. Fuji sighed and decided to walk around the other matches before his own began, since Tezuka wasn't playing either.

At least that would be something, but it seemed that Tezuka had somehow managed to arrange that they'd both be playing relatively similar times. Fuji felt that it was somehow punishment for not agreeing to play seriously. It made him want to finish the matches in record time just so he could smile at Tezuka from beside the court to show the older boy that he couldn't always ruin Fuji's fun.

Still that might be a little over the top, at least, for now. So he stuck to watching the matches and trying not to be bored senseless by them. Predictable as ever, the regulars were winning their initial matches with 6-0 matches. It was almost mundane, well, actually that was a lie, it was mundane.

The second day of matches past and Fuji decided he didn't much like ranking matches anymore. It meant that Tezuka had a lot less time on his hands. So after the matches on that day, Fuji waited outside the room used as the tennis club's office while Tezuka finished some paperwork. The prodigy hadn't really expected it to take so long, but the surprise on the taller boy's face when he locked up, to find Fuji standing behind him waiting, was definitely worth it.

Letting a small chuckle escape him, Fuji fell into step beside Tezuka. "You shouldn't frown, you'll get wrinkles." There was enough mirth in his voice to show he wasn't truly serious, and yet in a way he was, just a little.

"Wrinkles add character."

Fuji would never know how Tezuka could say things like that with his usual expression, and not even blink. It was a part of the other boy he found himself seeing more and more of, and he realised that he liked it, but then he liked most things about Tezuka, in some instances more than others. "Character building then?"

Tezuka just turned his head to look at Fuji and raised an eyebrow.

With another chuckle, Fuji continued as if he hadn't just been asked to shut up. "Like so many other things are character building, ne, Tezuka?" Fuji was bored, and restless, and damn it, it had been days since he'd managed to spend time with Tezuka. He could feel the way the other boy was looking at him, as if trying to figure out exactly what Fuji was up to.

Suddenly Fuji didn't feel so cock sure of himself and he sighed, never letting the smile slip even a fraction. "They're gone again." He knew it was all he needed to say, he didn't need to define who they were.

Tezuka stopped just outside the school gate, and looked at Fuji, slight concern marring his face, although it really only looked like he might be frowning a little more. "Early night." It was a statement and not a question.

Although Fuji didn't need to be told that they had ranking matches the next day, he did appreciate Tezuka's answer. Idly, he wondered if the other boy had brought anything with him to change into, but he just walked in the silence they'd grown so used to, the silence he'd missed for the last few days. Amazing how one could miss a silence, a person, a presence. Fuji wasn't entirely sure how he should feel about that. Glancing at Tezuka out of the corner of his eye, he was mildly surprised when the other boy spoke softly.

"Me, too." Tezuka continued to walk as if he hadn't said anything, but all Fuji could think was that it was nice to know they both felt the same way, even though he was fairly certain there was something Tezuka wasn't telling him about; something annoying the other teen.

It was getting dark when Fuji opened the door to let them into the house. He'd forgotten just how much longer ranking match days went. Flicking on the light he kicked off his shoes, and was about to drop his school bag, when Tezuka took it off him and made his way up to Fuji's bedroom without a word. For a few seconds, Fuji just watched the other climb the stairs before turning and heading into the kitchen.

A few hours and they'd need to go to sleep. So Fuji decided that he's scrounge up some food for them. Of course, it had nothing at all to do with the fact that he felt like his stomach was about to eat his lungs. He was still rummaging around in the fridge when Tezuka came back downstairs and sat himself at the kitchen table.

Wordlessly Fuji handed over a can of drink to the other boy, before pulling out a couple of containers. He looked over at Tezuka and grimaced before smirking. "Mild chilli soup and rice?"

Tezuka raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his drink before answering. "Whose chilli?"

"Mine." Fuji just grinned.

"Ahh," was all the other boy answered, but he may have well as spoken the _so it's not actually mild at all_ out loud.

Chuckling Fuji set about heating up the soup and preparing the plates. It didn't take long. That was the beauty of cooking in bulk. There were days of the week he could be positively lazy. Something about the quiet was unsettling Fuji thought, and not because Tezuka was uncomfortable, but because the prodigy was certain now that the other boy was bottling something up; keeping something from him.

Placing the plate in front of Tezuka, Fuji sat down opposite him. He watched his friend eat, only absently eating his own food. Maybe if he tried hard enough he'd be able to bore inside Tezuka's thoughts. Of course, maybe if he tried even harder, he'd be able to suppress the disappointment he was feeling at the fact that Tezuka seemed to preoccupied to… well… touch him.

But that wasn't really fair of him and Fuji chided himself for those thoughts. He knew the taller boy had a heap on his mind, and he was also quite aware that Tezuka was preoccupied by something that was obviously weighing on him rather heavily. So absorbed was Fuji, that he almost jumped when Tezuka's voice ripped him out of his contemplations.

"Fuji," Tezuka's voice sounded a trifle concerned, and the prodigy refocused, looking up at Tezuka, as if to ask what. The taller boy answered softly. "Your food is getting cold."

Fuji blinked, eyeing the empty bow in front of Tezuka, and his own still very full one, but he just didn't feel hungry anymore right then. Pushing the dish away he leaned his elbows in the table and dropped his chin into his hands. "Not very hungry right now…"

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "Something's on your mind."

Fuji couldn't help laughing. "Well, actually, no."

The taller boy didn't even need to speak; Fuji could hear his question loud and clear. _Then what is it?_

"Why won't you let me help_ you _sometimes…?" Fuji couldn't help sounding exasperated.

Tezuka's lack of answer didn't help very much.

"You're so hard to understand sometimes. I want to help, but you close yourself off so much." Fuji was a little tired, and the tension he'd been feeling for the last few days came to the surface, and he found himself talking more than usual. "You shouldn't be worrying about Momo like this. He won't make the regulars this round; you knew that when you put him in your block. But you made the right decision, because we really can't afford to lose any of the others at this stage in time. You will beat him, and Inui will do the same. The fall of the blocks, and those of us in them, determine who will be a regular, and it's good competition now that we actually _have _to compete for the spots."

Fuji stopped for a second, realising he'd actually been saying a lot. He wasn't sure he liked the slightly amused twitch to Tezuka's lips, but he continued anyway. "I can't be there for you if you don't tell me these things. How can I get to know you the way we need for Rome, if you won't let me in."

And Tezuka actually smiled. Fuji just looked at the other boy, not understanding in the least what he'd said until Tezuka spoke.

"Do you see now?"

Blinking, and feeling slightly owlish, Fuji cocked his head to one side in silent question.

Tezuka sighed lightly and ran a hand through his hair. "You know what I need, what I feel… a lot of times even before I do." His voice was quiet, but his eyes held Fuji's in a steady gaze. "And… you just helped."

Fuji ran through everything he'd just said in his mind, and had to stop himself from banging his head on the desk. Tezuka had a point, a really good point, and for a moment Fuji actually wondered how the hell he could know the stoic boy so well, but right then, he didn't really feel like looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Looking up, Fuji smiled a little sheepishly. "So… do we want to take turns putting our feet in our mouths?"

Tezuka shook his head slightly, eyes never leaving Fuji. "That could get unsanitary."

Fuji laughed, feeling the tension from the previous days just fall away. It was good spending time with Tezuka, and he couldn't believe how much he'd come to rely on it. He wasn't sure how long they spent there in comfortable silence punctuated by shared observations, and for the first time, Fuji actually felt like he deserved the friendship they shared; that they deserved each other.

As it got later, Tezuka stood up with a suppressed yawn, and held out a hand to Fuji. It made the prodigy feel strange. He was getting more used to the idea of Tezuka and himself being, well, whatever they were. Being led, just, it wasn't his style. Fuji was more of a go with that which caught his attention type of person, and if he was honest, Tezuka had had his attention for a long time now. Following behind Tezuka in silence, Fuji debated possibilities and wondered at what was going through Tezuka's mind. If he was right in his assumptions, Tezuka was unsure of where they stood despite his obvious attraction to, and reassurances that he gave the prodigy.

A grin slowly spread over Fuji's face as they walked up the rest of the stairs. When Tezuka opened Fuji's bedroom door and crossed the threshold, the shorter boy tugged on his hand to halt him. Ignoring the questioning look on the other's face as he stood just inside the door next to the wall at the foot of the bed, Fuji closed the door behind them, deciding this was probably just the thing to do.

Turning around he pulled the hand that held Tezuka's in towards him, while at the same taking a step towards the taller boy. It made Tezuka have to back into the wall behind him. Fuji grinned as he leaned his body in towards the other, resting his free hand next to Tezuka's head for balance. Raising himself up a little on his toes, and cursing his lack of height to rival the other boy, Fuji let his lips graze the corner of the taller boy's mouth.

He could see Tezuka's eyes, a little wider than usual, out of the corner of his eyes, and he smiled as he breathed the words out. "Walls…can be…" and he moved, lips grazing Tezuka's own as he continued to speak. "…Convenient…"

Tezuka's lips curled into a smile at the words, but he didn't say anything, which Fuji took advantage of, initiating a kiss. It began with a soft touch of lips, a meshing of heat and feelings. Letting go of Tezuka's hand, Fuji brought his own up to pluck the glasses off the taller boy's nose, placing them carefully on the schoolbag next to them, before he couldn't think straight, because he had no doubt that _would _eventually happen.

Flicking out his tongue, he requested to deepen the kiss, and Tezuka seemed only to happy to grant it, snaking his arms around Fuji's waist in the process. The prodigy smiled, enjoying the heady feeling he was getting from the taste of the other boy. It was different. There was no desperation this time, no clutching, no nervousness, no pain needing to be healed. It was something they could both fully enjoy, and Fuji found himself doing exactly that.

He wasn't sure exactly how he managed it, but he did succeed in manoeuvring them so that Tezuka was standing with his back to the bed. Breaking the kiss for a moment, Fuji grinned impishly up at the taller boy, only to be answered with a raise of one of Tezuka's eyebrows. With a soft laugh, Fuji pushed the other boy down onto the bed, following soon after.

And as he lost himself in the sensation of touch, his last coherent thought was that initiating things was a lot less scary than he'd imagined. He made up his mind to definitely do it more often in the future.

~~**~~

**Other Mind 6: Gravity** takes place at the end of this chapter ^_^

Hope you liked it! Feedback loved!!!


	26. Know Me

**Title**: _Smile: Know Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 26/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**: Yes well… A bit of Angsting is back, insight, um oh yeah kisses in a flashback… hmmm that's about it …follows eps 51 and 52 fairly closely.

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Know Me**

Fuji woke with a start as a feather light touch danced along his side. He could have sworn he heard Tezuka chuckle, but all he saw when he could finally focus was serious brown eyes looking back at him. He felt a little resentful seen as how he decided he'd gotten to like the feel of the other's skin against his own, but at the same time that thought almost made Fuji want to blush.

The older boy moved first, and Fuji tried to fight off the feeling of loss he felt at the removal of that warmth. Somehow in the daylight, he no longer felt so bold, and he didn't know why. It was sort of strange, being hesitant after being so forward the night before, but he really couldn't seem to do otherwise.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Fuji concentrated on his toes, trying to pull his thoughts together. The previous night was etched in his memory and he found himself still fighting off that blush, that uncertainty. Although, he didn't think he should be uncertain with those memories floating in his head.

They almost tumbled onto the bed, falling next to each other. Somehow that seemed more natural, although neither of them was thinking all that much at the time. Soft lips met pliant, and Fuji couldn't really keep track of whose were whose, all he knew was that it felt good, it felt… right.

Fuji's hands worked on releasing Tezuka from his shirt, the same way the other's did that for Fuji's. Kisses grew more fevered, more demanding, until Fuji felt like he was going to melt, going to lose himself. And he'd never wanted to be lost so much in his life.

Shirts divested, a small gasp escaped the prodigy's throat as Tezuka's hands ran over bared skin. His own hands gripped at Tezuka's waist, working up the other boy's back, until they could tangle in the mess of brown hair, pulling their bodies flush.

He could feel Tezuka's excitement, and knew that it matched his own. It was exhilarating to know that he could make the older boy feel that way, and at the same time there was an element of fear in there. A fear of the unknown, of how to react to certain things and of what other people would say.

But Fuji rarely cared what other people thought.

Fuji wasn't too sure how long they kissed, touched and explored each other. They didn't go further than they'd been, just searched for little things that they hadn't noticed before, and it felt good. But with the ranking tournaments underway, they were both a little tireder than usual.

As they drifted off into sleep, comfortably twined with each other, Fuji was glad that they hadn't even needed to speak a word.

"Fuji…"

Blinking, Fuji looked up at Tezuka, and could feel himself blush. So much for fighting it. The older boy stood in front of him, already dressed for school, and Fuji suddenly felt a little self-conscious. He made to stand, and was stopped by a hand on his shoulder and a kiss to his forehead. Suddenly he felt the need to speak, to let Tezuka know what was on his mind. "…two way street, Tezuka. Remember?"

Tezuka smiled that half smile Fuji had only ever seen him use in private, and nodded. "Yes. But lets traverse it under our own steam, and not push."

Fuji cocked his head to one side and laughed, giving into Tezuka's point. Pushing himself up off the bed, with a glance back at Tezuka, he made his way to the bathroom. All of a sudden he was thankful for his block in the ranking matches, because he wasn't too sure he'd be able to concentrate that day given stiffer competition.

~*~

On the fourth day, Fuji had already secured his regular spot. Not that it was a hard thing to do, but it generally left time for him to watch the other matches. Although this match; he hadn't expected it to go out that way. Not. At. All.

In fact, he found himself resenting the data tennis player just that little bit for his victory. Because it hadnt just been a victory. And the normal first years being so loud on this side of the courts, was just adding insult to injury.

Before he could stop himself, Fuji found himself almost snapping. "It just ended." It wasn't generally in Fuji's character makeup to feel sorry for someone, but right then, he genuinely felt sorry for Momo.

But then his concern turned to the way that Tezuka was going to be feeling, and he was no longer paying overly much attention to those around him. He almost didn't even notice himself correct the observations of the first years when they thought that Momo may not have recovered from his previous injury. "Nope, Momo was in good shape against Inui."

"But, how…"

Not showing in the least how annoying Fuji found the loud mouthed first year, he answered with the only true answer he could give. "Maybe Momo was defeated by Inui's awesome play." Because despite Fuji's own disdain for the way that Inui had garnered the relevant information, the fact of the matter remained, that Inui had played the better tennis. More precise didn't necessarily equate to less effective; in fact, there were few people that Inui's data wouldn't work against. Fuji took a moment to revel in the fact that he hadn't let Inui gather data on himself yet, and didn't think it likely he ever would.

Continuing his observations, Fuji left no uncertainty as to just how it was that Inui knew Momo's tennis so well. "That means, in the weeks leading up to the regionals, helping us gather data on our opponents wasn't the only thing he was doing."

"How does it feel to be observed from behind for two months?" Ryuzaki-sensai's statement didn't exactly make Fuji jump for joy, but he realised that data tennis was just that. And without the data Inui gathered, his ability was sorely hindered.

It surprised Fuji that the clearest tone of betrayal seemed to be in Kaidoh's voice when the younger boy spoke, and it made Fuji wonder, just idly, why that was. "He was collecting our data, too." If Fuji really thought about it, that voice sounded positively incredulous, and a little hurt. Despite himself, Fuji smiled. That seemed very interesting.

The next match, however, was the one that interested Fuji the most. Probably because Tezuka was playing, but also because it was Tezuka playing Inui, and Fuji wanted to see just how far the data tennis player thought he could push their captain. On the other hand, he was curious as to how far Tezuka would let himself be pushed.

There was a fluid grace to Tezuka when he played tennis. The way he moved, the concentration that creased his brow, even the way the sunlight managed to glint off his glasses. At the same time there was this predatory edge, a gleam in his eyes, a heat to the way he held himself. It all spoke of just how much Tezuka loved the game, loved the victory. And it reminded Fuji of the way Tezuka was in certain other things. Standing there and watching the game, Fuji couldn't help think that Tezuka played hard at every game he played, tennis or otherwise. The question was, whether or not winning was everything?

So while Fuji watched, he thought about everything that he'd come to know about Tezuka. He watched Inui judge Tezuka's drop shot, and retaliate. He watched the way Tezuka's eyes narrowed slightly, the way his stance seemed to solidify, the way he held the racket, the way he lost himself to the concentration that was the match. Winning wasn't everything to Tezuka, it was that he played, and that he gave it everything he had all of the time.

It was something Fuji never thought he'd understand, it was something Fuji didn't know if he wanted to understand. The prodigy's eyes never left the game. Inui was stronger, much, much stronger. He'd improved his overall strength and stamina and refined his style. It was impressive, very impressive.

Still, Fuji had to stop himself from frowning at what the others were saying around him.

There was pure glee in Eiji's voice when he spoke. "It's about time, to see Tezuka lose."

It made Fuji want to glare at the redhead, but he refrained only because he was distracted by Kawamura's words.

"That guy, he hasn't lost once since he entered the school. I was jealous, of that regular's jersey Tezuka wore since freshman year."

Those words hit Fuji, and he wondered just how many of his friends were truly his friends, or did they just act like it. Did his friends think that way about him as well? And suddenly he wondered just how lonely Tezuka actually felt, because his talent built a wall around him. Fuji's chest tightened a little, and he wanted to make Tezuka realise that he wasn't really alone, not anymore.

It almost made Fuji sad, and yet, Fuji refused to ever admit being sad, it just wasn't the way he was. The game was close, and Fuji frowned a little. Not a good score 4:3 in Inui's favour, and the current game wasn't looking promising. When the umpire called Deuce, Fuji couldn't keep the shock from his face. Inui – break Tezuka's serve?

Fuji's eyes never left Tezuka. There was something about that shot, something about the way that Tezuka was standing that told Fuji the older boy wasn't done yet. He was hiding something, warming up to something, had been saving something. Fuji found himself almost leaning forward to get a better look. It made Fuji smile with pride, knowing that Tezuka didn't give up on something he truly wanted. In a way, that made Fuji feel just so much better, and not just about the match.

With every stroke of his racket, with every push of the ball, Tezuka drove past his own limits, creating a new barrier. It made Fuji shiver just to watch it, made him want to call out and cheer the older boy on, but at the same time, it made him want to hug the taller tennis player so he would know that he wasn't alone.

Every time Tezuka improved, every time he dug past the limits he'd reached and made new ones for himself, a portion of who he was got locked away. It wasn't locked away out of stubbornness or pride, but out of necessity. By reaching past restrictions, Tezuka reached past understanding, and in the place of friendship he seemed to garner only an awed respect.

Fuji was saddened that his friend had to take steps to protect himself like that, that Tezuka was almost forced to grow up by too many circumstances in his life. It made Fuji want to reach out and speak clearly for once, to let Tezuka know in no uncertain terms where they stood. But that just wasn't their way, so Fuji would simply settle for being there, the way he always had.

His eyes narrowed a little and he smiled. Tezuka's stance had changed that little bit, the way he held himself, that ever-present pride in his eyes… and Fuji just knew. "It'd be good if you watch carefully. This is Tezuka's trump card at its full strength." He felt an overwhelming sense of pride for the older boy. "You won't see it so easily."

Then it was over; completely and utterly over. Not that the game was at an end, but that Inui would no longer even be able to think that he had the upper hand in the match. Fuji found himself speaking yet again, his tone serious and soft. "This is Seigaku's Captain, Tezuka Kunimitsu."

And when the match was truly over, Fuji watched Tezuka closely. The way his shoulders sagged ever so slightly, the way he moved, and the sheen to his eyes; it all spoke of so much pain; pain that had nothing to do with his left arm.

With a sigh, Fuji decided to wait for the older boy outside the locker room, because Tezuka wouldn't meet his eyes, while they were changing. No matter how much the taller boy tried to hide it, Fuji knew what was wrong, and there was no way he was letting Tezuka let it get him down.

Falling into step beside the other boy when Tezuka left the locker room, locking it behind him. Fuji nudged him lightly with his shoulder. "Stop it."

Tezuka glanced at Fuji before concentrating his gaze back on the pavement. "If I stop walking we won't get home."

"If you don't stop, we'll never reach Rome." Fuji didn't even miss a beat, cerulean eyes gazing intently at Tezuka from behind tawny hair. It was only chance that it rhymed… really.

Stopping abruptly Tezuka frowned a little. "That rhymed." He began to move again, Fuji beside him.

"You don't say." Fuji winked at him. "You know, Tezuka, you did what you had to."

It was barely audible, but Fuji heard it nevertheless. "But did I have to do it so well…" Tezuka's voice was soft, distant and in pain, and almost drowned out by their footfalls.

With a glance at the taller boy, Fuji spoke, his voice on the same tone level as Tezuka's, yet filled with a type of care he gave no other. "Yes, you did."

Fuji felt Tezuka's eyes rest on him, the question obvious, and looked to the side to lock gazes with the taller boy, smiling softly. "If you didn't, you wouldn't be being yourself."

For a second Tezuka's face froze before the frown melted away to be replaced by the barest hint of a smile, and Fuji felt oddly relieved. Walking the rest of the way in silence, Fuji decided that he liked the road to Rome. He liked it a lot.

~~**~~

Well there we go… yep

Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback appreciated!


	27. Heed Me

**Title**: _Smile: Heed Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 27/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Yeah bit of Angst, bit of Drama, kind of a bet, introspection, sweet Fuji, cute Tez… bit of well yeah… read…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Heed Me**

Practice was winding down, two days after the ranking matches, and Fuji crossed his arms watching the others finish up. His own matches had been easy. Saturday training never really made overly much sense to Fuji, but he indulged in it, because it was part of what being a regular entailed.

He frowned slightly, eyes taking in everything and everyone despite the fact that it was difficult to tell if his eyes were open or not. Momoshiro wasn't there, for a second day in a row. Fuji was well aware that the other boy had been hit hard by the fact that he was dropped from the regulars, however, he was still a member of the tennis club. With that membership came certain, well, responsibilities. It was expected that each member be there to attend training, no matter what, in all conditions short of death, or short of suspicious absences that Ryuzaki-sensai obviously knew about.

Fuji glanced over at Tezuka, and had to suppress a sigh. The taller boy stood rigidly, arms crossed, face grim. To anyone else, it was just the way Tezuka usually stood, usually observed, and usually behaved. But there was a slight tension to that lean body, a fraction more weight on his right leg, and the hand clasped around his left elbow was slightly looser, more of a form of habit than out of deference to it. They were some of the many signs that told Fuji the other boy had something on his mind, and had had something on his mind since he'd talked to Ryuzaki-sensai a few days previously.

It was logical for the prodigy to surmise that Tezuka was thinking about Momoshiro's absence. Despite having reassured the captain over and over again that he had done the right thing, Fuji knew the older boy would still be worried that maybe he hadn't, that maybe he had crushed a student who did have a lot of potential. Fuji didn't want to point out that only weak people would give up on a dream so quickly, and that people who gave up on their dreams so easily, obviously didn't want them all that much to begin with. The prodigy didn't think that Momo fell into either of those categories. It was just a shock for the junior to deal with, and he'd deal with it in his own way.

No, although Momoshiro was definitely on Tezuka's mind, Fuji just knew it wasn't the only thing. However, he was completely clueless as to what else could be taking up Tezuka's concentration like that.

"Ne, Fuji! What you thinking?" Eiji slung an arm around Fuji's shoulders, leaning against the slightly shorter senior with a big grin on his face.

Eiji had this quality around him, like a breath of fresh air, and Fuji couldn't help but get swept up in it most of the time. Not that he really minded. With a slight chuckle, Fuji let himself be led towards the locker rooms, realising that he wouldn't be able to read Tezuka's thoughts any better by looking at the other boy hard enough to bore a hole into his skull. "Too many things, Eiji, but the sky is blue." Fuji winked at his friend.

Deep violet eyes blinked back at Fuji, before Eiji began laughing. "Sometimes you're strange, Fuji."

Fuji just laughed with the redhead, mind still stuck on his current problem.

Not having been able to see Tezuka for the last few days, Fuji decided to dawdle as he changed his clothes. He walked to the entrance of the school and leaned against the sign, waiting. His eyes scanned the sky, playing a game with the clouds that he hadn't played since he was much younger. Sometimes Fuji didn't really feel like a child anymore, the things he'd been through, the amount of time he'd been left to fend for himself. Yet, there were other times when he felt like there was too much left to learn, to experience and he felt like a babe in arms.

So deep in thought was he, Fuji almost missed Tezuka walking out of the school grounds. With a mischievous grin, Fuji slung his own bag over his shoulder, and followed Tezuka quietly, curious to see just how long it would take the other to notice him.

"I know you're there, Fuji."

Apparently not long. Faking a pout, Fuji caught up to Tezuka in a few quick strides, knowing the other boy had slowed down briefly for him. "You just like spoiling my fun."

"I'm an authority figure, it's what I'm supposed to do." Tezuka hadn't looked at Fuji, his eyes staring straight ahead.

Fuji frowned a little; sure that he'd detected an underlying tone of bitterness there somewhere. It wasn't like Tezuka to be bitter, so Fuji's curiosity was really piqued. "Ahh, and here I thought you were a rebel." His reply was murmured, mind already somewhere else, trying to figure out just what was bothering the other boy.

Walking with Tezuka to the bus stop, Fuji didn't ask if he could accompany him. They never asked, they just did. One of them would say something to the other if it wasn't possible, and since Tezuka was communicating through his usual stony silence, Fuji took it as acquiescence for Fuji to accompany him home.

Looking past Tezuka out the window, Fuji got an idea. Opening his wallet and checking his cash briefly he frowned before checking his cards. It should be enough. Leaning forward, Fuji pressed the stop button, and turned back to find Tezuka looking at him questioningly. With a grin, he answered that question. "I'll catch up."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow as the bus stopped and Fuji stood up, but said nothing. The prodigy didn't even look back as the bus pulled away, his mind focused on what he wanted to do. He walked along the main shopping street until he found the shop he wanted, and entered.

It took him a while to pick out the things he wanted to get. There were different colours, different accessories, and so many different possibilities that Fuji just hadn't realised before he'd had the brilliant idea. However he did use his smile, and found, yet again, that so many people just underestimated him when he did smile. It gave him that heady sense of victory as he walked out of the shop having paid quite a bit less than he should have.

The bag was heavy, but Fuji didn't mind. It was Saturday, with the entire afternoon still ahead of him. Plenty enough time to wheedle Tezuka's reason for brooding out of the taller teen, and still have time to play with his new toy. The day was looking up.

Arriving at Tezuka's door, Fuji knocked sharply and didn't have to wait long. He walked in through the open door, ignoring the looks Tezuka was giving the new bag in his hands. "I'm proud." Fuji smiled at Tezuka.

Tezuka sighed and took the bait. "Of what?"

With a grin, Fuji pounced on the wide open shot Tezuka left him. "You got home without me."

Something like a snort escaped Tezuka's throat as the taller teen turned to walk towards the kitchen. Placing his new acquisition just inside the living room, Fuji followed the taller boy down the hall.

Standing in front of the fridge, Tezuka turned to look at Fuji, raising an eyebrow in question. Shaking his head Fuji answered and sat down at the table, waiting for Tezuka to get himself something to eat. A glass of water was placed in front of the prodigy as Tezuka pushed a plate of something in the microwave. The older boy seemed to want to ask something. He was worrying at his lip a little, and Fuji had noticed he did that on occasion when he wasn't quite sure how to go about saying something. Of course, being Tezuka, that happened very rarely.

"What did you buy?"

Ahh, there, Fuji knew it. Taking a sip of water, Fuji hazarded a guess to successfully change the subject. "What did Ryuzaki-sensai talk to you about?"

There was silence, which in and of itself wasn't all that uncommon, but it felt tense, and Fuji frowned, not having meant that. He looked up to find Tezuka just looking at him, with a strange expression on his face. Without a word, the taller teen left the room and came back shortly afterwards with an envelope. Placing it on the table in front of Fuji, Tezuka walked back over to the bench and waiting for the microwave to finish, crossing his arms in the process.

For a few seconds, Fuji's eyes remained locked with Tezuka's, but he reached for the envelope and opened it, eyes scanning what he found inside. He felt his insides freeze, he felt his stomach want to rebel, but most of all he felt his smile trying to slam back into place. It was only with extreme effort that he could make his face remain as neutral as possible as he looked at the brochure from the tennis academy – the foreign tennis academy.

Apparently the control of his facial expression hadn't been as good as he thought, but Fuji couldn't bring himself to look up from the brochure at Tezuka when the taller boy sat next to him. There were too many thought going through his head right then, rushing through his head threatening to overwhelm him and make him push at Tezuka to get the other boy as far away as possible. To push away the possibility that he might be hurt. Reflexes were just that, and habits were damn hard to break, but he fought it off, with extreme effort, idly thinking that friendships definitely were hard work.

"I'm not going."

Fuji couldn't help it, his eyes raised to look at Tezuka incredulously. "Say what?"

"I'm not going." Tezuka's eyes had that steely edge in them, that look of determination that might well have been the petrified roots of a tree, because there was no way in hell he was budging on his decision.

There were a lot of things Fuji could have said, hell, a lot of things he wanted to say, but he cocked his head to one side thoughtfully instead. "Because we're going to the nationals." It wasn't a question, but a statement filled with conviction, and Fuji was happy to see a small smile tug at Tezuka's mouth.

"And because we're going to Rome."

"Ahh, International. I should have known Nationals wasn't your only goal." Fuji winked at Tezuka, the deliberate misunderstanding released some of the tension in the air. But he lowered his voice, tone a little more serious. "You won't regret the detour?"

Tezuka shook his head slightly. "As long as you don't regret the growing season."

Fuji simply smiled, and stood, holding out a hand to Tezuka. "Now I'll show you what I bought."

It wasn't too hard to figure out how to set the thing up, but it was hard to ignore the amused smirk on Tezuka's face as he watched Fuji doing the setting up. There were a thousand things Fuji would want to do, and none of them would achieve what he'd set out to drill into Tezuka's head that afternoon, so they'd have to wait.

Opening the case, he slipped the disc into the machine and closed it, letting it boot up behind him as he turned to face the still smirking Tezuka. "Say it." He really just wanted Tezuka to say what it was he was obviously dying to say, and get it over and done with.

It seemed Tezuka was only too happy to oblige. "Do enlighten me. You've been hiding this fetish from me all this time?"

Since the only retort that sprung to mind was: _haha very funny_, Fuji decided to try a different tact with his answer. "Actually, no. I just thought we might pretend to be what we actually are for once."

Tezuka cocked his head to one side, obviously interested despite himself. "That being?"

Seating himself on the floor, and motioning for Tezuka to do the same, Fuji handed the other boy a controller while the Playstation 2 loaded the game. "Children. Just for tonight, you aren't allowed to be the Captain, you aren't allowed to be the authority figure, you aren't allowed to worry about anything else but kicking my butt…if you can."

Raising an eyebrow, Tezuka answered. "And when did you win the right to this?"

Fuji just grinned. "I haven't yet, but I will."

The silent question hung in the air, Tezuka didn't need to utter it.

"Momo will be back on Monday. I'm right, and you lose…consider this payment in advance." Fuji turned his attention to the screen, a smile on his face that had nothing to do with hiding who he was or what he was feeling.

He didn't realise he was holding his breath until Tezuka turned his attention to the screen as well. All in all, Fuji thought that went pretty well, but then his attention was taken by the game and he didn't really have time to think too much. For once the two of them forgot their responsibilities to everyone else, and the troubles they both had, and the decisions they needed to make, and just acted like the fourteen year olds they were.

~~**~~

Okay… a few notes here

I actually wanted to have Tezuka play Hitman 3: Contracts, since that would probably be the sort of game that would challenge him, but it's a single player game, and well that kind of defeated the purpose. So they're probably playing Tekken 4, Soul Calibre 2 or Dynasty Warriors … since I think tennis would be even too clichéd for them lol. And since the price for the PS2 in Japan isn't all that much more than those running shoes Eiji buys in that one ep, I figured that Fuji, being fairly well off, would have enough on him or in an account.

I don't think I'm too happy with this chapter, but I hope you liked it!

Feedback is craved and lurved lots!


	28. Let Me

**Title**: _Smile: Let Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 28/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ Well yes… bit of angsting, bit of ep 53, another analogy snuck in… don't look at me…don't blame me, it was Tez this time… honest!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Let Me**

Fuji stood watching Tezuka and Momoshiro and tried not to smirk with too much self satisfaction. He loved being right at the best of times, and well, this was definitely the best times. His eyes never left Tezuka, watching the way the older boy held himself intently. Tezuka's shoulders were stiff, arms crossed, face grim. He wasn't impressed in the least, but at the same time Fuji could see the undeniable sense of relief that ran through him. It was almost palpable.

The others were watching too, though Fuji doubted that they saw quite what he did. He had to stop himself from laughing as the bets started around the court. It really was mildly amusing.

Takashi started them off. The look of concentrated disbelief obvious on his face. "Twenty time, or thirty times?"

And they continued to watch. Fuji needed to swallow the laugh at the look on Arai's face, as the boy was standing right next to him, and had to stop himself from speaking out loud. If Fuji had said something, it would have simply been that thirty laps wasn't nearly enough to satiate Tezuka's mood.

Fuji almost felt sorry for Momoshiro. Tezuka was looking at him with that look, that one look that Fuji hated being looked at with. Somehow it made you realise just how irresponsible you were being, how juvenile, and made you feel dreadfully guilty on top of it. Fuji had gotten adept at avoiding that look or else ignoring it completely, but it took a lot of practise, and judging from the look on Momoshiro's face, he wasn't being successful in either evasive tactic.

Just as Fuji's concentration was centred nicely on Tezuka, Inui spoke, and Fuji had to stop himself from glaring at the other teen.

"To predict based on the data so far…probably fifty times…"

Fuji only vaguely heard the answers to that statement, due to the fact that he was too busy correcting them in his head. Fifty time… he'd be surprised if Tezuka gave less than seventy-five laps.

The next thing that wrested his attention away from Tezuka was the fact that Eiji actually said Oishi's name. After the fight they'd had the prodigy found that rather intriguing and actually listened as they spoke. He smiled when he saw them actually apologise to each other, and wondered briefly why he and Tezuka seemed to have so much trouble with such a simple thing. If he was correct in his recollections, then he'd never actually said sorry to Tezuka, just as the older boy had never said the same to him.

In a way he envied what they seemed to have. Neither of them danced around the other, putting up walls only as fast as the other could rip them down. Yet, it made him wonder if they had something deeper than friendship, if they shared the same type of bond that he and Tezuka seemed to. With that thought the envy fell away, leaving just a little smile on his face as he watched the two clap their hands together. Such a simple gesture, and yet it said so much.

They definitely had a close friendship, and Fuji couldn't say just how deep its nature went, but he did know that it made him value what he had with Tezuka all the more. Not that he'd ever say that, but it did anyway. He watched as Eiji and Oishi laughed, having finished their apologies, old wound healed, and it made Fuji chuckle slightly. "Golden Pair regrouped."

He mumbled as he turned back to face Tezuka and Momoshiro. "Now then…what happens over there…"

Tezuka's face was still grim, still determined, and Momoshiro actually looked as if he seriously regretted not having come to training. Which was probably a good thing considering Tezuka's current mood. The captain's voice was rough when he spoke, one hand in his pocket the other by his side. "I can't tolerate anyone who breaks the rules. You're not going to use your racket for a while. Pick up balls. It's terrible for you to miss club activities for three days. Okay?"

Fuji could see the tension in Momo's body as the boy answered affirmatively, and the slight hint of doubt that shadowed Tezuka's eyes. He'd have to do something about that later. Frowning a little he continued to listen as Tezuka spoke.

"One hundred times around the court."

And all Fuji could do was stand and smile as the others gaped in astonishment at the high number of laps Momo had been instructed to take. Fuji had been right again. It could get to be a habit if he wasn't careful.

As practice continued, Fuji's eyes strayed back to Tezuka a few times. If he wasn't mistaken, the older boy had rejected the study offer that morning. Ryuzaki-sensai probably hadn't said anything derogatory, knowing her, she definitely hadn't. However, knowing Tezuka as well as he did, Fuji knew the other boy would be giving himself a slight guilt trip.

Practice over, Fuji chose to wait in the locker room this time, giving Tezuka no illusion that he was gone. He watched the captain get dressed, not quite slowly, yet as meticulously as ever. Fuji allowed himself a small smile at the sight. It was strange. He never felt an overriding need to be anything but near Tezuka. Although he enjoyed it when the other boy touched him, it was something Fuji could live without. What was almost overwhelming was the feeling of needing to be near Tezuka, in physical proximity. However, Fuji didn't let himself get overwhelmed, so it was definitely only an almost.

He was surprised when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find Tezuka already ready to go and looking down at him. Fuji hadn't heard the other boy get up, and frowned slightly at the fact that he'd managed to lose himself in his thoughts and somehow let down the guard he usually kept up. It was Tezuka he'd done it around, but still, there was the fact that he'd done it after all.

"Let's go…"

Fuji blinked, but followed the other boy out of the locker room, waiting for him to lock up and trying to bat away the curiosity that was threatening to drown him right about then. When they began walking, he glanced over at the taller boy, and surmised that Tezuka was definitely walking with a purpose in mind. More than likely, he had somewhere he wanted them to go. Finally giving into his curisotiy , Fuji spoke softly. "Is it important?"

With a glance at Fuji and a slight upturning of his lips, Tezuka nodded and spoke just as softly. "It is… for me."

Biting back a laugh, Fuji just continued to smile, suddenly comforted by the sense of Déjà vu he had.

A bus ride and a little more walking later, they came to stop outside a very large builing. Fuji shielded his eyes against the light and looked up to note that it was in fact a very tall building. He glanced over to find Tezuka doing the same.

With that same almost there smile, Tezuka turned to Fuji and spoke. "We're here…"

"Ahh," was all Fuji said at first. He had to bite down a lot of answers that were almost making fun of Tezuka, but instead he chose to continue the play. "Lead the way…"

And this time he was quite certain of it, Tezuka chuckled as he turned and walked into the building. With a glance up at the Indoor Rock Climbing Centre's sign, Fuji sighed. This was definitely going to prove interesting.

From the way Tezuka handled booking them in and getting the equipment they would need, Fuji realised his friend probably didn't just have that picture of the Matterhorn on his wall for kicks and because he liked hiking. It really amazed him sometimes, just how much he didn't know about Tezuka, and it made him feel almost guilty, because Fuji never felt guilty, except for that once.

Fuji's training shoes were deemed good enough, as were their tennis uniforms which they'd changed back into. Tezuka led Fuji to a far corner, where a rope was attached to something that looked like a pulley to Fuji, which would later be explained to be a belaying and rappelling device. There Tezuka handed him a harness and showed Fuji how to put it on, by putting on his own. Taking a step closer, the older boy helped Fuji make sure the harness was correctly in place.

Pointing at the walls, Tezuka spoke, his voice low. "See the different coloured holds?" He barely waited for Fuji's nod before continuing. "The different colours are different degrees of difficulty. You could just chose to take the colours as the most convenient one comes and climb the wall that way. However, if you play by the rules, its not only more challenging, but more satisfying in the long run." Brown eyes flickered briefly as if thinking something over before locking with Fuji's once more. "It's a lot harder, and you can make it as difficult for yourself as you want to. But at the end of the day, if you give in and take the easy way out, you're only cheating yourself."

Fuji nodded and walked to the wall, feeling the grips that jutted out, running his fingers along the grooves in them. Not only were the colours that were farther apart, well, farther apart, but their grips were smaller as well. Turning to face Tezuka, he asked a question. "Hands and feet to the colours?"

Tezuka nodded, beckoning to Fuji to come back over to him. Hooking the harness into place, he continued his instruction. "You can use chalk to help you get a better grip on the holds. It's like having a way to hold onto what it is you're aiming for." He finished making sure Fuji's harness was safe before continuing. "This," and he tugged on the harness a little gesturing to the rope it was attached to. "This is the support. You need to trust your support fully, because without it, if you lose your hold and your support isn't worthy of that trust, you can fall forty feet to the ground."

Tezuka's eyes were so intense, Fuji didn't realise he was holding his breath until he started to run out of it. The other boy was speaking softly, as if he didn't want anyone else to hear what he was saying, and Fuji found himself almost leaning forward to hear it.

"It's not as easy as it looks, to climb that wall. You can tire easily, or lose a grip if your hands become too sweaty, so this is needed." Tezuka tugged on the rope for emphasis. "It doesn't make you weak because you use it. It makes sense. You can't do it alone without a high risk factor, because you can't fly, and you won't be able to save yourself if you fall." He took a breath, eyes never leaving Fuji's face, looking so hard, as if searching for something. "Using your weigh, you can act as an anchor for the person on the wall and guide them down should they need you to do so."

"Ahh." Fuji glanced up at the wall, and reached out to test the rope, understanding what Tezuka meant, but wanting to make sure. "So, you'll give me enough rope to allow me to move up freely without it tugging against me and restraining me. But it won't be enough to be a danger to me, should I fall." He looked to Tezuka for confirmation that he was right in his train of thought.

The taller boy nodded. "I'll give you enough rope for you to move without constraint, but never enough so that I can't pick up the slack should you fall."

~Never enough to hand himself…~ Fuji smirked a little at the thought, but didn't say it out loud. There was something missing, something that he felt the need to say, yet wasn't quite sure how to put it into words. Looking up, he realised what it was. "And I'll do the same for you in return?" Fuji smiled, eyes locking with Tezuka's once more.

The tiny smile that creased Tezuka's face was worth it, and the words he spoke were barely audible to anyone but Fuji. "You always have."

Fuji's smile softened a little, and he spoke just as softly, not wanting anyone else to hear what he was saying, what he was sharing with Tezuka. "Then you should climb first, and I'll ground you…"

Tezuka shook his head, and Fuji was slightly surprised but the older boy spoke before he could say anything. "No. You always come second. This time you go first." And the underlying words were so clear Fuji could have sworn he heard them fall from Tezuka's lips. _You're not my follower, you never have been. I won't let you act like it here._

All Fuji could do was nod. And he turned to face the wall, chaling his hands in the process to help his grip. Glancing at the wall for a second, he chose the white grips, about medium difficulty, not too far apart and not too close. Clapping his hands together to free himself of the extra substance on them, he began climbing the wall without a glance back at the other boy, knowing that Tezuka would catch him, support him and save him if he fell.

Because Fuji knew he would do exactly the same for Tezuka.

~~**~~

*nods* That was it… hope you liked the chapter… Other Mind 7 – takes place in Tezuka's mind at the end of this chapter.

Feedback is sooo appreciated!!!!

Next chapter coming soon!


	29. Need Me

**Title**: _Smile: Need Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Twenty-Nine

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**: Well yes… bit of angsting, bit of ep 54, hints of analogies snuck in… shonen-ai… yeah…

**Dedication**: yuki_scorpio you evil person… sansillion because I still haven't thanked you enough!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x

But I'd like to thank everyone who's enjoying for taking the time to read

**Smile: Need Me**

Fuji still thought his ceiling could have at least tried to be a bit more interesting, but alas, it didn't seem to have made any particular effort. His body was still a little sore from the exertion Tezuka's climbing bout had put them through, but he didn't mind, because it was a good ache.

Swinging his legs around, Fuji looked at his watch as he sat up on his bed. The draw should be just about over now. Idly he wondered whom they'd be playing against in the first round of the Kantou Regional Tennis Tournament. Tezuka and Oishi had headed there after school, hence there was no tennis practice, and Tezuka wasn't at home with him. And that made Fuji feel… decidedly bored.

Pushing himself to his feet, he walked over to the window. He picked up a cati, running his fingers over it gently so as not to disturb the almost fluffy membrane that covered it. This one fascinated him, always had and probably always would. Idly, he wondered if he should name it, but then he frowned. He didn't really know anyone who was all fluffy on the outside and yet hid so many other different facets to his nature underneath.

And in a moment of pure denial, he refused to name the cacti after himself.

His fingers rested on the blinds, lifting an edge just to look outside, just to see, just to be doing something other than lying around almost wishing he had more homework because he didn't have anything better to do. A frown flitted across his face as Fuji realised that he was really becoming dependant on Tezuka for a lot of things. Maybe dependant was the wrong word, but it was just so much more comfortable around the older boy that Fuji missed that quiet presence when it wasn't there.

He wondered how Tezuka felt. Actually, Fuji wondered a lot of things. They were obviously more than friends now, obviously had a deep connection to each other, and well… had become rather close in more ways than one. Yet, Fuji didn't feel the need to throw himself on the other boy, it wasn't like that. He could easily spend hours in Tezuka's company and just enjoy being there. Not to say that he didn't enjoy the newer aspects of their friendship, but he didn't need them, well not technically.

Of course, maybe he was being slightly delusional. Still, he had to wonder if he was normal. Was it normal for people to have a connection like this? The fact that they were both boys was something that Fuji hadn't really thought about; the fact that they were attracted to each other overrode all else. The fact that they knew each other overrode that.

Fuji had never realised that knowing someone, allowing someone to know him back, could prove to be so rewarding. It was an amazing feeling to have someone you could share things with, an astounding feeling to know that someone else simply understood you without you needing to explain every tiny detail to them, and it simply felt good when that person knew how to make you relax and stop being an idiot about certain things. Most of all, it was really satisfying to be able to give the same back… or at least try to. Fuji wasn't sure just how successful he was at that though.

Somehow he wondered just when he'd taken that final step, finally let Tezuka in. And it was a scary realisation when Fuji finally understood that the older boy knew him sometimes better than he knew himself. Overall though, Fuji found himself not really minding, at least, not in the way he would have a few months ago.

The ringing of his phone permeated his thoughts. Fuji found himself not even needing to look at the display to answer it. "Tezuka…"

There was the usual hesitation on the other end as the other boy fought with his habitual silence. "Hyotei"

It was all Tezuka said, all he needed to say, and Fuji found himself taking quicker breaths, the anticipation of the match actually enticing him. "Luck of the draw…"

He could almost hear Tezuka laugh on the other end of the phone. "I'm…"

Still peering out of the window, Fuji smiled. "I know…" and he ended the call, heading out of his room to open the front door.

Tezuka looked a little drawn, a little fatigued when Fuji greeted him. It wasn't anything most people would notice. Just a crinkling around the eyes, a slight furrow to his brow, and the miniscule sag to his shoulders. There was enough for Fuji to see, and to be slightly annoyed at. The other boy just never seemed to set himself limits, never realised that he could give in and simply be human.

Frowning slightly, Fuji waited while Tezuka slipped his shoes on, glancing up the hallway, wondering what they could eat, because he was sure Tezuka would be hungry.

"Syusuke…"

Whipping his head back around, Fuji realised Tezuka was leaning an arm on the wall next to his head, and that Tezuka's face was close enough to touch. "Mmm?" was all he could respond, so strong was the urge to reach out and touch, to initiate something, but he knew, just knew that Tezuka needed to be in control right then.

Tennis was something the taller boy could control, his game was something he could direct right down to the smallest detail. He ran the tennis club efficiently and precisely. Yet, he had no influence over the draw that had them facing Hyotei in their first round. A school they should have by rights not have faced until the finals. So, Fuji gave in, trusting implicitly, knowing Tezuka simply needed.

The kiss brushed over his cheek first, lips soft and seeking, questioning and needing. Smaller kisses showered their way until Tezuka's mouth finally met his own, tongue asking permission almost immediately.

Fuji could feel the pent up frustration in the older boy that had nothing to do with the kiss. He could feel the raw need in Tezuka, the need to know that he still had some measure of control over his life, some measure of rationality. Fuji didn't feel like reminding the other boy that what they had wasn't exactly rational.

Tezuka's other hand travelled to fist in Fuji's hair, and the shorter boy rested his hands on Tezuka's waist. The space between them grew smaller and smaller, until there was barely enough room for air to squeeze between them. Fuji felt the sensations sweep through his body, not of need or lust, nor even of want; just of pure belonging.

No need existed for anything outside of it. A kiss that shared everything they had for each other; the knowledge they held, the sides of each other no one else had ever seen. It was all there, taken by each, stored away by the other and only ever kept between them.

It took a while, a long while, with neither of them wanting to stop. Breath grew short and was only regained in very brief breaks, which were really more akin to simply breathing in the other. Tender exploration of each others mouths, accompanied by gentle hands that comforted softly; none of it hurried, none of it forced and none of it wrong.

This was right, this was comfortable, this was understanding; this was them.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, they finally broke apart, Tezuka leaning his forehead against Fuji's, arms on either side of the other's head. Breath came in short gasps to each of them, while they regained it, eyes locked onto each other; drawing out concerns, and questions and promising answers as soon as was possible.

Some would say they walked to the kitchen in silence, but to them, it was normal, warm and all they ever needed.

Fuji motioned Tezuka to sit down, and fetched a packet from one of the cabinets, as well as a glass of water. Sitting them down in front of Tezuka, Fuji walked over to the fridge to start pulling out something light to eat, knowing that neither of them was particularly hungry. Without a glance back at the older boy, Fuji sighed. "Stop looking at me like that, and take the tablets. That headache isn't going away on it's own."

Fuji could almost see the raised eyebrow Tezuka shot him, and the question hung in the air waiting for him to answer it. Back still to his friend as he made them a simple dinner, he decided he would answer it. "Your brow. Always furrows in a different way when you have a headache."

There was an almost audible oh from Tezuka, but not quite.

With a sigh, Fuji placed a plate in front of his friend, realising just why the other seemed disgruntled. Headaches were a form of weakness he guessed, and Tezuka hated to show weakness as much as he himself did. That Fuji could see when Tezuka had a headache might mean that Tezuka had let him get too close.

Looking up from his own plate, Fuji frowned at the taller boy. "We'll be fine."

"I know…" It's just that this means Hyotei will not compete in the rest of the tournament, and by rights they should. It's a good school.

Fuji didn't need for Tezuka to speak the last part out loud, simply because it was true. Hyotei was their rival, an excellent tennis club, who really deserved to make it to the finals. Being under no delusions that the matches would be easy, Fuji didn't doubt that they would make it to the finals. This meant Seigaku would have to beat Hyotei, which meant that one of the better schools wouldn't advance, simply because of their beginning opponent.

All in all, it seemed rather unfair in the long run. Swallowing his first mouthful, Fuji locked eyes with Tezuka, trying to show his friend that he wasn't alone in his thoughts. "Survival of the fittest, Tezuka."

He could see the reluctance on the older boy's face, the reluctance to accept that he had to destroy the hopes of another team that deserved to make it further into the tournament. With a shake of his head, Fuji pointed a chopstick at his friend. "Don't do it, Tezuka."

"Do what?" The older boy's voice sounded decidedly tired, almost as if he was on the verge of just wanting to give up, to sleep it all off.

Despite the fact that a part of Fuji rejoiced that Tezuka seemed to actually want to give into the part of himself that he hid so much, Fuji knew it wasn't a good thing, and so continued. "Don't try and wring blood from the stone, because we both know it's impossible."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow again, but this time Fuji could almost see a twitch to the other boy's lips, that slight little quirk, an almost smile. It encouraged Fuji to continue. "Remember what you told me about fishing."

"Patience… and acceptance of a situation over which one has little or no control."

Those shoulders sagged just that little bit more, almost as in the acceptance of what it was Fuji was saying, and Tezuka nodded before answering. "I respect them."

Fuji shrugged. "Respect is well earned, and has its place in a good game, but there can only be one winner."

Tezuka's eyes narrowed slightly, his lips hardening into a straight line. "There will only be one winner."

Fuji just smiled, and continued to eat his dinner. Tezuka had a goal, a dream, and a driving purpose. They were three things Fuji never wanted the taller boy to lose, because if Tezuka lost them, Fuji wasn't sure if he'd be able to pick up the pieces that were left. To be honest, he wasn't even sure there would be pieces to pick up. He'd just have to make sure, he never needed to find out.

For now, he'd be where he'd always been, where he was comfortable being. He'd be there for Tezuka whenever and however he could. If the other needed words to help him understand, Fuji would find a way to do so. If he needed a break, to be reminded of what it was like to be the child that he was and forget about the adult responsibilities people seemed to expect of him, then Fuji would provide that break.

Because Fuji had just realised one thing. A life without Tezuka was possible, because everything was possible in the long run. However, a life without his best friend in it was no longer one he would look forward to. And he'd really just realised; apparently once you let someone in, you'd do everything to keep them there, because being alone would just never be the same again.

~~**~~

Well, there we go… Chapter was soooo not supposed to be like this. Blame Yuki…

Feedback will be given a lovely home!


	30. Scorn Me

**Title**_: Smile: Scorn Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 30/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**_:_ um yes well… this is episode 54 really… or the last ten mins or so…Episode spoilers, and well yeah… my interpretation of it… that's all I'll say

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long 

**Smile: Scorn Me**

There was one thing that managed to stick in Fuji's brain; the fact that they would be playing Hyotei in the first match of the regional tournament. The luck of the draw didn't really bother him, however it did merit thinking about. Being the regional tournament, the other school would send out its strong players this time. In and of itself that was a very good thing. It got a little boring playing opponents it was easy to defeat.

Training was harder than usual. Ryuzaki-sensai pushed them more than she ever had before, which was saying something. It made Fuji wonder that she was probably trying to make up for some event in her youth. Pity really, but then again, maybe ageing would be fun if you could put other people through mild forms of torture. The thought made him grin, and one of the first years yelped at the sight. Really… Fuji had no idea where he'd gotten his reputation, but it could be so much damn fun.

However over those few days, everything boiled down to just one thing for him; Hyotei in the first match. It made him smile to think that they'd crushed the school that had crushed his brother's. Perhaps that wasn't the right type of attitude to have when going into a match, but it was the attitude that made Fuji smile genuinely, even if it wasn't the nicest smile ever.

Wednesday evenings were never Fuji's favourite past time. Tezuka had student council, and it meant that Fuji was alone. It wasn't that he really had a problem with being alone, but he'd grown so used to having Tezuka with him of an evening, that it just felt, well, odd without him.

Thus he was fairly pleased to find his sister in the house when he got home. She was rarely home, but he found it nice when she was. They'd never had sibling rivalry and always managed to get on fairly well. They even had much the same taste in many things.

She greeted him when he walked into the kitchen. "Syusuke." He'd always loved her voice. It just had that soothing quality about it that could make him forget any worries that he had in the world. Her smile had much the same effect.

And she was the only other person, apart from Tezuka, who'd ever seen him truly smile. He did so then, smiled at her and stood back to watch her bake. It amused him a little, because it meant that she had something on her mind, or else Yuuta was coming for dinner, and Fuji didn't think it was the latter. So, he waited, like was his habit of doing, for her to speak. He didn't have to wait long, he never did.

With a sigh, she started speaking. "I have to redo my thesis formulation."

Fuji almost winced at that. It had taken her ages to get what she wanted down on paper, and initially it had been approved. He wondered why she needed to change it.

"Apparently the formulation of the thesis is too similar to one previously undertaken, and wouldn't be given full credit." Her voice had a slight sarcastic annoyance tinged to it, and it almost made Fuji chuckle.

"Good thing you still have the majority of the year left…" It was really all he could think of to say, since silence didn't seem very appropriate. He could see her shoulders relax a little, and realised that all she'd needed to do was just get her bothers off her chest. With a chuckle he grabbed himself some rice out of the fridge and began making himself some sushi, as a distraction.

His sister looked over at him with a slight frown. "That can't be healthy, Syusuke."

Fuji shrugged. "Nothing is healthy is consumed in large quantities." He grinned up at her. " And I don't eat that much of it."

She was looking at him, thoughtfully. "You've got something important on your mind."

Cerulean eyes narrowed briefly, the smile disappearing. His sister could sometimes almost be uncanny in the way she just _knew_ things. "You could say that."

Yumiko sighed, sitting down across from him. "I can read your cards for you, if you like?"

It was an offer she made every now and again, either out of boredom, curiosity or a genuine feeling about something. For some reason Fuji just knew it was the latter type right then, and for some reason that made him just not want to know. "Not right now, I'm not in a receptive mood." He winked at his sister, knowing she'd understand. "But maybe sometime else soon." Popping the last piece of sushi into his mouth at her nod, he stood up and put his things away.

Climbing the stairs to his room, Fuji's thoughts drifted back to the Hyotei match. It had the potential to be very…interesting. Idly he wondered just how fit Tezuka was. That elbow worried Fuji, not that he let on, and not that Tezuka would appreciate that worry. Fuji had his subjects of taboo; his brother and playing tennis seriously. Tezuka's subject was the elbow and consequences of overusing it. Sometimes it was frustrating, but for the most part, their arrangement worked well.

Homework done, and necessities attended to, Fuji decided he'd get an early night, or at least, that he didn't want to go downstairs again. His sister had a habit of simply getting her cards out and smiling at him in that way. She was probably the only one who could do that.

Picking out a video at random, Fuji sat himself in the middle of the floor to watch it. He wasn't quite sure why, but he was in a rather strange mood, a restless one. Idly, he contemplated going and playing tennis against one of the walls in the school, but he also gelt lazy, so that wasn't really an option.

After trying to watch the movie for twenty minutes, he finally gave up and crawled onto his bed with a book, glancing at his cell phone with a frown. He realised that he rarely called Tezuka, that the older boy always called him. So he reached for it and hit the speed dial, and waited. It wasn't too late.

"_Fuji…"_

Fuji chuckled softly. "And what if someone had stolen my phone after knocking me unconscious… or worse?"

He could practically hear the sigh on the other end of the phone, followed by a slightly tired voice trying to hide a wry amusement. "_Then I doubt they'd be testing it out with your sim card…_"

Another soft laugh, and Fuji gave in, silently admitting defeat. "Are you ever going to humour me?"

"_I do every day…_" There was something in Tezuka's voice that told Fuji he wasn't just tired.

"Mmm, spoil my fun then…" Fuji tried to figure out just how to ask Tezuka what was wrong, phone calls were more difficult, he couldn't see the other boy. "Meeting?"

A pause. "_That was fine."_ A slight sigh. "_They expect us to beat Hyotei_."

Ahh, so that was it. "We will." Fuji's voice was soft, yet firm. He wondered if he should go over to Tezuka's, but knew the other's parents were home that night.

"_It's_…" and Tezuka's voice stopped, as if hesitant about what he was going to say.

Suddenly, Fuji knew what it was about. Tezuka wasn't sure if it came down to it, just how well he could play. Oh, he obviously knew that he would play well, but well enough, for long enough was the question. Silently, Fuji cursed the incident Tezuka had been involved in in first year. So, he said the only thing he could. "I know…"

Yet, it seemed that was all Tezuka needed to hear. There was a light sigh of relief on the other end of the phone, and although Fuji wished he could do more, he was content knowing he'd helped a little.

"_We have morning practice…"_ That overwhelming resolve sounded in Tezuka's voice, as if it had never wavered.

"Mmhmm." Fuji liked the sound of the other's voice. It calmed him, soothed him, and made things a little easier to take in stride. "This isn't like fishing…"

He could feel the smile in Tezuka's voice when the older boy spoke. "_I know _" It was all they said before the phone call ended, it was all they needed to say.

~*~

Everything that could go wrong the next school day did go wrong. At least, for Fuji. Well, at least, in a manner of speaking. He just forgot a few things that he really should have brought with him, and although he was able to borrow most of them, he needed an English dictionary for the last school period.

Eiji didn't have one; it appeared that neither Takashi nor Oishi had one with them either, so Fuji hurried out of the classroom during a short break, to find Tezuka.

Catching the taller boy by the arm while he was on his way to god knows where, Fuji let go, certain he had Tezuka's attention. "Do you have your English – Japanese dictionary with you?"

Tezuka just looked at Fuji and nodded, eyes curious behind those glasses, and Fuji knew it wasn't like himself to forget things. He'd just been thinking about a lot, all night really. About to ask Tezuka to meet him with the book in the lunch break, Fuji was surprised when Tezuka spoke.

"English last period. I'll bring it at lunch."

Fuji blinked, realising that Tezuka knew when he had English. It made him grin. "I'll be here." And he winked before heading off back down the hall to his classroom, just arriving before the teacher got there.

Lunch found Fuji standing in exactly the same spot as he had been when he asked Tezuka for the book. Sure enough, as reliable as ever, Tezuka was there.

"Is this okay?" The taller boy held out a rather thick, English-Japanese dictionary.

"Yeah, thank you." Fuji was struck by the irony of Tezuka handing him a dictionary when the older boy really often needed to be translated himself, just like a book. Fighting down a laugh, he felt he had to give Tezuka a reason for bothering him in school. "Neither Oishi or Taka-san brought it…I'll borrow this." Flipping through the pages, Fuji fought with his conscience, and decided to actually ask, because he figured it couldn't hurt. The need to know, to plan, to revel in the feeling; it got the better of him.

"Speaking of which, Tezuka, is it still not decided yet?" Well, that was a damn stupid way to phrase it Fuji took a breath and continued, clearing up what he'd been saying. "The playing order in the Hyotei match?"

Tezuka's expression didn't change, but Fuji knew, was fairly certain that the other boy's answer was a little wary. "Ryuzaki-sensai is putting a lot of thought in it, I bet…" There was the underlying question, the underlying knowledge that Fuji wasn't asking Tezuka just for the sake of doing so.

So this time Fuji humoured the taller boy. "The guy who beat Yuuta…Jirou, right?" It was a rhetorical question and they both knew it. Smile fixed perfectly in place, Fuji spoke, his voice the congenial tone he always used at school. "If possible, I want to play him."

There was silence between them, and for the first time in a very long time, it wasn't a comfortable silence. The school lunch seemed so distant, only echoes playing in the almost empty corridor where they stood. There was no one there to hear them, to see them, but they still spoke in the way only they could, and only they could understand. Yet Fuji's words, hung in the air between them, like a bomb, ticking.

Because it left an opening, to a place Fuji refused to go, and refused to speak about, and he realised just a little too late what he'd done by voicing his request. It was too late now, and in that silence that stretched for an age, even though it was only a few seconds, Fuji wished for the second time, that he'd watched what he'd said. Except this time he hadn't hurt anyone. No, this time, Fuji had left himself open for that possibility, and he hoped that Tezuka wouldn't take it. He wouldn't, would he?

One look at Tezuka's face, answered that question for the prodigy. It was closed to him, for the first time in a very long time; Tezuka's expression walled him off. It reminded him of that first day, when Tezuka had so tentatively offered to be there, and Fuji had brushed him off. There was a little pain in those features, as if Tezuka resented Fuji for needing anyone else, for having someone else to care about. Being an only child, Tezuka couldn't understand what it felt like to have a brother whom you looked after because your father never did. And one thought finally penetrated Fuji's mind: Tezuka didn't like to share, not at the best of times.

"You think about your brother a lot, Fuji…" There was a little pain in that voice, but nothing could hide the undertone of scorn in his voice, and Fuji didn't know what to think. His eyes opened involuntarily in shock as Tezuka continued. " Laters, then…" and those words were uttered while locking his eyes right on Fuji's, before the taller boy closed his eyes and turned around to walk away.

Everything about the way Tezuka spoke, walked, held himself in those few seconds, spoke of disdain. That was something Fuji hadn't ever been on the receiving end of from Tezuka. It felt strange, and he didn't know how to deal with it, how to feel.

For a moment, just a moment, Fuji felt crushed, and then the anger came rushing in. That hurt, and Tezuka had known that would hurt. It made him angry, it made him want to hurt back, and damn it, it made him regret doing something for the third time in his life. It made him regret letting Tezuka close enough to be _able_ to hurt him.

His mouth opened and he began speaking, almost before he could think about the words coming out of his mouth, and by that stage, Fuji didn't care. "Tezuka." The older boy stopped.

Cerulean eyes would have bored a hole into Tezuka's back, and Fuji's smile was gone. His words were deliberate, aiming to hurt; to hurt as much as he could. Oh, he could be cruel, and he knew it, Yuuta had been right. A snide, knowing tone to his voice, Fuji spoke in a moment of pure insight. "Is it okay for you to play that Atobe guy?"

Fuji could feel the tension in the other boy's shoulders and fought down the urge to feel guilty, because he never felt guilty. Especially not when he was simply returning the favour. His voice low and almost predatory, he chose his words perfectly, each aimed to drive his point home. "If your left elbow isn't completely healed…" he let those words hang in the air, seeing Tezuka's posture stiffen that little bit more before continuing, " …you'll lose."

The moment those words were out of his mouth, Fuji almost regretted them, but he fought with the feeling of hurt inside himself, and refused to feel guilty for something that was justified. Just like you didn't use a tennis racket to harm people, you didn't use your knowledge of a friend to hurt them with, verbally or otherwise.

Turning around, Fuji managed to walk to his class. He felt like a part of him had been ripped away, like there was something missing. Slumping in his seat, he stared blindly out of the window, not seeing anything, not even the tree next to it. Close friendships were dangerous, and Rome was too damn far.

~~**~~

*cough* well that was my interpretation of that scene from the first time I saw it… lol… rotten tomatoes expected heh…

Um yeah… Feedback will be given a good home *listens to the crickets chirp*


	31. Read Me

**Title**: _Smile: Read Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 31/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Well, um night before the Hyotei match. Bit of angst, string of flashbacks and um yeah general Smile stuff…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long 

**Smlie: Read Me**

The rest of the day passed in a haze for Fuji. His eyes wouldn't leave the book in his hands, and yet somehow he managed to answer the questions put to him, and still finish the exercises the class were set before everyone else. He refused to admit that it might have something to do with wanting to keep his mind otherwise occupied.

When the bell for the end of the day rang, he was way ahead of everyone else. Grabbing his bag, he headed out of the classroom before even the teacher had managed to leave, and made his way to the gate. There was no tennis practice that afternoon, not with the Hyotei matches the next day. He didn't think he would have gone even if there had been practice. Fuji just wasn't in the mood.

His brain wasn't following the usual pattern of thought, and that annoyed Fuji just that little bit. Forgetting to smile left his eyes partially revealed, but it didn't really matter. Right then, he was aggravated, and it showed in his eyes and the partial frown on his face. It was enough to make people go out of his way, and even if it hadn't been, he didn't really care right then.

Expression grim, he walked through the doors to _Gardener's Delight_ and headed straight to the Cacti section. He needed a new one, because as a general rule, they always made him feel better. They understood Fuji in the way he understood them, and above all, they couldn't speak, and right then, that was amazingly important to the prodigy.

Standing in front of the shelving they rested on, Fuji remembered to smile. So much like him, the cacti protected what was within with spikes and thorns that could prick, cut and draw blood. With a sigh, Fuji picked up his favourite, _Oreocereus ceisianus_, deciding that he simply needed another of the type that somehow seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.

Strange, he knew, that a cactus could feel like it knew what he was thinking. And he was fairly certain that if he voiced those thoughts out loud, there'd be little men in white coats on his doorstep faster than he could blink. As it was, he didn't often give away his innermost thoughts, and was therefore in little danger.

That is, before this whole damn trip to Rome, no one would ever have been able to even guess at his thoughts. Paying for the item, he absently walked out of the shop and made his way outside. Not in the mood to catch a bus, he simply decided to walk. It would take longer, but at that point in time, he really didn't care. It wasn't as if he had some place to be.

The thought felt bitter on his tongue. Bitter, but true. As far as he could gather friends were supposed to be people you could enjoy time spent with. Close friends went a little further. They were supposed to support each other, understand each other, be there no matter what, and well… know each other. It was almost as if they shared a bond, a bond that wasn't allowed to be broken or infringed upon.

But what if that violation happened in between the friends. What if it happened with only them as witnesses, was that okay? Was it right to use your knowledge of your closest friend to hurt them? Because for some reason, Fuji was quite certain that it wasn't. He knew it wasn't acceptable in front of other people, but what about under four eyes. What about when they were alone…

And speaking of being alone; just what did they have when they were alone? Was it just another extension of the close friendship, or had Fuji really seen what he thought he'd seen in the other's eyes? It was confusing and frustrating, annoying and intriguing and yet at the same time, somehow overwhelmingly daunting.

Letting himself through the front door, Fuji closed the door slightly louder than usual, and chastised himself. He really was letting his bad mood get to him. If he didn't find something to concentrate on for the match tomorrow, he was never going to manage playing tennis in this mood. Not being one to often let emotions get the better of him, it was another thing for which, Fuji gladly laid the blame at Tezuka's feet.

He made more noise going up the stairs to his room than he'd ever made before in his life. Well, perhaps that was a slight exaggeration, but still, he was probably in one of the worst moods he had ever been in, and he didn't feel like clamping down on it. The house was empty, as per usual, and right then, Fuji Syusuke felt like behaving exactly like the fourteen year old he was.

Throwing his bag into the corner of his room, Fuji gently deposited the cacti on the windowsill with the others. He momentarily fought with the impulse to introduce it to its fellow cacti, yes; he was feeling just _that_ juvenile.

With a sigh he headed into the bathroom, figuring that a nice hot shower would probably do him good. Standing beneath the spray, his shoulders sagged. It really felt like shit, hell, Fuji felt like shit. He hadn't meant to lash out like that. In fact, he knew just how damaging words could sometimes be. It was a skill he knew he had in abundance, always knowing just the right thing to say, always knowing just the right words to choose.

The fact of the matter was, that Fuji wasn't used to being hurt. He was used to reacting when people he cared about got hurt, he was used to protecting people who meant a lot to him, but he never let himself get into the position where he could be the one getting hurt. Until now…

When it all boiled down, Fuji felt stupid, foolish, gullible for letting someone close enough to hurt him like that. That Tezuka had dug through the knowledge he had of Fuji and thrown the comment in his face, was something he would never have expected from the older boy. But Fuji had done the same if not worse, so, didn't that make Fuji just as bad?

With a sigh, he leaned his head against the tiles, not paying attention to how uncomfortable it actually was. Slowly turning the water off, Fuji stepped out of the shower, and encased himself in a large fluffy towel. For a moment he remembered Tezuka doing exactly the same to him.

A warm, fluffy towel encased him and Fuji looked up to find Tezuka standing close to him, so damn close again.

Shaking his head to clear the memory, Fuji towelled himself dry before getting dressed. So much had happened in the last few weeks, so many things had changed. It left him feeling a little numb, almost overwhelmed. He couldn't deny that he enjoyed Tezuka's company above and beyond anyone else's. Nor could he deny that he sometimes found himself wanting to, well, to be near the taller boy, just for the sake of that psychical proximity.

His stomach felt funny, and his thoughts were in chaos as he walked into his room. Eyes fell on the cacti on the windowsill, yet he didn't see them, not really.

Tezuka's words dragged him back to reality. "Rome wasn't built in a day."

_There was a soft lilt to Fuji's voice, a slight wistful tinge, when he spoke. "I don't need the Captain."_

_Tezuka dropped his eyes briefly before picking up eye contact again. "I don't need the prodigy."_

_Tezuka smiled, thumb pressing against his pricked finger absently. _

"_Thank you."_

Fuji deliberately misunderstood. "Oh, it was nothing. You know I like to watch things bleed."

_Tezuka's breath washed over Fuji's skin as he spoke. "Don't lose yourself in other people's expectations, Fuji."_

"_Is that really important?" There was a tinge of desperation to his voice that almost made Fuji cringe. He hadn't meant to sound that fed up. _

_Tezuka smiled that soft, barely there smile. "It is… for me."_

"_Anyone can hit a tennis ball, yes?"_

"_Of course…" _

"_But it takes knowledge and ability to be able to appreciate the game and wring the most from it, ne?" _

_Tezuka smiled slightly. "Ah, now I see." _

_So Fuji pushed that little bit more. "Tell me, Tezuka, which light do you think you look best in?"_

_His friend blinked at him, a raw look passing over his face so briefly that had Fuji not been intent on watching, he would have missed it. In that look he saw the person that Tezuka kept hidden, the person that he'd been sure was under there all along. That vulnerable side that no one ever got close enough to see, because the older boy hid it so damn well. The fact that Tezuka, despite outward appearances, was still a child with a child's hopes, dreams… and uncertainties. _

_In that brief instant Tezuka let Fuji in, finally, fully, and the prodigy smiled a true smile… and waited, just waited for the answer his friend would give._

A hand reached out, briefly brushing the hair out of Fuji's in a gesture that spoke of trust. "This one… " Brown eyes locked momentarily with Fuji's. "Because… it… finds me."

"_Is this what you wanted, Tezuka." He was close to the other boy now, and there was nowhere for Tezuka to move, because this time it was the taller boy whose back was against the wall. "Is this the price of your friendship?"_

"_You could take it, you know? I'm weak enough right now…go on… admit it. This is what you wanted all along, isn't it. It's what this friendship was aiming for."_

"Damn it, Syusuke! Do you believe that… do you believe I could do that to you?" But Tezuka wasn't just angry, and it made Fuji feel worse. There was raw emotion in that voice.

"_No…" Fuji's voice was soft, but rang loud and clearly in both their ears. "No… I don't…"_

"Kiss me again… please." He took a breath, feeling cautious tensing of the taller boy's shoulders beneath his hands. "Convince me you didn't do it just to shut me up… please?" Fuji knew he was pleading, but he didn't care, not anymore, he just needed to know, to feel, to experience this. "Prove you wanted it…" His voice grew softer, sadder, almost miserable with the weight of emotions bombarding him. "Show me why…"

Shaking his head, Fuji realised he'd been clutching on of his cacti, luckily only by the pot. Placing it gently back in place, he tried to sort out the feelings running through his head, and only found himself being extremely confused. Faced with a night alone, he left his cell in his bedroom to resist the temptation he suddenly felt to call his best friend. It wasn't an easy situation, because this time, if he was honest with himself, they'd both been pretty much as bad as the other. As a matter of pride, Fuji was fairly certain Tezuka wouldn't approach him, but what with the way their relationship had developed, he wasn't really sure he could be certain of anything about it anymore.

"Syusuke, you're done with the temper tantrum?"

Fuji stopped on the stairs, and looked down to see his sister standing at the bottom of them. It actually made him feel a hell of a lot better to know that he wasn't alone in the house right then. For some reason, he just didn't feel like being alone. "Ahh, you heard." He didn't need to ask the question, and simply left it as a statement of fact.

Yumiko nodded and waited until he joined her at the bottom of the stairs. "You came home alone." Another statement of fact, that Fuji knew he could leave or treat as a question if he so chose to.

For some reason he felt like confirming the observation. "Yes." It was all he said as they headed into the kitchen. Sitting down at the table, Fuji waited for his sister to dish him out some dinner, thankful yet again that she was there.

She sat down to give him some company, like she usually did, and Fuji knew she was going to speak to him. He knew she'd already know a lot of things without him actually having had to tell her. Although that would have started an almost panic in him with anyone else, Fuji appreciated that it was simply how his sister was. She wouldn't be Yumiko with out it.

"It's not all bad, Syusuke. It'll blow over." Her voice was gentle and lulling and god knows Fuji wanted to be lulled right then.

Fuji simply shrugged. "Maybe."

She looked at him intently. "Maybe?" And this time it was a question.

Another shrug and Fuji fidgeted a second. "Maybe I don't want it to." His voice was soft when he spoke and somehow hollow.

Yumiko laughed. "And when you've convinced yourself of that, then you can try to convince me."

Fuji laughed. "Touché!"

"Now, little brother. You have an important match tomorrow, yes?"

Fuji just nodded.

Taking his hands in her own, she smiled. "Then I will do a reading for you, when you're done eating." She stood up, and left the room.

Fuji suppressed the shiver that ran down his back. He was used to her readings, yet, for some reason, this time her words sounded ominous.

~*~

It started out like any normal reading his sister did for him, and in some way, it relaxed Fuji, to be doing something normal. The first few cards had been somewhat normal, and they'd laughed and joked at the fact that Fuji would win his match the following day, due to his own agenda that even Yumiki teased him, she couldn't surmise. But as they drew to an end, Yumiko's face creased in a frown for a second, before she reached out to tidy the cards away.

With a frown of his own, Fuji stopped her hands. "What?" He knew there was something, because they hadn't been completely finished yet, and he wanted to know.

Yumiko looked at her younger brother, and finally nodded, a sigh escaping her lips. "Tomorrow, you will play, and you will play in a way you should be proud of. Yet, at the same time, there is something you will greatly regret having said."

Those words hit home, as Fuji remembered the conversation he had with Tezuka. It couldn't be, right? Pushing himself to his feet, Fuji said an absent goodnight, mind preoccupied with other thoughts. Not even bothering to change, Fuji let himself fall onto his bed, and tried to banish the bad feeling he had.

"…there is something you will greatly regret having said."

The thought stuck in his mind. He tried to sleep, but it wasn't as easy as he'd like. That damn ceiling mocked him yet again, and Fuji finally gave up trying and let his thoughts drift to where they wanted to drift. The day was a lost cause. In fact, Fuji didn't think he'd ever had such a crappy day in his entire life. To top it off, Fuji couldn't get the card reading out of his mind.

"…there is something you will greatly regret having said."

The thing was, that despite not wanting them to, those words clung truer every time they sounded in Fuji's mind. Watching his cell phone, he almost willed it to ring, but it remained stubbornly silent, and for some reason, with those words echoing in his mind, Fuji didn't quite have the courage to call the other boy, and fell into a troubled sleep.

"…there is something you will greatly regret having said."

~~**~~

Well, hope you liked it…Sorry about the wait, Tezuka drabbles needed to jump out of my brain first

Feeback is LURVED!


	32. Elude Me

**Title**: _Smile: Elude Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Thirty-two

**Summary**: _What's behind a smile…?_

**Warnings**: Hyotei match…um introspective Fuji, bit of Tez… um lots of introspection, a bit of angst… did I mention introspection.

**Notes**: Bear with me please, since these matches are very important to the way the story continues…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Elude me **

Fuji didn't sleep well at all, and was surprised to wake up the following morning not feeling all that bad. He dressed, not really putting much thought into it, just knowing that the tournament was that day, and he would beat Jirou even if he had to twist Ryuzaki-sensai's arm to get to play him.

It was a different day, the sun shone, and the weather was definitely appropriate for tennis. Fuji refused to think on what was missing, on what he'd said, or on the fact that he felt lost. It felt kind of strange, preparing for the tournament by himself, just so … out of place. Picking up his tennis bag, Fuji headed out the door.

The tennis centre was bustling with students. Energy levels were high, preparations were underway, and Fuji refused to give into the routine that would see him stand by Tezuka's side for the main part of the day. Instead he positioned himself so that he wouldn't necessarily even have to look at the older boy.

Maybe it was petty, and if Fuji really got down to it, he knew it was, but it was the only way he could truly deal with what he didn't want to deal with. Mentally noting to never again let his sister do a reading for him on the day before a big match, Fuji struggled to get those words out of his head.

"…_there is something you will greatly regret having said."_

He had to stop himself from scowling, because Fuji rarely scowled in public and someone would undoubtedly ask why he was frowning. Expressions were cumbersome enough as it was, at least a smile kept out unwanted prying eyes.

Great, fourteen years of age and he'd already mastered jaded and cynical.

Well, that train of thought was going absolutely nowhere. Fuji chided himself, and turned his attention back to the group. Momoshiro and Eiji were currently trying to coerce one of the freshmen into some semblance of Oishi, since it seemed that the vice-captain had chosen that day of all days, to be late.

The ringing of Ryuzaki-sensai's phone pulled Fuji out of his contemplations. From what he could gather, Oishi was at a hospital apparently helping a pregnant woman who was about to give birth. The fact that Ryoma almost choked when he heard that was almost enough to make Fuji laugh, if it hadn't meant that they were one short of registration at that precise moment.

Kawamura spoke, unable to hide the incredulity in his voice. "Since it's Oishi, it shouldn't be a lie…" It was almost as if he was hoping it was, perhaps just a practical joke, and that Oishi would indeed turn up in the next three seconds.

Fuji's answer probably didn't help much, but right then he had a little too much on his mind. "Yeah…" was all he could make himself say.

All he could think of was just how ironic it was that Oishi was seriously stuck at a hospital helping a pregnant woman, when Echizen had used that excuse as a lie once before. Fuji had to stop himself from smiling too much. If they didn't register within ten minutes, they would be disqualified. Idly, Fuji wondered how Fudomine managed, what with only seven players. Perhaps they'd accepted the risks of having to forfeit if it reached reserves, Fuji didn't know. And to be honest, he couldn't really afford the time right then to be thinking about it, but anything was better than thinking about Tezuka.

"…_there is something you will greatly regret having said."_

Well, that had been clever. Suppressing a sigh and wishing he could glare at the phrase repeating itself through his head, Fuji focused his attention on Momo. Sometimes the second year could be quite amazing. Apparently he would go to the hospital and relieve Oishi, so that the vice-captain could come and play and thereby everything would be fine.

Then why couldn't Fuji bring himself to believe that? As Momo ran off, that annoying freshman Fuji couldn't even be bothered to get to know the name off, screamed something after him. Instead, Fuji chose to voice the bleeding obvious, taking delight in the way his words would affect every person there. And all the while he smiled. "If we lose in this tournament…we'll have to resign after all." No, Fuji was definitely not in a good mood.

The waiting didn't help in the slightest. Waiting instead of being able to prepare for their matches made it more difficult for Fuji to ignore that phrase. He was so certain he knew what he would regret having said, but he didn't want to believe it. The prodigy found himself wanting to walk up to Tezuka and just ask the taller boy to be careful.

Yet he knew Tezuka too well. Tezuka would do what Tezuka had set out to do, and no word from anyone was going to stop him. It was frustrating, but not as frustrating as the phone call they got off Oishi, not as frustrating as going into what would probably be one of the most important matches they'd play in senior year without their Golden Pair. At least, Fuji kept trying to convince himself that it wasn't.

Even standing in the line up next to Tezuka was hard. Fuji smiled, because it was what he always did, and yet he still felt that need, the need to just reach out, to say something that only Tezuka would understand. Yet, he couldn't find the words. So he did what he did best, he simply pushed it to the back of his mind, and concentrated his attention on something that required it.

Momoshiro and Eiji were to form a doubles pair. It made Fuji frown, knowing that it probably wasn't the best idea to put an untried pair in, however they were left with little choice. It would be interesting to see just how Momo adapted to playing with Eiji, but it would be more interesting to see if the redhead could adapt his own game now that Oishi wasn't there.

The only other option really was to put Ryoma in doubles, and to be quite honest, that wasn't even really an option at all. Echizen had already proven he couldn't play doubles if his life depended on it. Not to mention that Kabaji's power could probably break the smaller player's arm…therefore the freshman was on reserve.

Try as he might to avoid Tezuka, Fuji kept finding himself in the other boy's immediate vicinity. As if the others were just so used to them standing together, that they'd simply only left enough space for them to do just that. While they received their lecture Fuji kept his gaze firmly focused on the ground. Tezuka was so close, so damn close… should he talk to him?

Perhaps his sister's reading had been pertaining to the fact that Fuji already pretty much regretted what he'd said to his friend? It could be that…but it had been in relation to the actual match, and Fuji had a foreboding feeling that he hadn't even begun to regret what he'd said yet. It wasn't a nice feeling.

The only break in the constant cycle of that damn phrase was when Fuji overheard Kawamura being his, well, usual 'I don't have a racket in my hand yet' person. Assuring his friend that things would be all right, Fuji handed him his tennis racket. It was always interesting to see the change and the confidence that came over Takashi when he had a racket in his hand. As if the racket was a catalyst for confidence. Idly, Fuji wondered if he could write a thesis on it should he choose to study psychology.

Tezuka's speech was heart warming, no really, it was. Fuji couldn't even get the irritation out of the speech patterns in his thoughts, and that was becoming irritating in and of itself. It was probably the first time that Fuji actually felt… derision, and although he directed it at Tezuka, he knew that wasn't the source of it. And for the moment, Fuji was happy living in denial of where it actually came from.

The noise of Hyotei's cheering squad made Fuji remember back to when they played St. Rudolph. It was a rather nice sound, almost melodic, a lot of people with faith in their team. Kind of amazing really.

Eiji and Momoshiro, against Oshitari Yuushi and Mukahi Gakuto. It was definitely going to be an interesting match. Managing to find a place not directly next to Tezuka, Fuji watched the match begin. There was actually chemistry between the pair out there. Momoshiro and Eiji worked well together, at least, as an initial impression. Inui seemed delighted that he had miscalculated, and Fuji always found it interesting when Inui had done so.

For a second Fuji was shocked, eyes opening briefly as Mukahi did some amazing flip in the air, but the shot, although brilliant wasn't enough to get past Eiji. Using the flexibility he always possessed, the redhead returned an almost unreturnable shot. Fuji smiled; feeling proud, and the other redheaded player didn't seem to be happy about it. Oshitari returned Eiji's save, and Hyotei still scored the point, yet Fuji thought their team might actually have a chance.

The match continued, and somehow Fuji found himself standing next to Tezuka yet again. Glancing briefly at the taller boy, Fuji locked his own gaze on the court, crossing his arms, and trying his hardest not to scowl, and he was quite certain he wasn't even marginally successful.

Seigaku down one game, and there was a slight altercation as they passed changing courts. Fuji chose, out of pure boredom, to explain to the freshman watching the match that no, that was not the usual Eiji, and no when someone you had never played doubles with suddenly took your doubles partners place it would definitely affect your movements. As, in fact, it had done with Eiji.

"Doubles in about teamwork." He continued. "Once the player have that privity between each other they can play two to three times better. Oishi, who's in charge of deciding how to trick the opponents and leading the flow, is an important element." Fuji fell silent, his own contemplations intruding while they waited for Hyotei to serve.

The coordination and trust between doubles partners was immense, the way they knew each other and understood each other's movements was impressive. It made Fuji wonder, if Tezuka and himself would make a good doubles team. Or maybe it would be better to ask, if they would have. Fuji sighed softly as he watched his redheaded friend struggle for a few seconds on the court.

He watched the way Eiji fell apart, the way he seemed to go to pieces without his partner. It made Fuji blanch a little, because he never wanted to be that dependant on someone, whether it be in tennis or in life. Yet if he was honest, everything about his relationship with Tezuka, they probably clashed so much because neither of them depended on the other enough.

That train of thought was also cut short, as Fuji's eyes opened wide. Oshitari had just used a triple counter, the Higuma Otoshi. It was stunning, and yet, it was what happened next that shocked Fuji even more.

"Fuji."

And in that one word, Fuji knew what Tezuka was asking. He was asking if that was the same triple counter that Fuji himself used, and at the same time, it was almost an apology, just not quite. "Yeah" he answered, acknowledging the question as well as the rest before continuing. "That pair… they're really something."

And they were. They had a synchronisation that made Fuji suspect a lot of things; training from a very early age, or just pure knowledge of each other. Eiji wasn't himself at all, and Fuji willed for his friend to go back to the way Fuji knew he could play. Eiji was more than just the a part of the Goldenpair. Fuji was sure he could do more than usual, and this was the chance to do so. Having played with the redhead himself, Fuji knew it as a fact, and so he waited, sure that Eiji would find something to pull him out of the rut…simply because he had to.

Four nil down, was not a promising start. "The opponents are a level or two higher…"

He could almost feel Eiji's despair on the court, the feeling that someone had left him, deserted him that he'd lost him. They were thought Fuji didn't even want to entertain, because he didn't know what he'd do if he ever truly lost the bond he shared with Tezuka. It wasn't just a friendship; it was far more than that. And right there, it was right there that Eiji picked it back up. Fuji could see it; in the way he held his body, in the way his eyes shone. He'd found it. And there was no holding Kikumaru Eiji back when he'd found his concentration.

True to prediction, Eiji's concentration held, and it held for as long as was needed. Finally they were back to normal and it felt good. Watching, Fuji felt an overwhelming pride in his friend. He'd given up his usual acrobatics and taken up what would usually have been Oishi's spot with him. Instead, he'd given over to Momo's jumping power and decided to control the game from the back. It was the perfect solution and Eiji executed it well.

The game continued to improve for Seigaku, and Fuji's mind was free to wander, and it wandered back to the fact that Tezuka was standing next to him. It wasn't their usual silence, and Fuji definitely regretted it, yet it wasn't quite as tense as it had been before. Still, he wasn't quite sure how to go about well, talking to Tezuka.

When Oishi came back though, it seemed Tezuka had decided what to do. He stepped to the side to make room to let Oishi stand next to him, and thus brushed against Fuji. It was a way of saying that he didn't hold a grudge, it was a way of simply completing the apology, and Fuji accepted and answered by simply not moving.

Focusing on the rest of the match, Fuji suddenly felt so much better. He watched as Gakuto lost concentration, as he lost his stamina. His eyes didn't miss a beat as Eiji picked the pace up again and again, with a style that was purely Kikumaru. The disappointment on Oshitari's face was palatable, and Momo's elation equally so.

It was a good game; a tiring game and Fuji enjoyed watching it. Although they still had to be cautious about Oshitari, Fuji had no doubt that Seigaku would win, not with the way they were playing. A glance at Tezuka standing next to him was enough to confirm that his friend felt exactly the same way, and that made Fuji's smile genuine, just for a moment. They were comfortable again, and it just felt right.

He almost laughed when Eiji and Momo used the last tactic to fool the other team. And as they celebrated the win, Fuji celebrated with them, his mood markedly improved. Having recovered from their awkwardness and the things they'd never meant to hurt each other by saying, the things they'd both regretted, Fuji enjoyed the moment, and thinking nothing of it …ignored the phrase still in his mind.

~~**~~

Well um, that was it, I hope it wasn't too boring, but I have to cover the matches! They're important!

Feedback is given a good home!


	33. Inspire Me

**Title**: _Smile: Inspire Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Thirty-Three  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Hyotei match…um introspective Fuji, bit of Tez… um lots of introspection, a bit of angst… did I mention introspection. Oh and more introspection.. and yeah necessary. Inui/kaidoh and Kawamura matches.

**Notes**: Bear with me please, since these matches are very important to the way the story continues…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long 

**Smile: Inspire Me**

Personally Fuji had always thought that Kaidoh would be as hopeless a case in doubles as Ryoma. But then, he guessed, he'd also thought the same about Momo, and the last match had definitely proven that theory wrong. Once more deliberately standing next to Tezuka, it felt a little better. He noticed how relaxed the other teen seemed to be now, one hand in his pocket, arms no longer crossed. It made Fuji smile t know that his presence could relax his friend, make him shoulder the responsibility just that little bit easier.

The atmosphere was almost all Hyotei, which Fuji found rather… disturbing considering the loss the other team had just suffered. Cerulean eyes focused on the shorter of the first doubles pairing; Shishido Ryou. There was a steely determination in those eyes, not quite like the constant air that surrounded Tezuka, yet it was there nonetheless. Almost as if, Shishido would make sure they won by sheer force of will itself. He would have had to have done something remarkable to be let back onto the regular team as it was. That thought made Fuji smile. This was going to be one interesting match.

Fuji blinked. Well, that was a serve and a half, although that wasn't really what made him blink. The fact that Inui didn't even move, the fact that the data tennis player seemed frozen; that made Fuji blink more than anything else. He could feel Tezuka's eyes on him for a brief moment, as if asking if it was actually possible that Inui hadn't been thorough. And Fuji had to admit to being rather dubious about it himself; so all he could do was shrug, which wasn't exactly the answer Tezuka wanted.

This match was a stumbling block; both Fuji and Tezuka knew this. Doubles was their weakest area, along with a questionable singles three in this round. If they lost here, there would be no dream, no nationals; there would be nothing of what they'd been aiming for.

And Fuji would have to give into his father's demands.

There was no way in hell he wanted that. It was conceivable that first singles would lose, considering it was a new pair, an untried pair. And despite the fact that them winning would mean Fuji wouldn't get to play Jirou, Fuji found himself wanting that win, needing that win, because he found himself not wanting it to get to the point where the final singles pair needed to play. Atobe was a formidable opponent, and Tezuka… was stubborn.

"This is an awesome show he's putting on." It was a thought Fuji had to say out loud as he watched the Hyotei junior ready himself to serve once more. However apparently it was what the others needed to start talking amongst themselves.

Eji's voice was full of disbelief when he spoke. "Didn't Inui do any data collection? Somehow… he just stood there."

Oishi's observation was a quiet one, as was the boy's usual habit. "No, it's Inui himself. That shouldn't…"

"He should have collected at least that much data already, but it's a different story when it comes to the real fight." Tezuka paused, just for a second, as if making sure of the way what he was going to say would come out. "Sometimes there are occasions where the power exceeds the one in data."

Eyes narrowing as he watched the next serve, Fuji realised that the control wasn't one hundred percent. It seemed the others had noticed that as well, and were currently having a discussion over whether or not that would make returning it easier. That made Fuji almost smile, especially when Tezuka confirmed what the prodigy had already thought of.

"Nope." Tezuka's tone said it all for Fuji, yet the younger boy thought he might need to clear it up for the rest of the team that was standing there listening and wondering at the way Hyotei's server didn't even seem daunted after a double-fault.

"That's troublesome, eh…" It almost made Fuji chuckle to hear Oishi's slight gasp of surprise. "He hasn't slowed his speed at all despite the double fault. That means he's really confident in that serve."

Oishi's voice was thoughtful, yet sure. "If he keeps that up he'll definitely have the service game."

All Fuji could think of, was that he wasn't the only one who liked to state the bleeding obvious. "Yeah, and with considerable probability." Which was all he was going to say on the matter. Tezuka's arms were crossed again, which meant the other teen was done with relaxing. It made Fuji frown a little as he watched the rest of the match, and his thoughts idly wondered if maybe Tezuka wasn't a little concerned about his own match should it come that far.

Fuji grinned down at the debate between the two Seigaku doubles members, and he almost laughed at Kaidoh's audacity when he went to stand close to the baseline to receive. It wasn't too hard to figure out what he was going to do, and sure enough, as predictability would have it, Kaidoh used his boomerang snake. The shock from the other team was palpable, and Fuji found himself smiling almost genuinely.

He watched Inui and Kaidoh carefully. They seemed to get on well. Better than Fuji would have given either of them credit for with anyone else, however, the same didn't seem to apply to them as a team. Fuji was smiling over that thought when Takashi mentioned something about Kaidoh succeeding with the boomerang snake even though it didn't go into the singles court.

Fuji cut him off thought, liking the thought he'd had. "You're right, that point was psychologically damaging for our opponents." That was rather an interesting point. It was the best way to wrestle control back in a game. Which Oishi obviously saw as well, however Tezuka's expression was thoughtful as he watched the court below.

"If this is what Inui also wants…" The deep voice intoned a question Fuji hadn't really given consideration, yet it merited it. Inui was a little peculiar when it came to his data. There was something off about the data player though, and Fuji couldn't place it. He didn't think it could be attributed to the new partnership, because that, if anyting, looked more comfortable than Fuji could ever have imagined.

When Inui threw off his wristband, Fuji smiled at the thud it made when it hit the ground. Oh, yes, definitely an interesting match. Inui's serve, without the impediment of extra weights on his wrist, was really quite formidable.

"Amazing Inui. Is that the result of his special training? He didn't show it in his match against Tezuka, but to save it for now, huh?" Fuji didn't think that those words would have an effect on Tezuka, but the captain's somewhat distant answer of "yeah" made Fuji curious to know just what Tezuka was thinking. No longer standing next to him, the prodigy couldn't judge the level of tension in Tezuka's body as well as he could when he was closer. It was a little annoying.

Fuji watched the two doubles teams. The confidence seeping back into the newer Seigaku formation, and the quiet confidence of having played together for a while in the Hyotei pair. It made him frown a little. The Hyotei pair were definitely in sync, and although and Kaidoh were more compatible than Fuji would ever have thought, they were still a fresh pair.

And it showed when Hyotei broke through the newly acquired confidence of his two teammates. Fuji's brow creased in concentration, watching the opposing pair. They were good. They knew where each other was, and what each other was capable of without blinking an eye. It would be hard to beat them.

Yet, as he watched his own teammates, Fuji couldn't help but think they had the potential to be the same, in every way. A smirk crossed his face as Fuji idly wondered just how close a pair had to be in order to have that much… coordination, but that wasn't really an appropriate train of thought for during the match. He'd use that train of thought when he got bored in class and needed a distraction. It might also pay to keep a closer eye on Inui. Couldn't have him corrupting younger students now, could they?

Listening to the others around him speak, Fuji's two cents simply contributed to the conversation, but he had to admit Oishi was right. There was definitely a high level of mutual dependence evident in the way the Hyotei pair played their game. It might seem endearing, but all it really was, was effective… and dangerous for Seigaku. They were like the golden pair, perfectly coordinated…as a general rule.

Fuji glanced at Tezuka, while Kaidoh seemed hell bent on running around the court and forgetting that they were a doubles team. Although the prodigy was fairly certain he knew what Kaidoh was trying to do, it didn't mean he had to watch it. Instead he chose to observe his friend. There was something about the set to Tezuka's shoulders, the expression on his face, they screamed to Fuji that something was bothering the other teen, yet there was no opportunity for him to figure out just what it was, there was really no need.

Fuji frowned, and caught Tezuka's eye only to hold it briefly. The other boy was keeping something from him, or at least, trying to. Fuji could guess that Tezuka was worried about the up and coming match against Atobe, if indeed they had to go that far. His arm was supposed to be healed, and Fuji couldn't help but wonder why Tezuka was trying to give himself a hernia over it.

Unless, it wasn't healed? But Tezuka was anything but stupid. He wouldn't play with a still injured elbow. Still frowning, Fuji focused his attention back on the match, just in time to see that his theory was correct. Kaidoh had indeed been running himself ragged long enough to let Inui complete data collection. A stupid strategy, but if Fuji knew Inui, which he felt he did to some extent, it was the best strategy they could come up with on such short notice.

"Did you see that?" He nudged Eiji who was standing next to him.

"Yup, yup! It's Inui after all." The redhead nudged him back, big smile on his face.

Fuji didn't really hear what anyone else said, he noticed Tezuka watching him instead, and tried to catch the taller teens eyes, to no avail. Again, it disturbed him, but he let it go, knowing he couldn't do anything about it outside of four walls. If he could get close enough to Tezuka to talk to him, he might be able to garner something, but at the moment it looked like the vice-captain was still intent on proving that he didn't mean to let the team down by gaining himself an injury.

As they watched the match progress, and Inui's data tennis shine, Fuji decided he never wanted to have the data tennis player as an enemy. Even though Inui almost hounded Fuji in order to try and gather data that he just couldn't seem to get off the prodigy, Fuji didn't think the other teen was all that bad. Personally, he'd never be able to play Inui's style of tennis, but he didn't begrudge the other boy a way that obviously worked for him.

But if what Fuji was seeing was enough, not even the data gathering was going to be enough for the new Seigaku doubles team.

It was almost disconcerting the way Ohtori's serve won Seigaku its only points in the final match. An excellent plan of Inui's to optically fool the server into serving in a way he wasn't comfortable with. The moment Inui miscalculated, Fuji knew it was all over. It was a noble thing of Inui to do, admit to a fault only he had known; it was also something any one of their team would have done in the same way.

Game over, 6:3, Fuji couldn't help but think that the Inui, Kaidoh pair worked well, on many levels. He wondered just how many levels there were, and endeavoured to find out at some stage. People interested Fuji in general.

He stepped back, eyes scanning the courts, waiting for Kawarmura's match to begin, and smiled slightly when Tezuka came to stand beside him once more. It always felt right somehow. But his thoughts couldn't dwell there for as long as he wanted them to. Currently the score was 1:1, and although Fuji was certain he would win his own match, he wasn't sure how Takashi would manage.

Oh,he admired Takashi, and thought his style of tennis was somewhat remarkable, yet, at the same time, he was playing that rather large boy. On top of that, Fuji was wondering if Taka ever really recovered from the injury he sustained while protecting Fuji from something that might have been worse. He frowned slightly, noticing the tension in Tezuka's posture, and hoped, just for that reason, that Kawamura would succeed.

Takashi was aware that there was a lot riding on the outcome of his match, and Fuji could see it. It seemed everyone in the team shared it. That steely determination to win, to make it to the nationals. Well, maybe Inui's was more of a calculated determination, but as a general rule, and well maybe Ryoma was more just completely confident, but Fuji felt almost on the outside. Fuji was probably the only one of the Seigaku team who floated on the edge, never taking an instance seriously unless something piqued his interest. It was just the way he was, the way he couldn't help being.

His eyes lit up for a moment when he saw that Yuuta was there, and he waved to his little brother, "Ne, Yuuta, come to cheer me on?" before turning his attention back to his team. IT was a little discomforting how Yuuta always looked so uncomfortable when Fuji spoke to him, and the prodigy avoided the concern he knew was in the gaze Tezuka was focusing on him at that moment, and he moved away to stand a little further from his friend, needing the distance at that moment.

Taka was strong, it was the reason he would be playing Kabaji in the first place, yet it was obvious that the large Hyotei second year was at least as strong, probably stronger. Another interesting match that Fuji had a strange feeling about, and again, the thought that Taka had hurt himself preventing Fuji from getting hurt always hung over his head. If it was only power, Fuji didn't think Taka would lose. It might be close, but still. However, he highly doubted that it was just power. Hyotei wouldn't let so much ride on a simple power battle.

At first it seemed as if the battle would be purely one of power, yet at the same time, Fuji knew it couldn't be. A change came over the larger Hyotei player, and all Fuji could think of, was how, well, hulkish the taller junior appeared to be. It was Kawamura's use of the Hadoukyuu that made Fuji gasp, and began to make the difference.

It was dangerous to use that shot, they all knew it, and Fuji couldn't help but see the injury Kawamura sustained protecting him, he couldn't help but feel guilty, and he couldn't help but worry that maybe Takashi was overdoing things with that steely determination. Although he had to admit that his year mate played it more sensibly, by using a two handed Hadoukyuu. Inui confirmed that it would relieve the elbow and wrist of some of the strain. Taka-san had obviously been pushing up his power levels. It made Fuji a little proud of his friend, and for a second it overrode the worry he felt for the outcome of the game.

Tezuka came to stand next to him, crossing his arms at the same time, as if to lend Fuji the support he needed to assuage the guilt he felt but would never admit to. Sometimes, Fuji thought, Tezuka knew him just far too well.

Then it happened, Kabaji returned with the same Hadoukyuu Kawamura had used. Fuji's eyes narrowed. They watched it happen again, and yet again, until the odds were no longer in uneven. Fuji frowned. Mimicry at its finest. He wondered if it was selfish to be thankful that he wasn't facing Kabaji. Not being able to use any of his triple counters for fear of his opponent then using them against him, didn't exactly appeal to Fuji. Idly he let himself wonder if Kabaji could maintain the technique once he was no longer playing the opponent. But really, he didn't have time to spare to contemplate that avenue right then, still, it was an interesting one.

Fuji could almost see the waves of desperation rolling of Takashi, and he watched him closely, curious as to just what the other senior thought he could do. He saw the stance, the preparation, and blinked in disbelief, muttering out loud. "What are you trying to do, Taka-san?" It couldn't be a one handed Hadoukyuu. That was just foolish. More powerful perhaps, but definitely foolish. There was more strain, more risk involved, especially with Taka's injury from the Fudomine match, Fuji knew he shouldn't be doing it.

Eyes wide with shock, Fuji noticed that the Hyotei player had already copied that same stance. It was unbelievable. They couldn't seriously be going to return Hadoukyuu for Hadoukyuu, could they? Taka-san was determined, he shouldn't be foolhardy.

The scolding from Ryuzaki-sensai was appropriate, yet Fuji could feel the disappointement from where he stood in the stands. And somehow, he knew that althought Taka-san appeared to be listening, appeared to be agreeing, that damn determination wasn't going to let him give in. In the slight sigh that Tezuka let escape him, Fuji knew that the taller teen was sure of exactly the same thing.

He could see the strain as the rally progressed, see the way Takashi's arm started to rebel, and he was almost happy when Kabaji slammed the ball into the net. The blood dripping down from the hand that dropped the racket held a surreal quality to it that Fuji didn't really think could ever belong in tennis.

Even as the tentative cheers went up, Fuji couldn't bring himself to join them. Eyes focused on Takashi, he knew that his friend had also reached his limit, and cursed the steely determination yet again. He ignored Tezuka's look of curious concern, although he was the only one who would probably be able to interpret it, as he vaulted over the railing and onto the court.

Picking up Takashi's racket, Fuji wondered at the sheer idiocy that determination seemed to go hand in hand with. Takashi had played so long, and so hard, made himself bleed, and all for the sake of winning, of fulfilling the dreams of his team-mates; all for the sake of a match that would now be counted as a no game. Tezuka would definitely be playing now, and for some reason, Fuji felt a chill run up his spine at the thought.

"Fuji, what's wrong?" he heard Oishi call, and turned to face the rest of his team.

With a half smile, Fuji opened his eyes. "Taka-san, is it okay for me to use this racket?" Fuji wasn't like everyone else. He needed that something to push himself over the edge. Avenging Yuuta's humiliation no longer seemed like quite the catalyst he'd need, although it would also serve its purpose. Having something to focus on, a reason to fight for something, it was Fuji's own focus, his driving force. And it had never been the same, not even once. Maybe that was what Tezuka meant when he said that Fuji should expect more of himself, but right now, Fuji didn't have time to think about that.

Pulling his brother's defeat, the ultimatum to his father, and Kawamura's courage around him, Fuji found catalyst. There was no doubt in his own mind. Fuji would win his match.

~~**~~

AN: Again sorry for the necessary matches eps lol… it'll get juicier I swear

Oh and I'd love feedback, been feeling a little dubious lately.


	34. Drive Me

**Title**: _Smile: Drive Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 34/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Fuji's Hyotei match. The inner workings of Fuji's mind…

**Notes**: Bear with me please, since these matches are very important to the way the story continues… This one… is a little different…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Drive Me**

Standing on the court, preparing for the match, a thousand different thoughts ran through Fuji's head. For once he was focusing, on all the elements he needed to focus on in order to hype himself up enough to play the way he intended.

"_It's not okay." Those grey eyes flashed with something like anger, barely contained at that. " You didn't have to do it like that. What you did was wrong!" _

_You could have beaten him in six straight games…" _

He wouldn't be cruel, yet no one could deny him a little fun could they? A little bit of playing never ruined anyone's day… at least not his own. Fuji could feel Yuuta watching him, and it leant that little bit more strength to his resolve.

"I don't mean to not reciprocate what I demand of you. I just, find it hard to accept that you can't expect anything of yourself."

Very well, maybe it really was time that Fuji began to understand Tezuka from a whole new level. His grip on Takashi's racket tightened. Although he couldn't quite bring himself to play for himself, Fuji would let it suffice that he played the game Kawamura was stopped from completing. Only Fuji wouldn't let determination be his downfall, or a scapegoat for stubbornness. Instead, Fuji was simply going to let it drive him.

"I don't mind, even if Echizen is the bench coach…"

Because there were parts of himself that Fuji needed to let out for this match. Parts that, although he knew Tezuka had seen them before, or at least glimpsed them; Fuji wasn't very proud of them, and had no desire to let Tezuka be close enough to notice. Somehow Fuji always felt like he lost a part of himself that he needed to, and he didn't want Tezuka to pick it up. He needed to lose that part, or else he wouldn't be able to play, his interest wouldn't be piqued.

Ryuzaki-sensai called his name, breaking Fuji's contemplations. Turning, he saw her approach. "I don't really have any advice for you, Fuji. Sometimes you just have to play with all you've got."

Standing on the baseline, waiting for his opponent to take his place, Fuji ran over those words in his head. When the umpire called out the okay for Fuji to serve, he bounced the ball, focusing thoughtfully. Sometimes he just had to play with all he had, did he? Well, he'd see. They'd all see, or rather…they wouldn't.

Bouncing the ball, he caught it, running over the shot in his mind, one last bounce and he raised himself to serve. His fingers gripped the ball, giving it a vicious twist as he let it fall. Swinging his right arm in, he gathered the strength he needed and cut the ball in an underarmed serve.

Fuji could hear the way the crowd looked on in disbelief. He could feel the disdain, the disappointment, from Seigaku as well as the soft undercurrent of confidence coming from Hyotei, and he smiled. His opponent only just seemed to wake up, and notice the ball flying towards him, before Fuji spoke.

His voice was light, teasing, confident, cunning. "That shot…is going to disappear." And when the ball did, he could feel the tension on the court, and marvelled at the wonders of optical illusion. This was his true element, this was where Fuji could have fun: making people believe what he wanted them to believe.

Head lowered to hide his smile; he spoke soft words…"Did it disappear?" There were hushed whispers all around the court, and it was all Fuji could do to stop himself from laughing out loud. People could be so gullible, people only saw what they wanted to see, and right at that moment, Fuji could feel Tezuka trying to see him, and for once, he didn't want him to. This wasn't a side of himself that he liked, yet at that moment, it was entirely too convenient, entirely too useful.

Looking over the net at the player facing him, Fuji noticed he seemed to be more awake now. A shame really, the boy had to be good. He had to be in order to have beaten Yuuta in fifteen minutes. Reminding himself of the defeat his younger brother suffered, was enough to firm Fuji's resolve again. He figured he'd give warning this time.

"One more coming up."

The ease of the shot, the satisfaction he felt, the amazing sense of superiority when his serve aced the other again, almost made Fuji laugh. But the laugh wouldn't be nice, and the laugh wouldn't let him maintain control, so Fuji bit down on it, refusing to give in. Jirou, it seemed, was an excitable boy, and Fuji watched with detached amusement as the umpire called him to order. Maybe under different circumstances they would have gotten on well, but these weren't different circumstances.

By his fourth disappearing serve, Jirou almost had the timing down, but almost is never enough and Fuji smiled, the first game was his.

"_Ne Echizen."_

"_What is it?"_

"_Do you have a good view over there?"_

_The freshman raised his hands to his eyes in binocular like fashion. "I see everything." _

Fuji chuckled. "Good to hear…"

Waiting at the baseline, Fuji let himself think. This match was important, because it wasn't only the team's dreams that depended on it, but his own future, or more to the point, the possibility to choose his own future. Maybe it should have been incentive enough, but Fuji was glad he had the rest of his reasoning; it made being himself so much easier.

He vaguely noticed what Jirou was saying, and instead concentrated on the other boy's style. Serve and volley was it? With precision he rarely showed evidence of, Fuji aimed at his opponents feet, the unfavourable foot. His eyes opened in surprise as he realised that the other boy was not just anyone. Even after the second return, Jirou managed to return a ball he rightfully shouldn't have been able to.

Fuji sacrificed the next two serves and thereby Jirou's first service game to watch, learn, and develop a counter attack. His concentration was at a height, he felt exhilarated as the adrenaline ran through his veins. Like a predator he watched, learned, and devised a way to exploit his prey's strength into a weakness. It could be done, and it was with satisfaction that he took up his own service game, not in the least worried that the score had evened out. He would not lose another game.

The feeling of disappointment when Fuji didn't use his disappearing serve was almost palpable, and made Fuji want to laugh. Did they really think him stupid? It was good for another game tops before Jirou completely figured it out, and Fuji didn't intend to let it get that far. Always end on a good note, and he grinned, he planned to end on a _very_ good note.

Jirou's run to the net was halted by a deep stroke to the baseline, and Fuji allowed himself a very slight upturning of his lips, not quite reaching a smirk, only the makings of one. Take away the player's specialty and what did you have? A normal, average player. Reduce anything down to its basics and you had nothing of importance, yet pile on enough layers and no one would ever be able to get through. Never reveal yourself. It was a code he lived by, for many reasons, none of which _really_ involved annoying the crap out of Inui; that was just an added bonus. It was a code that didn't apply to Tezuka, and it made Fuji frown briefly.

One of Jirou's shots, made Fuji need to pay just that little bit more attention. Judging it in the split of an eye, he realised it was a little low, yet if he adjusted himself accordingly he would still be able to pull it off. Reaching past his limits was fun, when he let himself. A perfectly executed Higuma Otoshi was a rather satisfying result, especially when he let himself listen to the murmurings around the court.

No, he shouldn't have been able to pull that off. But since when did that ever stop Fuji. Being told he couldn't do something was only ever a reason to prove that he could. More of a reason to be a walking contradiction.

"_Hey Echizen. You know the Tsubame Gaeshi and the Higuma Otoshi, right?"_

"_I know."_

"_I figured so. SO now I will show you the last triple counter – Hakugei." Fuji paused for a second… letting the murmurs die down. " Well then, will you observe it?"_

"_Please…"_

The wind made him smile, standing on the baseline waiting to receive. Thoughts dashed about. He needed to place distance between himself and Seigaku's freshman, not necessarily to prove himself, because Fuji never felt the need to do something like that, but simply because he could. It was perfect, that wind, in more ways than one, for it allowed him to play a game that would simply make his day even better.

It was almost as if everyone was watching him, yet those brown eyes he knew so well bored into him, as if Tezuka's glasses were magnifying them. There was insatiable curiosity, and questions, yet Fuji refused to acknowledge them, because Tezuka knew that he still wasn't playing seriously.

That almost made Fuji laugh, but he didn't, instead, he smiled. The wind made his hair brush along his skin in an almost tickling manner, and for a split second Fuji's thoughts were almost divided, remembering hands traversing that same skin. There would be enough time for that later, he didn't want to taint memories of what they had with the way he was in this frame of mind.

Eyes focused on Jirou's serve, half his mind had been listening to the other player, and all Fuji could think was that it was interesting. He watched the other boy serve and volley, and Fuji just smiled as he angled his racket to return the ball. There were whispers around the court, wanting to know if Fuji had lost it, wanting to know why Fuji seemed to be aiming the ball directly for Jirou to return.

Really, some people were far too hasty, why didn't they just wait. The look on Jirou's face was priceless as the ball appeared to get swept up by the wind just out of reach in front of him. Fuji wished he had his camera with him when Atobe called out Jirou's name as the ball returned from just inside the baseline of the opposite side of the court and back into Fuji's outstretched hand. The picture of Jirou's expression would have been quite priceless.

And all Fuji did was stand there, gripping the ball tightly to keep that laughter inside, because he wasn't sure if he started to laugh, if he'd be able to stop. Shock. It was the only accurate way to describe the atmosphere surrounding him. All eyes focused on his, and he refused to meet those of his friend, his boyfriend, his captain…the multitude of things that Tezuka was to him, because right then he couldn't trust his eyes not to show how much this match was costing him. That was something he didn't want Tezuka to know.

Instead, he glanced at Echizen, pleased to see the snarky little freshman at a loss for words. Spreading the arms holding the tennis racket to the side, Fuji smiled, eyes open and genuine for the first time since the game started. The wind made him feel free, swept him up in its power, and made him think that just maybe he could stay like this. And if he could stay like this, with this feeling inside… maybe he could even fly. "Well, lets go again…before the wind subsides."

Maybe this was what it was like to expect something of oneself, but every time that Fuji gave into the calculating part of himself… he felt more as if he lost something than gained it.

The remainder of the match was fun, and just enough work that it didn't end up boring him. He felt alive, in his element, almost enthusiastic. He knew he wouldn't lose, because he _couldn't _lose, because he wouldn't _allow_ himself to lose, and because he refused to be wrong.

The game came to an end, his game, his way, his win. 6:1, in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Holding the abused racket in his hand, Fuji's thoughts strayed to Takashi, to his determination, to his courage and to his stubborn wilful pride, which had landed him in the situation he'd left in. 'Taka-san, I did it.' A fleeting thought, making him feel as if he'd come full circle.

Yuuta had watched him, Taka-san had given him fuel, Ryuzaki-sensai lit the fuse, and Tezuka watched the fire burn in a stagnant spot where their paths to Rome diverged for almost fifteen minutes.

~~**~~

Well that was 34, hope you liked it! Other Mind 9 takes place at the end of this chapter.

Feedback is really appreciated.

Thank you


	35. Humble Me

**Title**: Smile: Humble Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 35/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Tezuka's Hyotei match. Um yeah…Angsting, insight yada yada yada

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Humble Me**

It was always a little difficult to come down from, that burning sensation within, the pure need to prove a point. Fuji found it a little tiresome sometimes, and so, although he saw Tezuka go out onto the court, he wasn't really aware of anything else. Instead, he chose to stand a little aside from the others, focus his eyes on his best friends movements, and try and regain his own equilibrium.

Not even Hyotei's cheering broke through his state of mind. It wasn't a matter of dealing with how he'd played, or the frame of mind he'd been in when he played; it was simply a matter of pushing it to the back so that he didn't _have_ to deal with it. Call it denial, call it avoidance, but it was the easiest and most efficient way for him to deal with a part of himself Fuji wasn't all too fond of.

Although he did notice the almost friendly way in which Tezuka and Atobe greeted each other at the net, all it did was bring a vague frown to Fuji's face. His thoughts would need another couple of minutes to organise themselves. He wasn't aware of speaking at all, and would later not remember if he did.

"_You play well, with that arm of yours."_

It wasn't until Atobe pointed out that Fuji really snapped out of it. He didn't even realise at first that he was holding his own left elbow, almost as if in sympathy, nor did he realise immediately that Yuuta had come to stand next to him.

"_That left arm of yours… it's hurting, isn't it? Right, Tezuka?"_

Those words, Fuji didn't like those words, because it brought back to mind something he'd been ignoring since the first match of the day ended. He barely spared a thought for Oishi's careless outburst. It wouldn't matter how much was given away, because Atobe would find out soon enough, still, even those few points…

He vaguely heard the words his teammates were speaking, and instead tried to concentrate his attention on the court. Yet, that wouldn't work either. Those words swum around in his head, instances, conversations, and above all, the reading his sister had done for him.

"_**Yet, at the same time, there is something you will greatly regret having said"**_

Could he have seeded doubt in Tezuka's own mind? Was it Fuji's fault that Tezuka was perhaps not as strong as he would normally be? Fuji could see it, there was a challenge in the way Tezuka held his shoulders, there was that determination, yet underneath it all, there was also something akin to need; the need to prove himself to himself. It was unlikely anyone else would notice, but Fuji saw it so easily, he could almost feel it.

He smiled a little as he realised what Tezuka was doing, but it was almost a sad smile. That Tezuka should use his zone so early in what promised to be a trying match, meant that he wasn't as comfortable as usual with the way he was playing. It made Fuji almost wish that he didn't know Tezuka that well, because it would spare him from knowing, but it also made him glad that at least one person there would know how the other boy was feeling. It just wasn't good to shoulder so much on your own, and Fuji knew the captain did it far too much.

But when he saw the drop shot, Tezuka's drop shot, and heard those words, Fuji knew it was far more serious than he'd originally thought.

"_Don't hold back, Atobe. Come at me with everything."_

Those words, and the breaking of Atobe's first serve, showed Fuji just how serious Tezuka was. He knew without a doubt that Tezuka was pushing himself, pushing just to see how far his limit was. It made Fuji shiver, and wish he hadn't let his sister read the cards.

He watched, he saw, and he wished he hadn't. There was a desperation to the way Tezuka held himself, an undefinable need to simply know if he could cut it in a real match. For that reason alone, he needed to draw out the set with Atobe, and draw it out long. If he couldn't play a long match, there was no future for him; there would be nothing after the nationals, if indeed they made it that far.

Fuji knew the reasons, he could hear them as surely as if Tezuka had whispered them to him himself. Yet, he couldn't help wanting it to be otherwise. Watching the game, he could see the steely determination grow until there was nothing that would stop Tezuka from finishing this in his way, on his terms, simply because that was who Tezuka was. The cost didn't matter, there was more at stake, more than most people would realise.

The score hit 3:2 in Tezuka's favour and Fuji closed his eyes properly, just for a brief moment, just because he couldn't watch that expression without getting angry. It was that same stubborn look Tezuka got when trying to prove a point, when hiding the strain the burden of responsibilities left him with.

Seeing Tezuka and Echizen sitting side by side, brought a small smile to Fuji's lips. They really were far too alike, in far too many ways. But the distraction only lasted for a moment. There was something not right; almost wrong about the way Atobe had been playing. It wasn't that he was holding back, no, Tezuka was making him run, and was definitely providing a challenge. There was just something that he wasn't revealing, a strength Atobe had yet to use, almost like a last resort. There just had to be, because what he was showing just wasn't enough to deserve the reputation the Hyotei captain had.

A lob didn't bode well for anyone on the receiving end of the ensuing smash, yet as Fuji watched, he realised there wasn't going to be a smash. Atobe had more in mind, something far worse, he was going to take Tezuka up on the challenge and draw the match out as long as possible. If Fuji was right, Atobe's aim was to put as much strain on Tezuka's arm as possible, to break him.

"This match is going to be bad…"

He only realised he spoke out loud when Inui answered, yet he didn't dignify a response. Fuji's eyes didn't leave the court, his mind didn't stop turning, and when he heard Atobe's snide remark, he literally hated for a moment.

"Your elbow has completely healed, right, Tezuka?"

Fuji knew, he saw, and he didn't want to believe as the racket clattered to the ground. It wasn't Tezuka's elbow, it was his shoulder, and he couldn't stop himself from muttering the other boy's name, it was almost reflex. "Tezuka…"

Corners were no longer being aimed for. The match was going to be long, not simply because the level of tennis on the court allowed Atobe to draw it out, but because that was what Atobe was aiming for. Fuji could see it in his eyes, could feel it in the tension that drifted off the court like a signal. This was going to be bad, and there wasn't a thing Fuji could do to stop it.

"_Atobe is making the match long on purpose."_

"_Eh, Atobe is making the match long on purpose? Why is he doing that?"_

"_He wants to destroy Tezuka's arm in the match."_

It was an instant Fuji had never thought he would encounter, an instant in which he actually wished he could give into that darker side of himself and allow himself to crush a person. Because right then, he thought Atobe deserved it. It was irritating, that the others were talking while Fuji was trying to concentrate on the match, and his words cut in, answering what he considered to be an unnecessary question.

"_You're taking Atobe too lightly. Like Tezuka, he is also at a national level."_

Now, if they'd just leave him alone to watch, to observe, and to wish he could change what he knew was going to happen. It was as if all of Atobe's focus was on drawing out the match. It was strategically almost brilliant, and yet downright cruel, which Fuji found perversely funny. Little by little though, he could see the tension in Tezuka's posture increase, and little by little Fuji saw the tiny lines of concentration increase. He wanted to yell out that they should stop; yet he knew it was something Tezuka would never do.

"_This… is…"_

"_Yuuta, this is what a serious match means…"_

And, oh, how Fuji hated it. He hated that Tezuka was doing this, deliberately forcing himself to the edge, pushing himself to see just where the limit was. Didn't he understand that determination and tenacity were not the answer to everything? Couldn't he see what he would do to his dream if this continued?

Or maybe, just maybe he needed to know whether or not it was just a dream. Maybe he needed to know whether or not what he was focusing his future on was possible. With an injured arm that couldn't withstand a prolonged match, there was no future in tennis. Slowly Fuji accepted the realisation, and hated reality all the more for what it was forcing Tezuka to risk.

But now, now he understood, even though he didn't want to, even though he wished he could be angry. It was Tezuka's choice, and Fuji knew his friend well enough to know that once his mind was set, nothing would change it.

The strain on his shoulder aside, Fuji still managed to smile at the 6:5 score, yet he knew it was far from over. There could be a whole world of difference in one game, in one point, and he didn't like the feeling he had. Some people might dismiss such a feeling, yet Fuji couldn't bring himself to be that naive. And Tezuka's words, only just audible where Fuji was standing, sealed that foreboding feeling.

"_Now, lets play without regrets." _

The prodigy listened to the others talk, he listened to them decide that it all rested on determination from now on, and he was glad they couldn't see what he could. Still, he needed to say it.

_To tell the truth, the one who wanted this to happen from the beginning is that over-confident Atobe, but…"_

"_But?"_

"_He is the captain of Hyotei after all. He's definitely going to have his comeback somehow. The result of the game is still unclear."_

And how he hated the way his words rang so true, hated the sound of the ball as Tezuka prepared to serve, and hated the fact that the inevitable would happen anyway. He found himself feeling selfish, not wanting to watch anymore, yet, he knew Tezuka was aware he was there. While the older boy might not have looked at him once, Fuji wouldn't leave as long as he thought Tezuka might gain some sort of strength from his presence there. Even if in drawing on that strength the other boy managed to continue to play, continue to fight, Fuji felt he owed him that much at least.

Fuji almost cringed, seeing the way Tezuka's shoulder tensed, the slight pain lines others might mistake for a frown of concentration. Precision that he shouldn't have had cost the captain dearly, and yet he refused to bow down to the obvious pain he was in. It made Fuji almost feel humble at the dedication that required. Well, dedication or stupidity, Fuji wasn't yet quite certain.

"Tezuka is challenging his opponent…"

Yet something else Fuji didn't like about the match. Atobe returned whatever Tezuka hit at him, and Fuji wished he knew what Tezuka would do in response. It was hard to judge, he'd never thought his friend would be so…almost reckless simply to prove something to himself, about himself. Challenge after challenge, Tezuka had to know what he was doing.

In the next second it was obvious he did. Despite the obvious discomfort, Tezuka managed to control the game, to utilise the specialties he controlled so well. Fuji would have laughed at what tenacity could accomplish, was he not certain that even it wouldn't be enough in the long run.

"_Awesome"_

"_That's right. His abilities have surpassed all others…"_

But it wasn't going to help if his body couldn't keep up with those abilities. Just one more point, yet Fuji held his breath. If Tezuka got this point, his sister would be wrong, and Fuji would gladly tell her so. Yet, Yumiko was rarely wrong.

So Fuji made himself watch as Tezuka threw the ball up for the next serve, made himself watch as Tezuka's face flickered in shock for that brief moment, and forced himself to watch as his best friend's racket fell out of his hand and he dropped himself to his knees. The scene was surreal, taking a moment to sink in as Tezuka's opposite hand clutched his injured shoulder.

Reflex took over, and not just Fuji, every single one of them. They jumped to the court, despite knowing they shouldn't, simply because their leader was hurt.

"_Don't come! Turn back. The match hasn't ended yet." _

There was pain in Tezuka's voice, masked, but still there. It made Fuji want to reach out and shake him, telling him to stop the foolishness and just let it rest. At the same time he just wanted to hold Tezuka and never let him go, to reassure him that everything would be fine, even though they both knew it wasn't going to be. Back on the sidelines, Fuji couldn't tear his eyes away from the best friend who had become so much more. He did the only thing he _could_ do, and wasn't satisfied in the least with what it was.

"_Tezuka! It'd be dangerous if you keep on playing!"_

"_Also with your arm's condition, the probability of you winning against Atobe is exceptionally low."_

Fuji almost kicked himself. Inui's reasoning was so much more plausible than his own. He was letting his personal feelings get in the way, and that just wasn't going to help. When Oishi ran out to try and prevent the inevitable, Fuji could have hugged him too. Knowing the action to be futile didn't change that fact.

Tezuka's determination hadn't waned, not even in the slightest. Fuji knew it was because that was all that was holding Tezuka together right then. Taka-san's reappearance almost brought a smile to Tezuka's lips, and for that Fuji would always be thankful. The captain smiled far too little.

"_Taka-san."_

The swing of the match was gone, needing to be started again from scratch. It was going to hurt Tezuka, almost more than the injury would. The beginning of the tiebreaker proved Fuji's point, although he wished it hadn't. Not for the first time, he forced himself to watch the match.

He could almost feel the pain, with every shot, with every movement, with every point; he could almost hear the muscles in Tezuka's shoulder protest.

"It's rather painful to go through, right, Tezuka? Even though he doesn't show it in his expressions, he's standing there suffering the pain"

Purely rhetorical, yet Fuji needed to speak, need to say something, in order to remind himself to breathe. He needed to make the others realise that that face didn't mean that everything was okay. Painful, no regrets…and yet… that damn reading. It wouldn't get out of Fuji's mind, it wouldn't leave him alone.

"_Yet, at the same time, there is something you will greatly regret having said"_

Slowly Fuji understood more than he had at first, and he didn't like the thought. He cast his mind back to the conversation they'd had that afternoon, to the argument, to the words he'd spoken, to the request he'd made, and he blanched.

So this time Fuji humoured the taller boy. "The guy who beat Yuuta…Jirou, right?" It was a rhetorical question and they both knew it. Smile fixed perfectly in place, Fuji spoke, his voice the congenial tone he always used at school. "If possible, I want to play him."

Whenever Fuji had wanted to play a specific player, he'd requested it of Tezuka. Always, ever since the beginning. It was just the way things worked. He asked, and he received. Tezuka pulled whatever strings he needed to; to make sure Fuji played whom he wanted to, if he made a request.

Suddenly Fuji knew what the reading had meant. It wasn't the fact that he'd mentioned the arm that Fuji would regret; it was the fact that he'd asked to play Jirou. Instead of thinking about Tezuka, and using what influence he had with the captain to try and arrange for Fuji to play Atobe, he'd asked to play Jirou.

While Fuji was fully aware that he may very well have not been permitted to play first singles, either through Tezuka's own stubborn pride, or else Ryuzaki-sensais's insistence, he regretted not having attempted it. He knew what would happen if the arm wasn't fully healed, yet all he'd thought of was his brother and himself. He'd been selfish, yet again, and if he hadn't been, even though the odds weren't favourable, the match as it was, might not have happened.

It didn't matter that common sense tried to tell him that Tezuka had wanted to test his own endurance. The rest of the tiebreak passed in a blur, and Fuji began to feel numb. He wondered if he would ever feel the passion Tezuka did for tennis, if he could ever feel the pure determination without needing an almost vindictive reason to. He felt jealous and proud, confused and guilty. Guilty for not at least having tried. It wasn't a feeling Fuji liked.

"Tezuka…Tezuka shouldn't be able to lift his left shoulder anymore, but…"

Fuji decided it wasn't just pure determination. Frustration came over him and he insisted, if only to himself, that Tezuka was being an idiot, he had to be, because it just didn't make sense anymore. A long match was obviously detrimental, he'd proven this. Yet, he was being stubborn, thickheaded, will power the only thing keeping him on the court. He was proving something to himself that not even Fuji could fathom, as much as he might want to.

The net, the rebound, the silence before the score was announced. Fuji thought his heart had stopped, or was it time itself? The moment froze, Tezuka's face showing a sadness Fuji had never seen before, a sadness he never wanted to see again, a sadness he might have prevented.

The cheers fell deaf on his ears, because all he could do was watch Tezuka. For the first time since they began their journey, Fuji encountered a pothole he just wasn't sure how to fill.

~~*~~

Matches are done with! Finally! Other Mind Ten takes place during this chapter.


	36. Lose Me

**Title**: _Smile: Lose Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 36/45  
**Summary**: What's behind a smile…

**Warnings**: Pretty much down right nothing!

**Dedication**: sansillion LETH! You are down right insane and I luff you for it! Thank you in so many ways!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Lose Me**

Fuji watched, because that was all he could do. With a smile, and some appropriate words, he managed to somehow be himself to everyone else, but to himself, he was in turmoil, lost. There was a part of him that paid attention to the match, a part that saw the way Ryoma played, the way in which he evolved. It felt like he was watching himself from the outside, and everything he did, and everything he said, wasn't really him.

Numb, it was the only sensation to describe what he was or, more accurately, wasn't feeling. The him he could see, that parody of himself and how he was feeling, it saw the match for what it was, an utter whitewash, a complete humiliation as their freshman flexed his growing pains. Fuji might have felt impressed, had he been able to remember just how to feel at all.

His eyes kept flickering back to Tezuka's shoulder. It looked completely normal, as if nothing was wrong with it, as if the older boy would just be able to stand back up and play again. Fuji wanted to frown, but his mouth wouldn't work, all he could do was smile, smile so hard it was making his face ache.

The match came to an end, and if Fuji remembered correctly he went through the celebratory motions with the others. His head ached, it felt like it was going to explode, and he couldn't bring himself to look at Tezuka. What would this mean? An injury like that wasn't something easily gotten over.

He watched as Tezuka made his way off the courts, following Ryuzaki-sensai to the hospital. It felt like all the air that was in him drained out, leaving a dry, empty husk of Fuji. That almost made him laugh, but he just managed to refrain. Instead, he made his way off the courts and began the trudge home, because he just didn't feel up to taking a bus.

The thing was, he didn't head home. Falling into a daze once again, which seemed to have developed into a habit, Fuji's feet took him to Tezuka's house. It was empty, as per usual, his family away, not unlike Fuji's own.

Cerulean eyes focused on the steps, not really seeing them, not really acknowledging that he'd arrived where he had. The expression of defeat that past so briefly over Tezuka's face at the end of the match had etched itself in Fuji's mind, and so, it was all he could see. Defeated just wasn't the way Tezuka was. He didn't give up; he didn't give in, because his tenacious nature wouldn't let him.

And yet, that same tenacity had just caused an injury Fuji wasn't sure the other boy would be able to recover from. Still, did it really? Was it just Tezuka's stubborn pride that caused it, or had it been lying dormant and waiting? To be honest, Fuji didn't think that made one whit of difference, and he couldn't decide what irked him more; that Tezuka had pushed such potential injury to the brink, or that he hadn't told Fuji the danger existed in the first place.

Fuji wondered for a brief moment at the selfish thought flitting through his mind. His anger was partially directed at the fact that Tezuka might not be able to play in the Nationals now. If Tezuka didn't play, Fuji wasn't one hundred percent that they would win. Oh, Fuji himself had no intention of losing his match, not with so much riding on the line, not after the ultimatum he'd thrown down to his father.

Dropping his bag, Fuji sat down on the front steps, face cushioned with his hands, eyes not really seeing anything in front of him. He waited, giving himself so many reasons for doing so. It wasn't possible to deny the fact that he was angry, and yet, at the same time, he felt concern. As he'd thought, no one was home, hell, it was worse than at Fuji's. And not being the sort of person to request assistance, Tezuka would try to attempt doing everything himself.

Well, if Tezuka wouldn't let him in, Fuji was going to wedge the door open with his foot. Of course, if probably would have helped had he been paying more attention to his surroundings. As it was, Fuji turned sullen eyes and scowling mouth up to the person blocking the afternoon sunlight from him, and started just a little. He'd been too lost in his thoughts to even notice the cab that dropped Tezuka off.

Standing swiftly, Fuji got out of the way so that Tezuka could open the door. Eyeing the bag on Tezuka's right shoulder, Fuji wondered just what the doctor had said, and suddenly regretted not having gone to the hospital with his friend. He'd decided not to say anything until they actually got into the house, and it was one of those times where the silence between them was actually tense.

Fuji was fairly sure what was going through the other boy's head, and he couldn't really blame Tezuka for those thoughts, because he knew Fuji far better than anyone else. With a sigh, Fuji headed into the kitchen first, knowing Tezuka would follow in his own good time. It felt a little strange to rummage through someone else's food stores, but Fuji thought it for the best, and he knew, even if Tezuka didn't show it, that the other boy would appreciate it.

He really wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say, but he knew Tezuka would think that he was going to say something else, which Fuji wasn't. It made him feel almost guilty that his behaviour would lead Tezuka to assume that Fuji would want to run from him for this, but Fuji was tired of running, at least from Tezuka. He realised that the older boy was probably already confused, considering Fuji was standing in the kitchen making food for him.

That was enough to make Fuji chuckle, which was enough to make Tezuka look up at him in even more obvious confusion when he walked through the doorway. Fuji's smile broke down, for the first time since Tezuka's match, and became a real smile, a smile that didn't hurt to keep fixed on his face. Gesturing that Tezuka should take a seat; Fuji placed a sandwich in front of his friend before picking up one himself and seating himself opposite.

Tezuka couldn't seem to hide his surprise at the fact that there wasn't anything on the bread even remotely resembling a chilli like spice. Fuji watched him eat, nibbling on his own. He wasn't really hungry when it got right down to it; he was worried, annoyed and well almost scared, if he ever admitted to being scared.

He could feel Tezuka watching him as he bent his head and studied his food. Fuji just didn't know how to deal with what was going through his head. One way was snapping, which really never got them anywhere, another way was calmly talking about things, and well, he couldn't really think of a third so he decided to go with the second.

"I almost thought it might not be important to you anymore." It was the only way Fuji could think of to start, and cerulean eyes found Tezuka's own, holding the gaze.

Tezuka's eyes didn't break the hold, but there were questions deep inside that made Fuji want to know exactly what they were. The older boy answered about as hesitantly as was possible for his nature to allow. "It's always important to me." He didn't need to add that he'd already said this before.

Fuji chewed on his lip for a second, putting down his sandwich, and decided to try a different approach, for once, a more direct approach. "You didn't tell me about it. Why?" Because he had to know, he just had to, or else he'd always want to. And Fuji hated not getting what he wanted.

With a sigh, Tezuka leaned back in his chair, right arm rubbing absently at his left. In just a brief second a myriad of emotions passed over his face before it settled into the smooth, slightly frowning lines it usually wore. "It was just a danger, not a certainty, I didn't want to worry people." He glanced at Fuji, as if to see if he'd said enough, but knew he hadn't. They both knew exactly what Fuji had meant when he asked why.

Fuji was prepared to wait for as long as it took Tezuka to answer him. Hell, he'd be prepared to coerce the answer out of the other boy, if that sort of thing would work. He was relatively sure he knew the reason Tezuka had pushed himself so far, in fact, Fuji was almost certain of it. Still, he wanted to hear the other boy say it, wanted to know for sure.

Tezuka seemed to resign himself to the fact, and sat up a little straighter in his chair. "I needed to know, Syusuke…"

Fuji closed his eyes. It was all he'd needed to hear, because in those few words, Tezuka had let out so very much. The determination he had to make it in the sport he loved more than anything, the pain he felt at having to hold himself back and protect an injury he should by all rights not have had, and the confusion he felt when he thought it was healed, only to be told that he'd have to be careful.

A professional tennis player couldn't afford an injury like that; it would be his undoing. And so, Tezuka had pushed it, hard and far, long and determined, to see just how far it _could_ be pressed. Obviously, at the moment, not far enough.

Opening his eyes again, Fuji could see the pain etched so subtly in the lines of Tezuka's face. Just the way he held his head, the way his lips dipped just that tiny bit more in a frown, and the way his eyes roamed with that hint of dissatisfaction. Fuji dismissed the argument they'd had before the matches had begun that day, he pushed the guilt to the back of his mind to be dealt with later, because right then, Tezuka didn't need that. Right then Tezuka needed, what Fuji was fairly certain, only he could give him.

Fingers traced circles around the table, as Fuji's thoughts chased themselves, finally catching what it was he wanted to say. "Some obstacles can't be moved out the way, but need to be compensated for. That detour might prove longer than you think." He waited, hoping he'd said enough, and not too much.

The tension in Tezuka's shoulders eased, just that little bit, and he leaned forward, careful not to place weight on his injured arm. "The road is darker than I thought, and more difficult than I imagined it would be." Brown eyes sought out Fuji's seeking an understanding, an acceptance.

But Fuji couldn't bring himself to smile, not quite, because it just wasn't enough. He needed to be sure. "Rome will always be there, it's just a matter of how long it takes to reach it. Detour, or no..." Fuji needed to take a breath before continuing, not quite sure how well what he was about to say would be taken. "The feel of the way won't change, you don't need to see in the dark…"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Tezuka smiled, just a short, almost tight smile, but it was more than Fuji had been expecting, and he waited, with almost baited breath, for what Tezuka would say.

"I believe you, but…" And it seemed like Tezuka was struggling with what he had to say, with what he wanted to say. Almost as if he feared rejection. "Just don't lose me in the dark…"

And Fuji realised exactly what Tezuka meant, because Tezuka wasn't the only one who'd fought a battle that day. Every time Fuji played, he fought against a side of himself he wasn't overly fond of. That Tezuka realised this, that Tezuka had obviously seen that darker side of Fuji and accepted him just the same, it made Fuji wish he could do more for the other boy. Instead, he just smiled, and propped his chin in his hands. "They might seem a little dim, but I wasn't planning on letting the lights go out in the first place…"

For a brief second, Tezuka's face lit up, the pain fell away, the worry melted, and his face looked like it did when he slept, except happier. For a while they sat like that, just knowing, just feeling, just accepting, just being themselves.

And Fuji decided he liked it when Tezuka smiled.

~~**~~

Well yeah, it kinda did what I wanted it to…

Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback lurved!


	37. Appease Me

**Title**: Smile: Appease Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Thirty-Seven

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Um angst, angst, almost argument, cuteness, and well yeah

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Appease Me**

Fuji took his time washing the dishes. Simply put, he'd shooed Tezuka out of the kitchen for the pure reason that he needed some time to think, because he wasn't sure how long, or even if, he could keep his worry from Tezuka. No more dishes meant no more mechanical reflexes and mind numbing tedium. He'd actually have to head and join Tezuka, and see if he could actually sort his own thoughts out.

Looking into the living room, Fuji wasn't surprised to see it dark, and headed up towards Tezuka's bedroom, quite sure that was where the other boy would be. He climbed the stairs slowly, not really sure what to say, not really sure what to do. For a fleeting moment he considered grabbing his bag and leaving the house, but he couldn't do that, not when he knew Tezuka actually needed him for once.

Well, Tezuka might not say as much in so many words, because it just wasn't in his nature, but it was something Fuji just knew. That, in turn, made him wonder just how he knew what he knew. Granted, he knew they understood each other, but suddenly Fuji found himself wondering just why. Of course, he realised that they'd gotten to know each other on a much closer level over the last few months, but they'd always had a basic understanding of each other that no one else seemed to.

Deep in thought as he was, Fuji didn't quite realise that he'd come to a standstill outside Tezuka's door; Tezuka's open door. He blinked slightly dazed eyes at the sound of his voice being called, but it still didn't register entirely.

"Fuji."

Blinking again, Fuji raised his eyes and slowly focused on Tezuka. With a smile, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it. "Mhmm?" was all he said, because his thoughts were still whirring around in his head.

Tezuka looked a little concerned, and Fuji thought that the way the taller boy was slightly twisted around in his chair to look back at the door was probably very bad for his shoulder. When Tezuka spoke, Fuji became certain he was concerned, because the tone was just, well, troubled.

"You seem a little, preoccupied." The silent _are you all right?_ – didn't need to be spoken.

But for some reason, Fuji found himself wishing, that they could just speak plainly. He loved that Tezuka could communicate with him on his own level, in his own way, and seemed to understand everything it was that went through the prodigy's head. Yet, at the same time, the things they shared, and the way they could be with each other should mean that not all their barriers needed to be in place anymore.

It made him angry to think that so many of them still were, and he folded himself onto Tezuka's bed, leaned against the wall, and let his head fall back, without answering the unspoken question. He could feel Tezuka's eyes resting on him, but right then Fuji just didn't have the energy he would have liked to have. Was he being selfish for thinking the way he was? Fuji honestly didn't know, and right then he'd gone beyond caring.

He wanted to be there for Tezuka, he wanted the other boy to be able to lean on him if he needed to, because he actually wanted to be able to show he cared in some other way. But Fuji couldn't shake the nagging feeling that Tezuka was going to start building the walls again, the walls Fuji had spent so long trying to tear down.

"Fuji!"

It was more insistent that time, the tone a little harsher, and Fuji's eyes snapped open again to focus on Tezuka who'd risen from his chair. "Fuji, talk to me." Tezuka's voice was so soft, and so worried; Fuji almost managed to swallow the laugh on his lips.

But just not quite. He couldn't help it, he laughed, so hard that tears actually ran down his cheeks. Raising his knees, he propped his arms against them and supported his head, back resting against the wall. It just struck him as so funny, and he realised that Tezuka might not quite understand just what it was he was laughing about. Not that Fuji could reassure him and say that he wasn't laughing at Tezuka, because he was, but still…

Fuji managed to sober a little. "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Tezuka."

Those brown eyes scowled where Tezuka's lips remained drawn in a straight line. "Nor should they let arrows fly."

"Steel tipped of course." Fuji's eyes blazed, answering Tezuka's response.

"Naturally." Tezuka's eyes lingered only for a second before he headed back to his chair and sat down.

Well, that went well. Fuji rolled his eyes, and cracked his shoulders a little. He was feeling tense, and he couldn't imagine how Tezuka would be feeling. The day had been long, and if they kept this up, the night was going to be longer. Burying his head in his hands, Fuji realised he'd let his mood get the better of him, and wasn't helping Tezuka in any way shape or form by causing more stress.

This wasn't the resolve he'd made to himself, and this definitely wasn't what it was to be there for Tezuka when the other boy needed him. Taking a deep breath, he spoke into the silent room, trying not to let the desperation he felt show in his voice. "I don't need to talk. I need to hear you."

Fuji felt like his heart was going to burst as he watched his words register on Tezuka. His chest hurt, like it was going to explode… Then he realised he was holding his breath, and let it out somewhat sheepishly. He watched Tezuka turn to look at him, brown eyes assessing, and somehow cold.

When the taller boy stood and walked over to the bed however, Fuji realised the look in those eyes was softening, almost as if it was against Tezuka's will that they do so. So, blue eyes followed the older boy as he sat down on the edge of the bed, drawing one leg up and hooking his right arm around the knee. Fuji even noticed that Tezuka was sitting on the other side than he usually did, which meant he was already favouring the left arm. Oh, what Fuji wouldn't give to actually know how serious the injury was.

Tezuka removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What do you want to hear?" The words fell from his lips as his gaze locked onto that of Fuji's.

It was all Fuji could do to keep breathing. Tezuka had rarely looked so intense, and Fuji wasn't exactly sure how to interpret it. He bit down on the automatic anger that seemed to rise in him at the way the whole Atobe match had been played and simply settled for opening his own eyes, and fixing his gaze on Tezuka.

"I want to hear the truth. Not something you tell me to make me feel better. I want you to _talk _ to me." And he leaned forward, brushing fingers briefly across Tezuka's forehead. "Talk to me about what's going on in here."

Leaning back, Fuji waited. it was all he could do. Tezuka would either talk, or he wouldn't, but if he didn't Fuji was at a loss. Because right then, he had no idea how to do what it was he wanted to.

The silence dragged on, and Fuji was about to close his eyes and give up when Tezuka finally dropped his gaze. Forcing himself not to get too overjoyed at the fact that the captain had backed down, Fuji focused on anything the taller boy might say. And when the other spoke, Fuji blanched a little.

Tezuka's voice was soft, barely audible when he spoke. The tone carried traces of weariness, confusion and a lot of pain. "I needed to know, Fuji. Understand this, please. If nothing else at all, just understand this." Tezuka took a breath, obviously trying to find words, evidently trying to push past whatever it was that made him rarely speak clearly.

Brown eyes closed, and the words flowed softly. "This isn't the first time my future has been in question, the injury was sustained years ago. But, this was the first opportunity I had to test it, and it failed, I've failed." He held up a hand, knowing Fuji would be about to say something. "My dream is shaken, but I won't let it shatter, not yet, perhaps not ever. For as long as I can fight for it, I will. I enjoy tennis, and not just because I'm good at it. I enjoy it because it is something I can strive to be the best in, something I can always improve in even if I should one day reach the top. There are challenges it poses, which I can't get anywhere else, as well as a fulfilment I want from no where else."

"So the match wasn't stupidity, at least, not entirely. Granted, I probably shouldn't have pushed it quite that far, but I needed to. I needed to know just what my shoulder would hold out. I needed to know how far I could push it, because let's face it. There is no room in the world of professional tennis for someone who can only complete a one set match. In the real world, matches last for a lot longer. If I can heal this, and do it right, then I have a chance, a chance I might not have had because I wouldn't have known exactly where my weakness lay." _And if it doesn't heal,_ were words Tezuka didn't need to utter, since they both heard them anyway.

Another breath, a slight sigh, and Tezuka continued. "You wonder why I push you? It's because I can't read you enough to see if you have a dream, but I think I know you well enough to realise that you do not have one. And I find that sad. A dream is a goal you can strive for, even when all else seems lost, and yet you have none."

More silence as Tezuka's words sunk in. A dream? Did Fuji have a dream? He'd never really thought of things that way, but they were thoughts for later on anyway. He looked at Tezuka, and leaned forward a little, trailing his fingers at the edges of Tezuka's eyes, trying to tell him to open them.

So many thoughts flitted through Fuji's head. Some more potent than others, and he realised just how much he needed Tezuka, not that he would ever say that, because it just didn't need to be said. The amount Tezuka had spoken surprised him. Fuji hadn't expected him to open up quite that much, and yet, was extremely glad that he had done so. It was a relief to know the reasons instead of just assuming them.

Blinking a little, Tezuka's eyes focused on him again. Fuji wasn't quite sure what to say, in fact, he wasn't even sure what to do. He'd never really gotten past thinking about making Tezuka actually talk. So Fuji decided just not to think. Instead, he leaned forward and brushed his lips across Tezuka's own ever so gently before pulling back and leaning his forehead against Tezuka's cheek.

"I understand…"

Against his forehead, Fuji could feel Tezuka smile, and it made the prodigy chuckle a little. "You know, it's getting a little late. We should sleep soon."

Pulling away a little, Tezuka looked down at Fuji and raised an eyebrow. "Sleep? You need to get changed first."

Glancing down at himself, Fuji realised that this was indeed true and laughed while he climbed off the bed to pull out something to sleep in. Turning back to the bed, he frowned. "You have to sleep against the wall."

The why was so loud that Tezuka really should just have spoken it.

"Because I can't sleep on your left shoulder…"

"Oh," Tezuka even had the good grace to look a little sheepish. "I know you like the wall…"

Fuji grinned as he climbed into bed. "Doesn't matter. We'll just have to stay at my house more often." Because Fuji would still get to sleep next to the wall there.

Resting his head on Tezuka's shoulder, Fuji ran light fingers over the left one, a slight frown on his face. "Does it hurt?"

Tezuka shook his head a little before replying. "No, not really. Not when you touch it like that."

"Good." Fuji's voice was soft, just like the small circles he was tracing with his fingers over Tezuka's skin. Lifting his face a little, Fuji placed a kiss on Tezuka's mouth. A soft, consoling, reassuring and understanding kiss.

And as he settled back down to sleep with Tezuka's arm wrapped around his waist, Fuji realised he kind of liked living in a glass house.

~~**~~

Hope you enjoyed it anyhu! Feedback much appreciated!


	38. Distance Me

**Title**: Smile: Distance Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Thirty-Eight

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Stubborn boys, episode 69… *nods*

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Distance Me**

Fuji opened sleep hazed eyes at the sun shining through the window, and realised he'd rolled onto the side he usually slept on. Waking up a little more he noticed Tezuka's right arm under his neck and the left arm resting lightly on his hip. The warmth of the boy behind him made Fuji want to lie in bed all morning, but that just wasn't an option.

Reminding himself to be careful of the arm draped over him, Fuji began to try and move out of bed. Emphasis should be placed on the tried to. Tezuka's arm tightened marginally, thus barring any escape on Fuji's part. Turning his head, Fuji saw alert brown eyes watching him. "Morning," he said while still blinking sleep out of his eyes. "As nice and warm as this is, we have to get up."

Fuji wasn't sure if it was just his imagination or not, but Tezuka's expression grew distant for a second, lips curling into a frown. Deciding to worry about it later, Fuji pressed on, half turned in to rest against the other boy. "There seems to be something preventing me from getting out of bed though…" He grinned up at Tezuka, still worried about that slight frown.

"Never stopped you before…" Tezuka's voice was low; a tinge of resentment clouded the normally placid tones.

Blushing slightly, Fuji didn't bother to mention that he just hadn't wanted to hurt Tezuka. For some reason, it just didn't seem the right thing to say. "True." Fuji felt a little miffed, his will to lie in suddenly gone. Pushing himself out of bed he didn't even glance back at Tezuka to see if he winced or not. Fuji wasn't overly fond of mornings anyway, and it didn't take much for a good waking mood to be soured. "I'm going to get dressed for training." And he left the room without a glance backwards.

It was damn early. First day back at school after the Hyotei matches, after that disastrous match. It made Fuji wonder just what rumours would have spread themselves around the school already, and just how many people would turn up to practice to watch. Tezuka was almost legendary amongst peers, his tennis ability always setting him above the rest. So many people suffered from Schadenfreude, and Fuji couldn't deny being one of them, but this…this was different.

Heading out of the bathroom, Fuji felt a little refreshed and headed downstairs. He was surprised to see Tezuka already in his school uniform and sitting at the kitchen table. Some mornings Tezuka even wore his regular uniform, but apparently this was not one of those. "We're ahead of schedule." Fuji smiled as he poured himself some tea. "We can take our time walking to school." He said it just to say something, just to break that silence.

Tezuka looked up, brown eyes hiding behind glasses that reflected the morning sunlight. Fuji didn't like it when he couldn't see Tezuka's eyes. He knew himself just how much eyes could give away, and so he didn't expect the tone of Tezuka's voice to be what is was; curiously impatient.

"Why do you go to training, Fuji?"

Fuji blinked, not quite knowing where the question came from, but since Tezuka rarely asked anything without a reason, he gave thought to his answer. The obvious response was because he was on the regular team, yet he knew that Tezuka wasn't fishing for that answer. "So I can partake in being a member of the team."

Tezuka looked at him for a few seconds before resting his chin on his hands and locking his eyes on Fuji's. "Why are you in the tennis club?"

_Because I can be_ – was on the tip of Fuji's tongue, and yet he somehow thought it would be inappropriate to say. "Because I've always been good at tennis."

By the way Tezuka's lips curled in a tight smile, Fuji knew he'd said something right, maybe not right for himself, but something Tezuka had been waiting to hear him say. Suddenly he felt a little bit wary.

"Good enough to be a regular." It was a statement and yet there was something questioning about it.

Fuji felt like he was walking on thin ice, as if he was about to put his foot through it at any moment and plunge into icy water. At the same time, he didn't appreciate being put under some kind of interrogation that he didn't understand before he'd had the chance to wake up completely. "Would you prefer I wasn't?"

"I'd prefer you to have a reason for being one."

A reason? A dream? If there was so much that Fuji had lacking, why the hell had Tezuka been the one to start something? "I play for my own reasons. Don't take your foolishness out on me. You'd have had to play even if I didn't win, not that I would ever have lost." Fuji didn't care about the ever so slight tensing of Tezuka's shoulders, nor the brief flash of pain. He was being pushed too far, and didn't completely understand why.

"I didn't lose on purpose." Tezuka's words were clipped, colder than they had been before.

"But you pushed, knowing it could happen." Fuji's eyes blazed, no trace of a smile visible on his face.

Pushing himself up, Tezuka leaned into Fuji, so close his breath made Fuji's hair move when he spoke, yet the voice so low it was barely audible with restrained irritation. "I pushed, wanting to know my limits, which is something you can't even begin to comprehend since you've never pushed yourself in your entire life."

The words were true. Effort wasn't something Fuji gave a lot of the time, still, he resented those words being spoken out loud. He lowered his own voice, doing nothing to hide the spite the statement contained. "At least I know I haven't reached my limits yet." He wanted to push past Tezuka who was cramping his space. Fuji was angry; he needed room to breath and room to get back to himself.

Tezuka wasn't letting himself be pushed aside. Those brown eyes were hurt, angry, and tinged with something Fuji couldn't quite define. "You shouldn't worry about being judged by your potential, Syusuke. You'll never reach it anyway." With that, Tezuka pulled back, the annoyance plain on his face, his right arm gingerly probing his left shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, Fuji glossed over the words in favour of focusing on what it was he had to do for the day. They didn't have time for this now, but by hell, he'd make time for it later. "Then we should get going. I want to make sure I'm on time to squander my potential." Well, maybe not as later as he'd originally thought.

Tezuka's eyes were cold as he locked gazes once more with Fuji before turning back and sitting down. "Go ahead. I spoke to Ryuzaki-sensai at the hospital last night. I won't be training for a while."

Fuji stood there for a second before shrugging. "Not like you're there often anyway. Besides, this way the younger students won't get it into their heads to play hero." Not waiting for an answer Fuji left the room, slipped into his shoes, grabbed his bag and headed out the door, smile fixed firmly in place.

~*~

Morning training felt strange with no Tezuka. It was weird. Even if he seemed to simply stand and watch a lot, Fuji knew the captain trained as hard as anyone. Maybe he was just starting to feel guilty for the way the morning conversation went. It seemed the rest of the team was fired up, and it almost made Fuji smile genuinely to realise why. They wanted to make sure that what Tezuka had done hadn't been for nothing.

The thing was, Fuji couldn't help thinking it was the case anyway. Tezuka had injured his shoulder, his pride and his future in an attempt to prove something, which, in the end, could mean no future at all. Ironic, really.

Yet, Fuji didn't want to think on that. He didn't want to think on the fact that Tezuka was missing, he didn't want to think on the fact that Oishi was obviously not liking the situation, and he didn't want to think of the ache inside when he thought of his own departure that morning.

So, Fuji actually paid attention to training, at least a little more than usual, and he smiled his usual smile. His own stamina was good, but he could always improve it, just like he could always improve everything, couldn't he? Tezuka's words rang in his head:

"_You shouldn't worry about being judged by your potential, Syusuke. You'll never reach it anyway." _

Biting down on a scowl, Fuji smiled a little more as he approached Eiji to give his friend something to drink. If he could just concentrate on something other than that damn conversation, everything would be fine.

The rest of the day past in a blur for him. He didn't see Tezuka, not even once, and although he was slightly relieved, he also felt like something was missing. How were they going to get past that argument? And what's more, Fuji didn't feel it was his place to say sorry. Sure, he'd been the one to end it, but damn, Tezuka had wanted it, he'd started into the conversation seeking something.

His thoughts stopped short when he noticed some activity already on the tennis courts. That was strange. Afternoon practice didn't begin for another half hour. Hurrying to change out of his school uniform, Fuji walked to the tennis courts in time to see that one of the freshman, Kachirou, he thought, and Arai… having a match. Or, to be more precise, Arai was thrashing the freshman.

But, damn, if the freshman didn't seem to be fired up. There was a light in his eyes that showed he wouldn't give up no matter what the situation, and Fuji was painfully reminded of the way things had gone in Tezuka's match. Was it normal to have such a passion about something? Did that mean that Fuji was unfeeling, uncaring?

Eiji was right. The kid did seem to be doing rather well against Arai. Was that what it was like to actually want to push your limits? Did everyone who wanted that, did they all push themselves to breaking point just to see if they could go further? Fuji watched the players, noting Arai's movements, lost in contemplation except for the fact of the other freshman begging the seniors to stop the match.

"Don't worry, it'll be all right." And it would be. Fuji believed his own words, simply because he could see that those two out on that court needed this. It was no longer even a consideration of who would be forced to leave the club, but a question of pride, ability and determination. For a moment, Fuji wished he knew just what it was like to feel that, to want to feel that, but he didn't let himself dwell. "Just watch."

And so the freshman listened to him and turned to watch, just in time to see Arai fall as he tried to reach a ball. They couldn't figure out why, but with Oishi's appearance it soon became clear that Arai had been playing with weights on his ankles. Not that Fuji found that an impressive feat in itself, as he found it rather easy himself, but it was impressive for a second year who wasn't even on the regular training programme.

Again, that determination, which Fuji just couldn't understand, shone through. He watched as the younger team members headed around the courts, performing their punishment laps and couldn't help thinking that if Tezuka had been there, they would have all been running laps for not stopping it in the first place.

Which brought Fuji's thoughts right back to the place they'd been trying to avoid; Tezuka. Glancing around, he realised Tezuka wouldn't be joining them for the afternoon either, and wondered why it was Tezuka hadn't told him that the previous evening.

There was so much going through Fuji's head that practice just wasn't the same. The light buzz to the training came from the other students who wished to take Tezuka's regular spot. It was bizarrely surreal in a way. Just a couple of days ago, Tezuka had been the pillar, the strength, the one everyone looked up to, and although people would still look up to him, the pillar had crumbled and Fuji could feel the uncertainty in the air.

Fuji remembered getting fired up to play Mizuki, the rush that sort of feeling sent through his veins. The way his vision seemed to sharpen and his perception seemed to focus on one goal and one goal alone; defeating his opponent. It made him feel alive, made the air seem cleaner, his heartbeat louder and everything so much more colourful.

Then why was it he never felt that way when he played a teammate? Why did he rarely feel that hunger to win in a doubles match, well except for the one against Fudomine. It was true, Fuji hated to lose, but he rarely did, even when he didn't put in effort. Was it because he knew he could beat most of his teammates without batting an eyelid? But that couldn't be it. His game against Jirou hadn't been hard, and he'd made sure to finish it quickly because that was his purpose in playing in the first place.

For the first time ever, Fuji began to question his motives, and didn't really like what he found. Was Tezuka right? Could a dream make so much difference? Did it really give all these club members the drive and determination Fuji could see in each of them?

It made Fuji feel empty. Just how did one recognise their dream? And more to the point, how did one keep it?

~~**~~

another chapter down weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hope you liked it! Feedback is given a happy home!


	39. Confuse Me

**Title**: Smile: Confuse Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine  
**Rating**: PG13  
**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Thirty-Nine

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Heated words, heated moments, distractions…

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Confuse Me**

Fuji would have defined his walk home as a definite trudge. He placed each foot in front of the other with a determined concentration focused solely on moving. He'd never really had to think about moving before, and to be honest, it felt rather exhausting.

Reaching into his pocket he dragged out the key, mechanical steps giving him a beat to work his thoughts to, a beat in time with his mind. He knew there'd been a reason why he never wanted a close friendship or the like. It'd been wise not to get close to people, but now he was stuck where he was, without a clue how to proceed.

Eyes focused on the key, Fuji only stopped to look up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His first reaction was to jump away, but then realisation of who it was struck him and he relaxed slightly despite himself. Unexpected, and yet at the same time very typically Tezuka, that the other boy should be there, leaning against the door, waiting for him.

It was the first time in a long time, that Fuji actually put himself on guard around the taller boy. There wasn't even a sliver of Fuji's personality that would let him just gloss over what happened in favour of a peaceful solution. They might have both said things aimed to hurt the other, but that didn't always mean that Fuji was the one who should set things right.

Tezuka being there certainly made it look like the other boy had decided it was him who should make the first move, but Fuji knew better than to assume something like that. Right then, it was all he could do to keep smiling and swallow the scowl that threatened to take over his expression.

"Been waiting long?" Was all he said as he brushed Tezuka's hand off his shoulder and continued to open the door. Fuji refused to make eye contact with the taller boy. He could hear him take a longer breath behind him, and almost feel the exasperated tension in Tezuka's body.

"No." _I knew you had training…_

It made Fuji's smile a real one, just for a second, and that didn't matter, because Tezuka couldn't see it anyway, so he let himself have that little luxury. Fuji would never understand it, the way he just knew what Tezuka was thinking, what Tezuka was really saying. Sometimes it was almost scary, and then there were other times when he just didn't have a clue what was going on in Tezuka's head. And those times were even scarier.

He didn't need to invite the taller boy in, it was an unspoken agreement between the two of them, but the tension didn't lessen as they stood in the hall changing their shoes. It made Fuji curious, on that needing to know basis, needing to know just what had prompted Tezuka to come over when their morning words had been so vehement.

"You'll be happy to know I successfully squandered another day of my life away…" Fuji just couldn't resist. The morning's conversation had replayed itself in his mind far too many times, and left him feeling slightly bitter. Bitterness wasn't usually a thing that Fuji let affect him, but Tezuka was a lot of things Fuji had never expected to let happen.

He could feel the scowl cross Tezuka's face, almost hear the thoughts running through the others mind, and all without turning around. About to turn around, Fuji felt himself propelled forwards. Not a shove, just a push, an unexpected push that left him reaching out his hands to support himself against the wall. Warm hands circled around his waist, and he could feel Tezuka pressed flush against him, breath in his hair.

Fuji took a breath. He hadn't been expecting that in any way, shape, or form, and he wasn't entirely sure he appreciated it.

"Why, Fuji?"

And Fuji squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to hear the words behind the actual spoken ones, and yet helpless to do so.

_Why do you push me? Why do still try to play with me…? _ As loud as if Tezuka had actually said them.

Leaning his forehead against the wall, Fuji reached up with a now freed hand to twine it in Tezuka's hair. "I…" and he didn't know what to say, didn't even know how to get any words out to hide what he wanted to say. This was getting more complicated every day, and Fuji just didn't know how to tell where they stood anymore. He felt he didn't know anything about them anymore, because everything had changed, was changing, and that damn match hadn't helped.

He spoke, voice soft, actually letting some of the confusion he felt leak into. "I do, but I didn't, you did that." Gods, Fuji hoped what he was saying was clear… "You can't expect me to be someone else when you can't do it yourself. Accept me for who I am, and not what you wish I could be…"

For a few minutes they stood there, and Fuji began to wonder if he'd spoken a little too softly. Then the pressure against his back lessened, and those hands guided him around so that his back was against the wall, and his eyes could see Tezuka's own bewildered ones.

Tezuka looked like he was fighting with the words he wanted to get out, his brown eyes searching Fuji's own, and the shorter boy couldn't not look. "You've always understood."

And he was right. For a second Fuji just felt those hands on his waist, revelled in the closeness of the other boy, and closed his eyes. He'd always managed to understand what Tezuka needed and given it to him, even when Tezuka didn't know himself. Except the need that drove the older boy to play the Hyotei match the way he had. That was something he hadn't understood to its complete extent, and it was something he should have.

"I haven't…" What else was he supposed to say? Fuji kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see betrayal or disappointment in those golden brown eyes.

The grip tightened a little, and breath washed across Fuji's face as Tezuka spoke softly, with a strange warmth. "You still do…"

Fuji's eyes fluttered open to find an intense brown gaze locked onto his own. He did understand why Tezuka had done what he'd done, but that didn't mean he liked it, and it didn't mean he didn't chide himself for not having seen what was needed sooner. "Just not soon enough."

Tezuka sighed. "No, it's hard to see something that's blocked from view." His own eyes searched Fuji's as if looking for something. The tension leaked away, just a little, and Tezuka sighed again, almost with relief.

It felt like the calm before the storm, and it put Fuji on edge. Worming his way out of Tezuka's hold, he headed up to his bedroom suddenly not feeling very hungry any more. Pushing his keyboard out of the way, Fuji leaned against the desk, not wanting to sit down and be on a lower level to Tezuka. For some reason he felt a little wary as he watched Tezuka lean against the closed door.

"The only thing you don't understand is yourself, Fuji." Tezuka's words were clipped with something akin to exasperation, and his eyes were hard.

The statement made Fuji blink. What the…? When did Tezuka become such an expert? Fuji's first reaction was complete and utter irritation, yet when he thought about it, he knew there was more to it than what Tezuka had said. "I know myself well enough…"

With an impatient push, Tezuka left the door and walked over to stand in front of Fuji, arms crossed, face impassive. "What you already can do is remarkable, but what you _could_ do is more so."

Fuji's eyes narrowed, and he gripped the desk a little tighter but stood his ground. "Careful, Tezuka, you're being the Captain again…"

"Then stop acting like you need one!" Tezuka was that irritated he was almost angry. "Rome is a two way street you tell me, re-pot the plant and it will grow you say, capture the moment for an eternity and you've saved a piece of time, you showed me. But when will you listen to your own advice!" He was closer, hands leaning on the desk to either side of Fuji, eyes flashing with annoyance, disappointment, and something that might have been envy. "Damn you, Fuji. You have the ability to do anything that millions of people would kill for, that I would kill for the chance to have…" Tezuka took a deep breath; his body close to Fuji's the heat of both intermingling. His voice was low, weary and worn. "Who gives a shit about other people, stop letting yourself down."

Fuji wanted to get angry, he wanted to interrupt, and he wanted to smile that smile he knew Tezuka hated just because he knew Tezuka hated it, but for some reason he found himself unable to. Each word hit him, and made him realise just how much of each other they'd shared, just how well Tezuka knew him and just how intricately Fuji was aware of the other.

It was almost subconscious, and Fuji didn't even realise he was reaching out his hand until he felt the soft brown strands beneath it. Nor did he realise he was pulling Tezuka towards him until their lips made contact. And then all he wanted to do was make the other boy stop analysing him, but he soon forgot about that aspect as the kiss took over.

Tezuka's lips were warm and soft, and yet there was something almost desperate about the situation. Fuji's hands fisted in Tezuka's hair as if trying to draw the taller boy as close as possible and never let go. Lips parted and tongues danced in a way they hadn't done for quite a while. No snide comments, no smart remarks, just tasting each other as if they'd forgotten what flavour the other was.

Breaking for breath, just for a second, Fuji murmured as much of a response as he could. "Later, chide me later…", before continuing to feed the hunger that had finally broke free of the constraints they'd placed on it. He felt Tezuka press in closer, and opened his legs so the fit was better, hooking them around Tezuka's own.

It was easier for them to get closer that way, for their bodies to touch as Tezuka almost loomed over him. Yet, Fuji needed it, he needed to draw those emotions out of the other boy and pour his own into that gap. He needed for Tezuka to see just how much he affected him and just what it was that he wanted from him; a silent comfort that he couldn't get anywhere else, in so many different forms that Fuji thanked fortune that he'd been so lucky.

What he didn't want was reproachful preaching. What he didn't need was a lecture, however well hidden or intentioned it might be. The need for distraction coupled with the length of time he hadn't touched Tezuka for, made Fuji's desperation grow. He could feel the other boy against him, leaning into him, letting the desk support his weight, because there were hands at his back, clawing the uniform shirt up to slip against the warm skin underneath.

The cool touch of Tezuka's hands against his back made Fuji gasp, but the sound didn't escape him drowned in the kiss as it was. The grip he held on Tezuka's face was almost vicelike, almost with a wild refusal to never let go.

Their bodies rubbed together lightly, making Fuji bite down on a moan, and he could feel Tezuka's lips curve into a slight smile as the taller boy kissed his way down Fuji's neck while fingers worked at the buttons of his shirt.

Closing his eyes, Fuji gripped Tezuka's hair tighter, fingers working small massaging circles in the brown mess. But his eyes flew open again when Tezuka stopped. Blinking his eyes open, Fuji looked up into eyes no longer hidden, and saw a heat in them to match his own. When Tezuka tugged insistently on Fuji's arm, the prodigy stood and let himself be lead to the bed. No words were needed; the distraction seemed complete, so complete in fact that Fuji barely noticed his shirt open and flapping until Tezuka yanked it off his arms from behind.

For some reason that made Fuji feel a little self conscious, and as he climbed onto the bed, he had to resist the urge to cross his arms, and instead, knelt and waited. The next kiss was harsher, more demanding, and equal on both parts in every way. Neither being a follower, nor someone who relinquished control of the situation, made it almost a wrestle for dominance, but only almost. It wasn't really needed and so it simply allowed them to discover something else about each other they hadn't known.

Fuji's back arched against the bed as Tezuka's teeth found a nipple, and the prodigy's eyes rested on his entirely uninteresting ceiling, yet focused on nothing. Distraction it had been, but right then, Fuji was confused as to whether it was more to stave off Tezuka's inquisition, or more to the point, for himself.

In a way he didn't care, all Fuji wanted was to have some of what they'd been winning for themselves before the Hyotei matches back, no matter how. Bared chests touched, fingers roamed and mouths clashed.

For a split second Fuji wondered if Tezuka would attribute it all to just being the hormones of teenagers. The thought made him shiver, not really sure himself just what he wanted it to be. All he knew was that he wanted it at that moment, the distraction, the comfort and the understanding involved.

Knowing Tezuka's tenacity, the conversation would be continued later, but all that mattered to Fuji was the conversation had stopped, at least for a little while.

~~**~~

Other Mind 11 takes place at the end of this chapter, to chapter 40.

Sorry it took so long… work is horrid and long and GAH…

Hope you liked it, Feedback lurved!

'


	40. Distract Me

**Title**: _Smile: Distract Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: Forty

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: not much Tez, Fuji introspection, other characters! *gasp shock horror*

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Distract Me**

It definitely wasn't Fuji's favourite day of the year. In fact, he could probably settle for admitting that he absolutely reviled mix club day. The only reason he'd turned up earlier than he would of for the day of mild torture was so that he could avoid any type of conversation with Tezuka that morning.

The plan had worked quite remarkably. Although the distraction the previous night had served its purpose, it had also left Fuji feeling a little more confused than he really wanted to. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud. Sometimes, he really found being a teenager a hormonal annoyance.

Choosing a club he wasn't involved in held no appeal for Fuji whatsoever. After all, he belonged to the one club that he actually sort of cared about, and he saw no reason for interest in anything else. It was why he never took the day seriously, and he doubted he ever would.

Some of the regulars took it as a day to show off their prowess with any type of sport. Oishi and Eiji were of that mould. Their ability to play doubles in tennis translated very well on the volleyball court. They managed to play a team almost by themselves, just because their coordination together was quite amazing. Always in sync no matter what, Fuji sometimes envied them, but not right then.

If they hadn't joined the tennis club they might have joined the volleyball team. Just because he had nothing better to do, Fuji decided it would be fun to a narrate things for the younger students. Maybe not so much fun as more a distraction, but he wasn't about to be nitpicky. Sometimes the reactions of those first years could be rather amusing, especially that loud one; Horio.

It was definitely interesting to see Taka-san's racket phenomenon transferred to a baseball bat. Almost as interesting as it was to see Inui apply his data play to another sport. For a brief moment, Fuji wondered just what it would be like if his close friendship was with either of those two, but he really couldn't do so for more than a few seconds. It just wasn't a probable choice, and although he enjoyed the light friendship he had with Inui and Taka, Tezuka's understanding was just so much more complete.

Oishi and Eiji joined him as he escorted the first years to the next match. For some reason it actually felt rather nice to have his friends with him. It was almost as if they were lending him support, even though there was no way they could know that they were doing so.

Momo was a born athlete, and Kaidoh was one who needed to put a lot of effort into it, and so he did. Fuji wondered if they knew just how many traits they had in common. It was probably half of that bone of contention they had. The Boomerang Snake, brilliant though it was, had no place on a Badminton court. A little nonplussed, it was still highly amusing.

It wasn't like Tezuka to miss school events, but Fuji guessed that he'd gotten special permission to go and see a doctor or something. The only thing he couldn't figure out was just why he felt so jilted by that fact. Maybe it was because Tezuka just wasn't behaving like Tezuka, but then, how did an injured Tezuka behave.

Fuji would have thrown his hands up in exasperation had he not been in company. Instead, he dutifully followed the others over to the ping-pong hall to watch Ryoma play. Admittedly, it should be interesting; at least enough to take his mind off certain other things.

And although it was distracting, there were certain overtones to everything that made Fuji remember other times and other people. Granted, it was Echizen playing, and Echizen showing off like only the teenager could, but still, overtones were overtones. Or maybe it was just that Fuji's mind was completely preoccupied.

He couldn't even derive the usual pleasure he would have from announcing that he was going to do curling for his sport. Even laughing while he told people that he'd won the championship because he was the only participant, and seeing the look on their faces, wasn't enough to save the afternoon for him.

His smile stayed firmly in place, and his laugh never faltered. It was much easier to do when Tezuka wasn't around, and so no one would have been able to tell that Fuji's heart wasn't even in his teasing right then.

An arm slung itself around his shoulder, and Fuji turned his smiling face to look at his best friend. Or at least, Eiji was his best normal friend, Tezuka was a different category. "Ne, Eiji?"

"Fujiko-chan! We're going to get burgers, coming with us?" Violet eyes sparkled and the smile was genuine and for a split second Fuji envied the way his friend could be. Eiji was always so open that Fuji rarely ceased to be amazed by it. He would never understand how someone could be so open and manage to avoid getting hurt so easily, but then, maybe he just didn't know Eiji as well as he thought he did.

Maybe he'd have to make some time for that, at some stage. With an almost genuine smile of his own, Fuji nodded. "I might just do that."

Inui raised an eyebrow, pen tapping against his nose. "Might?"

Fuji's eyes sparkled; slivers of shiny blue showing just enough if anyone was looking. "Does: I will, suit you better?"

"That it does, but not you."

With a laugh, Fuji headed off to change out of his sports uniform. He'd forgotten how delightful it could be to exchange words with Inui. Maybe it was time he actually concentrated on his other friendships. Concentrating on them didn't mean that he had to get as close to other people as he had to Tezuka. In fact, Fuji decided right then that that was definitely a very bad idea, but it wouldn't help to refresh a couple of the friendships he'd let lag a little.

There was absolutely no way he was considering any of that purely as a distraction. There was also no way he was considering any of it as an outlet for confused frustrations. No, not at all. He was purely going out with his friends just like a good friend should and would. That was definitely it.

The burger joint was rather crowded, and Fuji had no idea how it was that Momo and Ryoma managed to secure a rather large table for them, but he was grateful anyhow. Eight Seigaku regulars certainly helped fill the place up, but all in all it was a comfortable din.

Fuji thought he'd have time to think while he was there. Noise was the best cover for things like that, and there were some things that Fuji felt he needed to concentrate on. However, it seemed his friends had other ideas. They seemed intent on actually having a conversation. At least, the other seniors did.

Momo, Ryoma and Kaidoh simply ploughed into the food, eyeing each other warily. It wasn't until Kaidoh and Momo's bickering started that Fuji realised Ryoma was playing some sort of referee, and obviously enjoying every moment of it.

The other seniors however, were discussing more important things. Suddenly, Fuji felt he shouldn't have come, because they were talking about the one topic he was trying his best to avoid; Tezuka. Fuji tried not to focus on what they were talking about, but still managed to zero in on what Oishi was saying.

"…but it wasn't his shoulder that was the problem, it was his elbow. He was just supposed to watch out for overusing the shoulder."

Fuji closed his eyes as he listened to Oishi try to assuage the guilt he obviously felt. It was strange, but he couldn't help feeling like he'd missed something along the way. Almost as if he'd been left out deliberately.

"…to the way Tezuka plays, there was never a question that he would play the match that way." Inui adjusted his glasses as he reached for his drink. The quiet assurance with which he moved gave a slightly surreal quality to the situation.

Fuji almost surprised himself by speaking softly. The thing was, people usually tended to listen to him no matter what when he spoke. It made him want to say something abnormally stupid sometimes. "Just because a reason isn't one we'd choose, doesn't make it invalid."

Eiji blinked before smiling at Fuji. "No one said that, Fuji. It's just," His face wrinkled up in concentration as he tried to express what it was he wanted to say. "just, that it almost seemed, oh, I don't know. Don't listen to me, I'm just rambling!" He smiled that fresh smile that usually seemed to feel like a blanket of warmth, and turned his attention to changing the subject.

But Eiji's smile didn't have that effect on Fuji. Instead, he found himself agreeing with what it was that his friend had been trying to say. Although Tezuka's usual tenacity explained the match in one way, Tezuka's usual sense of responsibility did just the opposite. Fuji could see why it had the others confused. Hell, he could see why it had both him and Tezuka confused. Maybe he shouldn't have just walked out that morning, maybe they needed to talk.

For a few minutes, Fuji watched his friend and decided on something. He decided that there was really a lot more to Eiji than the other boy let meet the eye. People saw him as flighty and slightly hyperactive with a tendency to let his attention wander. It was true, to an extent, he could be all of those things.

But there was a level of understanding that Eiji had. He seemed to know just when to be there and just when a subject needed changing. Maybe he didn't even realise he did it, but right then, Fuji was just grateful that he seemed to have that innate ability. He listened to the others for a little longer before standing up and stretching to leave.

Blinking away his surprise as a hand reached out to stop him, Fuji smiled. "Yes?"

Inui's voice was low, but firm when he spoke. "You shouldn't hold it against him."

With a grin Fuji leaned forward to speak into Inui's ear. "And when you make a drink that leaves you standing, yet knocks me over; then you can tell me what I can and can't do, ne?" Smiling sweetly, Fuji straightened himself and bid farewell to the others before turning and leaving for home. He could almost feel Inui's brain ticking over and taking up the challenge. In a way it was almost funny.

He headed home, thoughts heavy, yet footsteps somehow light. There was something contradictory about his mood that Fuji just couldn't figure out. Walking into his house, he began to feel even better that no one else was home. It wasn't that it was a surprising thing, but it was a welcome set of circumstances.

Walking up to his bedroom, Fuji stopped in front of his cacti. Reaching forward he pricked one of his fingers, face not showing even a shadow of pain. Thoughtfully he watched the drop of blood run down his finger, before sticking it in his mouth and sucking lightly.

Tezuka smiled, thumb pressing against his pricked finger absently.

"Thank you."

Fuji deliberately misunderstood. "Oh, it was nothing. You know I like to watch things bleed."

Some memories were good, and, Fuji thought, even worth fighting for. He wasn't about to let Tezuka withdraw into himself and shoulder everything by himself again. At least, Fuji knew he wanted to be there for Tezuka the way the other boy always seemed to be there for him.

Standing there, watching the cacti in the waning light, Fuji realised one thing. They were getting older and they were growing up. This was their growing season. There would always be a chance that they wouldn't flourish in one climate, but might very well in another. It was just the way things were, and it was probably better that Tezuka now had the chance to alter that climate before he wilted.

Smiling genuinely for the first time that day, Fuji reached out with his still tender finger to brush over each of hi cacti in turn. Tezuka wasn't much like them. He didn't really have thorns, just hidden depths that you might get lost in if you took a wrong step and let go of the safety rail. Chuckling at the thought, Fuji got ready to go to bed. There was no training after school the next day.

It was time to let go of the railing.

~~**~~

Author's notes:

Anyway, thank you for reading and waiting semi patiently for new chapters. The next chapter is DATE-O chapter heh…

Feedback is appreciated.


	41. Lead Me

**Smile**: Chapter 41...

**Title**: Smile: Lead Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 41/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warnings**: Analogies…oh how they BURN!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long.

**Smile: Lead Me**

It was probably the first time that Fuji had ever been completely eager to get out of school. Perhaps eager wasn't the right way to say it, but he had plans for the afternoon that didn't involve sitting in a classroom. In fact, what he had planned involved going home, getting changed, and then trying to face the music. He figured he owed that much anyway.

Absently waving a hand at Eiji's greeting, or whatever it was his friend was saying, Fuji headed out of the school gate. It didn't take him long to reach home, nor did it take him long to change into something not resembling a school uniform. The weather was warm enough that he felt comfortable pulling a pair of shorts on, but he grabbed a jumper just in case before slinging his tennis bag over his shoulder and heading out of the house.

Taking a deep breath, Fuji knocked at the door. No time like the present after all. He was a little surprised to see Tezuka out of his school uniform, and in lilac nonetheless. It was after school though, so Fuji just smiled and stepped into the house as Tezuka stood to the side to let him pass.

The tension between them was nowhere near as bad as Fuji had thought it might be, but at the same time it definitely wasn't good. Still, there was nothing for it. Putting his bag down and swapping into house shoes, Fuji turned to face Tezuka. With a slight bow of his head he simply locked his eyes onto Tezuka's and smiled ruefully. "I shouldn't have left the way I did yesterday morning. I'm sorry."

Tezuka's face showed mild shock; at least it did to someone who knew what to look for. It made Fuji feel almost vindicated that he'd actually managed to surprise the other boy. Apologising wasn't something either of them did with very good grace, nor did they do it often.

With a shrug of his shoulders, Tezuka sighed softly. "Water under the bridge," was all he said as he led them into the kitchen to get them something to drink.

Taking the proffered beverage Fuji grinned his murmured answer. "Might make it dangerous to cross."

Sharp brown eyes focused on Fuji for a moment before answering. "Depends on the swell." Tezuka drank from his drink never letting his eyes leave Fuji's.

There seemed to be more tension that Fuji had at first perceived.

He didn't let it bother him; at least, he tried not to let it bother him. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he took a sip from the proffered drink, eyes resting thoughtfully on Tezuka. "Do you think it's been raining too much lately?"

Tezuka blinked at him a few times before calmly drinking his drink. He looked to be about to say something, when his mobile phone rang. Slight surprise crossed his face, but he answered it anyway. "Yes?"

Fuji leaned forward a little, extremely curious despite himself. He wracked his brain trying to think of a time he had ever seen Tezuka telephone with anyone else, and seriously couldn't think of one. So, it made him wonder just who could be calling the other boy.

The vaguely scratchy sound of a voice echoed out of the receiver, but it wasn't quote loud enough for Fuji to place. However, the look on Tezuka's face was easy to define. He didn't seem to be amused, not even in the slightest. Without saying another word the disconnect button was pressed, and he took another sip of his water.

"We're lucky the drains are built to accommodate the rain."

Fuji blinked. Damn Tezuka's stubborn train of thought. "You have a one track mind, Tezuka."

"Most people would agree."

"I'm not most people."

There was a pause while Tezuka took another drink. He sighed, locking his eyes onto Fuji's. "And yet you think it anyway." He looked tired, a little worn out.

"Then rely on the fact that I do and realise there might be a reason why." He lowered his head into his hands. This was almost giving him a headache.

"Perhaps you don't know me as well as you think you do."

"I only know what you've let me see." Fuji took a breath before looking back up. "Despite the fact that you play fair in tennis, it seems that same quality hasn't reached any other aspect of your life."

The silence was so loud it hurt, and Fuji found himself really wanting to know who the hell had been on the phone. He stood up and approached the fridge, not bothering to ask for permission, because it was just something he never did anyway. They were comfortable with each other, they knew how to rile each other up, and they knew just what to say to each other to gain a reaction or lack thereof. As Fuji had just proven quite adeptly.

He didn't speak, but rustling for something in the fridge broke the quiet that settled over the room. It wasn't that Fuji was hungry; it was just that for some reason he was feeling a little out of depth in the discussion.

"Inui called." Tezuka's voice was so much closer to him than he'd expected that Fuji almost jumped. He'd been too lost in thought and chastised himself for not being as aware as usual. Tezuka's breath washed over his neck causing goose bumps to make him shiver. "They're at the public courts. Something about Momo and Echizen that seems to be idle gossip."

Lips attached themselves to skin briefly before Fuji felt the other boy move away. He closed his eyes, the fridge, and stood still for just a second, almost annoyed at the way Tezuka knew him well enough to do that. Two way street? Yeah right, at least, Tezuka was the one with the road map telling them where they were going. That seemed very one sided to Fuji. Turning around with composure regained, Fuji smiled. He did love a bit of gossip, and it was a darn sight easier than the conversation they were having anyway.

"What exactly?"

Tezuka raised an eyebrow in what seemed to be surprise before shrugging his shoulders slightly. "It was nothing important, so of little interest really."

"Meaning you didn't pay much attention."

Again, Tezuka shrugged. "I have a few things on my mind at the moment." And the tone of his voice was much tighter, more controlled than usual.

Fuji's own voice was soft when he spoke. "If you don't share some of them, they'll block off my half of the road." He wasn't sure, but he thought he could see the beginnings of a smile on Tezuka's face. Before he could say anything there was a sound Fuji had probably never heard before while being at Tezuka's house.

The front door opened. Fuji's eyes did the same and he found himself looking in utter surprise at Tezuka as a voice called out.

"Kunimitsu? Are you home?"

If Fuji wasn't mistaken, it was Tezuka's grandmother. Relatives just loved to show up at the most inopportune moments, didn't they? Hearing Tezuka's calm reply, Fuji decided that he didn't feel like being in the house any longer. Besides, he actually wanted to know what the others were up to. Not that they'd know he knew.

"I'm going to go to the courts." Smile firmly in place, Fuji headed out the back door. He shouldn't need to say goodbye to someone who didn't even know he was there and was quite certain that didn't classify as being disrespectful.

At the back gate, a hand rested on his arm, preventing him from going while the other handed him the bag he'd forgotten. "Just give me some time to process this curve, and I promise I'll give you new directions."

Fuji nodded, just once and let the smile reach his eyes. "Just make the right turn." When Tezuka nodded, Fuji let himself out feeling much better than he had before. After all, how bad could it really be?

~*~

The rest of the day was interesting to say the least. Quite a lot of people were there. The interaction between Kamio and Momo was highly interesting and he could barely tear his eyes away from it. Echizen played unfairly for the first time ever that Fuji had seen, and it made him think that there was hope for the younger boy's personality yet.

All in all though, he was pleasantly surprised by the girl's perceptions. Anne was someone Fuji was quite sure it would be bad to get on the wrong side of. It made him almost feel like he'd found a kindred spirit. But only almost. First up: she was a girl, and secondly: she just seemed a little too sweet.

The most fun however, was Mizuki. It was amazing what ignoring a person did for their mood. Even further, it was amazing what pretending to forget someone did for their self confidence. He could see Mizuki almost wilt away under the lack of recognition, and it almost made him laugh.

"Hey Yuuta, maybe we should go on a date." Now that was something more fun than not, especially given his younger brother's reaction.

"What are you saying, stupid brother!"

Laughing, Fuji waved off the reaction. "It was a joke!"

But the words Mizuki muttered really hit home. "He probably hated you before because of comments like that."

That struck a chord in Fuji, and made him think. The words his brother had said to him on that day that seemed so long ago repeated themselves once again.

"You were cruel, downright cruel."

He shook his head and forced himself to smile as his other teammates arrived at the courts. He'd known he was right, and yet Tezuka insisted he wasn't. With a sigh, Fuji excused himself, and left the courts without having played a single game.

Wondering if Tezuka would be home, Fuji decided he didn't want to risk there being another person there enough to go and check. Tipping in a message, he sent it off to Tezuka, simply asking if he'd come check on the cacti. It didn't take long before he got the simple answer of yes back.

That made Fuji feel better already, and the trek home didn't seem quite as long anymore. He wasn't surprised to see Tezuka standing at the door when he arrived, but that meant that he'd left pretty much as soon as he'd gotten the message from Fuji. In a way, that felt good too.

Pushing the key into the lock, he asked in an almost tired voice. "Dam broken?" He could hear a slight chuckle behind him as Tezuka followed him into the house.

"No, but there might be a crack in the near future."

Nodding, Fuji made his to the kitchen, suddenly feeling very thirsty. "Be careful no villages get destroyed on the way, ne?"

"Might put a hole in the road."

"Holes are made to be filled." Tossing a drink to Tezuka, Fuji sat down and realised that they often talked in the kitchen. Was that strange?

"And roads are made to reach a destination."

Smiling, Fuji nodded again. "Sometimes the detours are unexpected." He chuckled, glad that the tension from earlier seemed to have dissipated. They sat in silence for a bit just enjoying the comfort level they had with each other.

"You know," Tezuka was, for a change, the one to break the silence. "Inui called me after you left, asking if I knew where you could be."

Raising an eyebrow, Fuji cocked his head to one side. "Why would he do that?"

Tezuka shrugged. "I didn't ask."

"But you did hang up."

"Naturally."

"Ahh, Tezuka. You miss out on so much that's fun when you hold yourself apart." Getting out of his chair, he crossed over to lean against the table where Tezuka was. "You friends aren't going to shatter your invincibility."

For a brief second, Tezuka's eyes grew hard. "I'm the only one who can do that."

Fuji couldn't help but smile sadly; his voice soft and a little lost when he spoke. "You're your very own Kyrptonite."

Hands reached up to grip the table to either side of him as Tezuka stood. It felt right and easy to just lean against Tezuka's chest, and so he did, just for a little while. What a predicament. One of them was cruel and destructive, and the other tried to be superman, a situation doomed from the outset.

Strong hands gripped his arms as Tezuka pushed them apart to look at him. There was something in those eyes that made Fuji believe Tezuka was actually having a hard time with everything, and maybe, just maybe he'd let Fuji help.

Tezuka's voice was soft and slightly strained when he spoke. If it was possible though, it also held a tinge of relief. "But I have my lead, and he'll repot me when I need it."

Fuji laughed and reached up to cup Tezuka's face before drawing him into a soft kiss. "You know, lead isn't that good for plants."

This time Tezuka laughed, and Fuji could feel some of the tension leaving. Whatever it was that was bothering his friend, he'd get told when Tezuka was ready to tell. That would just have to be soon enough.

The hold tightened and it was simply nice to be held. Tezuka's voice smiled when he spoke. "Well, we're okay then."

"Hmm?" Tezuka's chest was nice and warm, and after the day at the courts Fuji didn't feel like moving.

"I'm not a plant."

Leaning his head back a little bit, Fuji smirked. "Oh, really?"

It was a skill Fuji envied. That Tezuka could keep his face perfectly straight no matter what he said. "Yes. I definitely need lead. Apparently I'm Superman."

Fuji chucked. Right then, he no longer felt cruel, and it was a feeling he wanted to hold onto for just a while longer.

~~**~~

I think Fuji muse was trying to prove a point...

Sorry it took so long. Taking me longer to bounce back than I thought.

Hope you liked it. Feedback is lurved!


	42. Stun Me

**Title**: _Smile: Stun Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 42/45

**Summary**: _What's behind a smile…?_

**Warnings**: Spoiler for 72? Yeah… if you can spoil that ep. Shonen ai yada yada… angst!

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Stun Me**

Practice without Tezuka felt entirely different, and so Fuji broached the subject one morning before school.

"You know, you could come to training just to dispel the rumours that you've been kidnapped by aliens."

Tezuka stopped what he was doing and blinked at Fuji. "Aliens." And his tone clearly said: I_You couldn't come up with anything better than aliens?/I_

"Would you prefer a knight in shining armour?"

It was immediately obvious that Tezuka didn't prefer that, and could be seen by the tensing of his shoulders. Sometimes Fuji wasn't really sure where Tezuka put his sense of humour for safekeeping. It definitely wasn't in a quick draw pocket in his personality.

With a sigh, Fuji glanced at the other boy. An idea suddenly hit him and he grinned a little. "You're ashamed to show your face at practice, aren't you?"

Tezuka's gaze rested on Fuji for a full five seconds before he cocked his head to one side and spoke. "Reverse psychology isn't going to work on me, Fuji."

Slinging his tennis bag over his shoulder, Fuji smiled sweetly. "Of course it isn't, Tezuka. Whatever do you think of me?" His tone affected shock and slight hurt, but his eyes shone behind tawny strands.

"I don't need to show up. Oishi has everything under control." The voice was steady and confident.

Heading towards the front door, Fuji smiled over his shoulder as Tezuka followed him. "I never implied he didn't." He could almost feel the frown on Tezuka's face, and had to suppress a chuckle of his own.

"They really don't need me to be there." There was an underlying tone in Tezuka's voice as he closed the house door behind them.

"Never. Why would they need their captain to be present at practice? Such a silly thought."

The only response Fuji received as they continued to walk the way to school was a grunt. Thoughtful eyes focused on the pavement as he walked, and Fuji thought it best not to disturb him.

Almost at the school gate, Tezuka stopped and looked at Fuji, who simply smiled and lowered his voice. "I'll act surprised when you turn up for training then, shall I?" He turned, leaving Tezuka standing there watching his back and contemplating the rhetorical question. Fuji wondered just when he'd learned exactly how to read Tezuka so well. The Tezuka-dictionary was a distant memory. He found himself liking that idea.

So it was, that when Tezuka turned up for practice that day, Fuji reacted as if he was in as much shock as the others. It made it so easy to smile inside. There was a buzz that settled over the team when Tezuka arrived, as if he'd somehow given the rest of them the energy they were missing. It almost made Fuji sad how much the other boy tended to underestimate himself.

Fuji enjoyed it when things went his way. It allowed him to congratulate himself on a job well done. However, there were always factors that could interfere with his own plans. Sometimes they interfered in a bad way, but right then, they seemed to almost compliment his own. Oishi asked them all a favour: to meet in the park that evening.

Tezuka had headed off on his own, and Fuji found himself walking home alone. It was strange how one could grow so used to someone else's presence that they could feel alone even in a crowded street. Glancing at his watched as he arrived in his driveway, Fuji smiled. There was still plenty of time before they'd arranged to meet.

Rummaging through a few things not quite sure of what to take with him, Fuji pulled out the more simple of his cameras. One never knew when the perfect photo opportunity would arise. Fully dressed, he wandered downstairs to grab something out of the fridge to eat.

The knock at the door made startled him. He hadn't been expecting anyone to knock. Maybe Yuuta was home for the afternoon, but that wouldn't make any sense considering he had a key.

Tezuka stood on the front step, waiting patiently. It made Fuji smile to see him standing there, the epitome of polite, always the pillar for as long as anyone could see. Behind closed doors though, that was a different story. "Tezuka," was all Fuji said in greeting, because he knew that nod of the head was all he was going to get in return anyway.

Closing the door behind them, Fuji began to speak, but was cut off by lips pressed against his own, hands on either side of his head. It felt good and warm, and at the same time a little desperate. When the kiss broke, he smiled and chuckled. "I missed you too," but he wasn't sure if he kept the slight discomfort out of his voice. Not that he didn't like Tezuka kissing him, just that he wasn't sure why Tezuka had done so in that way.

"We should get going soon." Tezuka's eyes darted around the entrance, never quite meeting Fuji's.

Trying to catch Tezuka's eyes was difficult and he couldn't seem to manage it. Face creasing in consternation, Fuji gave up. There was something troubling Tezuka, and, as per usual, the older boy wasn't telling him anything. "You know, this road seems to have narrowed to one lane. I'm not sure I can keep up anymore."

He wasn't sure if he was imagining it, but Fuji could have sworn that Tezuka's face blanched a little. It was gone quickly though. "You're not seeing the road signs then."

"Probably not." Fuji suddenly felt a little exasperated, not to mention tired. "Something seems to be doing a pretty good job of obscuring my directions. Wouldn't care to enlighten me would you?"

For a second, Fuji thought Tezuka might just do that, but then that face he'd grown so fond of closed off again and he gave up. If that was the way it was going to be, he'd just have to wait until Tezuka was ready to spill. Of course, that didn't mean he couldn't push a little here and there now, did it?

Of course, knowing his luck, he'd probably run them both off the road, explode into a fireball and burn into ashes only to be blown away by the wind. But hey, what was life without a little danger.

They made their way to the meeting point in silence. Both were a little to set on what they were thinking to notice the lack of ease between them. Maybe the tension allowed fuel for both their thoughts, but lately there'd been a lot of maybes about everything. Fuji found himself sighing softly, an involuntary action he didn't realise he'd made until Tezuka spoke to him.

"Let's just see what Oishi has in store for us."

Fuji chuckled. "Maybe he wants us all to be a big happy family." In a way, Fuji almost wished he could care as much about things as Oishi. The vice-captain almost seemed to glow with this sense of purpose every day. It might be nice to be able to be like that, but there were just too few things Fuji could bring himself to care about.

Realising his comment had probably been a little cruel and uncalled for, Fuji shook his head. "Morale has been down lately." He didn't add that Tezuka's absences hadn't helped. They both knew it, and rubbing salt into the wound wasn't going to make Tezuka tell Fuji what was bothering him any sooner. "Oishi will have thought of something."

All Tezuka did was nod before falling back into thought, and Fuji wondered if he should have bothered at all. When they arrived, everyone was already there. Leaning against a brick pillar, Fuji was surprised when Tezuka leaned on the other side.

Questions passed back and forth between the other regulars, but neither Fuji nor Tezuka were asked if they knew what it was that Oishi had planned. Fuji decided to rectify the situation, and ask Tezuka. Still feeling a little out of sorts from the walk over there, Fuji commented loud enough for everyone else to hear. "Tezuka, do you know anything about it?"

"Nope."

Well, it wasn't a satisfying answer, but then, at least the rest of the team knew Tezuka had no clue either. That gave Fuji some perverse sort of satisfaction. The feeling however, didn't last long. It somehow felt like an absolutely hollow victory, which, in fact, it was.

"Sorry, sorry for being late."

Fuji turned to see Oishi having arrived. Not even the impatient looks on his teammates faces seemed to be able to deter Oishi's happiness. It made Fuji's smile genuine for a moment. The guy really was endearing, in a strangely caring sort of way.

"Gee, you're late, and you called us all out, too…"

Fuji thought that was a little harsh of Eiji. There'd obviously been something the redhead had wanted to do instead. Smiling brightly, Fuji stepped forward. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"We're all going to go mountain climbing."

Okay, so that hadn't been exactly what Fuji had been expecting. Actually, it had been so far from what he'd expected, that Fuji had to actually school his smile to stay in place. The other regulars, with the exception of Tezuka, weren't so lucky. Either that or they didn't care that the shock was as clear as day on their faces.

_I"Huh, now?"_

"_Mountain?"/I_

"We're going to watch the sunrise together. Everyone together. I'm sure it will be great." Oishi's face positively glowed with the idea, and Fuji found his excitement contagious. For a moment he wondered just when he'd let himself get so close to his teammates. Normally something like this wouldn't affect him in the least. Yet, for a moment, it seemed as if Fuji was the only one feeling enthusiastic.

"What's wrong everyone?"

_I"Ahh, it's what I thought it'd be for you to call us in such a hurry."_

"_Are you serious?" _

"_Sometimes you should be in the young and burning mode."/I_

"Why? None of you wants to go?"

Oishi's expression pained Fuji. Just a little bit, more of an annoyance really. Just like the silence annoyed him. The silence of his teammates and above all, the silence that Tezuka was keeping; the fact that Tezuka just wouldn't confide in him. When it all boiled down to it, that's what really made Fuji angry. It made him angry for Oishi for putting in an effort no one seemed to appreciate. Above all, it made him angry for the back tracking Tezuka kept doing in whatever definition of a relationship they had.

It really was getting old.

"I think it'll be good." Fuji heard himself saying the words loud and clear, and in that moment he almost felt proud of himself. "I've never seen a sunrise from the mountaintop anyway." Which was true, and oddly enough, Fuji found himself looking forward to it.

As the others agreed one by one, Fuji suddenly felt good about himself. That was his good deed for the year. Anymore and people might start to get used to it. Realising he was still in sarcastic mode, Fuji ignored it and looked forward to simply enjoying the rest of the night.

It wasn't hard to enjoy of course. The train ride up was fun, as were the card games they played amongst each other. The view from the mountaintop when they finally got there was even more beautiful in the moonlight, but as the aim was to see the sunrise, Fuji didn't say anything out loud.

The sunrise was beautiful though, and for some reason the early morning warmth made everything seem peaceful and well, just right. Looking back, Fuji chanced a smile at Tezuka, and received one in return. He was glad they'd come, and glad they'd done something as trivial as watching the sunrise together. It'd allow him to hound Tezuka in peace later on, without a guilty conscience.

With the rest of the team obviously enjoying themselves, Fuji decided to be the one to break the silence. Moving so that he stood closer to Tezuka, he spoke. "It was great that you came."

The tension between them melted, not completely, but a great deal, and he suddenly felt a lot better when Tezuka answered him. Just one word, but it held a lot more than most people would hear, and yet, enough for Fuji to be content with.

"Yeah."

Overall, Fuji had actually enjoyed himself. It made him thing there was hope for Rome yet, and he'd taken pictures to prove it.

~*~

Of course, all good things must come to an end, and film can lie as much as anything else. Or at least that was how he thought the saying went, even if he had improved it a little for his own purposes, but Fuji wasn't really paying much all that much attention to it right then.

No, the pain in his chest and his head were of far more immediate concern. He could have sworn he heard Tezuka say that he was flying to Germany for an indefinite amount of time for treatment of his shoulder. Yes, that was an excellent question Oishi was asking.

Fuji secretly thought that much intelligence should be rewarded, considering he couldn't muster enough himself to even get his vocal chords to work.

"What did you just say? Tezuka!"

And so it was that Tezuka repeated exactly the same thing. It was just that which Fuji didn't want to hear, and didn't want to accept.

"I won't be able to play in the upcoming match. In order to get my left shoulder healed I have to go to Germany."

Germany? That was in Europe. Europe was far away. Echizen dropped his ball and everyone else gasped, but Fuji couldn't wring a sound from his throat. All his brain would process was that he should have known these facts, but hadn't.

He hadn't known. Tezuka hadn't told him. For however long Tezuka had known, he'd deliberately kept Fuji in the dark. It made him angry, made him want to lash out and hurt. Hurt in a way that would scar for as long as possible and never let the other boy forget just what he'd done.

Where was the trust? Where was the road? When had the map gotten lost?

Or more to the point: When had Fuji lost his safety net? When had he become so damn susceptible?

The anger boiled inside him, forced the smile to the fore, and ignored any of the looks Tezuka shot him. Fuji made it through those last few minutes, before heading home, bag clutched so tightly it bit into his skin. Anger fuelled his every step, making him want to burn the book that was Tezuka, making him want to destroy as much as he could.

He grabbed that anger and held onto it, not because he wanted to be angry, not because he felt overly justified in being so, but because if he didn't, Fuji was afraid of what might happen.

~~**~~

Tadaaa – Other Mind 12 takes place at the end of this chapter/beginning of 43

Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback is lurved!


	43. Take Me

**Title**: _Smile: Take Me_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 43/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Take Me**

Not a word, not a single word. Nothing to give Fuji even the remotest hint that he needed to go away. Germany. So damn far away. How dare Tezuka not have told him? He felt like he was walking on a thin line. One step wrong and he'd fall into the abyss that was laughing at him from underneath. It was rather ironic, given the way he was feeling, that he chose to take the long way home. Walking on foot would give him time to think, and maybe, just maybe he'd fall so far he'd never get back out.

Friends came and went. Fuji should have been used to it. It was part of the reason that he partitioned himself off, part of the reason he was careful whom he trusted, and the whole reason as to why he had so few friends.

Yet, from the very beginning, Tezuka had promised to be something different. He'd promised something that Fuji had never had before: understanding and true friendship. Someone who would understand him no matter what, no matter why, and he'd proven that he meant it on that day after they'd played St. Rudolph.

At least, that's what Fuji had thought. Past tense being the obvious. Everything they'd been through in the last few months. Finding out about each other, learning to know the one another, understanding that silence could sometimes be so much better than words. Simple acceptance of the way they both were, of the moods they could both sometimes fall into, and of the fact that both acted far beyond their age.

However, there was one small thing it seemed they'd never truly gotten the hang of. Perhaps it was that Fuji didn't push enough, though god knew he pushed quite hard when he wanted to know something. Tezuka's stubbornness was almost legendary though, and if he didn't want to do or say something, then he wouldn't.

Maybe Fuji should have pushed him more, at least, in this instance. Maybe he should have pressed until he made Tezuka angry enough to finally blurt out what the hell was wrong.

And maybe pigs would fly with little angel like wings and not end up on a spit over a toasty fire.

Never claiming to be an expert on friendship, Fuji was still sure he'd mastered the basics. Be there for your friends, because they'll be there for you. Well, that one was a given. Tezuka was always there for him, and yet never or rarely came to Fuji of his own accord when something was bothering him. Wasn't a friendship supposed to go two ways? At least, he thought it was supposed to. It was what he'd gathered from observations previously.

So, if it really boiled right down to it, were they actually friends? A one sided friendship was all fine and dandy until someone forgot a none too trivial detail – say that they were leaving the country and going to another far, far away for vital treatment.

Wasn't that the sort of thing that one shared with their best friend? Or maybe, maybe that wasn't the way Tezuka saw him.

Fuji stopped walking, absently hanging up on whomever it was who was calling his cell phone. He had a fairly good idea who it was, and right then he wasn't quite in the mood to be talking to them.

What if that was the way Tezuka saw him. It seemed like an age ago that they'd had that first kiss in the rain. Had Fuji perhaps seen a flicker of guilt in Tezuka's eyes when he accused the other of that being his goal all along?

Was that the actual reasoning behind the change in their relationship? Is that really all Tezuka wanted? It didn't really seem that way, but maybe the other boy had just gotten bored.

Casting thoughts back, Fuji wracked his brains trying to spot a time when it seemed like Tezuka might be bored. If he was, then why did he still come and visit Fuji of his own accord? Was it that he wanted more and was frustrated because Fuji wouldn't give it to him? Not that he I_didn't/I _want to, it was just that Fuji hadn't done all that much thinking in that direction of their relationship.

Pushing open the door to his house, Fuji dropped the smile. It was one of the few times where he actually felt that a scowl was appropriate, and he didn't care who saw it.

"Tezuka-kun called."

Fuji looked up to see his sister standing there watching him in that way that was typically hers. Her eyes took in everything and would see far more than anyone else ever would. So he didn't bother trying to smile again.

Instead, he put as much sugar into his voice as possible, so that it was almost dripping. "That's nice for him." He turned and began to head up the stairs, mood seething anew.

"You're being unreasonable." Yumiko's tone was actually serious. She was a lot like Fuji in that she was only ever serious when she really needed to be.

Normally, Fuji would have listened to her, but right then, he really didn't care. "I'm being a teenager."

She didn't say another word as Fuji continued his way up the stairs and closed the door to his bedroom behind him. It was just as well. Fuji's anger was directed at one person alone, and he didn't want to have to include anyone else in it.

No, Tezuka deserved all of his anger all by himself.

Maybe he was being irrational, or maybe he wasn't, Fuji didn't know and wasn't overly concerned about it. For once he didn't care about repercussions because for once he actually felt like being impulsive was the best road to take. Rome was currently burning, and he didn't think the fire trucks were going to make an iota of difference anyway. Not like they were ever going to make it anyway, right?

Almost blindly he reached for a pair of white jeans. The t-shirt of the same colour was a little tighter than he usually wore, being one of Yuuta's that he'd left there the last time he'd visited. It would do just nicely. Pulling on a matching, light jacket, he headed into the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror he grinned. It wasn't a nice grin, but then he wasn't in a nice mood. It'd probably be classified as an angry, almost predatory grin, but that was appropriate in and of itself right then. He was majorly pissed off, and with the thoughts whirring around in his head, it wasn't getting any better.

He felt hot, but it wasn't the clothes and it definitely wasn't the weather. He'd worked himself up, and he needed an outlet. Splashing water on his face, he ran his fingers through his hair, letting it fall where it may. Ducking back into his room to grab his cell, Fuji then headed downstairs.

His sister stayed well away from him. It was probably good too. She knew Fuji's moods and the one he was in right then, wasn't nice.

Fuji knew he looked good, and he planned to play on that someway, somehow. Plans were best not made and considering the fact that he wasn't actually sure exactly what it was he was planning to do, that was the best way for him to think.

The way to Tezuka's house was etched in Fuji's mind. Walking up to it right then was almost surreal, and he found laughter bubbling up inside him, but it wasn't the kind that should really be let out in public. There was something slightly hysterical about it, which was all well and good, because Fuji was feeling slightly hysterical himself at that moment.

Raising a hand, he took a breath before knocking smartly on the door. While waiting, he glanced around, noting that it was later than he'd thought. Tezuka should definitely be at home. How appropriate.

The door swung open to reveal the object of Fuji's wrath. Tezuka didn't quite manage to hide the look of surprise on his face, and Fuji felt an odd sense of triumph at that fact.

"Fuji," Tezuka didn't seem to know what to say. Not that it was surprising, since Tezuka rarely seemed to know what to say. His actions were usually a lot louder than his words, even if his words were rather wise when he did in fact speak.

Smile firmly affixed, Fuji pushed the door open a little wider and let himself in. He didn't quite trust his voice. It kept wanting to yell or to scream and his fists had an insane urge to punch something, anything, and Tezuka was standing so conveniently. Taking off his shoes he looked up at Tezuka, still smiling and happy to see a look of consternation crossing over that otherwise handsome face. He seemed to want to say something and yet not quite able to get the words that he wanted out of his mouth.

Still smiling, Fuji didn't say a word, and simply lead the way upstairs to Tezuka's room, knowing that he'd be followed. His head was spinning with the fight to keep the strange feelings inside at bay. That was another thing that was Tezuka's fault. Before their friendship deal, Fuji hadn't bothered with feelings. Some people might say that it was unhealthy to bottle them up that way, but Fuji had never had a problem with it. He knew how to let go of any built up aggression he had, but Tezuka had thrown a spanner in the works.

Fuji's emotions were going haywire and he wasn't exactly sure how to cope with them. He figured that he'd figure things out eventually, but that didn't make him any less confused about what was going through his system. What he did know was that he was angry. Very angry.

The door closed behind them and Tezuka finally broke his silence. "Fuji." There was a pregnant pause, loaded with enough tension to break the knife that dared try to cut it. "I should have told you…"

That was about as much of an apology as Fuji was going to get, and he knew it. The thing was that he's gotten over the need for an apology. No, he was far beyond simply needing an apology. He wanted to give something to Tezuka just so he could take it away and watch the other boy crumble. He needed to see Tezuka fall apart the same way that Fuji was only just held together at the seems. The stiches needed to be dissolved and the material fray at the edges Then, and only then, would Fuji be satisfied, because Tezuka was leaving and hadn't told him.

Tezuka was leaving him.

Nothing but that had any relevance whatsoever. Oh yes, Tezuka should have told him. Finding out with the rest of the team told Fuji just how much he truly meant to the other boy, and he hated it.

Turning around to face Tezuka, Fuji simply cocked his head to one side and searched for words that he could say without breaking down. Anger fuelled him, making his eyes almost glitter with fire. "Ne, Tezuka. Sit down." He waved a hand at the bed, still smiling, still holding on, not quite losing it.

Tezuka looked at him warily, looked as if he was about to say something and then thought better of it. Sitting down on the bed, he looked up at Fuji, eyes questioning.

It almost made Fuji laugh. No, he wasn't about to give anything away. Two could play at that game. One hurt more than deserved a payback, and Fuji could already taste it on his tongue.

Moving forward, Fuji placed his hands on Tezuka's shoulders. Nudging Tezuka's knees with his own legs, Fuji stood between them. Still smiling, he thought he saw a little unease in the other boy's eyes, but didn't have much time to think about that. Lips closed on Tezuka's own in a kiss that demanded immediately and gave little leeway for refusal.

There was tension in Tezuka's shoulders that screamed at Fuji, and yet he refused to pay attention to it. Instead, he swiped his tongue lightly over Tezuka's bottom lip, nipping it for good measure. A surprised gasp allowed Fuji the entrance he was seeking, and he took it.

It felt remarkably good, amazingly right, and yet astoundingly desperate. On both sides. It was a struggle for Fuji to maintain self-awareness and not lose himself to the sensations that were washing over him, through them. His hands gripped Tezuka's shoulders tighter as he brought first one knee and then the other to rest on either side of the other boy.

A slightly shocked gasp emerged from Tezuka, but Fuji just drowned it out and lowered himself slowly. Finally straddling the other boy, Fuji fisted his hands in Tezuka's hair and drew him in deeper, closer, sucking what air he could out of the other.

He could feel Tezuka growing harder, and smiled into the kiss. Ignoring his own reaction, Fuji doubled his efforts, making himself focus on the other's reactions so that he didn't slip and fall into a hole he knew he'd never get back out of.

Tezuka's reactions were slow to begin with, but as Fuji continued and didn't pull back, his own actions grew heated, fuelled by the boy straddling his lap. Fuji pushed for it, wanted it. He'd make Tezuka beg if he had to, give him anything he wanted to, and make sure he was left wanting for more afterwards. But it was a more Fuji would never give. He wanted to give and then take away, go home and lick his wounds by himself and never let another living soul get close to him.

Hands gripped his back; pushing under the shirt, bare skin brushing against bare skin. Fuji shuddered and pushed Tezuka back onto the bed in order to concentrate on something other than the electric feeling of those hands on his skin. He didn't need or want reminders, he didn't want to feel anything but distant, and if he wasn't careful he would fall off the track into the city that burnt beneath them.

Tezuka's hands stopped just for a second as they fell back onto the bed, but they gripped the shirt still covering Fuji motioning to take it off. Fuji's fingers crept down from Tezuka's hair and played with the hem of the shirt the other boy was wearing. Pushing it up, he waited for a second whilst his own shirt was pulled from his body, and concentrated his entire attention on lifting the shirt from Tezuka's body.

Not wanting to lose the control he had, Fuji lowered his head and began to kiss his way up Tezuka's chest as he pushed the shirt up further. Reaching a nipple, Fuji clamped down and sucked. He could feel the air rush out of Tezuka, the light moan that fell from his lips, and pushed the shirt up and over the other boy's head, never breaking his own ministrations.

Raising his body up a little, he proceeded to kiss up to Tezuka's neck, sucking and nipping lightly as he went. One hand caressed the other side of his head, while one danced down Tezuka's skin and hovered, drawing patterns around the waistband of his pants.

Sucking on Tezuka's earlobe, Fuji could feel the tension shoot through the body beneath him as he slipped his hand down Tezuka's pants to caress the hardness beneath the material.

"Fuji,"

The voice was breathless, his name was breathless and Tezuka felt warm and aroused in his hand. It was the first time Fuji had touched him like that and it felt exhilarating. Tezuka's body was quivering beneath the touch, almost like he was going to lose control, as if he was just waiting .

Taking Tezuka in his palm and running his finger over the head, Fuji purred into Tezuka's ear. "Yes?"

"Fuji," The voice was a gasped whisper, alive with tense anticipation and something else Fuji was loathe to define right then. "Don't."

Cerulean eyes glinted, although Tezuka couldn't see them. "But you want it. You've always wanted it." And he moved away from Tezuka's neck, travelling down the other's body swiftly, placing kisses as he went.

Looking up, Fuji could see Tezuka half prop himself up on an elbow, a look on his face that he couldn't define. A light sheen of sweat covered his body and Fuji grinned, blowing hot air over his hand. He watched Tezuka's eyes close for a second as a shiver ran through his body.

Flicking out a tongue, Fuji watched Tezuka's reaction yet again. It was perfect, and upon completion would be even more so. Lowering his head, Fuji slowly began to take Tezuka into his mouth. It felt strange, different, and tasted mildly salty.

He wasn't expecting to be yanked away, nor was he expecting very angry brown eyes to look at him. "Stop. This." It looked like it had cost Tezuka a hell of a lot of effort to do what he'd just done.

Fuji smirked, "Why? You want it, you always have."

"But you don't."

And there was that tone of voice Tezuka had used when he told the team he was going to Germany. It was that distant, knowing tone of voice that Fuji was growing to hate. Fuji manoeuvred himself so that his own face was almost touching Tezuka's.

Voice silky smooth, with an underlying tone of poison, and each word he spoke was clipped. "Since. When. Have. You. Cared. What. I. Want."

Tezuka's face grew dark. "You need to ask that?"

And finally Fuji was done with being subtle, and hidden meanings that only the two of them could figure out. He wanted them to speak plainly so that no misunderstandings could occur. "Yes, actually, I do."

Blinking, Tezuka looked at him, anger still obvious in his eyes. "I said I was sorry."

Fuji couldn't help but laugh. "You said you were sorry? You think a simple, I'm sorry is going to make up for the fact that I had to find out you were leaving to go to Germany at the same time as everyone else. You think that makes it all better, and excuses you for being a complete and utter lying prick?"

Scowling slightly, Tezuka leaned back a little and looked away. "I didn't lie."

"Don't play semantics with me, Tezuka. You omitted something extremely important. Something a friendship shouldn't let you do. You think it was better for me to find out the way I did? Next time I want you to exert control over I_my/I_ life, I'll tell you. It isn't for you to decide what is good for me, that's my decision."

"I didn't know how to tell you. I tried." Tezuka's eyes refused t meet Fuji's own.

"You tried." Fuji sat back, still straddling the other boy and pulled Tezuka's pats up absently. "You tried?" He laughed because he couldn't help it. "I don't remember any attempts."

Brown eyes flashed in angry retort. "I always attempt with you, because you never make anything easy if you can make it ten times more difficult!"

Fuji blinked and suddenly felt exhausted. His anger drained away abruptly and all he could feel was loss, the sense of loss he'd been fighting against since that afternoon. He smiled, but he knew it was wan, and he couldn't even bring himself to hide his eyes. "I…" He took a breath. "You should have told me. What happened to you being such an adult?" There was still indignation in his voice, and Fuji was happy not to have succumbed fully yet. He looked at Tezuka challengingly, eyes full of accusation, because he couldn't quite bring himself to say what it was he really felt.

It appeared to have been the wrong thing to say to Tezuka, at least, at the point in time. "As you keep so fondly reminding me, Fuji. I am still a child. Make up your mind as to how you think I should act for once."

Anger flared briefly in Fuji once more and he moved to pull away, but the anger died as Tezuka's hand gripped his wrist staying him. He looked up, not exactly sure of what to say, and so waited for Tezuka to do speak.

"I'm not leaving you, Fuji." The voice was so soft, and so serious, that Fuji blanched a little. Those words seemed to be plucked right out of his head. "I'm not leaving you, I promise."

Fuji laughed again, but it was a harsh, barking laugh, completely derisive. "And you almost had me believing you." He lowered his head, before looking back up, serious once more. "Your promises are strange ones I no longer know if I should believe or not."

"I'm not leaving you." There was conviction in those eyes that Fuji couldn't really ignore, and yet…

"Strange, Germany seems far away, and unless you're going to stow me away, I don't think you'll be taking me with you. I'd define that as leaving me."

"Since when are you so literal!" Tezuka's voice held impatience, exasperation. "I'm leaving, but I'm not leaving you. Unless of course, you want me to?"

Fuji actually had to stop and think. Did he want Tezuka to? Hell, he didn't even want Tezuka to go, injured shoulder or no injured shoulder. "It's so far away." How was he supposed to deal with not having Tezuka there the way he always had been? Why should he care about anything else once Tezuka left? He'd been fine before. Chin set stubbornly he looked at Tezuka. "I'll smile again."

"If you have to."

"I'll even smile at you."

"I'll see through it."

"Rome's burning, or haven't you smelled the smoke?"

"That's okay, we can rebuild Rome. If they managed it then, we can manage it now."

"It's a detour I can't come on."

"But you'll be at the end before I will."

"Does that mean I should wait?"

"It means you can."

Fuji sat and thought about that for a second. "I'll see."

"So will I."

There was silence for a few minutes, but Tezuka was the one to break it. "Why were you about to…?"

Fuji shrugged. "I wanted to hurt you."

Tezuka raised an eyebrow. "That was supposed to hurt me?"

"Anything that is wanted and given, hurts more when it's taken away."

Tezuka sat for a few minutes, in thought, face frowning slightly. Fuji thought he could see the cogs whirring as they processed everything he'd just said. "You're right. It does." There was more remorse in those words than Fuji had ever heard in his voice before. The true apology lay underneath, and yet Fuji wasn't sure that he could accept it.

Things were suddenly complicated, much more complicated than he'd ever thought they could get. Tezuka seemed to be waiting for an answer of some sort, but Fuji didn't know if he could give the one that was wanted. Trying to stand up didn't work. Tezuka still had a tight hold on him.

The proximity suddenly became just that bit too much and he found himself wrenching his hand out of the grasp that held it. He stood a little shakily looking down at Tezuka and realized just what he'd been about to do. The smile slipped when that same anger assaulted him again. He still found himself wanting to hurt Tezuka back.

"Fuji," Tezuka's voice was soft, a little uncertain. "I am sorry."

Fuji's voice was soft and he sighed as he sat on the edge of the bed still careful not to touch the other. "I know." Leaning back on the bed, he let the myriad of thoughts run through his head before turning to look at Tezuka whose eyes hadn't left him. "_I _won't promise though."

Tezuka nodded before lying down fully himself. "I didn't expect you to."

And for right then, that was enough, because any more and they'd both be lying.

~~**~~

Yay 43 chapters down and I know how many are left *cackles evilly*

Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback would be lurved!


	44. Hurt Me

**Title**: Smile: Hurt Me

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 44/45

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**: Um well… arguing, analogies,

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Hurt Me**

Fuji's eyes opened, only to be met by the darkness that was Tezuka's room. He blinked for a second, trying to orientate himself, and realised that the other boy wasn't in the bed. Raising a hand to his mouth, he covered a yawn before looking around the room.

Tezuka was standing stock still in front of the window, figure silhouetted by the faint streetlight that was shining through the window. For a second, Fuji almost forgot that he was leaving, but that moment passed quickly. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he was a little startled when Tezuka spoke, not having expected it.

"You're still angry." It wasn't a question, but instead, a simple statement that came from one knowing the other all too well.

The words swirled in Fuji's mind and made him suppress a sigh. He'd been sighing far too much lately. Standing, he walked to lean against the bookcase and watched Tezuka's back for a minute while choosing his words carefully.

"Not exactly angry," Because he wasn't, not entirely anyway.

Tezuka turned to look at him, and Fuji was surprised to see that he didn't have his glasses on. It was funny how that was the thing that stuck out the most in his mind right then. Although, the look on his face came in a close second.

"Then how, exactly, would you define it." Tezuka's voice was tight, controlled with a hint of his own anger, or perhaps it was more frustration. He leaned against the desk, eyes never leaving Fuji's. "I'm feeling a little dense right now. Spell it out for me."

Just how would he define it? Fuji felt hurt, frustrated and, if truth be told, a little scared. Yet, how was he supposed to come out and say that? It wasn't something he would usually have ever shared with anyone no matter what, but Tezuka wasn't exactly just anyone. Not anymore.

So he decided to say it as well as he could. "I'm not angry." He didn't like the way Tezuka's eyebrows raised at that statement, and it fuelled his mood just that little bit more. "I'm hurt that you couldn't tell me. I thought we were more than that. It's frustrating that you're going, and," but he balked at saying the last, because he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Besides, he was feeling angry again. "Just, that's it."

Taking two quick steps, Tezuka stopped in front of Fuji, arms crossed and face serious. "That isn't it. For once, just tell me what's on your mind instead of making me guess it."

Fuji couldn't help laughing. "How ironic that exactly you should tell me this! I can dig as much as I want, but you rarely share anything with me."

"Two way street. Isn't that what you're so fond of telling me?" Tezuka's voice was clipped, almost disdainful. "The same should apply to the both of us."

"I'm not the one deliberately keeping the other in the dark. Light a match every once in a while and look in the mirror."

"Mirrors break as easily as glass houses, Fuji. Watch what stones you throw."

"At least mine won't shatter, whereas yours have sharp edges. Why you're so rigid at your age will forever remain a mystery to me."

"Giving up already? I never thought you to be a sore loser. Not like you to back down from a challenge."

"I don't lose, and you're not a challenge. You're a book written in a language there is no translation for. Stop trying to be your own empire for once."

"It's always worked in the past. Why give up something that's proven itself time and time again?"

"Because you shouldn't expect more of others than you give of yourself! Damn this, Tezuka. If you wanted me gone, all you ever had to do was say so!" Fuji stood, so close he was almost touching, fists clenched at his sides and face slightly flushed. He was usually so good with words, and yet couldn't find the ones he needed right then.

Tezuka blinked, and the fire seemed to drain out of him. His voice was a little hoarse when he spoke. "You think I want you gone?"

Fuji shrugged. "I think you'd feel safer with no one who knows you. I don't think you were ever ready for what you offered." There, he'd almost said it.

It was obvious that there was more to it, and so Tezuka pushed a little, his voice strangely hesitant. "Keep going…" There was almost a pleading tone in those words, as if he just needed to hear it.

"I've never known where we stand, never known what we truly are. You're my best friend, but it changed along the way. I'm," Fuji took a breath. In for a penny; in for a pound. "I don't know what happens when you leave." He couldn't bring himself to speak any plainer. Winding his arms around his body, Fuji hugged himself, suddenly feeling a little cold.

"I'll be back." Tezuka took a small step closer.

"Will you?" Fuji could hear the bitterness in his own voice. "A different environment can change a person."

"Not that much." Moving closer, Tezuka gently placed his hands on Fuji's shoulders. "Stop it."

Looking up with feigned innocence, Fuji made his eyes go wide. "What would that be?"

There was resolve in Tezuka's tone. "Stop pushing me away."

"You're going away all by yourself, I don't need to do anything." Fuji couldn't quite keep the petulance out of his voice.

"Now who's being childish?"

"I'm not the one who takes the weight of the world on his shoulders." But he didn't shrug his shoulders and dislodge Tezuka's hands. Instead, Fuji stayed perfectly still making sure they didn't move.

"No, you're the one who hides in a place most people wouldn't think to look."

"Then I'm obviously the smarter one." Fuji sighed, relaxing a little. "People don't find what lies behind where they refuse to look. Just like a road will get you nowhere if you stop moving."

"We haven't stopped."

Fuji raised an eyebrow. "Then what would you call it?"

It was Tezuka's turn to sigh. "It's just a temporary breakdown. It'll be fine once it's fixed."

A derisive snort escaped Fuji and he looked away. "What if it can't be fixed?"

"You're always so negative. Think positively for once!" Tezuka was getting impatient.

Fuji's eyes flashed angrily. "I'm not being negative, I'm being realistic. You pushed yourself too far. You knew half way through that damn match that you couldn't play it fully with that arm, and yet, you chose to ruin it. This isn't fate, this isn't the result of accidentally overplaying; this was your choice!"

Silence settled between them, the truth of the words hanging in the air, and Fuji could see Tezuka struggling with what he'd said. His voice was barely audible when he spoke. "I needed to know." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Anyone could tell that you couldn't, or shouldn't continue. The pain was so obvious we could almost feel it. It was never going to miraculously recover during the match, Tezuka, and you knew it." Fuji grew tired, trying to ignore the fact that it was starting to get light outside the window. It meant time was passing; it meant that Tezuka's departure was inching closer and closer. He felt exhausted. "Ifs and maybes could make up an ocean that we don't have. What's happened has happened." He leaned against the bookcase and dropped his hands to his side. Turning his face to the ceiling, Fuji tried to avoid looking at Tezuka.

"Would you change it?"

And Fuji knew Tezuka wasn't just talking about his match with Atobe. He gave it some serious thought, rolling over things in his mind. "Yes, I think I would." Fuji could feel the tension shoot through Tezuka's muscles and the grip on his shoulders tightened. "I'd make you talk to me, instead of letting you do so in your own time." His voice was soft, but he knew Tezuka heard him.

Brown eyes blinked at him, twice. "That. Wasn't, Funny."

Fuji shrugged and grinned a little. "No, but it was fun."

The grip on his shoulders relaxed a little. "Is it impossible for you to be serious about anything?"

"No," Fuji looked at the pale light of the sky through the window and tried not to think about how soon Tezuka would be gone, "but it's a lot easier not to be."

"Until everything crashes together and the house falls down around you."

"Saa, but then I can blame you since my stones are rubber and you'll be the one to break me." Fuji's voice was soft and serious, eyes intensely focused on Tezuka's own.

Idly, Fuji thought Tezuka seemed to be doing a lot of blinking lately. He waited, knowing that he'd just let a small bomb fall and that it might take Tezuka a few moments to actually digest and process what Fuji had just said in his own round about way.

"That's never been my intention."

"But it's the result." Tired of leaning against the rather uncomfortable bookcase, Fuji tried to push away, only to be stopped by Tezuka's hands. "Let go." His voice was soft.

"No." Tezuka looked at him, something unreadable in those eyes.

"I'm uncomfortable." Fuji's voice lowered dangerously.

"Then you know how you just made me feel."

"Excellent, then I've achieved my quota for the evening." The sarcasm dripped from his voice and Fuji glared at the other boy.

"You've got it wrong anyway."

"Oh?" Fuji raised an eyebrow.

"You're not breakable." Tezuka's voice turned scornful. "You'd have to give something of yourself in order to be that. There's a reason you can't see yourself in the mirror. You're an illusion."

Fuji's eyes flashed and he pulled away roughly, not caring the jerking motion caused a few books to fall to the ground. "Better an illusion that can fool others, than to forever be another fool."

"Fools, at least, get enjoyment out of life."

"You spend half of it constipated over the responsibilities you choose to shoulder. When you grow your own personality, you can criticise mine."

Tezuka's lips thinned as he pressed them together. He was obviously trying to control his temper, and it was costing him dearly. "If you'd act like a human being, you might not find it so hard to communicate."

With a derisive snort, Fuji crossed his arms. "This coming from Mr. If I pretend to be a stone statue people won't care if I have the personality of a wet blanket. Oh, I'll be sure to listen to your expertise." Glancing at his watch, Fuji affected sincerity. "Do tell me when you might have time to slot me in and give me some of that precious time of yours. Wouldn't want to take up any not allotted to me now, would I?"

"Attention is wasted on those who hide themselves, as is time. I wouldn't want to squander effort and energy on something not worth it." Tezuka pulled himself up to his full height, looking down at Fuji. "You should know how that routine works, considering you wouldn't know effort if it bit you in the face. I think I'll waste some of that time on Echizen today."

"You do that. I'm sure the two of you will be able to spend a lot of time ignoring the fact that people are supposed to develop their traits in their childhood instead of skipping it and pretending to be something they're not."

"As if that's sound advice from someone who refuses to be that which they could. Maybe I'll have some time for you when you decide to grow up."

That last had hurt, but Fuji would be the last to admit it openly. So he did the one thing he knew would infuriate and wound Tezuka the most. He smiled. "I think I'll skip the growing up part if it means I'll lose who I am to a mountain of unnecessary responsibility. Wouldn't want to turn into a piece of cardboard after all."

Tezuka's jaw twitched. "You think this is unnecessary?"

Still smiling, Fuji moved to the door. "No, I think this proves that we are." In a smooth motion, before Tezuka could say another word, Fuji left the room.

He only stopped walking long enough to slip into his shoes and grab his bag on the way out. When he closed the door and walked down the drive, he refused to look up at the window behind him, but he could feel the angry look of Tezuka's eyes following him.

Those words had hurt, and even stung, but Fuji knew he'd thrown his fair share of them too. They were both stubborn, both hot headed when it came to things they were passionate about, and both too quick to retort when the other left an opening.

It made Fuji realise that talking wasn't necessarily a good thing. Tezuka was leaving in two days, but it already felt like he was worlds away.

~~**~~

There we go! *cough* yes... Other Mind 13 (final) takes place at the end of this chapter 44/45

Hope you liked it! Reviews luffed!!!


	45. Forget Me Not

**Title**: _Smile: Forget Me Not_

**Author**: Arithion

**Disclaimer**: If they were mine, the series wouldn't just be implied shonen-ai in certain bits… trust me... not mine

**Rating**: PG13

**Genre**: Angstish, bit of drama… um… yeah

**Pairing**: TezxFuji …

**Chapter**: 45/45 – Final chapter

**Summary**: What's behind a smile…?

**Warning**: Um well… yes. Kiss and make up, angst and denial…

**Dedication**: yuki_scorpio because you put up with more crap from me than I ever thought anyone would. Thank you for being an amazing friend.

**Note: **Please note, this fic has been finished for a long time, I just keep forgetting to upload it here as well as well as my LJ =x I do want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing this – it's nice to know it still hits a spot even after so long

**Smile: Forget Me Not**

_It really was amazing what sort of disturbance Tezuka could cause simply by venturing onto the court with his racket in his hand._

"_Isn't it better not to force it, Tezuka?"_

"_I wanted to play one last time on these courts before I leave."_

"_I see."_

"_Don't worry, continue with your practice."_

_Fuji heard every word. He couldn't help it when it came to Tezuka speaking. It was almost as if his hearing could zero in on the very tone his voice was. Hard though it was, Fuji refused to comment and tried his best not to look at the other boy. He was, after all, playing a practice match against Taka._

_Of course, he hadn't counted on Tezuka being the one to approach him, not when the rest were there, and not after their parting that morning. Although he was fairly sure no one else would understand any of the meaning behind whatever it was they said to each other, Fuji was still surprised when Tezuka came to stand next to him._

"_Fuji." Brown eyes locked onto Fuji's knowing where and how to look for those hidden blues. "I want to have a light rally. Would you join me?"_

_Fuji's eyes scanned the other's. So much was contained in those words. Acceptance, understanding, a peace offering; and it didn't take long to answer, because there wasn't too much to think about. As it was, Fuji was proud that Tezuka had actually made the overture of friendship despite the fact that Fuji was the one with the last parting words that morning. "Sure," he said, smiling. It was the sort of smile he knew Tezuka actually liked, and it offered support at the same time it told the other boy that the things they needed to discuss could be done so rationally later._

_He refused to admit to how little time remained to them that they could call 'later'._

~*~

Tezuka was waiting for him after he'd gotten changed and they fell into step together on the walk home. The silence was a little heavy and rather tense. It was probably one of the first times ever that Fuji felt uncomfortable where he was. The need to speak overrode everything else, and he cleared his throat softly. "You knew he couldn't beat you yet."

"I know." Tezuka's eyes didn't even move from where they were studying the pavement.

Fuji sighed softly. He wanted to talk to Tezuka; he wanted to make him realise that he'd miss him. Suddenly the departure date was almost there, and Fuji wanted to talk about the fact that the other boy was leaving. He didn't think he'd be able to go and say goodbye to him. It'd hurt too much; it'd be so final. "The incentive will help." It was all he could say, because he couldn't bring himself to say what was really on his mind.

Tezuka looked up at him, a thoughtful look on his face. "You think?"

It was one of those few times when Tezuka required reassurance that what he had done was right and Fuji liked being able to give that, especially right then. "Rarely, but in this case, yes."

"Good." Tezuka said with a smile.

If Fuji thought about it, there was still a tension underlying every movement they made. It was almost as if they were both tiptoeing around the fact that Tezuka was leaving. The day was almost upon them and yet Fuji couldn't bring himself to admit it. The argument that morning had still skimmed around the real issue, and Fuji was loath to bring it back up again.

The way home from school was silent, and it made him wonder if they actually had nothing in common to talk about, or if they simply didn't need to talk. Their communication was usually fine without actually speaking but it did leave a lot of room for the wrong interpretation to surface.

"Stop it, Fuji."

Shaking his head, Fuji turned surprised eyes up to Tezuka. "Stop what?"

"Overanalysing everything."

A few more steps while Fuji processed that little bit of information. "I'm not overanalysing anything."

Tezuka simply raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I'm just thinking."

"Then you usually think more subtly."

"Subtlety is overrated." Fuji's eyes continued to focus on the path in front of them.

"You used to think that about friendship too." There was an edge to Tezuka's voice that Fuji couldn't exactly define.

He chose his next words carefully. "Friendship is subjective. It never has the same definition for two different people."

Another raised eyebrow and Tezuka stopped in his tracks. "Is that so?" he said while crossing his arms and adopting that stern look he used at tennis practice.

"It's most definitely so." Fuji stopped too, put one hand on his hip and smiled. "Don't pull the captain on me, Tezuka. I have no need for him."

"So I'm a need now?"

Exasperated, Fuji actually spoke before thinking. "Well you were before you decided to bail. Now you're a want I can't have."

"I'm not bailing." Tezuka began to reach out a hand to brush Fuji's hair from his eyes before he realised that they were standing in clear public view and that anyone could see them. Instead, he lowered his voice and sighed softly. "If you need then you can want, and wait. There's never been any talk of not having." His eyes flickered around them before he briefly rested a hand on Fuji's shoulder. "You don't have to do things alone just because I'm not here."

Despite himself, Fuji laughed. "Careful, Tezuka. You're stealing my lines." The chuckle died down and he met Tezuka's eyes. "I could do a lot of things, I just need to see if I can."

Tezuka shook his head a little. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Since when have I ever made sense?" There was a sad note to Fuji's voice as he headed off once more in the direction of home. He could feel Tezuka's eyes following his progress as he turned into the path to his house, and he wished that he could stop pushing the other boy away.

A hand gripped his elbow as he pushed open the front door and the mild shove propelled him forward in a manner that surprised him making him stumble to keep his balance. Turning around he glared at Tezuka, angry words on the tip of his tongue, but that was as far as he got.

With a slam, the door closed and he found himself pushed up against the wall by the other boy, hands held to the side of him, lean body pressed against his own. For a split second Fuji allowed himself to feel mildly annoyed that this seemed to be Tezuka's answer to everything, but the moment didn't last.

The kiss was just this side of rough, and all the more enticing because of it. Opening his mouth to Tezuka's request was almost an involuntary need Fuji gave into. Hands strained only slightly against the hold as he gave himself over to the feelings, just long enough to try and drown everything else out.

It was a heady rush, a desperate plea, and an apology for anything that might be needed on both their behalves. For Fuji, it seemed like time had stopped indefinitely, and for all he cared right then, it could stay stopped forever. He felt guilty for that thought, for not being happy that it was possible for Tezuka to go somewhere to get his arm healed.

Guilt was something he hadn't known before the whole friendship thing had started, and Fuji wasn't sure how he felt about it overall, but right then it was inconvenient. He needed to talk, they needed to talk, yet all Fuji could think of right then were the hands letting go of his own, pushing under his shirt, of the lips tasting his own and luring him in return.

Breaking away for air found them both gasping for it. Tezuka leaned his head against the wall, so close to Fuji's ear as if trying to drag air into his lungs. His voice was soft and breathless when he spoke, and tickled Fuji's ear a little. "Don't push me away, when I'm not even gone yet."

For once not able to think of any appropriate words, Fuji twined his own hands in the material of Tezuka's shirt and waited, knowing the other would continue.

"And don't push me away when I am." It wasn't a question, nor was it a request; it was a simple statement of what Tezuka expected to be done.

For a moment, Fuji felt riled at the audacity. "I can't promise that. What's a plant without its water?"

Tezuka held him tighter and Fuji could feel the slight vibration of laughter. "A cactus apparently."

He didn't know why, but that was all Fuji needed to dissolve into a fir of quiet, stress relieving laughter. "If you ever annoy me I'll tell the team you're secretly a stand up comedian."

With a shrug, Tezuka kissed his head and Fuji could feel the answering smile. "If I believed they'd believe you, I might even be worried."

"Spoil sport."

Tezuka's only answer was another soft chuckle, but Fuji could feel the tension in the other's body. Suddenly he realised that this wasn't easy for Tezuka either, and it made him feel guilty once again. Tone hesitant, Fuji kissed Tezuka once, chastely. "Can we photograph a sunset when you get back?" He almost held his breath, hoping that Tezuka understood.

Pulling away, Tezuka looked at him and smiled that small smile he so rarely did. "Yes." Somehow in that one word, Fuji heard all he needed to hear. Immediately he felt less anxious, and yet, at the same time more scared. They were fourteen, how serious could their words really be after all?

"Stop it."

Fuji looked up at Tezuka, who was frowning at him, and had the grace to look sheepish. "I was just thinking."

"For tonight, do me one favour, and leave the thinking." Tezuka suddenly looked tired. "Can we just let ourselves remember?" _Remember spending time with each other; remember getting along._

With a nod, Fuji sighed, realising that he'd been rather unfair lately. He kicked himself for not being more supportive, but wasn't sure how he would have gone about it. Resolve in place, he smiled and took Tezuka's hand, focusing on anything but the fact that the other was leaving the following day.

Right then, he needed to focus on what they had, and not what they soon wouldn't.

~*~

The next morning found Fuji making breakfast for them both with a false cheer that seared his soul. They were young, they were close, and Tezuka was the best friend he'd ever had. He didn't want to think about how strange it would be not to have the other near, at least, not while Tezuka was still there. He'd have time enough to dwell later.

"I won't be gone forever."

Forcing himself, Fuji smiled, wondering just how hard it actually was for Tezuka. "Forever is a long time, but I'll still be here a while."

They'd discussed things the previous night, in their own way. Both too tired to say much, but the understanding had been reached. Tezuka seemed to relax a little. "I'll play in the nationals," he said as he stood up.

"As long as you're healed."

Tezuka looked at him for a second, and nodded. "As soon as I'm healed." He glanced at his watch, and then at Fuji, who smiled and nodded. At the front door, the kiss lingered, promising nothing, and yet remembering everything. Promises that could well be broken were of little use. Sweet nothings had no place in pragmatic lives. Goodbyes were meaningless if they weren't wanted.

Fingers lingered against each other as feelings shared themselves without words before Tezuka stepped back and left the house. Fuji watched him until he was out of sight and finally closed the door. Tezuka was due to leave that afternoon, but he knew Fuji wasn't going to see him off.

Fuji didn't go to school that day.

That afternoon he stood just outside the back door of the house, just metres from where they'd repotted cacti. Fuji hugged himself, as if trying to ward off a chill. His eyes scanned the skyline as his ears caught the noise and he looked up to watch the jumbo pass overhead, making believe, just for that moment, that it was Tezuka's plane.

In his mind he saw the things they'd shared, in his memories he locked away a feeling that threatened to lay him bare, and in his heart he brought the smile to the fore once again. He needed the strength it gave, the protection it afforded and the emptiness he could escape to. All roads led to Rome, and yet some ran in circles as well. A silent goodbye was all he could manage, because if those words fell from his lips…they'd sound too final.

So, instead, Fuji smiled.

~~**~~

The end!

Notes: I want to thank everyone who's encouraged me, supported me and read this story. This has been the ending point of the story since I started it, so I'm sorry to those people who wanted it to go on and on.

You may lynch me now…

But I hoped you enjoyed it anyway. Feedback or comments of hatred for leaving it here are much appreciated. I only hope you all really enjoyed it.


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